I'm editing bad poetry...what are you doing?

[Ladyhawk]

Okay, it's not "Vogon" bad. It's more like "never went to college" bad or "never learned about verb/subject agreement" bad. Still, it isn't fun.

I'm editing for awhile, then giving myself a break by practicing piano.

What are you doing?

[tjdee]

1. I'm so envious of your editorship.

I think I'd give my left pinky to be an editor who gets paid for it.

I'm being bored today and boring my kid, and then later I plan on getting chastised by my mother for boring my kid. :silly:

[Ladyhawk]

7. Well, it isn't all that because this is a family member from "back east."

I'm being paid $25 and was told not to tamper with word choice, which is fine by me because that would make the job impossible. The sentence structure is contorted to make end words rhyme, but the meter / cadence is entirely wrong for that kind of poetry. :shrug:

But hey, it's a job. :shrug:

Just to give you an idea:

A Very Good Magazine

The Ozarks Maturity is a very
Interesting magazine to read,
For in it there is so much valuable
Information you need,
Including dates and places of coming events
And even household and cooking hints.
There is enjoyment to be found on
The puzzle page.
There is something in it for every age.

This relative isn't stupid. It's just obvious she's never taken any advanced writing courses. Yes, my family is from Missouri and only two finished college: my uncle and me. It's no wonder I'm the only liberal of the bunch. It's too bad we can't force people to experience life outside the bubble in which they were raised. That might open the eyes of a lot of rural folk.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. I have seen that magazine!

I live in KC and it is a popular doctor's office magazine.

[Ladyhawk]

13. So, is it a good magazine?

A lot of this lady's poetry is about her sick husband, so I'm sure she's been to plenty of doctor's offices.

To be perfectly honest, I have no idea who this lady is. All I know is that she has something to do with my relatives in Missouri and that her husband recently had a stroke. I hope he'll be okay.

[proud2BlibKansan]

14. Reminds me of Reader's Digest

sort of.

I have honestly never read it. I usually just see it while I am thumbling through the pile looking for a Newsweek.

[Hand]

21. Ahem...

That should be "My uncle and I". :hide:

[Ladyhawk]

23. I thought that over, but I decided that the colon turned whatever

pronoun followed into the objective case. I'll have to google it. If not, then yes, you are correct. It should be subjective. I don't remember how punctuation affects subjective/objective. :shrug:

[Ladyhawk]

25. I couldn't find anything, so I probably should have used subjective.

Oh well, live and learn. :P

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. That would work if

you were getting sorta reflexively creative and used a comma for emphasis, as in, "my uncle, and me."

But that would open up a whole other can o' worms — one labeled "Serial Commas."

Language, man. :eyes:

[Ladyhawk]

35. LOL...yup.

I knew someone was going to question my use of an objective pronoun in that sentence, too. Hehe. That's always happens when I bring up grammar or spelling. I know every single word will be carefully scruntinized. :D :D :D

[Oeditpus Rex]

39. Nah

I'm a copy editor, but I don't go by The Rules nearly as much as I go by what feels right. Often, what's mechanically by-the-book correct isn't as readable as something actually touched by human hands, as it were. :7

Hell, even the AP Stylebook is wrong a lot. :eyes:

[Ladyhawk]

41. Yeah, I often don't go by the book, either.

Sometimes it's easier to relate something in second person. You just feel it sounds more like the way real people talk. :)

And don't get me started on quotation punctuation rules and the differences between here and England...oy! And don't castigate me for starting a sentence with a conjunction or ending it with a preposition, or I'll give you what for!

[Oeditpus Rex]

48. I completely agree... or agree completely ;)

Anal-retentive language rules are not something with which I shall up put!



Btw... does "anal-retentive" have a hyphen? :shrug:

[Ladyhawk]

55. I believe so, but who gives a shit?

If I'm anal-retentive, obviously I can't give a shit. * <--pucker

[Oeditpus Rex]

56. Wouldn't that be

anal-retractive?

:rofl:

[Ladyhawk]

58. Oh, so you're so anal-retentive your digestive tract works backward?

:D Heh heh.

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. OMG, that's fucking AWFUL

How are you managing to stand
reading piles of that badly rhymed
poorly metered illyrical misuse
of language that we use?
It's very hamfisted and forceful
Like a horse that's himfisted and forceful
in a very forceful and hamfisted way
cuz poets sometimes are just that way
Though it's not Vogon bad as you say,
It's not very interesting, eh?

[Ladyhawk]

36. LOL!

:rofl:

Good one. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

53. Thanks! I've had to suffer through a lot of bad poetry...

I knew an older woman once who styled herself a poet - she was awful - but she was "published" and so proud o fher work! And by published, she was taken by that poetry scam place that prints huge-ass hardbound volumes of acres of shit that people buy the book so that their poetry gets printed in it.

:shudder:

She was a really sweet, nice, loving woman, and I loved her to death. And her poetry was utterly sacharinely cloying and bad and awful and filled with faux sweetness and goodness and light, but not artistically done. Like if Thomas Kinkade had Parkinson's.

[Ladyhawk]

57. Hehe. You know, I think I better understand that whole section on

poetry in Hitchhiker's Guide:

"Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the galaxy. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorraging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos is reported to have been 'disappointed' by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve-book epic entitled My Favorite Bathtime Gurgles when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save life and civilization, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

"The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Estex, England, in the destruction of planet Earth."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, page 64

I guess having to listen to bad poetry is a rite of passage, kind of like having to watch boring slideshows of your Great Aunt Matilda's best friend's mother's summer vacation in Tijuana, Mexico.

[Rabrrrrrr]

60. And the sad part is, I *know* Paula Nancy's Millstone's poetry,

because I've read it. Not under that name of course, but I've read it.

[johnnie]

2. "never went to college"?

My father just bought me this book "Non Campus Mentis"; it was written by a college professor and has some of his student's writings in it. For example "Revolters demanded Liberty, equality and Fraternities" and "War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima".

I never got a chance to go to college and after reading this book I'm glad I didn't.

Okay, I was just waiting for a good opportunity to mention this book..lol. The most intelligent people I know never went to college.

[Ladyhawk]

8. Point taken. :)

However, I learned a lot about writing in college. If you don't like my writing, ponder this: had I not taken a few college writing courses, my writing would suck even worse. :P

[johnnie]

12. Awww...just playing with ya

I never took a writing class in my life and have written tons of songs, I guess it's just a thang. I suck at spelling and grammar though..lol.

[Ladyhawk]

24. Before someone jumps on my case, I'd like to point out that the

word "had" should be capitalized in the above post...LOL! :D

[Err]

3. I'm in college and my subject/verb agreememt horribly sucks.

Of course, I'm not an English major. I'm a geology major. :)

[Ladyhawk]

9. "I'm in college and my subject/verb agreement horribly suck"

would have been funnier. :D

[ForrestGump]

4. Writing it

:D

[Ladyhawk]

10. Oh, do share! But I sure as hell ain't gonna edit it for you. :) n/t

[ForrestGump]

47. If you insist!

*ahem*

"There once was a man from Nantucket..."


Oops. That's not the one.


Ahhh....here we go:


"It was a dark and stormy night..."

[WCGreen]

5. Watchin' the Brownies play a good game for once....

Then I'm gonna write a little...

Then pick up my guitar...

Then go out to dinner...

[Call Me Wesley]

6. Writing bad poetry ...

Pilgrim’s 27 Ciphers

Poets throwing tears
into the audience.

Flanked by new age followers
the amateurs marching
forward and Pilgrim sweeps.

Modern esthetic and cosmetic:
Group bonds and wasted nights.

Awake in dreams.
Too much of a man for this little sleep.

The sobriety of the man in the morning
shooing the woman of the night into the street again.

This time: To save what does not want to be saved.
More inevitable than ever before.

Humour?
Thomas Mann laughed as an immigrant.
Not about himself.
Gottfried Benn did not laugh.
He stayed at home,
and Klabund was dead. Consumption.

Obituaries on the wind.
Important the illusion.

A week in grief.
Then: the rooms again for rent.

The sea beating with new waves.
All questions open again.

Reaching the border.
Going on.

Copyrighted 1995-2005

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. My dear Ladyhawk!

I am still in my nightie and bathrobe.....

I'm posting and listening to my favorite classical radio station here in Los Angeles: KUSC, 91.5!

One of these hours, I need to get up off my duff, take my shower and consider what else I am going to do today.....

I have things to do, to be sure....just am completely unmotivated!

I blame all my lack of motivation on DU!

[MiniMandaRuth]

16. Good afternoon, CaliforniaPeggy!

How are you today?

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

22. Hi my dear MiniMandaRuth!

I am fine, if unmotivated, today! I need to get out of here, and get cleaned up.....

Been sitting here FAR TOO LONG and reading some of the threads I've archived.....

A BIG trip down memory lane....what good times indeed......

Hope your day is going well, too!

[Ladyhawk]

26. Wow, it sounds like me most days.

"Uncle Owen! This R2-unit has a bad motivator! Look!"

As a kid, I had the dialogue for the Star Wars movies committed to memory and when I can't get motivated, Luke's words from Episode IV pop into my head. Pretty silly, huh?

Can I blame my "bad motivator" on DU, too? We could sue Skinner. :hide:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

37. Well, we could try!

Of course, their snappy comeback would be that it's entirely voluntary for our being here in the first place!

Good thought, though!

[Ladyhawk]

40. That's the same argument Phillip Morris uses...I see a precedent! n/t

[MiniMandaRuth]

17. I'm sitting ar my computer

with my 'Everybody Loves a Nerd' shirt on, waiting to go to the mall with my parents.

Oh, and I'm listening to Christmas music from the seventies.

[Ladyhawk]

27. You've inspired me to pop in some Carpenters Christmas music.

It's all your fault! :)

[ghostsofgiants]

18. Working on my website and rocking out to Mission of Burma

Good times.

[tjwmason]

19. Just checking my e-mail right now

and noticing nobody replying to my music thread :cry:

I'm about to go off and make some soup though - I make a large container of it to have for lunch during the week. Celery and cashew today. :D

[flamingyouth]

20. Working.

Not very hard, as you can tell. ;)

[ThatsMyBarack]

28. Watching....

....the ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating on TV (Cup of Russia)! ;)

[6000eliot]

31. Why are you doing it?

[Ladyhawk]

42. Because I need the $25 bucks.

That's a lot of money for me. :) Besides, I feel like it's the right thing to do since I might be related to this person. :shrug:

[6000eliot]

46. Will you ever know without a blood test?

[Ladyhawk]

51. Well, I hope what little poetry I've written is better than what I edited

today. :crazy:

Still, anyone that puts forth the effort to be creative should be commended. It's the process that counts and if she enjoyed herself, that's all that matters. I'm sure more proficient people would rip apart my stories, my singing voice, my piano playing and my artwork, but at least I got some pleasure by doing those things.

[ContraBass Black]

32. Reading your post instead of writing a proposal

That's due Tuesday and barely started. Somebody ought to kick me.

[Ladyhawk]

43. Your wish is my command.

:kick::crazy:

Would you care for a paddling, as well? :spank:

[ContraBass Black]

50. I probably need it. I came back to read your response

Instead of getting to work.

[BamaGirl]

33. That does not sound like fun

Most nights I end up editing my husband's reports before he turns them in. Sometimes it's entertaining, but mostly it's just annoying. :P

I'm playing with a blog template and wondering what to cook for dinner.

[bigwillq]

34. Working.

Eating chinese food. Thinking about the shit load of work I have to get done tonight and tommorrow.

Besides that, all is well! :hi:

[Gregorian]

38. Listening to bad music. Bad Christmas music, in fact.

For example,

Pansy Division- Homo Christmas

You'll probably get sweaters
Underwear and socks
But what you'd really like for Christmas
Is a nice hard cock
You deserve a cute boy
Who's horny and queer
To make the most out of Christmas cheer
I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year
Don't be miserable
Like Morrissey
Let me do you
underneath the Christmas tree
We'll push the packages
Out of the way
And after you've unwrapped me
Naked on the floor we'll play
Your family
Won't give you encouragement
But let me give you
Sexual nourishment
Licking nipples
Licking nuts
Putting candy canes
Up each other's butts

[LSdemocrat]

44. Attempting to study

[Seabiscuit]

45. Drinking champagne and wasting time in the Lounge.

That's what I'm doing.

[carpetbagger]

49. I wrote some bad poetry today.

Every now and then I try, and it ends up sounding like Walt Whitman Does Color-by-Numbers.

[Ladyhawk]

54. As I wrote in the post above, sometimes all that matters is the creative

process. Maybe the end result isn't all that great, but if we enjoy ourselves, that's all that matters. I hope this lady doesn't give two shits what I think of her poetry.

[dorktv]

52. Checking signatures for a local candidate.

[Ladyhawk]

59. See Also: "Bad Birdy Poetry" Post

Bad Birdy Poetry