Does shrub post to GroupHug?

[Champion Jack]

"I am so completely terrified of the future, death, all principles of instability. Yet simultaneously I am exhilarated by that fear in a greatly ideo-masochistic way. The gross must pass through fire. I fear, yet at the same time I take the step. I know I am a decent person, moreso if I believe what my friends and wife tell me. But I don't let myself feel it because I'm terrified of developing a massive ego, self-centredness. I mistake self-confidence for arrogance and let the war commence. Me versus me.

I can't seem to leave myself alone, be pleased with myself. I trust myself, but continue to constantly lash out at myself in abusive and degrading fashions. No room for errors, all errors are death. And I don't know what to do. I feel like its going to kill me, like I'm slowly killing myself psychologically, hacking chunks out of my own sanity. Crying and drugs never solve anything. No purgation.

I don't know what to do.

What the hell is -really- going on? "



http://grouphug.us/confessions/630650458