Personalities for Alcohol

[SammyBlue]

Every alcohol out there has a personality. . .A person doesn't respond well to the booze. The booze doesn't respond well to the person. It is the personality of the person drinking. Here is my list

Sammy Blue's Alcohol Personality Guide



1. Beer -- Beer is a loud, obnoxious, highly testosteroned up brute that loves to PAR-TAY!!! It likes to yell and holler in a harmless way at people, even if you're only six inches away from beer. It translates English into Louder English. I say brute because Beer also has a violent streak and has been known to be a misogynist at times.
   
   
2. Wine(sparkling or not) -- Wine is either an quiet aristocrat or a quiet poor person that loves to be around others with the same quiet personality. Wine has a mellow personality. Wine is always relaxed and always mellow.
   
   
3. Gin -- Gin hates to be alone. If Gin is alone, Gin gets grumpy. If Gin is not alone, Gin loves to smile and kick back with friends. Gin's best friends are Vermouth, Ginger Ale and Lemon/Lime South loves to hang out at a law firm called Martini and Spritzer.
   
   
4. Vodka -- Vodka LOVES everyone. Vodka is your best friend because Vodka loves to Par-tay, but also likes to be around other friends, like Rum, Triple Sec. . .Vodka loves everyone and tells you so by smiling all the time. Vodka, unfortunately, passes out if it has too much fun.
   
   
5. Liqueur -- Liqueur always has a child-like innocence. She is the best as breaking the ice and making everyone happy. She loves to be happy and is sweet to everyone. Liqueur hates no one.
   
   
6. Schnapps -- Schnapps is a baby. It is always goofy and happy-go lucky. Schnapps doesn't have a care in the world.
   
   
7. Rum -- Rum is bi-polar. Rum either likes the company Rum is around, because Rum parties well, or Rum dislikes the party it is around, and then Rum spends the night vomiting. Rum has alot of relatives it likes to be around, namely its african cousin, Dark rum, it's European cousin Light Rum, it's tropical cousins Flavored Rum, or its holiday cousin Spiced. Hell, Rum even loves its prison inmate distant relative, Mr. 151.
   
   
8. Scotch -- Scotch is depressed and lonely. All it wants to do is be left alone, to wallow in the depression that surrounds its life. Even the aristocratic brother Green Label is as poor cousin Red Label, Scotch wants to be left alone. Three are three cousins, each one just as depressed, with Pure Malt being the most depressed, Single Malt the second and Blended being the one with the attempt at therapy.
   
   
9. Whiskey -- Damn, this family is HUGE, lonely and MEAN!!! Whiskey is so mean, whiskey has been known to start fights and commit homicide. Every member of the family is mean, especially Member #7 and cousins Evan Williams, Jack Daniels and VO.
   
   
10. Bourbon -- Another big family of mean people. Not as mean as its distant cousin Whiskey, but mean none-the-less.
    
    
11. Brandy -- Brandy is another aristocrat that is mellow and laid back. Brandy enjoys a quiet time, especially if conversing with a gentleman named Alexander. Brandy's cousin, Cognac, is the same way. They like to be warm too. . .Brandy gets a little moody if its too cold.
    
    
12. Tequila -- Tequila's perogative is to change its mind. Tequila either enjoys the company, then can change its mind in the blink of an eye and fuck the company up. . .then go back to liking its company again. Tequila gets this way more if it's alone, because Tequila likes to be around other company, especially if that company is a beautiful hispanic woman named Margarita. It also likes Sunrise. Tequila also doesn't like to be party too much, because it's world turns upside and Tequila gets violently ill and angry when drying out.
    
    
13. Everclear -- Everclear likes a small amount of party in it's life, BUT too much and Everclear will either go blind or die. Everclear is a loud, obnoxious partier too.
    
    
14. Sherry -- Like it's distance cousin Wine, Sherry is mellow and loves good food and quiet times. Sherry is an aloof aristocrat that frowns and rebels if it mingles anything not quite up to its high standards.
    
    

Please add more if you want. Tell me what you think. I used to be a bartender.

[Lavender Brown]

1. Funny

Especially the part about Tequila. That bitch ruined by 21st birthday party. :)

[swimboy]

2. From experience--even friendly lovely vodka can get in a violent

fight with Wyler's instant pink lemonade. Vodka and I stopped seeing each other for a while after that incident.

[ZombieNixon]

3. The Everclear one is SO true!

As I can attest to from last night.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Rum's prison inmate relative, Mr. 151, is the mortal enemy of

cherry Kool-Aid. Don't ask me how I know that.

:puke: :puke: :puke: