If you have issues with someone - try not to be a 3rd grader about it

[LynneSin]

I remember 3rd grade and this one time because we were bored we decided to push someone out of our little group of friends by telling a rumor about her. Who knows what it was, but it was stupid. Within a week no one liked her but being the 3rd graders we were she was back in the group a week later.

WE're adults and I know I'm going to get flamed, I'm going to get yelled at and who knows maybe the moderators will step in. But at least I've made my peace.

I know for a fact that for some reason far beyond the grasp of my intelligence that in a nutshell - we don't all get along. Not sure why, because politically we are on the same team but mentally far from it.

There are 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth and I suspect that there isn't a soul here that knows that truth - just what we hear from our own sides.

If you don't like someone and *gasp* don't like me then do us a favor: IGNORE THEM. STop this fricking 3rd grade crap (and this is for EVERYONE - not anyone in particular) of PMing/Emailing others saying "Oh that person is bad" because those PMs/Emails do get circulated and maybe into the other side.

I try to get along with everyone but I know sometimes people can find me a handful because I'm pretty high strung. But we should all have a common enemy and that's the Bush Regime, not each other. Someone wants to badmouth me - do it to my face, do it here in the lounge or do what others have discovered and put me on the ignore list. Because doing the 3rd grade method doesn't solve a thing. In this world we have probably a handful of close friends and everyone else is just an added bonus. But when the proverbial shit hits the fan I know that my truest friends will be there always for me (and same for them).

I have nobody on ignore for a reason - if I find someone offensive I just skip over their post and I would hope they would do the same for me.

But I just have to say this because this is who I am. I'm a grown adult that recognizes that it'll be a cold day in hell that within a large group everyone gets along perfectly. Outside of that we adapt.

BTW, this is a generalization from rumors I've heard from many people. I guess I just felt it was time to lay the cards on the table in hopes that maybe these rumors will fade away REAL QUICKLY. No fingers are pointed - like I said there are 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth.

[KitchenWitch]

1. Thank you, this needed to be said.

:yourock:

[LaraMN]

2. In third grade, someone stole my calculator, and I got busted for stealing

masking tape from the teacher's desk (I had hoarded 5 or 6 rolls of it.) Oh, and I like your above sentiments.:)

[mtowngman]

8. Calculator!? In third grade!? God I'm old.

[LaraMN]

11. How does that make you old?

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

14. Those of us "of a certain age"

Went entirely through K-12 not being allowed to use calculators.

[LynneSin]

19. me too - no calculators

:cry:

Probably why I work with numbers today - don't need a calculator

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Right, we used abacuses.

Or is that abacai?

[Zuni]

27. wow. we had to use the disembodied hands of fallen soldiers

we had no better method when I was a youngin

[mtowngman]

34. I think calculators were called

adding machines back when, weren't they?

[LaraMN]

46. I had an abacus! It had pretty colored beads.

My Mom taught me to use it when I was little. It was pretty cool. You just gave me a good idea for my oldest boy's Christmas list!

[LaraMN]

28. Ah- yep. I'm too young for that to occur to me!

Being young has it's drawbacks too. Oh, who am I shitting? I've been in a PANIC about turning thirty, since I was 25.

[Zuni]

21. 6 rolls of masking tape?

that is quite prolific.

Were you trying to make a mummy?

[LaraMN]

40. Honestly, I remember stealing it, but I don't remember why I did it.

I didn't really continue to have ongoing issues with theft, so I'm kind of at a loss...

[Zuni]

54. you should have taken one of the smaller kids

and you and your cohorts turned them into a mummy with all that masking tape.

At least that is what I would have done. :hi:

[LaraMN]

60. I was probably too busy writing petitions against the lunchroom aides

and Mrs. Walsh, our music teacher.:rofl:

[Zuni]

64. when I was a freshman in high school

my friends and I would put ink on one side of a quarter and leave it on desks for teachers to pick up and get their hands all inky. I once carefully did this in the lunch line, putting the ink only on half of one side of a quarter and handed it to the lunch lady. She didn't even realize what had happened for a while and by that time she had ink all over her arms, uniform and face! :D

[LaraMN]

70. Awful! We used to super glue quarters to the floor in the halls

and watch from the open door of study hall as people tried to bend over and snatch them up. Then we'd laugh at them and they'd realize we'd all been watching them.

[Zuni]

76. I remember a mean adult in my neighborhood did that to us kids

when i was young. he baited us into trying to pick up the coins while he and other adults laughed and pointed.

True story. Main reason I have elctroshock therapy 3 times a week and have to take a handful of sedatives just to leave my house :hi:

[kick-ass-bob]

3. I like you, Lynne.

:D

And since I just got here today, I have no idea what this is in reference to.

And I'm not going to find out either (nor do I much care), because I am about to go to a staff meeting.

:loveya:

[LynneSin]

4. There is no one incident - this is cumulative

Rumors of rumors that I've heard and it's upsetting.

Just saying my peace and being done with it!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

5. I'M TELLING!!!!!

:(

[LynneSin]

6. I'm infesting your apartment with giantsize cockroaches

so there!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

10. Giantsize would be good - I could kill them easier

It's those little fuckers.


I don't mean to be petty :evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

7. Something is flying way over my head around here...

but... :hi:

I agree that there are two sides to every story though.

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. Could you send me a PM about the troublemakers?

Just kidding.

Thanks for starting this thread.

I sort of think that there are groups of DUers that have bonded (cliques, I guess), but I don't see how that should mean anything about me.

As for PM silliness, haven't we all put our foot in our mouths? written a really unfunny post? have flamed or been flaming? :) It's really unfortunate that people have to gang up on others, when they could just respond to the posts or alert a mod.

[LynneSin]

16. I will say this much - if anyone EVER sends me a PM that is rude...

..about another DUer I will publically post that PM here in the lounge and also forward it on to the admins.

[philosophie_en_rose]

33. Secret PM: LynneSin makes sense. unfair!

:)

[Rich Hunt]

72. that's why I don't like PMs

I've only used them for support when I feel that someone is unfairly attacked, but I prefer to deal with things out in the open.

How cowardly and childish it is to talk about people behind their backs, where they have no right of reply.

Slander is an old, old tactic to use against one's enemies. It really has no place here.

[Shell Beau]

12. There has been lots of drama lately.

Of course we will have differences from time to time, but I hope that we can handle then in adult ways. :hi:

[WCGreen]

18. I'm sorry I called Princess Di a Twit......

Please forgive me...

I'm on bended knee...

[Shell Beau]

35. LOL!!

All is forgiven! :)

[WCGreen]

44. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat.....

I guess I missed it all as well....

[Shell Beau]

53. You may now start eating and sleeping again.

:silly: And I am sure Di forgives you too!! ;)

[KitchenWitch]

61. ROFL

It is never nice to speak ill of the dead.

:spank:

[JanMichael]

13. Damn it!!! Once again, I have been completely left out

I haven't had ONE freaking PM, no one has said anything insidious about another DU that even remotely sounds like gossip.

That just SUCKS, and I resent it.

Stephanie

[Shell Beau]

15. Be glad!! It is best not to get tangled up in drama!!

:hi:

[JanMichael]

20. Hi! I saw your Halloween pics...I had no idea you were a girl!

I don't know why--isn't that odd! There was another DUer (Rabbrrrrr) who I thought was a girl....for years!

I am so gender confused on this website--

Stephanie

[Shell Beau]

45. I do the same to! Especially for people who

have their profiles disabled. I just make up a sex I want them to be. It is hard to tell what sex some are. I am pretty girly, but I am a guy's gal, so I guess I can see why!! :)

[KitchenWitch]

17. Trust me, you DON'T want to know!

:hi:

Too many hurt feelings.

[JanMichael]

25. Sadly, I just don't pay attention well enough to see anything like that

in the Lounge--

I have always loved your DU name, btw....my sister is interested in Wicca--and has some neat books on Kitchen Witchery stuff--

Stephanie

[KitchenWitch]

30. Very cool!

:hi:

I think sometimes not paying attention is the safest bet...

[JanMichael]

43. Well....I am a returning student;

and I can't get past circular meditative devices, personal conversions to other religions and Latin right now.

It's really time consuming this year--and next year also.

Stephanie

[rbnyc]

22. Thanks Lynne.

I haven't heard any rumors, but I've been aware that they're going around, so of course I've been sure that they're about me and that no one likes me anymore.

Maybe they are about me and maybe they aren't, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who's felt uneasy.

Spreading rumors and making cryptic posts that allude to someone falling out of favor create an environment of paranoia and fear.

I'm really glad you said what you said.

[LynneSin]

26. Thanks sweetie - I need to get up to NYC and visit you soon

:hi:

:hugs:

[LynneSin]

37. BTW: RBNYC is one of those friends who was there when the shit hit the fan

Well, it was my own personal shit but I woke her up at 3 in the morning crying because of what a 'friend' had said to me (Real Life friend).

Anyone wants to say anything bad about RBNYC will have to deal with my size 11 feet in a large clunky Doc Martin Mary Jane shoe!

[Midlodemocrat]

39. Hey, you.

Haven't forgotten about what we were discussing a while back.

Just have been horrifically busy.

Will email you shortly.

:hi:

[StopTheMorans]

24. wow, this is the first time I've heard this sentiment echoed in the lounge

during the past few days :thumbsup: oh yeah, and a hearty "FUCK YOU!" to all 3rd graders out there :grr:

[WCGreen]

31. Yes, us fourth graders are so mature.....

[StopTheMorans]

38. fourth grade babies, sitting in the gravy

:P

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

32. OH MY GOD YOU SWORE!

Oh my GOD!

[StopTheMorans]

36. noone likes a tattle tale!

:grr:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

49. No one likes you - booger face!

[StopTheMorans]

51. that's not what your mom said!

:wow:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

55. your mom sucks eggs from hell!

[StopTheMorans]

58. wow, noone has ever spoken euphemistically of mis muchachos in that

way :thumbsup:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

63. Always there to help. Now we have to go to class or we won't get any

gold stars!

[StopTheMorans]

67. damn it, i want my gold stars NOW!

:cry:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

69. You'll have to wait.

Till after nap time!

[StopTheMorans]

78. oooh oooh, nap time!

:boring:

[asthmaticeog]

29. I *liked* third grade.

We made turkeys by drawing around the outlines of our hands an' stuff, an' we did multiplication tables, an' we learned about the American Revolution. Sweet, sweet, revolution...

[LynneSin]

42. Yes, but we also trashed our friends in a heartbeat and believed rumors

even though we were never sure if they were true or made up by some other snarker third grader like myself.

[asthmaticeog]

59. But we also gets to play on the JUNGLE GYM!

Don't you like recess? Don't you like to play? Don't you like AMERICA?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

41. All I can say is this: What's the best part about fucking 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them!

[StopTheMorans]

48. SNAP!

:nuke:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

50. It's almost as good as fucking 31 year olds!

[Deep13]

47. "...we decided to push someone out of our little group of friends..."

Jesus Christ! And you write that like it is normal. I can tell you plainly that something like that would never have occurred to me. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of crap, I can tell you two things. First, third grade bullies eventually become older kid bullies and eventually adult bullies. Second, all is not forgotten in a few days. Once a kid is tagged as a social parriah, fear of diminished status by other children will prevent that kid from being accepted back. Ostracize a small child and he or she will have trouble fitting in his or her whole life.

Sorry, but that hits too close to home to ignore.

[Misunderestimator]

66. I am so with you there.

been there...

[terrya]

52. Maybe...this issue should be taken up privately with the admins...

instead of making a big production about it in the Lounge.

Just a hopefully helpful suggestion.

[StopTheMorans]

56. .

:thumbsup:

[LynneSin]

57. Sorry, this had to be dealt with although Admins are already involved

and as I said, I'm getting rumors of rumors so maybe my way of dealing with it is just getting it all out in the open and let folks know that for the bulk of us here at DU, this just isn't acceptable.

[Rich Hunt]

79. you did the right thing

Unsubstantiated gossip has no place on a 'liberal' board. It is a political tactic designed to isolate one's perceived 'enemies' and intimidate one.

And it IS a political issue. If it's a big problem, the community that supports DU has a right to know. Some people have a vested interest in keeping 'dirty laundry' buried.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

65. Very well said, my friend!

:thumbsup:

I have never liked this grandstanding stuff.

[Zuni]

68. ...

:thumbsup:

[In_The_Wind]

62. I can honestly say that I heartedly agree with you.

I try to stay out of having problems with other DUers. There are so many people here that I can almost always find someone who really wants to talk with me. A number of DUers don't answer my post ever so I've stopped trying to talk to them.

I figure that it takes me so long to answer a post :shrug: why waste time on someone who doesn't give a damn about what I'm thinking.

Thanks for posting this thread :thumbsup: LynneSin.

:pals:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

74. Said with grace and class!

:thumbsup:

[Lavender Brown]

71. Some of us have no issues with anyone

and still end up getting unsolicited messages and rumors. :shrug: This behind the scenes crap is what is making DU unenjoyable.

[StopTheMorans]

73. did you get my PM about all of those people who hate other people?

and, if so, why aren't you on my side yet? :grr:

[Lavender Brown]

80. Aww

I am on your side, fruitcake. :hug:

[LynneSin]

75. Then don't deal with it - tell that person if they do it again....

....you'll out them. Post the PM here in the Lounge and send it off to the Admins.

No one, but NO ONE should ever EVER send unsolicited rumors to another person. None of this "Don't trust so and so - they're bad people" crap.

Let people make their own decisions about who to trust and who to be friends with. In real life I don't have someone deciding who my friends should be so why should I have one here at DU.

[VelmaD]

77. I was getting ready to rant about this very thing...

but you said it better and with less venom than I would have. Thanks. :)

I agree with you completely. I'm not going ot say any more because I don't know that I can without completely just going off on a rant.

Suffice it to say I am sick of the Lounge right now. And if I see the word clique one more time in a thread title trying to be cute...I may just kill something.

[Moderator]

81. Locking

Please leave moderating the Lounge to the moderators. Thank you.