I have 6 months to live, ask me anything!

[Deja Q]

:D :bounce:

[salin]

1. If you say this in jest

it isn't funny. We have lost too many great folks, recently. A couple of weeks ago I drove by the park where Keph had organized a DU get together - and cried - I still miss his presence, very much.

If I have missed something and you have a serious condition - my warmest wishes that things turn around quickly and the prognosis changes dramatically.

[Redstone]

3. Agreed. Not a good joke, if it is one.

There are still a few things that are out of bounds. Joking about terminal diseases is one of them.

Redstone

[Deja Q]

7. It is not in jest.

It never was.

I can tell something is about to happen. My body is continuing to fail on me. Everybody pins it all on anxiety and won't listen. And when I get put on an anxiety "medicine", all hell breaks loose and they want me to stay on it because it takes up to 4 weeks. (guess what, a standing heart rate of 136BPM is too fast... having sexual side-effects they wanted me to go to urgent care for because it must've been VD (the tests were negative and there are reports of related side-effects from that drug...))

So I've stopped caring. I know it's going to happen. Nobody's going to listen. It is not anxiety. And given what is about to happen on this sad planet, I'd be better off...

I think it's diabetes, if you want to know specifics. My blood sugar has been quite outside the norms; I'm sweating at the drop of a pin too, it is most unpleasant. And I'm consciouos enough to know when I am not under an anxiety attack.

Never mind my problems at work right now; getting canned would only be a benefit, oddly enough...

Things have been getting worse since July. I've been keeping it quiet the last few months, but I know things are not good.

And with no job, I can't quite afford what it would take to keep me existing (it's not even living anymore).

Oh. Strattera also boosted my metabolism. I was completely worn out by May, before I got on it. Having gone off of it (slowly and over two weeks), I noticed a HUGE drop in my metabolism. I am living on borrowed time right now and I am not making any of this up.

I wish I was, but even then my sense of humor isn't that depraved.

[Redstone]

10. OK, so you're serious.

But I gotta tell you, the part about "pinning it on anxiety" is something you should not dismiss.

Your post runs full of anxiety-related symptoms and issues, at least in my interpretation.

I'd focus on that, if you'd like some friendly advice.

Redstone

[Deja Q]

16. Yes but it's also true that early symptoms of HIV can be anything else too

I've sat down on a chair and minutes later my leg goes numb. I didn't feel anxious... well, not until the numbness occurred. :D

And the sweating really kicks in when I start moving objects. Maybe that's anxiety in having to move something, I just don't know.

I also noted that the sweating improves after I eat...

(my physical therapist had also noticed muscle atrophy. I don't believe anxiety can cause that, but I am not closed-minded to the idea.)

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

26. Confused. Is this about HIV status? If unsure, get tested. If you know you

are negative, then it's not an HIV issue... If you know you are positive, then there are many possible manifestations and you should consult with a doc but it still doesn't mean you aren't just anxious.

And in either case I don't know where you arrive at this 6 month business.

?????

[Ladyhawk]

My diabetes makes me sweat profusely, HypnoToad.

You mentioned your blood glucose has been outside normal limits. Diabetes is a systemic disease that affects everything. I didn't take mine seriously enough until a few months ago and now, finally, I think I'm getting a handle on it.

I hope Redstone didn't piss you off, but anxiety can produce weird symtoms, too. If you're thinking dying is better than living, considering what we're up against, you probably feel anxious about it, no?

[Redstone]

33. Nah, I didn't piss HT off, he / she understood what I was saying.

Which is good, because I was only trying to help.

Not to fuel any anxiety on HT's part, but MS can also provoke the sweats, because of the heat-intolerance aspect. This much, I do know. Not to be construed as giving medical advice or anything.

Redstone

[salin]

11. I had no idea, HT.

How very frightening, and frustrating (the lack of responsiveness by the medical folks.) I am sorry that I asked - and that it might have sounded callous (it is hard to tell in the lounge - esp when one isn't around regularly.) I don't know what to say - except to send you my warmest thoughts and prayers (if you believe in such things) and wish from the deepest part of my heart that somehow the situation will shift from that gives despair - to one that has shifted to healing. I am about to sign off for the night - but please accept my appology for asking - and my warmest wishes for a turnaround. :hugs:

[elcondor]

15. To my totally unprofessional opinion

it sounds like you are having anxiety issues and whatever anti-anxiety medication your docs put you on you had a bad reaction to.

You could very well have diabetes--have you gotten tested for it when you made these trips to the doctor?

I used to be paranoid and constantly think I was sick or going to die soon--my advice would be maybe try a psychiatrist. Posting something cryptic on a message board, as much as we love you, isn't going to get you any relief.

[Deja Q]

18. I will tell

my counselor.

It'll be another round of ping pong, per my previous metaphor about how one side tells me to go to the other one saying there's nothing they can do...

You might be right on the paranoia...

But I also updated my counselor's emergency contact records. They seemed surprised by that too.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. *hugs* What do you want to leave behind as your legacy?

[ismnotwasm]

21. See your PCP

If you need better control of diabetes. You sound very frightened, and I understand it must be a very difficult time. But please, please continue to see your health care providers. Even If you need to go to a Public health clinic. I don't know you of course, but I do care.

[Deja Q]

29. I'm utterly terrified. And, yes, there's peripherary anxiety too.

Peripherary as in work-related issues and they my employer is very bad regarding disabilities in the workplace...

[pitohui]

22. hey toad did you ever read stephen jay gould's essay on his cancer

he had 8 mos. to live but as he put it fortunately he understood statistics

gould lived 20 more yrs w. his v. rare & serious cancer

don't give up, it ain't over until it's over

we're rooting for you, you have lots of fans here

here is a link--

http://www.cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

read it, internalize it

don't go down w.out a fight, dude!

[Redstone]

32. Sound advice and a great referral. I hope HT reads and acts

on your information.

A good post on your part.

redstone

[khashka]

25. Goddamnit, boy!

Call around - there are Docs who'll let you pay as little as you can. (Don't I know it.)

All it takes is an afternoon, a phone and some patience.


If you die, I'll fucking kill you.

(I'm serious.... call around - there are docs who'll help, and if you can't pay for the treatment there are nonprofits who will.)

Khash.

[hfojvt]

35. how old are you?

I have read alot of biographies of people who got very sick at some point in their lives, and lived a long time after that. So it ain't over until it is over.

[youthere]

2. Oh HypnoToad-say it isn't so!

You're joking, right?

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Please say you are kidding. Please. `

And, if you are, bad, bad HypnoToad.

[Deja Q]

13. I have NEVER joked about my physical health.

And I'm sorry DU has had so many losses.

I'm also stunned that people would think I'd make all of this as an attempt of humor. How utterly disgusting.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

5. C'mon Hypno. Not nice to toy with people. You've been hinting at

stuff like this for a while although you laid off it for a while.

Make with the goods so we can properly sympathize/reassure you, or don't, but it's hard to tell if you are kidding or not.

[Deja Q]

8. See post 7 for the details. I am not joking and

no professional is listening to me. The general practitioners blame it on anxiety; the behavioral health people told me to go back to the GP because they've seen it too and even when I wasn't in an anxiety attack. I'm a frigging ping pong ball to them.

I might try to get to the Mayo, except I haven't nearly enough sick time and they have threatened me that once it's gone they will NOT give me an unpaid leave of absence. (ergo I lose my job.)

[KyndCulture]

12. I saw your post about sweating earlier...

have you had a glucose tolerance test? If not, get one TOMORROW.

[Deja Q]

14. OMG, you think I'm not joking?

:hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals:


I will go pronto.

Assuming my GP doesn't try to pass it off as a side-effect of zoloft again. :grr: :mad: :grr: :mad: :grr: :mad: :grr: :mad: :grr: :mad: He did that before...

I could die and they'd pass it off as "nervous breakdown".

I probably have grounds to sue by now and I know I had before the MRI scan that proved I wasn't having an anxiety attack...

[KyndCulture]

20. From someone that has had both anxiety attacks...

and very low blood sugar. No I don't think you are joking, cause very low blood sugar can damn fucking sure make you feel crazy as a loon. Makes your feet feel like they are buzzing, makes you completely confused.

So yes, get the test. It sucks, it makes you sick and you'll feel like hell for 2 days, but if you have diabetes or any other blood sugar problem that's affecting your anxiety - they can figure it out from this test.

and tons o' hugs back!!!!

[Ladyhawk]

34. I also have diabetes and anxiety issues and your symptoms sound

very familiar.

[Shine]

6. Don't even put that kind of energy out there, friend.

Life is great and it's a short enough ride as it is...

I know you were kidding, but still... Be mindful.

Peace,
Shine

[Deja Q]

9. Read my other responses. Do they really seem like a macabre joke to you?

Come visit me. Watch me sweat buckets' worth just because I walked fifty feet.

Have a good laugh as my feet go numb.

I've had my right leg go numb on me too. For several minutes.


Hah hah. Yeah right. This is just a game to me, you think? Hardly.

[salin]

17. friend, go easy on us

this is the lounge - and absurd "ask me anything" threads are posted all of the time. Your response to me was gentle and informative - just refer folks back to that (they may not have seen it yet), many of us are simply responding "to the lounge" (which can get absurd and silly) with no realization of how serious your circumstances have come to be. It sounds very serious. My heart is with you - I had no idea of your suffering. (((hugs to hypnotoad)))

[Deja Q]

27. My apologies to you and to DU:

Maybe there was subconscious levity involved, in the context of I am not ready for a severe change in my health or, indeed, changes that could lead to death if I'm not very careful.

I will admit the things I've felt (or rather the contrary in the case of the recurring numbness and the reccurance of tingling in my neck) have made me VERY scared. But they are so unusual and, especially when sweating as I merely walk to work (with eating seeming to be a big help), it's not anxiety.

I do now recognize the anxiety aspect of it. I know that one wrong move and I'll lose my job. Which given how evil they are, I just don't care if I do lose everything anymore. Except my things are to me what your life partner is to you. (it's a long story...) Which is why I am choosing to do nothing about my health anymore. I know it's all about to end, in one form or another. I'm just tired of feeling hurt all the time (physically hurt; the neck, waist, the sweating, the numbness, eveerything.)

I'll let them drug me up. But zoloft/strattera nearly killed me for real and I wasn't going to take the chance to stay on it for 3 more weeks, oddly...

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

23. HT, I like you, but I worry about you....

You need help this forum can't give you.

[Shine]

31. Our posts must've crossed b/c I didn't see yours until after I'd

posted. I did not mean to offend and yes, I thought you were making a bizarre joke. Hypnotoad, I am sorry you are dealing with such challenging health issues and I hope you are able to come to a place of peace and comfort.

I am a hospice volunteer and so I know what it is to spend time with people who really do just have 6 mos., or less, to live. And yet, I have seen "terminally ill" patients come to a place of great Healing within their hearts, as part of their dying journey.

I wish you all the support you need during the days ahead.

:hug:
Shine

[In_The_Wind]

24. I'm sorry HypnoToad!

:hug:

[hickman1937]

28. Aw shit damn fuck .

Please get to a good doctor. Shop, and be choosey. Please.:hug:

[JI7]

30. i think you need to get some help

i thought you were joking at first but from the responses it looks like you are serious.

but there is still nothing definite there. it's still mostly what you think based on how you feel but without any medical professional confirmation.

i hope the best for you. go get yourself checked out and keep us updated.

[Moderator]

36. locking

The members of DU are not qualified to help you with such a problem. Please see your medical provider