have you ever befriended someone too quickly and found that they're

[bertha katzenengel]

just too messed up for you to continue being their friend?

I have done that here and I just can't take anymore. It's killing me because I have been where she is and I know she needs faithful friends who will always be there to help her through shit.

But I just. Can't. Do. It. I have too much shit of my own right now.

Am I the only one who's bitten off more than she could chew? I don't know how to handle it now.

Shit. :(

[progmom]

1. been there

:hi:

[Shell Beau]

2. You have to do what is right for you!

:hug:

[pitohui]

3. yes i've done it

i'm afraid i just handle it by ducking & covering

the answering machine & other modern inventions that allow us to hide from our friends are a real blessing

no good comes of "confronting" the person, which is just perceived as attacking them anyway, better to quietly fade away

[malta blue]

4. It has happened to me in the past.

I always forget to ensure my own health and happiness above others, and have had to endure this sort of thing. The strange thing is that the person felt that they had broken off the friendship with me. I just distanced myself a little, and they found a new friend.

[AlCzervik]

5. yup, my friend D., i love her death but after about 2 months

of knowing her i realized the drama that her life is and how she needs that drama to keep her going. I'm still very good friends with her and right know she's getting counseling---thank God but it can be very tiring dealing with it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. drop it

you shouldnt add peopel to your life who never bring you joy

[bertha katzenengel]

8. Good point. But I'm not in others' lives for them to give me joy; it's the

other way around.

But I can't be with someone who is a drain, either.

Argh. :(

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. what i mean is ....they should occasionally add joy

we all need friends for support but it cant drain you off all your energy either

[hfojvt]

16. never is an awful long time

I mean, come on. I could get lucky. One of my jokes or stories might make you laugh. Give me a bat and have me face Roger Clemens, I could hit a homer someday. In quantum mechanics, everything is possible. Never? What about 40% joy and 60% heartache/anguish/disgust/worry? Do I hear 30-70?
Sometimes I think that even 20-80 is a good deal if it beats lonlioness. Other times I think - I am not really that lonely.

[redqueen]

7. Nope... guess nobody wants to be my friend.

:(

[kmla]

18. Awwww.

I'll be your friend!

:pals:

[redqueen]

20. hehe... thanks!

I was kinda kidding... in that since that situation has never happened to me, maybe nobody wanted to be my friend.

Explaining jokes makes them funnier! :P

[southlandshari]

9. Yes.

It's awful.

:(

[ScreamingMeemie]

10. Oh no...that can be so draining. I have this situation right now with

family member. She will call and keep me on the phone literally for hours with her problems (many of which are quite small and ridiculous) I feel for you. Perhaps if you told her gently that you just can't be there emotionally for her right now. I hope all works out for you. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

12. I could probably do that.

Tell her I can't be there right now.

In my evil, most drained, exhausted moments, I am tempted to tell her that this thin connection between us (fundamentalist Christianity) is a sham. She took that one thing I told her long ago (that I USED to be) and ran with it, ignoring everything I've said since then, including "I follow Christ like I follow Gandhi -- and I am an atheist" and now she thinks I believe like she does.

But I can break this off without hurting her.

[lpbk2713]

13. Some people are deficient in certain ares in personal lives

and it doesn't show up right away until they feel like they are ready to unload on you. probably the only thing you can do is tell them they need to reinforce their coping skills. It's harsh but some people just can't seem to make it through life without a crutch of some sort.

[Texasgal]

14. I do it all of the time...

My friends and family tell me I am crazy.... I've learned some very hard lessons because of it.

Best of luck to you, I really don't have any advice. But, if you FEEL something isn't right.... it ain't right.

[devilgrrl]

15. Yes. I've had it happen to me...

but I needed to be cut off like that no matter how much it hurt.

[Ellen Forradalom]

17. Does that mean you're not my friend any more?

You could've told me to my face and not the whole Lounge :-)

[SarahB]

19. Yes!

Take a step back, be cordial, and move forward. I'm not one for completely burning bridges unless they are totally whacked, but you have to take care of yourself first.

[cssmall]

21. I ask that about you sometimes. . .

:hi: Just kidding.

Yeah, I think that's the ol' rock and hard place thing! Just be careful and help where you can, do not invest too much though (it's easier said than done).

[alarcojon]

22. This happened to my wife

She befriended a classic narcissistic personality - someone who is very self-involved and who really can't express empathy. This individual then proceeded to try to insinuate herself into every aspect of my wife's life. The only way out of the situation was to completely cut off the friendship.

[Nikia]

23. Yes

She was always asking for advice and then didn't listen to anything that I said anyway. She left her husband for a man who she had previous had an affair with. Leaving her husband may have been a good idea, but it was bad that she did it to be with this man. This man is extremely misogynistic and has been just using women as sex objects his entire life. They have been together for a while now. He says that he is done with other women and only wants her. He wants her because she does everything around the house despite the fact that she works more hours than him and makes more money. He yells at her if she doesn't. She is not allowed to go out by herself even for an activity that she used to do and enjoy, while he goes out whenever he wants. She also has sucked up to his son, a middle school student who is becoming like his father, even though she hates the kid.
She is at the age where she is starting to go through menopause and has gained a little weight around the middle. He gives her a hard time about this and has threatened to sleep around if she doesn't do something about it.
They are engaged and planning to marry next year.
She realizes that he is a misogynistic asshole and that she is getting a bad deal in the realtioship, but doesn't want to be alone.
I feel bad for her because her only friends right now are members of his family. Part of the reason besides the drama is that he sexually harasses any non relative female that goes over there. It was becoming unhealthy for me though and I didn't want to be around that guy at all. She is a grandmother, though, she should have her act together by now.

[Shine]

24. I would take some space from her, as gracefully as possible...

so that she interprets your distance as being about YOU and not necessarily about HER...even though both are probably true.

It's important to have healthy emotional boundaries and this friend is clearly giving you the opportunity to practice having them.

Good luck,
Shine
:hi:

[WCGreen]

25. Look at my Sig Line......

That should tell you about the stray puppies and kittens I have befriended over the years...

I am a sucker for problem laded people...

[bertha katzenengel]

26. The friend in question was hit by a cab yesterday.

Sigh.

[LaraMN]

27. More than once.

After a couple years of friendship, I had to drop someone. I couldn't give her anymore- ahe was absolutely draining and depressing. It was five years ago and I still feel lousy about it, even though I know it was probably the right thing to do. I hope she ended up sorting herself out eventually. :-(

[raccoon]

28. Yes. Years ago, I befriended a woman.

I knew she had some problems, but I knew she'd had a really difficult childhood.

She seemed to have a lot of disagreements with people, but I didn't think too hard about that....until one day she blew up on me.

That was it. The end. I didn't contact her any more, nor did she contact me.

No, you're not the only one.

For me, the worst thing about this kind of scenario is that it makes me doubt my judgment about people.