after 39 years, i finally managed to make a racist comment

[unblock]

on the train home from work yesterday, after a very long and tiring week, i oversleep and missed my stop. happens once a year or so.

no biggie, i get off at the next stop, go to the other side and wait for the train going back. when the conductor comes by to collect tickest, i show him my monthly pass as he put my receipt stub in the seat slot in front of me. then i very tiredly, sheepishly, and chuckling slightly, say, "dooon't let me sleep through my stop again, i could be going back and forth all night."

the conductor said, "WHAT did you say??"

i said, still grinning sheepishly, "i slept through my stop. pleeeease don't let me sleep through it again"

he said, "no man, i ain't your servant. that ain't funny. don't be joking about that." then he grabbed back and tore my receipt stub.

of course i immediately said sorry, but he stomped off into the 'do not enter' area of the train so i couldn't explain myself beyond 'sorry'.


i certainly didn't mean to offend, and i THOUGHT i was making a joke, poking fun at myself for being stupid enough to sleep through my stop. the idea that anyone other than me is responsible for me making my own stop seemed laughable to me. having said that, conductors do, in fact, remind people when they are approaching their station, especially when the passenger seems confused, lost, or, like me, very sleepy.

so ... i'm confused. i figured my comment to be making joke, and to the extent it was taken seriously, as a request to another human being to do something friendly. but if he didn't want to be friendly with me, and i had been serious about it, i could have pointed out that he is in a customer service role as a conductor and that he should be willing to accomodate simple requests from passengers.

sigh.

[wryter2000]

1. Would you have said that to a white conductor?

If so, it doesn't seem racist to me. Maybe he was having a bad day.

[cosmicdot]

4. I didn't notice the conductor's race

I'll re-read it.

[wryter2000]

8. There's hardly be an issue of race if the person were white

Am I missing something? :shrug:

[Susang]

21. Hell, I've said it to a white conductor

I used to take the Amtrak from Kalamazoo to Detroit all the time (I went to school in K'zoo). I always asked the conductors to announce the stops, it's actually considered part of their job, unless there's been some change in policy that I'm not aware of. White or black, no conductor ever was offended by my asking (at least that I was aware of). It sounds like he encountered a really cranky conductor who was having a bad day. :-(

[Droopy]

2. The guy's probably having a bad day

Either that or he's just way too sensitive. I don't think you said anything wrong.

[Cooley Hurd]

3. I made a faux-pas today myself...

...although one without racial ramifications. I was at the supermarket in the coffee aisle where a young mother was shopping with her rambunctious toddler. He grabbed a three pound can of coffee and ran down the aisle to mom with it in his little arms. She told him, "no, honey," to which I replied to her, "really... that's the last thing he needs!" She shot me a dirty look... I was only trying to be funny, but she took it as a slam on her kid...

[Demobrat]

6. That was funny.

Some people need to learn how to get a laugh out of life now and then. It helps.

[Kahuna]

14. That woman has no sense of humor.

:evilgrin:

[tom_paine]

5. That is NOT a racist comment!

So far as I can tell, it was utterly race-neutral. As someone said above, it sounds to me as if you'd have made that comment to ANY conductor.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. The problem lies with the conductor, not you.

[Melsky]

7. I don't think it was racist

I like joking around with people too, it's what makes life fun. Sometimes jokes backfire, or someone is having a bad day. Maybe the guy has to put up with a lot of real racist crap in his job, and is ultra sensitive.

[hlthe2b]

9. He's probab.y just sensitive... no telling what people ask him

to do....


Don't worry about it... We are all misunderstood from time to time...It sucks, but....

[unblock]

10. i would have made it to any conductor

i didn't want to say it in the original post, but in fact i thought of the comment while i was on the platform waiting for the return train. it never occurred to me to wonder about the race of the yet-unseen conductor, let alone that it should matter in any way.

and yes, the conductor was black.

oh yeah, come to think of it, i do know that there are some people who get offended at the term "black", insisting instead on the term "african-american". so maybe i've offended more often than i realize.

anyway, i have a tough time using the term "african-american" because the pale-skinned mrs unblock was born in nigeria, and my equally pale-skinned boss was born in south africa.

[kanrok]

11. Nope. Not a racist comment

by any stretch if the imagination. Don't understand how it could be taken as such by any rational human.

[foo_bar]

12. uncle remus?

"pleeeease don't let me sleep through it again"

It's faintly reminiscent of Br'er Rabbit and the briar patch, perhaps the please with four e's.

Source:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22pleeease+don%27t+throw+me+in%22
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22PUH-leeze+don%27t+throw+me+in%22

:)

[hlthe2b]

13. I'll relay a story to make you feel better...

About 7 years ago, I was in Lenox Square Mall in Atlanta,which was undergoing some remodeling. I had an empty soft drink cup (covered) in my hand as I headed down the section where Sharper Image was located. I got all the way down this entire section without finding a trashcan (moved for remodeling) and so entered the store carrying it.

I was quickly approached by a tall young man (assistant manager) who informed me that I could not have drinks in the store. I apologized (embarrassed) and informed him that it was empty and that I'd been looking for somewhere to dispose of it. I asked if there was somewhere in the store. He motioned behind the cash register counter (employees only area). I asked him if he would please take it for me and was abruptly cut off by him becoming extremely agitated and all but screaming at me that "he didn 't take anybody's garbage...." At this point, I was both angry, horribly embarrassed, and afraid of what was coming next, so I promptly mumbled 'sorry...' and left the store. To this day, that memory really bothers me, since it really underscored what I assume to be a racial sensitivity (i'm white, he was not).

Any rate, sometimes people react strangely for whatever reason, and it isn't always you that triggers it....

[Karenina]

15. it isn't always you that triggers it....

BINGO! But can you even imagine encountering people who, as you stand waiting for a cab in front of a hotel in your Gucci suit, HAND YOU THEIR CAR KEYS??? Can you imagine being head of an ER and a patient SCREAMING at you that he didn't want a DAMNED NURSE??? Can you imagine being ASSUMED to be a "sexual predator???" Can you imagine being stopped by the police for a made-up infraction when they really just want to know what the hell YOU are doing in THIS neighborhood??? It is NOT reacting "strangely" it is reacting NORMALLY when your humanity is constantly denied. IT IS ANGER.

Yes, you were "innocent." However your innocence is steeped in white privilege. I don't wish for you to see my post as being harsh, what would really help is if we were able to exchange ideas and experiences. I am painfully aware that you had NO IDEA that you would elicit such a reaction. Please allow me to explain, from my own vantage point, where it came from.

I've asked a few questions. TAG! You're IT.

[hlthe2b]

16. I do understand... which is why

I chose not to do anything about it. And, believe it or not, I have worked in settings overseas where the situation was reversed, so I can appreciate the feelings that it elicits.

Nonetheless, berating (otherwise polite) customers is definitely not acceptable. He had a right to be treated with respect (and so did I).

BTW, I am one who is constantly approached in stores by customers for help, no matter how I'm dressed or if I, too am carrying shopping bags. I tend to laugh this off and just assume people think I have an "approachable face."

As a female professional, I, (like many females) have also encountered the assumption that I was the "assistant" rather than the person in charge of the senior professional (doctor). These issues are not unique to race, but affect women as well, regardless of race.

[Karenina]

17. You are quite correct

in pointing out that women get this same faceload of doo-dah. It's enough to turn an otherwise docile accommodating person into a raving lunatic! ;-)

[hlthe2b]

20. Yup...

I can't wait until we have a female President.......

We've got a long way to go, though, baby (but I guess we best enjoy the ride.... :shrug:

[unblock]

25. innocence steeped in white privilege

ok, yes, i am white, and yes, i am fully aware that i have been given many advantages in life that i did not in any sense 'earn'.

some of these are because i am an american, because i am living in the era, or because my parents are good people who put in a lot of effort and love for me. and, yes, some of these advantages are simply because i am white.

so, ok, i understand i have 'white privilege', and i probably have 'white guilt' to go along with it.

my question is, for those who think in such terms, how can i have a conversation with a black man or woman if everything i do and say and so on is seen through that particular lens? i can't ever ask for a favor? i can't ever critique or give advise? i can't ask or insist that someone actually do their job? or, i can't even get credit for my own accomplishments, because anything i ever do or achieve is at least in some tiny part aided by my skin color?

i understand the 'white privilege' concept, but i think it puts a serious damper on black/white relationships and is therefore a separatist's argument.

[Karenina]

30. You do exactly what you've done in the post above.

Ask questions. It's a difficult task, especially while looking through your OWN lens. If you'll allow me to push a button or two... WHAT exactly do you mean when you write, "for those who think in such terms?"
Do you not believe in the reality of those "terms" or the validity of that "lens?" I sense a subtle assumption of superiority, reinforced by a sense of entitlement that YOUR terms be properly understood. Racism is SO VERY sublte and is communicated, often quite unconsciously, through inflection and body language. For someone like yourself, obviously sensitive and making an effort, the issues can be quite mind-boggling and overwhelming. YOU feel personally under attack and completely misunderstood.

The first and biggest step is to DROP THE DENIAL. When you truly understand the dynamics of why an innocent comment can elicit such a response, you will no longer feel the need to "defend" yourself.

The following statement coming from a white male is telling:

"i can't even get credit for my own accomplishments, because anything i ever do or achieve is at least in some tiny part aided by my skin color?"

I would be very open to any further explanation of the obvious frustration you seem to be feeling. I can imagine that many "others" might react VERY BADLY to such an assertion. Can you imagine why that could be the case?

Your last sentence indicates QUITE CLEARLY that you DO NOT YET EMOTIONALLY UNDERSTAND the concept of "white privilege." Something seems to be bothering you and I see that as the beginning of a deepening awareness. KUDOS ON YOU for being so open and honest.

[unblock]

31. THIS is what i was hoping for

first off, thanks karenina for helping me to understand. your posts are frankly difficult for me to read, and yes, i do feel personally attacked and completely misunderstood -- both by the conductor and to a lesser extent by you.

but i want to understand this, not only to better understand such concepts as 'white privilege' but also to make sure i understand all the sensitivities (on both sides, actually) so that i (we) can get to the point where i can interract with people of all races without inadvertantly offending.

i have had quite a bit of such interractions over the years, especially in college, and when i was an emt. but my career has been as a computer programmer, up the management chain, and now as director of analytics for a small financial firm. there has been an unfortunate overrepresentation of white, asians, and indians in the labor pool, at the expense of other races/nationalities. so maybe i'm losing whatever perspective i had in my younger years.

anyway.

what you detected as 'a sutble assumption of superiority' was intended to communicate a bit of defensiveness instead, though i can certainly see where you got that inference after rereading my earlier comment.

let me clarify what's going on in my brain. i do not make judgements about other peoples worldviews. i understand that different people -- different for all sorts of reasons of which race may or may not be one -- have different perspectives because they have different experiences. in mind, all i do is analyze (hey, i'm director of analytics, that's what i do, lol) to ramifications of the worldviews i encounter. all worldviews have plusses and minuses, aspects that work well or don't work well for those who have any particular worldview and for the people around them. i obviously also try to do the same for my own worldview, although equally obviously, that's more difficult because far more intense emotions can come into play and complicate or confuse my analysis.

my own worldview includes a profound desire to interract with all people as individuals. i do not appreciate when people lump me into one category or another -- whether it's white, jew, male, programmer, american, short person, yankee, ivy leaguer, whatever. i am all these things, but there are certainly many attributes typically associated with each of these that i do not share. so i try not to do this to others. by this age, it's fairly well ingrained, to the point that i honestly didn't realize that the conductor was black until he said the word 'servant'. i'm usually fairly oblivious to my surroundings (i do share some characteristics with the absent-minded professor) and being so tired made me more so. i'm not going to try to convince anyone, myself included, that i didn't notice on some level his skin color, but it certainly didn't register at first.

one of the advantages of my worldview is that by ignoring categories such as race, i can better interract with people as individuals without offending. well, usually. one of the DISadvantages of my worldview that i am coming to realize is clearly that it's not good enough to ignore race, sometimes you do have to notice and be properly sensitive to race. i guess it's a bit like the whole 'appearance of impropriety' thing. it's not good enough for public officials to BE ethical, they also have to APPEAR ethical. so they have to consciously think about what would be LOOK unethical and then make sure that they don't look like that, quite aside from whether or not they actually behave ethically.

as for the "i can't even get credit for my own accomplishments, because anything i ever do or achieve is at least in some tiny part aided by my skin color?" comment:
i can see how someone would get offended by that statement, especially in isolation from the rest of this thread. my statement appears to try to dismiss the notion that my skin color helped me. that was not my intention. i am very much aware of the many advantages i have had (and actually the many advantages others have had that i haven't) and i do accept that YES, my 'own' accomplishments HAVE been at least in some tiny part aided by my skin color. i don't at all mean to dismiss that. what i do mean to ask, is, how do we get beyond that? how do we recognize that my accomplishments aren't JUST due to my skin color and so on. and how do i make jokes that steer clear of racial sensitivities. better still, (further down the road to enlightenment) how do i make jokes that poke fun at these racial sensitivities without offending?

thanks again for helping me to see the way.

[Karenina]

33. I'm delighted to read your response, Unblock!

First and foremost, I respectfully request that you de-personalize any comment you read here, no matter how sharp-edged it may "seem." YOU obviously are a thinking, feeling introspective spirit, if I'm attacking anything, it's the shell of perception which has encased you as a member of the dominant culture in American society. It can be a SCARY thing. Honest, Unblock, it is NOT in my own interests to attack you as I'm MUCH MORE INTERESTED in having you come sit on this wall with me so as to see the train wreck of racial relations from where I watch! (WHAT A MESS!) ;-)

The quickest way for a white male (I say 'male' simply because women of EVERY persuasion, by virtue of their gender, are already somewhat familiar with the dynamic) to grasp the concept is to spend a few years in Japan. To separate an American from the concept of white privilege is to force him or her to a point of suspending disbelief. It is threatening as it flies in the face of EVERY MYTH we grew up with. I've watched many get VERY close to a real emotional understanding, then simply shut down because the reality is so ugly and guilt-inducing.

I'm not sure there is any way to avoid offending people. What I've discovered more valuable is that acute sense of when I've done so and how to handle it. Small example, I often space out on saying "Sie"(you- formal) and have tuned-in to how to take the edge off, which usually ends up in the person I've offended reassuring ME and giving permission for me to use the familiar "Du." It's like improvisation in jazz. Gotta be quick and not dwell on "mistakes." Those who, in the face of an effort, are unable to respond positively are NOT your problem (i.e. the conductor in question.)

That you were able to "see" something in re-reading your own post speaks VOLUMES to me. You checked it and considered it. Many of the difficulties occur because these subtle exchanges happen under the radar screen of conscious thought. Have you ever experienced that when you've told someone you're Jewish? Suddenly the air is filled with the buzzing of a telegraph wire. Happens to me ALL the time as no one EVER assumes. I pick it up in how the word is articulated or in wondering what that bit of info had to do with the topic at hand.

Skin color can only be ignored by babies. They don't care. The rest of us have to deal with all the subconscious messages ingrained in us about it. If you "ignore it" as an adult member of the dominant culture, you may also inadvertently ignore the scope and nature of the experiences of the "other" who is made so simply by the level of melanin displayed. Tim Wise is someone who really "gets it." I encourage you to look at some of his writings.

"what i do mean to ask, is, how do we get beyond that? how do we recognize that my accomplishments aren't JUST due to my skin color and so on. and how do i make jokes that steer clear of racial sensitivities. better still, (further down the road to enlightenment) how do i make jokes that poke fun at these racial sensitivities without offending?"

BIG SIGH... Indeed, Unblock, how DO we get beyond it? It is my belief that until the core issues of "I and Other" are addressed there is no chance. Has anyone ever told you your accomplishments were just due to your skin color? What I hear from you is "DAMMIT, I want to be judged on my own merit." Believe me, I can relate as my accomplishments are OFTEN belittled, discounted, denied because of my melanin level.

You can only "poke fun" when your projection is so clean that those in earshot easily perceive your uncensored POV. It's not something you can finagle or finesse. Until then, those meme critters scurrying about under the radar screen will appear at the most inopportune moment.

[politicat]

26. You know, that happens to women, too....

Up until 2 years ago, I worked as a senior software developer for a medical software company (since I have that shrink's background I don't use officially....)

Yes, I'm young for my skills (27 with 2 masters thanks to being an overachiever from oh, birth.) and look very young and I'm a small female. Granted.

So my firm was a small company, meaning when our receptionist was out sick we either got in a day temp (rare) or made do (more often). She was out and I was looking in her desk for the FedEx forms just before a meeting when a vendor came in, asked for the meeting I'm supposed to be in in about 1 minute, and tosses his coat over the desk for me to hang up.

I leave it there, point at the conference room (I know the guy's voice having spoken to him on the phone, but I have a soft alto that goes tenor when I'm having allergy problems....) and ignore him.

"Coffee, please?"

I point at the break room (that fedEx HAD to go out) and ignore him, pick up my stuff, go to desk, and come into room.... to tell him and my boss that I no longer support buying $100K worth of software from this guy.

I can understand the conductor's feelings - no, you didn't intend to say anything offensive, but communication is a two way street. I'm sure Jack Schitt from SAP didn't intend to treat me like an underling, but he saw woman behind desk and assumed. Yeah, I was vindictive. But I was vindictive on a product I was uncomfortable with in the beginning and I expect great service when we're talking 6 figures.

It's something we all have to learn to do - handle each other's hearts with kid gloves. Treat everyone with great respect. and become truly blind to differences.

Here's how I would have handled it..... "Sir, can I ask a huge favor? Can you please come back to assist me off at X stop? I'm not feeling well and a little muddled."

It puts me as the requester in a position where the other person is free to refuse but also sees my need as a service issue, not a servitude issue. When it comes to leaving keys at valet, I ask the first person I suspect if they know to whom I should talk (and avoid using valet parking because I'm a short little thing and my seat is always hard for others to use).

And as for the car issue and the police, I have been profiled. 19 stops in 18 months because I lived in a bad neighborhood and drove a beater in college. I also had cops make up tickets on me (one said I was doing 72 in a 25 in a '76 buick in 2 short blocks..... yeah, right. In my DREAMS the car had that much acceleration.) I got hit more often than my Mexican-American neighbors. Yeah, I know the feeling of "What the hell are you doing in this neighborhood?" It sucks, but until poverty isn't a crime....

Best to you all and handle each other's hearts with care.....

Politicat

[unblock]

27. ummm,,. wait a minute here

it's obviously perfectly fine to turn a vendor down. frankly, as far as i'm concerned, it's also fine not to tell the vendor the real reason for declining.

i also understand getting offended by the way he tossed his coat and the way he asked for coffee, it sounds like he was being rude even if he actually had been talking to a secretary.

but i really DON'T understand getting offended by his 'assumption' that you were a secretary. had you been simply standing in the hallway, perhaps walking to your meeting room, and he assumed you were the secretary, especially if there were other comparably dressed people around you, then sure, get offended, absolutely. but in this case (1) the real secretary wasn't there, so the correct answer was not visible; (2) you were sitting at the receptionist station; and (3) you were doing something secretarial.

so it sounds to me like the same thing as me 'assuming' that the guy walking the aisle on the train after all the other passengers have taken their seats, and who is wearing an uniform is in fact a conductor.

or that someone wearing a uniform and/or nametag in a store is an employee there to help me, only to find out that they work at the store across the mall and is there to shop while on break.

some assumptions are quite reasonable, even if incorrect. in my case, i feel like his assumption that i was at least a little bit racist was largely, if not exclusively, based on the fact that i am white. i have a hard to believing that he would have acted the same if i were black and jokingly made the same request.

[Kamika]

18. Lol i cant even figure out whats racist about this

Was the conductor black or something?

Arent they(conductors) there to wake you guys up? :)

[Deja Q]

19. What's racist about it?

You asked for help and he, in his own way, said "no".

It's not always how a person says something, but how it is perceived.

HOW you said your comment may have influenced him as well.

Maybe I'm not reading your post correctly, but nobody in your conversation is a racist. Just miscommunication - chalk it up to human nature combined with American history. :-(

Do all conductors help remind people when their destination is near as a policy, or is it just a courtesy?

[unblock]

23. conductors' duty in notifying passengers of their stop

well, i have to assume it's one of the many components of the job. they make announcements on the p.a. for each stop, and obviously the point of that is to notify passengers of their stop.

now, doing so on an individual basis certainly can't be a strict and complete duty, as it's impossible with 800 passengers. but at that late evening going back TOWARD new york, there were VERY few passengers.

i imagine that it's not a job requirement, but they probably have some guidelines or policies to encourage conductors to try to assist passengers in making their proper stop wherever practical.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

22. I had a similar incident...

I was working a private company table at AIDS Walk SF. We had set up a lite breakfast for our walkers, with muffins and juice. Two gals walked up and one asked how much the muffins were, I replied no, they were not for sale. She then picked on up and started to put one in her pocket, which shocked me -- I thought I had been pretty clear. I again told her (more forcefully) that they were not for sale, they were for our group. She went off and starts getting in my face, then turns on her heel, grabs her friend and tells her that I wasn't giving them the muffins because I was a racist. (She was white and her friend Latina.)

Needless to say I was a bit taken aback at first, but then realized it had been that women's trip, not mine. The wonderfully irony of the situation was that I was marching with two African-American friends who had witnessed the incident. I was ribbed for the rest of the morning about it. :)

[toddzilla]

24. eons ago when i worked for dominos

I was folding boxes in the back room, and singing Guns 'n roses "welcome to the jungle" sort of under my breath. This nigerian guy came in and was doing dishes across the room and overheard me. He came over and went off on me about telling him to "go back to the jungle" or whatever..

I don't even remember what i said it was so long ago, but i think i explained it a few days later to him.


It's all in the interpretation, i am overly sensitive about doing my mindless physically labor intensive job, and tend to overreact when people assume i'm some sort of illiterate half-wit.


don't worry about it, some people go through thier days just looking for someone to piss them off so they can sulk about it.

[4323Lopez]

28. But it really isn't his job to tell you that, and you definitely shouldn't

have told him twice. People sometimes use humor as to cushion the fact when they really mean something. Poor dude, has to deal with turnip heads all day long, try not to add to his problems.

[Speed8098]

29. "try not to add to his problems"

This is in no way a personal attack, but I am sick and tired of people making excuses for rude people.

If someone construes a harmless comment like the one made to the train conductor as "racist", then that is their problem.

Here's a thought, he can get a job where he doesn't have to deal with the public.

I am tired of being treated like I don't matter. Here I am spending money in an establishemnt and being treated rudely by some pimple faced kid pissed off because they would rather be anywhere else but working.

There was once a time when the "customer" was always right.

Now, it's, "I don't care if you come back or not."

Up is down, black is white.

[4323Lopez]

32. Do you have a job?...

...where you are forced to deal with the public constantly? If not, you can't possibly know the pressures and stress and therefore its easy for you to put him down.
He's probably cheery 75% of the time, but nobody can and should be forced to be cheery 100% of the time, its unrealistic. Several years back I worked those kinds of jobs, on my way up. I was lucky that its over for me but some people have situations where they must stay working those jobs. Its the same for people who don't tip waitresses or have exeptionally high standards for tipping. Those people usually have never had to work a day in there lives in those kinds of jobs, serving people or walking on their feet walking train to train all day long. You want people to be nice to you, you be the "nice" one and cut those hard-working people some slack! I guarantee that person is working on his feet as we speak, not sitting behind a computer taking it easy,Awww,to have the luxury to complain...

[Alenne]

34. Maybe he thought you were rude not racist

"don't let me sleep through my stop again" is not a request. It is an order. "If I fall asleep again could you please wake me up at my stop" is a request.

[unblock]

35. i don't think he took it as mere rudeness

you're right that my request could have been taken as rude, not racist. but, i think, not on this occassion by this particular conductor. his response:

"no man, i ain't your servant. that ain't funny. don't be joking about that."

is just not something you say in reasponse to a rude request. the part about not being my servant could be, but the rest of it clearly shows that he felt there was something much more serious going on than a mere rude passenger.


besides, although it doesn't translate well to the written page, my request was very obviously NOT an 'order'. frankly, i don't know how to give orders. well, i mean, i know 'how', i just can't bring myself to do it. i've been in a supervisor role for years now, and my biggest chronically negative review area is leadership, because i am way too nice and deferring when i am supposed to be firm and insistant when handing out assignments.

my body language and my inflection was very much more suggestive of joking and sheepish embarrassment. since he did say, 'don't be joking about that', he obviously picked up on that.

that being said, i do regret not using the word 'please', as that would have at least made the issues more clear.

[CandyCrim21]

36. Not that it matters but..........

Are we right to assume that you are white and the conductor was black, or ........what exactly was the issue here? Sounds to me like you guys got your wires crossed in a misunderstanding. Apparently. LOL, but I wouldn't sweat it. He was probably just one of those people who thinks the world owes them something for the, "shitty hand", that was dealt to them in this life. It sounds like its their insecurities not yours. Don't worry about it!!:shrug: ;)

[alexwcovington]

37. Train conductors are not happy people

They have to live life on the road... and not the good road you can just drive off of. And the food is terrible. Especially on Amtrak.

So they're just generally POed in the first place. The best thing to do is not draw attention to yourself...

[freespirit2003]

38. PC

Everyone was sensitive before we created the pc police. Now everyone just hates. Do you think with all the best intentions we have just created a monster?

[blu_dog]

39. There will always be ...

... that strange cohort of people for whom the taking of offense forms their main purpose in life. Certainly no offense to anyone is intended.

[geniph]

40. All you can do

since you cannot change what's already happened, nor control how he reacted to it, is to figure out how to keep it from happening next time. Perhaps a better thing to say would be, "shoot, I hope something wakes me at my stop next time, or I could be going back and forth all night. I hate sleeping past my stop like I just did!"

"If only" is the most useless phrase in the language. Change it to "next time." Instead of "if only I hadn't said that," or "if only he hadn't thought I meant this," change it to "next time, I'll try to say this instead."

All we can do is do our best to avoid offending people, but sometimes it will happen nonetheless. One can have perfect manners and intend no discourtesy and still be misunderstood.