Should the Lounge be used as an online obituary?

[DS1]

I think this deserves to be asked.

[everythingsxen]

1. Yes

Why not?

[bleedingheart]

3. yeah...why not?

[DS1]

4. Because this used to be a really fun place to be

Now it's

Caption the village idiot.
Poll: Favorite song ever
Find out what Star Trek character you are
My dog jumped into a woodchipper!

It's a real freakin downer, take it to the meeting room.

[underpants]

7. Caption the village idiot

Thanks I'll have to remember that one. I will say that I try to be a bit gulp conservative in what CAPTION photos I post. I know it doesn't seem like it but I do.

I don't respond to the obituary threads just because, as you said, it is a bit of a downer. But hey anyone can post pretty much whatever they want. :shrug:

Now I'm off to Yahoo for some photos .......

[DS1]

9. no no, what i was saying

was that during any given day, scanning down the threads reads as

captions (good)
online quiz (good)
something funny (good)
death in the family (wtf)

It's kinda hard to get in a loungy mood when someone's in tears over a dead relative. People that have been here for more than a year know what I mean, newer people have always known it to be this way.

[bicentennial_baby]

11. You know the saying

If you don't want to read it, don't open the thread...

[DS1]

12. ahh, but the damage is already done

Believe me, I don't open the threads. It's hard to tell which is worse, losing a loved one, or having to turn to a political messageboard for sympathy.

[hlthe2b]

30. WOW... now that is COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!............

sheesh.......

[prolesunited]

31. Amazing!

Sorry if the death of someone's loved one and their pain and suffering ruined YOUR day. :eyes:

Are your aware of how cold and selfish this sounds? On top of that, you condemn these posters for turning to an online community for support as pathetic.

I'm glad to know that your life is filled with family and friends who love and support you and you don't feel it necessary. Did you ever stop to consider that some are not as fortunate? Perhaps DU has grown to become their support group and they feel that they have developed a sense of family and friends here?

For me, I'm glad that they've found a place where they are loved and supported instead of being locked up alone with their pain and suffering. Sorry if you can't see that or it brings you down. May you never walk in their shoes.

[DS1]

32. I suppose that would explain

why the vote is so amazingly skewed towards Yes.

Don'tcha know?

[underpants]

13. See I couldn't find a good one

I think that sometimes the caption thing is over done by me but hey they are fun.

Now I really do have to go and change a flat tire HYPOTHETICALLY.

[Blue-Jay]

24. So, let's see....

Argumentative today? Visit GD.
Need a laugh? Hey! The Lounge is the place for you!
Feeling down? Be comforted in our refurbished Meeting Room!
Are you a horny little devil?  [EDITED BY SKINNER]

Sounds like a plan, huh?

[patdem]

2. Yes, if you can't have sex you might as well be dead!!!

[short bus president]

5. the one time I thought it was appropriate

was back when junk passed on - it's different when a DUer dies. The "pet jumped in wood chipper" stories really ought to be meeting room material.

[DS1]

6. agreed

.

[Don_G]

8. Why Not?

People are hurting, depressed and need a little sympathy from their peers...other DUers.

If you don't have the empathy to help others, then there's always the Free Republic.

[DS1]

10. OOPS! THERE IT IS!!

Maybe you'd like to buy someone a new cat while you're at it.

[Don_G]

14. Can't Replace That Cat

It was part of her family since before her mother passed away 10 years ago and the last reminder the DUer had of her Mom.

[NicoleM]

15. One day

there was a "dead baby jokes" thread in the Lounge. I'm pregnant. My sister died of SIDS when she was four months old. Long story short, dead baby jokes make me extremely uncomfortable. Just seeing the words "dead baby jokes" makes me extremely uncomfortable, because in my life there is nothing funny at all about dead babies. My solution was to not hang out in the Lounge for a while, until I figured the thread was off the first page.

I don't see anything wrong with people seeking sympathy from their friends when they're having tough times. I don't know why the Lounge would be an inappropriate place for that.

[Lars39]

16. I don't understand why dead babies would be funny either.

And I now view the joke tellers a little differently, too.
I'm sorry to hear of your sister. :hug:

[chiburb]

17. I started a thread the other day called:

"One of ours lost her mother". Is it your contention that this was inappropriate for the Lounge and should've been posted in the MR? Or that it shouldn't have been posted at all? I don't know; when a respected and liked DUer has a loss like that, I think people WANT to express condolences and sympathy. How else are they gonna know about it if someone doesn't post the info?
As for dead cats, dogs, gerbils, et al, I just don't read the thread if I'm not interested...

[DS1]

19. It is my contention that

that it should have been posted in the MR.

[chiburb]

23. Seems like the definition of the Lounge...

Makes it the perfect place for an obit:

This forum is for personal/social discussions, vanity posts, and all other non-political topics.

What can be more personal than a death? Or even coldly, what could be more "vanity" than thinking people care at all?

I guess you can figure out how I voted.

[newyawker99]

27. The lounge is the place to post vanity threads!

And yes, a death in the family is a vanity thread. Just what is wrong with turning to someone for some sympathy in a time of need? Could it be that some people live alone and they have no one to turn to? We are really going downhill if we cannot help someone through a personal crisis.

Ya sound like Scrooge! Bah humbug!!

[kimchi]

18. Absolutely.

It is appropriate to let others know you hurt, and we wouldn't be a community if we didn't care about the other members.

It may be a large community, but although I have met exactly one person here, I consider you all my friends. There is nothing wrong with getting sympathy and words of encouragement from others. It is wonderful that we can be there for each other.

Junkdrawer died? Where the hell was I when this happened? How could I miss that? Could you point me toward a link, someone? I would like to give my condolences to his family. Very sad.

[Bossy Monkey]

20. No, Alljunkmail n/t

[nuxvomica]

22. My thoughts exactly

What distinguishes DU is it's sense of community. The sympathy threads, whether about a death or a job loss or accident or whatever, bring people together and give us all a sense of real human beings behind the screen names. The same goes for NewYawker99's milestone threads and the various "woohoo!" posts. It all takes the edge off of what goes on GD and PI, etc. Without these things, I think DU would crumble. It's not why we came here but it's why we stay.

[DemBones DemBones]

21. You say that posts about deaths should be in the

Meeting Room but the MR was started to make a place for threads that are slower moving so "death posts" there would interfere with its function.

The Lounge is supposed to be for personal and social posts so I think death notices do fit in here, along with wedding and baby announcements. I don't think anyone is happy to see a death post because we all know what such losses have meant in our own lives and we are sorry to see others have to go through it. There may be DUers who dislike seeing wedding or baby posts because of their own disappointments about marriage or having children.

What you might do is ask Skinner if those threads could be locked after a few posts, with a note suggesting that people then PM the person who had lost a family member, friend, or pet to offer sympathy. That would get the "death threads" off the front page a bit sooner and people would still be able to write to the bereaved DUer.

[DS1]

25. That's not a bad idea

I don't think they should be anywhere, the meeting room was an alternative suggestion.

In the end, misery loves company. :shrug:

[supernova]

26. I'm not particular on this issue

People come to feel so comfortable here in the Lounge, even if it is a cool written medium, they feel a need to record losses as well as joys with us. And yes, I usually try to add a note of condolence to those threads. I've experienced great losses and sometimes just the smallest acknowledgement from somebody else can help.

And I think it's alright to have a mix of funny and sad topics in the Lounge. It reflects life.

I think a lot of choosing either The Lounge or The Meeting Room when people want a condolence thread has to do with eyeball traffic. They think people are more likely to see it in the Lounge. The Meeting Room doesn't get as much traffic. And maybe that's appropriate. It would stay on the front page longer.

[SOteric]

28. I think eulogies are a social connection we make and share

amoung ourselves and the Lounge is the place to share such social connections if we're going to share them at all.

Sometimes there are great insights to be had in reading someone's pain. Sometimes there's just the opportunity to empathise.

Regardless, I think if it's going to be anywhere on DU, it belongs in the Lounge.

That said, there's nothing quite so macabre as seeing someone's 'obit' keep creeping back up to the front page for days upon end. I have to wonder if it doesn't even sting those who originate the posts to keep experiencing that grief afresh.

It would be nice if the posts could be programmed to discreetly self-destruct after 3 days.

[DS1]

29. I can go with that, self-destruct after 3 days

:)

[Rowdyboy]

33. You don't want to read a thread?

don't. Sorry if "the damage is already done". Grow up and be a big boy. This is what the Lounge is for-personal and vanity posts. No, I will NOT be segregated to the Meeting Room if I need support from my friends.

[TrogL]

34. People need to talk

For some people, this is our main method of socialization, we don't do well with people IRL or we don't have a lot of friends or family.

We feel DU is an online community. In a community if something bad happens, you share.

[bloom]

35. I like seeing a range of emotions expressed in the lounge

I wouldn't like it to be - go to this lounge for this emotion - that lounge for that, etc.

Sounds rather control freaky to me.



P.S. If I were in control, I would send the sports people to their own lounge - I suppose everybody has their thing they would rather not see.

[chiburb]

36. Kick for those that missed it this morning... n/t

.

[Meshuga]

37. Poor kitty!

The one on your signature...