I didn't go to work today because I am so stressed out.

[undeterred]

I posted during the night Sun-Mon about how stressed out I am by my job. I've been waking up with migraine headaches and didn't sleep from Friday till last night.

On Monday at work it became evident that I had made a mistake which would mean that about 15 people have to repeat 2 days of work. It turned into an 11 hour day in which I ate no lunch, and was constantly having to defend and explain what happened. That's what its like to work in IT- even a little mistake can affect a lot of people and they'll never let you forget about it. I stayed calm, kept working on the problem, and finally left and got home at 7:30pm.

The thought of having to go back there today and be blamed again and again was so overwhelming I thought some pretty dark thoughts last night and even called a hotline. Recognizing my own fragile state, I emailed in sick to work at 11:30 pm last night and said I needed a couple of days off for some urgent health problems. I am having a number of issues- migraines, insomnia, depression, and some gyne stuff too. I have absolutely no doubt that all of it is stress related.

I called my manager last night and today but he hasn't called me back. At first I thought that this was a really bad sign but then I remembered that he is Jewish and these are the holidays. I found out today that my health insurance sucks and there isn't even a psychologist I could see under this plan that is closer than 75 miles.

I am afraid of being fired and not having another job to go to. I have only been there for 3 months, and I am the only tech supporting 170 people. Its ridiculous. Even if I say I am only going to work 8 hours, things come up, and I end up staying longer and missing lunch. When I miss a day there is no one to cover for me, so things just pile up and pile up.

I don't know if my job can be fixed. I don't want to go back until next week because I feel so fragile right now. I don't want to get fired because I need time off to recover from being stressed out. I don't know what to do. :cry: :cry: :cry:

[SeattleGirl]

1. I just PM'd you.

[tjdee]

2. Sorry to hear this, I had a major fuckup at work today too.

Actually two major fuckups. You remind me of me, kind of. I work for a small company so every mistake I make is major because there's only a few of us to do what needs to be done. I don't even want to call out because that means I'm causing a stop in the pipeline as it were. I have a heart attack when my kid gets sick--because of work. And that's screwed up.

But I have a good boss (overall), I'm home now, and I watched some Shah Rukh, had some Chinese...feeling better.

Your job sounds much more stressful. The first thing to know is that it isn't your fault that you are the only tech for that many people. They have to realize that you're human, and so do you. You're human. People make mistakes. It happens. You're not going to get fired. And if you do, you will deal with it.

I'd say the longer you stay out the more you're going to *want* to stay out. Go in. Set boundaries for yourself (as much as you can). TAKE A LUNCH, even if it's twenty minutes. If you work longer than eight hours, take another short break. The problems will be there when you get back.

One thing that helped me is not thinking so far in the future. Don't create problems that might not even happen. Don't think about getting fired. Think about getting yourself to work and doing better.

Good luck, you really are going to be fine. That's an annoying cliche that I'm finding to be true. Things really will work out.

[undeterred]

5. thank you thank you

:pals:

[jayctravis]

3. Take care of yourself.

Give yourself an extra hour of sleep. I'm ALWAYS having to tear myself away from DU or other computer activity. Sleep will refill your stamina.

[undeterred]

6. thanks

I am going to bed now with the alarm clock off. No radio no music no alarm just whatever my body needs.

[bliss_eternal]

4. (((undeteterred))))

So sorry you are having a rough time of it at work. I know how you feel. I remember that feeling you describe, of dreading returning SO WELL! I'm so sorry. I just wanted to offer you some cyber hugs

:hug:

[undeterred]

7. thank you bliss eternal

:hug:

[Redstone]

8. Quit. Just say "Fuck it," and walk away.

It always worked for me.

I'm serious.

Redstone

[hfojvt]

18. that worked for me once

when I said it, but did not do it. It was a job that I was working by myself in the morning. I was cleaning out the fryers for the first time with no real idea how to do it. I had been on the job about six days and was still working my other job, so walking out was actually a viable option. The drain had clogged for the fourth or fifth time, and I was having a hard time unclogging it and I said to myself "fu$% it, I am just gonna walk out of here". But after I said that to myself, I settled down and took care of the problem (admittedly a fairly small one as those things go).
However, it seems to me that once you have accepted the possibility of the worst outcome (getting fired) and therefore are not afraid of it, that it does not stress you out any more. The one job I did get fired from, I was kinda looking forward to it, because it meant freedom from a job I could not do (sales) and it also meant a five month vacation collecting unemployment.

[faithnotgreed]

9. i am so sorry undeterred

there are so many people who are being asked to do (and are expected to do) far too much

like others have said
you are human and with that mistakes are made
but also it means that you have to take care of yourself - physically and emotionally

please do take breaks
you must take at least a little care of yourself

clearly there is far too much expected of you
but if you dont start taking some care of yourself you wont have to worry about getting fired (ha)
because you wont be able to work anyway

deep breaths
good sleep whenever possible
at least a short halfway healthy lunch break - and that is mandatory
and if you can get outside at all for a quick break for some fresh air then all the better

and by all means please dont take work home with you (either literally or figuratively)

do you have someone close you can talk with

take good care and know that you are definitely not alone
and one other thing

smile.....

on edit: another one other thing - i hope this doesnt sound glib
but this job is toxic to you (and would be to anyone it sounds like)
i dont know your situation at all and i dont know the outlook in your field or where you live but if you did lose that job it doesnt sound like a negative at all

sorry if you didnt want to hear that or if its not feasible for you

[neuvocat]

10. Remember "New Coke"?

You remember the big debacle about the "New Coke" when they brought in the new flavor? Well the CEO caught all kinds of hell for it. You know what happened? He stayed with company. Why? The company knew that the guy gained valuable knowledge from making a mistake. Maybe the company you work for will realize that same truth about you.

[hickman1937]

11. Stop beating your self up. What's done is done.

No way to change it. You also can't change your bosses decision whether or not to fire you. All you can do is determine whether or not you did the best you could to fix the problem, and write it down. When you go back to the job stop taking it personally. This is business. You're not a screw up, you screwed up. This is not your mom or dad, it's just an employer.

[HEAVYHEART]

12. Don't be so hard on yourself

That happened to me at a job a long time ago, I know the feeling. You'll be fine.

:pals:

[miss_kitty]

13. hey buddy

don't sweat the small stuff. I know it seems big huge and tremendous to you, but you've castigated and beat yourself up over it enough now.
You are making stuff up (worst case scenarios) you cannot even know are true. You need to find a way to shut that down.

I got cancer and that's how I learned this kind of stuff doesn't matter.
Everything will be ok for you. Just know that.

[Lindsey]

14. I hope you're better as the week has progressed...

please keep up posted regarding what's going on. Bad stuff happening at work truly sucks so I know a lot of us relate to your dilema. I guess the way to look at it is that what's done is done and we're all human beings who make mistakes (especially given the fact that you're the only support for all those people). As coporations become more and more corrupt, far fewer people are expected to do much more work. I guess that one of the thngs that makes those of us who post here "horrible liberals" - we're in touch with our humantiy and want to make things better. Peace and light to you (and many, many hugs). :-)

[Floogeldy]

15. Congratulations. You're the first person on the planet to ever fuck up!

Heh heh. ;)

Go back to work and face it head on. Fuck them if they can't accept your humanity.

[undeterred]

16. congratulations you made me laugh!

I am starting a club for fuckups, its called humanity!

[NMMNG]

17. Take one or two days off

Pamper yourself (bubble baths, time with friends, a massage if you can afford it, watch some movies, etc.). Do your best not to think of work during this time.

Then jump back into the saddle--you don't want to take too much time off because the more you take off, the harder it will be to go back, and the worse it will be when you do. You screwed up, but everybody does at some point in their lives. You just need to get in there and work to fix it and get back on track.

Best wishes to you! :hug:

[undeterred]

19. this feels like I need more than that

a lot more. I am still waking up with a migraine every single day.