Ladies, how old is too old for you?

[chaska]

So apparently everybody's feeling kind of lonely tonight, judging by all the relationship oriented threads. So here's one for ya.

My last girlfriend was exactly half my age (43-21.5). We met through work, otherwise I doubt it would have ever happened. She dumped me after nine months together. I don't think it had much to do with age. The age difference was never a problem for us.

So anyway, I'm well over it now, and I'm ready to get back in the game. My problem is that I never seem to meet anyone very close to my own age. All the single women I meet are in their twenties. I'm really unsure about trying to go there. A lot of people have told me that I look considerably younger than I am. I'm not sure that's true. Certainly, I act much younger than my years (not always a good thing :^).

So what I'd like to know is where your cutoff point is. How many years older than yourself would you consider too old? If you'd like to tell your age that would certainly help, but I don't expect it - approximations would be good, if you're so inclined.

[Maple]

1. I'd say

10 years either way.

Otherwise you're talking about a different generation.

[Catfish]

2. I think I agree

However, many people don't fit the stereotype for their age. The last man I was involved with was very immature emotionally yet he acted "old" and was 9 years younger than I am. So, in many ways, age doesn't matter but there's a cultural disconnect sometimes with people who are much older or younger.

[alarimer]

8. I agree

More than 10 years is too much for me. I actually 5 years either way is good. I would never date someone twice my age (that would put them at 70!) or anyone around my parents' age. Too creepy.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. It wouldn't really make a difference to me on the plus side of the

scale. I haven't really thought about why, it just doesn't. It depends on the person, the relationship, etc.

Good luck!!!

[corarose]

4. When he poops on himself that is too old for me

Just Kidding!

[chaska]

5. CAN'T STOP LOL!!!!

[chaska]

6. I MEAN THAT SERIOUSLY.

[corarose]

13. Also if he wears Depends that's too old for me

So Rod Stewart wouldn't make the cut. (Just Kidding)

[chaska]

16. Rod Stewart ... Depends?

There's something to be said for premature rockstar death. <G>

[corarose]

17. I was joking

Maybe Mick Jagger he might wear depends.

[tjdee]

7. How old is Sean Connery?

I'm under 30, and I would date Sean Connery/Robert Redford/Mikhail Baryshnikov in the time it took them to say hello. For Unnamed older fellows, I'd wonder why they want to flit around with a young thing like me, but if he was serious, I'd go for it.

In the other direction, I don't think I can date a 15, 16, 17 year old, it's illegal! Not sure I'd want to...kind of emotionally immature, and I've got a young kid, it would be very strange. But I could probably be won over (when legal) by the right younger fellow.

[BiggJawn]

9. Why would we want to "flit" around with 20-somethings?

I'm not 100% certain, but I think it's because you still produce Estrogen and moisture.

All that crap you read about "horny post-menopausal women" aside, what I've found is that there comes a point where "sexy" becomes "foolishness", as in "I'm not interested in that foolishness anymore" (and thus, neither are you, or I'll cut your balls off)

I'm not into 20-somethings, but that's my take on it. Actually, it's kinda gross, boffing someone old enough to be your dad, isn't it?

[tjdee]

15. Well, flit was prolly not the best word....

Maybe it's because I was still thinking of myself going out with a 16 year old :silly: ... I just wonder about levels of emotional maturity on both sides. It's one thing to feel young, and want someone who is as young as you feel--or to just like a person who happens to be much younger/older. But it's another to be immature yourself and want someone who doesn't demand the kind of respect an older woman might.

As for the sex, I imagine that if I'm liking a person enough to be sleeping with them in the first place, his age won't be a consideration. Um, I think. It might be kind of weird at first, though.

[chaska]

18. Get your mind outta Sean Connery's pants, tj.

[tjdee]

21. Hehehehe. Them some nice pants.

[Melsky]

10. I'd agree with the 10 years in either direction

My dad had a hard time finding women his age to date when he got divorced in his 30s. He ended up marrying someone who is 11 years older than me, and 11 years younger than him. They have been married for 10 years and seem pretty happy.

(I meant this to apply to the original message, not no. 7)

[chaska]

12. Woo hoo! one in the yes column!

I can run with them dogs. Sean Connery, Redford, the Russian guy - pfffft. Got nothin' on me.

Actually, I'm kind of a mix of young and old myself. Gertrude Stein once said that we are always the same age inside. That's one thing I'm really having trouble with. Inside, I'm the same personality split half in half between the 8 year old and the 80 year old. I've always been that person. And I still see women through the same eyes. I'm still attracted to young women. The range of attraction expands upward with each passing year. But, I can see that it's not always a two way street. I used to be a pretty good looking guy, now, I have my days.... It's really hard to see yourself as others see you. I'm rambling.

tj, I'd be careful about younger guys. Date 'em sure. But women really are more mature year for year than men (in my experience anyway). It often takes guys a long time to reach the age where they're really ready to commit. I'm just remembering a friend in your situation and how she got dumped by a long term younger guy and how it hurt her and her daughter. She refuses to date anyone now until her daughter is grown. Sad.

[tjdee]

19. Yeah, younger somewhat freaks me out--

I didn't want to say I would *never* date a younger guy, exceptions to every rule and all. But I know guys mature later and especially with a kid, it is difficult finding guys my own age that can deal with that.

I can completely understand your friend's not wanting to date until her daughter's grown--I don't even have to have been burned to get that. I even think about dating and I get a headache. Hehehehe, even though I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. Relationships good, dating bad, LOL.

[chaska]

22. Relationships good, dating bad, LOL.

Let the church say amen.

[angee_is_mad]

26. younger men? nahhhh

I can not imagine myself with a younger man,expect for maybe a two year difference. A wider gap then that it would not be a serious relationship for me. It would just be fun. Girls like to have toooo!!!

[DuctapeFatwa]

11. Depends on how old both people are

For instance, If you are 26, a relationship with someone 10 years younger would be a crime.

If you are 55, a relationship with someone 40 will give you much less pause than if you contemplated the same relationship when you were 35.

And when you are 85, few would raise an eyebrow if you should appear arm in arm and in love with someone of 60.

:)

[populistmom]

14. Hmmmm...

I'm 31 and I think too old would be any older than 56 because my dad's 57 and I don't know, just perhaps bothers me on a psychological level to think of anyone older than my dad in that way.
My husband's almost 10 years older, which isn't a big deal now, but it was more so when we were first together. He had a "chance" to have more experiences that I didn't. (However, sadly at 18, I had longer term relationships than he did, so he blew a lot of chances I think before he met me.)
On the other end, any guy under 30 wouldn't appeal to me on anything but a primal type level really. I tend to to find appealing men at least men age, but generally in the 5 to 10 years older category.
But, the older you get, the less differences age makes anyway.

[chaska]

20. So how about this?

I'm assuming that a lot of the guys you've been out with you weren't particularly attracted to on a physical level. I mean they are acceptable, but if you could pick anyone you wanted, at least some of these guys wouldn't meet the standard.

So does it, in the end, mostly come down to a matter of personality? Would you be inclined to go out with someone if you liked them but weren't particularly attracted to them physically?

[tjdee]

23. I think women are more forgiving about physicalities than men.

Um, I'm a woman though.

I've liked many a fellow who wasn't thought to be "attractive" by my friends, but his personality made him attractive.

I'd find this to be the reason Lara Flynn Boyle dated Jack Nicholson, for example (even when he was younger, he was no Paul Newman). Or why Paulina Porizkova (however you spell it) married that guy from the Cars. I think you'll be hard pressed to find similar occurrences with not so great looking women. I mean, Patti Smith isn't going to be dating Brad Pitt. But again, I'm a female so I may be biased..

[chaska]

24. Jack Nicholson, I must say...

I don't get it. What is the attraction? That guy's just weird to me. But then so is she.

Paulina ... drool. I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh yeah, Paulina ... drool. Blessed be the beauties what marries a ugly man.

[angee_is_mad]

27. publicity

lol,she dated old Jack for free publicity. She was a B-list actress, who made the most of a opportunity. Also, Jack has been on the record recently stating that sex no longer interest him. This was when the two of them were dating. They probably had some type of agreement. An arrangement.

[angee_is_mad]

25. I'm 37

and my cut off is 52. When you date someone from another generation, you have to think about the pros and cons. Possible scenerios, he is established and is very secure in himself, but he has kids almost as old as you and they hate your guts. You would like to have kids and he does not. He is uncomfortable with your friends, and his friends' wives do not like you. He is unfamiliar with your music, but he is open to listening to it, and is able to introduce you to a whole new world. He is very giving of himself and doesn't need you to constantly stroke his ego.
I could go on and on. But the most important thing is, a woman may have more in common with an older man, then a man of her generation, so age doesn't neccessarily matter.

[Solly Mack]

28. Let's see...I'm 39 so..hmmm.. anything beyond 55

my husband is younger than I am.. }(

[chaska]

29. Thanks, everybody.

You've all been a big help. Going to bed now. Please feel free to keep commenting. If this topic should survive the night, I'll see ya'll tomorrow.

G'night.