Are there still gentlemen around?

[Superfly]

Guys,

Do you still go out of your way for women with these small gestures?

- Opening doors and letting ladies enter/exit first?
- Taking your hat off indoors, in the presence of a lady?
- Offering a seat to a lady on the bus, train, etc?
- Watching your language around ladies?
- Walk on the curbside of the sidewalk when walking with a woman?

The reason I ask is, I just got snapped at by some mean woman for whom I opened the door at the mall, and it really surprised me.

I don't care, I'm still going to be a nice guy and do all of the above for the fairer sex.

Brian

[La_Serpiente]

1. I still do everything you said

except the swearing one.

[THUNDER HANDS]

2. everything except the curb walking thing

I've never heard of that one.

And I kinda open doors for everyone, not just women.

[Superfly]

3. My uncle taught me that one...

the theory is that if a car drives by through a puddle, your broad shoulders (chuckle) block the water from hitting her.

[E_Zapata]

8. actually.....the theory centered around horse drawn carriages

spurting mud and water from the streets.....but has graduated to cars.

I recently met two guys from the east coast.....BOTH of them did the street side walking thing. Pretty nice custom!!

[HEyHEY]

41. I heard it steamed from

People throwing garbage out of there windows..they always tossed it, so it would fall to close to the house.

[radwriter0555]

44. LOL men like to open doors for women, & they should. We're all princesses

and should be treated thusly!

[Richardo]

4. I open doors (or hold them open) for either gender...

Same with offering bus seats (which I do for men if they're senior citizens or juggling a child).

I must admit the hat question does not come up often, but I do not remove my hat in the presence of a woman, although I do when I'm eating.

Mom and Dad Richardo raised a polite kid.

[liberalhistorian]

5. There are plenty of gentlemen around, the problem

is they're all married, gay, involved/engaged, or uninterested in you specifically!

[E_Zapata]

10. Keep your eye on the obits!

Some of the good ones do become free (bless their hearts)

[liberalhistorian]

27. ROFLMAO!

OMG, that is just too funny! And the sick thing is, I'm sure there really ARE women who do that, especially if the guy appears to be well-off.

[Aristus]

6. I got bitched at once for opening the door for a lady, and I use the

term loosely. Just once. Every other time in my life, the person in question has always smiled and said "Thank you". I hold the door for men, too, if they are following the woman close behind. It's just the polite thing to do.

Good manners exist for their own sake, not as some kind of device for placing men above women, or denying a woman's equality. Most people are aware of that, and as for the women who aren't...well... they have to live with themselves, don't they? That can't be pleasant.

[camero]

34. I get yelled at sometimes for doing that

It seems some see it as an affront when really it is just being polite. It comes down to how they were taught.

If they are taught to view the world in a dog-eat-dog manner, then more than likely, they will be offended if you are polite because it brings cognitive dissonance.

[Loonman]

7. Now you've done it

You're going to dispell the Conventional Wisdom that men are all sexist, drooling, pigs.

[prolesunited]

19. This may come as a surprise to you

but I certainly don't think all men are sexist, drooling pigs and I also appreciate these small acts of chivalry.

I also believe in equal pay, an equal voice in government and eliminating policies that treat women as second-class citizens and I will continue to strongly voice my opinion on such topics.

Why do you persist in promoting a stereotype that somehow all women think poorly of men? The other day when a thread bashing men appeared in the Lounge, other women, including me, advocated that it be locked.

[supernova]

26. Next to Aristus,

many of them are. ;-)

[markus]

9. Yes, sir, there is.

Raised in the South, and good manners beaten into me by the good Christian Brothers (de Sade, uh, I mean, De la Salle variety).

One of my favorite things about my son's participation in Tae Kwon Do is that he is learning a certain amount of highly structured and stylized manners and respect, that seems complete lost in the modern "all parents by their first names" world.

[Oggy]

11. Is that your Tin Hat then? :-)

Apart from Hats, I'd do all of the above for anyone.

There are a lot of people that don't though. My wife found thateven when 9 months pregnant she didn't get offered seats on public transport ( we live in London ). The worst time though was when a guy at the other end of a tube carriage got up and told every one ther how disgusted he was that they wouldn't offer her a seat, and as he offered it her someone else sat down in it!!

[pnb]

12. I do all of those except removing my hat...

I can have that one though. I have hair halfway down my back and generally if I'm wearing a hat, its a baseball cap to hide my hair cause I was too lazy to do anything with it earlier in the day...that and its too much of a pain to stuff back under and then through the back of the hat!!

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

13. Generally...

Good Manners are the super-lubricant that reduces the friction between people. Nothing wrong with that.

OTOH, if you hold a door for someone and they give you crap, that is undoubtedly their problem, not yours. You did the right thing.

If I get to a door first, I hold it for anyone. Their chromosomal makeup matters not a whit.

[underpants]

14. I do all of those but I won't change your tire

Hypothetically

[GOPisEvil]

15. I do some of that.

The exceptions:

- I don't normally remove my hat indoors, if I am in a casual environment, like a mall. If I am going out to eat at anything fancier than fast food, I won't wear a hat.

- Watching my language around ALL ladies. I watch it around women I don't know, but my friends know I can curse a blue streak.

My parents raised a polite son; I'm even polite to people I'm angry at. :shrug:

[lovedems]

16. I have 4 boys and I am teaching them to open doors

for all people, not just women. They are young but they get it. They are also very polite (we get alot of comments on that). They are especially kind to senior citizens by opening doors and allowing them to go first. Our 6 year old offered to let an elderly couple take his seat while we were waiting to be seated in a restaraunt and he did it all by himself!

[alwynsw]

17. There are more of us than you think, unfortunately...

there is the occasional jerk. I always hold doors, remove my hat or cap, etc. On a fairly regular basis whe I hold the door for a lady an obnoxious ass (who is usually 30 or younger - sorry, but true) will make an effort to beat my wife (or other lady) to the conveniently open door.

I always make it a point to "call the foul" on these interlopers. It once resulted in a fist fight in Biloxi, MS. I sais, Excuse me. I'm holding this door for my wife. She's the lady you just bumped out of the way to get through this door I'm holding for her." He replied, "Fuck you and fuck your bitch." He then proceeded to throw a punch at me. Bad idea. I'm no athlete. I'm no perfect image of the ideal male. I'm a fairly chubby 40 something guy with bad knees. I am fairly well versed in self defense thanks to the military and my time spent as a supervisor in a maximun security correctional facility. Long story short, I ended up winded, he ended up in the ER. No charges filed against me - too many witnesses. I declined to file charges against him. I figured he'd had enough punishment by being a 20 something in apparently good shape that got clocked by a old fat guy in front of his friends. No braggodocio here - just what happened.

An afterthought: Guys, why can't you be bothered to dress appropriately when your date, wife, girlfriend and you are out on the town? Every holiday season I see it. The women are in cocktail dresses, gowns, etc. and their male escorts are in khakis with their shirt tails out, or nearly so, with Doc Martens or some other ungodly combination of clothing that is best suited for doing lawn work.

Care to 'splain that one, guys?

[Rowdyboy]

43. Flawless!

Your story made my day. Sorry it happened in Mississippi, though.

[VelmaD]

18. Can't we be more enlightened...

and all of us display decent manners toward everyone - not just "ladies".

I give up my seat on the bus to the elderly and pregnant women and people carrying lots of stuff. I hold the door open for the people behind me whether male or female. I try to watch my language in public. My mother raised me right.

It's not about being a "gentleman" or a "lady" I don't think. There's too much baggage that comes with those words. It's about being a decent, kind, considerate human being. :-)

[THUNDER HANDS]

21. well said

you dirty little ho you. }(

[VelmaD]

22. Remember...

I'm not a "lady" so I feel no shame in doing this in public :spank: ;-)

[RedEarth]

24. I agree

I think all of us need to be considerarte to everyone, regardless if it is male or female. That includes not only the choices listed on the poll, but a variety of things to help make this a more pleasant world...not tailgating immediately comes to mind.

Also, it is more than appropriate to thank people when they do show decent manners to others. It baffles me at times when I hold a door open for someone and they can't find the words to say "thank you".

[VelmaD]

25. Totally agree on the "thank you" thing...

it doesn't cost anything, it's painless, and it increases your positive karma. :-)

The thing that drives me nuts is how people don't hold the elevator door open when they see you coming. Or people who honk the second the stoplight turns green if you don't move immediately. Actually, people generally have lousy manners when driving and sometimes I think it has a really negative cumulative effect on the karma of the entire country.

[DoNotRefill]

20. I'll hold the door....

for just about anybody. Gender isn't important, It's my way of saying "Hi, let me help you, I've got 10 seconds to spend to be polite."

[tom_paine]

23. Given the vote thus far...I see three possibilties

1) People are embellishing, or taking the rare instance where they have done these things and projecting like they do it all the time

2) Statistically, DUers are so great that we have most of the gentlemen that still exist in Amerika here on this site.

3) There are far more gentlemen than it appears to be in 2003 Imperial Amerika...

[Ellen Forradalom]

28. One custom I'd like to see amended

is gentlemen allowing ladies out of elevators first. Because elevators are confined, last-in first-out spaces, this gesture can cause more discomfort than it's worth. It's ultimately more polite to be efficient in this case.

[GOPisEvil]

31. That depends...

...if the elevator is crowded, then whoever is in front, regardless of sex should get off first. If the elevator is not crowded, then I think it's appropriate for ladies to be allowed off first. Plus, we men like looking at your butts as you exit. }(

[VelmaD]

32. And you think us girls don't...

like watching y'all's butts too as you exit. :evilgrin:

My theory on elevator etiquette. Whoever is getting off on that floor, everybody should get out of the way and let them out. I get really tired of having to fight my way out of the elevator all the damn time. And whoever's in front goes first. Getting out of the way quickly so others behind you can get out seems like the best manners to me.

[Superfly]

35. Solution: take the stairs.

It's healthier for you.

[HEyHEY]

29. For me it depends

I can be a real gentleman when I want to....usually it's when I first meet people...after I get to know them I become normal

[Character Assassin]

30. None of those things other than not swearing. Why would anyone?

I say M'am, and am polite, sometimes to the extreme, but it has always seemed the height of victorian cosmetic bullshit to remove a hat because someone else in the room has a vagina.

During my years in Los Angeles, what I did notice was that women would unconsciously move to, for example, get off an elevator before my, even though they were behind me, under, presumably, the presumption that I was a gentleman and it was my duty.

As the gentleman says, "Fuck that."

[alwynsw]

36. Look in the dictionary under "boor"

and I'm certian we'll see your picture.

[Character Assassin]

40. I don't demure to people based on genitalia

I'm polite to everyone, regardless of gender.

You seem to have a problem with that.

You have my most sincere pity.

[everythingsxen]

33. Pray tell good sir...

What dost thou mean?

I try to be courteous to all, not just women.

However, yes, I am extra courteous to women. Women and the elderly.

In general though...

I attempt to follow the codes of Chivalry and the codes of Bushido.

:shrug:

Sadly I struggle with many parts of both.

Bushido

• Rectitude - the right decision at the right time, based on sound morals.
  
• Valour - the strength of purpose to stand fast in the face of danger.
  
• Benevolence - a desire to do good and to forgive those who seek to injure or insult us.
  
• Respect - treat all persons, no matter what their station or circumstance with courtesy and regard.
  
• Honesty - your word should be your bond.
  
• Honor - good name or public esteem, and the desire to fulfill all duties and orders.
  
• Loyalty - loyalty to your Master, your fellows and those with less experience or of lower grade should be without question.
  

Chivalry

• Thou shalt believe all that the Church teaches, and shalt observe all its directions.
  
• Thou shalt defend the Church.
  
• Thou shalt repect all weaknesses, and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
  
• Thou shalt love the country in the which thou wast born.
  
• Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
  
• Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation, and without mercy.
  
• Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God.
  
• Thou shalt never lie, and shall remain faithful to thy pledged word.
  
• Thou shalt be generous, and give largess to everyone.
  
• Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and the Good against Injustice and Evil.
  
  I also tend to include the art of courtly love into chivalry. What can I say, I'm a romantic and I respect women. :loveya:
  
  Given that I am *practically* a pagan, I don't follow the first two rules of Chivalry. Or that one about smiting Infidels. ;-)

[Kamika]

37. just why did she snap?

I mean what did she say? I love it when guy acts like men instead of like comic book guy from the simpsons.. I always return a smile and a thank you(which often can make their day)

[Superfly]

46. No idea why she snapped.

I just said "allow me", opened the door, and she responded with "I don't need your charity".

I responded with "Well, you're going to get it anyways", smiled, and let her pass through.

[Sal316]

38. It's just being polite.

..although the other night a friend I was with was surprised when I kept walking on the curbside of the sidewalk. That one is a little rarer these days, I guess.

[pmbryant]

39. Treat both men and women this way

Do you still go out of your way for women with these small gestures?

- Opening doors and letting ladies enter/exit first?
- Taking your hat off indoors, in the presence of a lady?
- Offering a seat to a lady on the bus, train, etc?
- Watching your language around ladies?
- Walk on the curbside of the sidewalk when walking with a woman?

(1) I open doors for many people of both sexes.

(2) Never heard of this one. :shrug: Not too many people wear hats these days.

(3) Don't ride buses/trains much lately, but I'd do this for someone of either sex if it seemed appropriate.

(4) Haha! The women I know cuss much more than me. :-)

(5) Never heard of this one either. Boy am I ignorant! :crazy:

Frankly, to me, most of this sounds pretty archaic if only applied to women. It sounds like common courtesy if applied to people in general (except the bits about the hat and the curbside, which I don't understand).

--Peter

[bikebloke]

42. Just common civility

But with all folk. A wee touch of respect towards strangers is good for society.

I will offer seats on the train to the elderly and those carrying burdens (kids, packages etc.) And I do remove my hat when going indoors, whether there's anyone around or not. But I only wear a hat in the rain to keep the wet off my specs.

[Wickerman]

45. I live in Minnesota

everyone is required to do that stuff (except, of course our repuggly pols). I have a bit of the problem with the language thing.

[MissMillie]

47. Not about being a good "gentleman"

If someone is behind me at the door, I hold the door for them.

I watch my language around everyone... why would I want to appear to be vulgar?

I don't wear hats.

I offer a seat to anyone who looks like they've been on their dogs too long.



I'm a woman.


Treat others the way you want to be treated. End of story.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

48. Yes with two exceptions:

2) I don't use hats
3) Places on bus go only to people who really need it - i.e. the really old ones, pregnant women, people carrying small children, sometimes people carrying cumbersome packages. I count to 10, and if no one gives a seat, I do.