I need some help dealing w/ anger toward my REPUG mother in law

[progressiverealist]

I am having a seriously hard time here. This story is about 8 years long I'll give you the short version.

This woman is what I would call an "idiot republican," as opposed to "evil-to-the-core" republicans. That is, she's a dim bulb who votes republican because her husband, extended family, and probably her pastor all do and tell her she should also. She is also unable to let my wife and I live our own lives, which lately has translated into attempting to raise our 14 month old daughter for us.

After one of several monumental blowouts involving my wife and I on one side and shit-for-brains (yes I am angry at this moment) on the other, we agreed that politics was strictly off limits as a topic for conversation or even jokes. This decision was made AT THE REQUEST OF DUMBASS and her husband because they were tired of me zinging various republican pols. Anyway, we all agreed to this, and for this reason and others relations have been much more cordial recently. However lately this woman has been making little jabs about how our baby will grow up to be "a good republican," or words to that effect. Tonight, I just about exploded. She was going on and on about how our little girl clapped after hearing Governor Gropinator's speech. (She claps whenever she hears applause) I answered that she was applauding because Ahnold had showed what a moron all republicans are and she just answered "nooooo, she's a goood little republican."

I really don't want to go back to open war with this woman. For one thing, it causes extreme pain for my wife. But I am just filled with rage at the fact that she's using MY BABY DAUGHTER to make her little jabs. I must admit, the juxtaposition of the topic of repugs and my child is quite upsetting to me, partially because this is our second child- our first, a little baby son, died two years before our daughter was born. Mother in law's behavior was HORRENDOUS then, by the way.

So... what do I do? There's no convincing this woman of anything that conflicts with her little narrow-minded worldview, and my wife, though she agrees with me, doesn't want to upset her mom. After previous fights with my wife, her mother has made veiled threats at suicide. I just can't sit here letting this anger consume me. How would you deal with it?

[onebigbadwulf]

1. Send her a bloody cow heart

That will make you feel better.

[SOteric]

I would repeat, ad infinitum, in an even tone of voice,

every single time she said the word 'Republican' in any context:

"You've agreed, with the rest of us, not to mention politics. Is it your intention now to withdraw that agreement and initiate discussion?"

"You've agreed, with the rest of us, not to mention politics. Is it your intention now to withdraw that agreement and initiate discussion?"

"You've agreed, with the rest of us, not to mention politics. Is it your intention now to withdraw that agreement and initiate discussion?"

"You've agreed, with the rest of us, not to mention politics. Is it your intention now to withdraw that agreement and initiate discussion?"

[jrthin]

2. Ignore her comments.

She's goading you. Ingoring her comments will drive her nuts.

[Frances]

27. I agree that she is goading you.

I think that if she were not talking about Bush and Republicans, she would find something else uncomfortable.

One of my friends had a father who was like this. One day I decided that it just wasn't worth it to engage him, and I "turned lose" in my mind. He realized that I had done this and was extremely disappointed. It seems that he had gotten a lot of pleasure out of the "discussions" while I had just been uncomfortable. I was sorry to see him so deflated when he realized that I wouldn't rise to the bait, but I just didn't want to play the game anymore.

[ablbodyed]

3. Give her a shitload.... (SATIRE FOLKS)

of valium. Tell her to take it all at once. If she's a christian she'll be in a better place, and so will you.
REALLY, though, I can't say much to help. Can you limit her visits?
Threaten to keep her away from with your daughter, unless she sticks to the agreement that SHE PUSHED FOR?

[Maple]

4. She has power over you

and can make you angry...because you take her seriously.

Don't.

Laugh at her. Humor her...and let her know that you're doing so.

You'll feel better, it will defuse the situation....and people tend to keep quiet once they know someone is laughing at them.

But as long as she can get under your skin...she will.

[ablbodyed]

5. GOOD ANSWER....

But is she smart enough to get it?

[NightTrain]

6. Perhaps you could take the old bitch aside and tell her...

"Unless you want to permanently lose the privilege of seeing your granddaughter, get off my ass and keep off it!"

[Momof1]

7. I agree with Soteric

Nice even tone...

And then the next day, litter her drive way with Liberal pamphlets, yard signs... and whatever you can get your hands on.

Stand up to her, call her on the bullshit, show her this is non-negiotable. And if that doesn't work... threaten to move away, where she won't have any say in your daughters upbringing.

[scottcsmith]

8. I'm in the same boat

Here's a recipe for family arguments:

My wife and I not only are the only liberal members of our respective families, but we both converted to Judaism, from families of Christians.

I try not to discuss politics, or religion, with the family, because it invariably ends in heated discussions.

My wife's uncle sounds like your MIL. But he likes to talk about religion instead of politics, and he always is eager to get into debates with my wife regarding Judaism.

I don't encourage my family to visit my web page as I'm sure they'd be horrified over what I've written there.

But I do hope DUers come and visit! (cheap plug)

[bleedingheart]

9. Go to the NOW website and buy your daughter "liberal wear"

http://www.now.org/cgi-bin/store/scan/mp=default/se=children%27s%20shirt/sf=category/sp=results_category/va=banner_text=Children%27s%20Shirts.html


it will drive them nuts...

Then go to the DNC website and do the same thing...

I would buy about four cutey t-shirts...all a bit big so she can grow into them!

have fun with it... don't openly fight...your wife can't be responsible for her parents...

[progressiverealist]

11. I'm going to do that

There's a "listen to girls" t-shirt that I want for her. My wife too. My wife saw that shirt on a little girl the day we found out we were having a girl ind it made her so happy. My wife has been a feminist for many years... imagine the pain SHE has endure.

[roguevalley]

12. lots of good suggestions here. you might want to throw

her request into her face with a simple, that's why I
don't vote rethug. They lie and break their promises.

Also, laugh when she says good rethug and tell her not
in this or any other life.

the bitch.

[NightTrain]

17. And while you're at it....

...check out this link for extreme baby clothes:

http://www.tshirthell.com/babyhell.shtml

[bleedingheart]

24. those are hilarious...but now I am having a coughing jag...

[A HERETIC I AM]

30. TOO FUNNY!!!

Those baby T-Shirts are Hilarious!!!!! I love it! I saw a pic of a kid with one that read "I'm proof my Mom likes to fuck!"...lol

BTW...regarding your MIL....you have my sympathies...she sounds like an insufferable bore. You should tell her that. And i agree with the above post. Measured, calm, in-her-face retorts. Just get the kid some shirts for the covert/overt jabs!!!

Ps My sincerest condolences on the loss of your son. It must have been heartbreaking. My hopes are for all the best of health and happiness and progressiveness for this baby!

[eileen_d]

32. Definitely get this one!

"My IQ Is Higher Than The President's!"
http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/tshirt.php?sku=a120

[Lars39]

10. I hate to say it, but you might not be able to trust her with your child.

You might want to limit her access, especially if she's hinting suicide. She just doesn't sound too stable. I'm not sure what the answer is, but something said to her in front of your wife might be best.

Is your daughter talking yet? Is she trying to say "I reeetug"? :silly:

[progressiverealist]

15. she talks a little.

She said "uh-oh Daddy" right before she pulled over a stack of CDs. She says other little cutey kid things like "kitty" and "pretty," but no statements on politics yet.

There was a time when I was a kid that I declared "I am a republican" as a way of rebelling against my parents, who were peace activists and generally lefties. This ended when I realized that Gerald Ford was a moron and Carter seemed like a great guy (fifth grade).

[Lars39]

19. She sounds like a cutie!

I just wondered, since tots like to repeat cusswords! ;)

[proud patriot]

13. That's a terrible thing to do to put your daughter in the middle of it

on her part . IMHO

[cally]

14. I think the larger problem is

her going against your wishes on how to raise your daughter. I would go with your wife and discuss that issue without bringing up politics. You are the parents and she has to abide by your wishes if she wants to see your daughter. I found it extremely important to make that clear with both my parents and in-laws. Tell them that you are responsible for your child, you will make mistakes, but they are yours to make. It is important for a young child to have consistency and she is confusing your child and you are worried what you will have to tell your child about their m-i-l if she refuses to support the family structure...blah, blah, blah. I gave a similar speech when my kids were young and it seemed to work for a few years. Good luck.

My heart goes out to you on the death of your son. :hug:

[progressiverealist]

18. thanks.

The little boy is really what much of this is about for me. I know it.

[Red_Viking]

16. Let your wife visit. Alone.

Stay home with the bambina. If Gramdma wants a visit, your wife can go see her, sans baby. She could take photos, though, so Grandma sees what she's missing. Standing up to your parents is the hardest thing you can do, even for adults. I'm 37, and my father (who loves me dearly, I have no doubt about that) can eviscerate me with a single comment, whether he means to or not.

Losing access to the grandchild could make a lasting impression.

PS--I'm no psychologist, but I believe folks who threaten suicide as blackmail rarely make good on it.

Best wishes, dude. You'll get through it!

:dem:

RV

[kodi]

20. dude, keep them the fuck out of your house.

its your kid, not theirs.

tell the old woman that if she's so spiteful that she'll kill herself you wont even bother attending the funeral.

and get as far away from the in-laws as you can.

[MissMarple]

21. Good advice here. Step aside and look at her for what she is.

She seems like a sad, shallow person who has found a measure of power in tormenting you. You need to find a place of peace with this. It probably isn't personal except in her possible bitterness in her daughter's independence. She would like to claim her granddaughter as her own.

You can't win by being confrontational. She will thrive on the argument and dissension. Just be social, superficial. Treat her like an errant child who needs redirection because she acts like like she is at that level, rather than the adult you seem to think she is.

Because of your loss, she seems doubly toxic. But since she is family, if you can, and neither of you must if the cost is too high, see her but don't keep her close.

And I'm sure your daughter will grow up as a fine young woman. Teach her to care for things and have respect and empathy for others. I am so sorry for your loss of your son. God bless.

[mitchum]

22. bury her in the backyard

[MissMarple]

25. I like that. It's decisive, yet final.

:evilgrin:

[WoodrowFan]

34. tree-chippers work better (NT)

[progressiverealist]

26. but then she'd NEVER leave

:evilgrin:

That gave me a needed chuckle

[progressiverealist]

23. THANK YOU EVERYBODY

All of this really helps me. You are great people.

[PassingFair]

28. This problem cropped up with my cousin in England...

Their kid overheard mom and dad talking about grandma, and the next day, the kid told gramma, " Mommy says your daft!". Gramma got the message, was furious for a few days, and then got scared straight.

Everytime your M-I-L says something crappy, just say "Gramma's just silly!" or "Gramma's a silly goose!" something like that. When it comes out of your kid's mouth, Gramma will get the picture.

[philosophie_en_rose]

29. Confront Her.

Remember that she'll never stop until you confront her. Your M-I-L is learning that you won't do anything and it obviously makes her feel superior to use an infant for political purposes.Even if your M-I-L is only joking, you should be able to "joke" as well. Bring back the witty zingers, or remind her of your agreement. Otherwise, you have to suffer a great deal for her petty comments.

You have the right to peace in your home and your Freeper-In-Law is indoctrinating your daughter.Even if you don't show your emotions, they are still there.

[Maine-i-acs]

31. Get the kid a t-shirt

"Don't blame me, I voted for Gore"

And just wait till the kid starts talking more. You can teach the baby to say "I just trickled down" when the diaper's wet.

Don't leave the kid alone with the freepers-in-law. Seriously.

And break off contact if you're better off without them. I have not seen hide nor hair of my freepers-in-law for over a year and my family is much better off as a result.

[TXlib]

33. I'd cut her off entirely

Do not deal with her.

Do not talk to her.

Do not visit her.

Do not allow her to visit.

Do not accept phone calls from her.

Do not allow her to see her grandchild.

Let her die to you.

[WoodrowFan]

35. Didn't I See This in "For Better or For Worse?"

Seriously, my sympathies. My Inlaws are a horror as well, but not in the same way. We limit contact with them and I encourage my wife to stay in contact with here sister (who is a sweetie) to keep family ties.

[geniph]

36. When incidents like that occur,

first, calmly say, "I thought we agreed politics and political digs were off-limits." If she does it again, get up and walk out. If you're not at your own home, take your daughter and leave, right then. Don't say a word, just leave. If you're at a restaurant, leave money for your tab and get out. If you're at your own home, pick up your daughter and go into another room and shut the door. Whatever you do, don't fight about it; if your wife gets suicidal when you fight, then open displays of anger are too upsetting for her to take (I react the same way to open confrontation, by the way, so I understand how your wife feels). Get yourself away from her, and make it plain that you will take your daughter with you each time that happens.

You may have to decree that your mother-in-law is not welcome in your home, and that you won't visit her or go to affairs where she's present unless she agrees to behave. Explain to your wife that it's okay if she visits or meets her mother, but that you will not accompany her until her mother can behave like an adult. No one should have to put up with passive-aggressive abuse.