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I met my husband through a personals ad. We celebrated our tenth anniversary on September 18th. I estimate that I met 300 people before I found "the guy," and ran ads on three different occasions. My first ad netted over 500 responses; I learned to "qualify" after that.
I am a plus-sized woman. I was very upfront about that fact, in both my printed ads and in my voice mail. I also was upfront about the fact that I was looking for someone smoke and drug-free, and preferred the childfree. It was astonishing to me how many responses I got from those who smoke, those with kids, and those who didn't care to meet anyone who wasn't HWP. (Interesting when the title of my last ad was, "They shoot non-HWP's, don't they?"
My shopping list was pretty short -- easy to get along with, great sense of humor, looking for a long-term relationship, didn't want kids, didn't smoke, use drugs, or abuse alcohol. I met men whose shopping lists would rival the page number and poundage of the national budget. I also met a lot of nice guys who were just plain lonely, and looking for someone to care for. (If there wasn't interest between us, I introduced some of them to my single girlfriends, which worked out well!)
Here's a great way to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. Formulate a few questions to ask those answering your ad; you can ask them in the initial phone call. Here are some of the ones I used: "Why did you answer my ad?" If the person in question hemmed and hawed, I knew that they weren't truly interested in any kind of relationship. "What are you looking for in a long-term relationship?" Again, if they just wanted a one-night stand, I didn't get much of an answer. If we'd talked for awhile, this one was the dealbreaker: "What happened to your last relationship? Are you friendly with your ex?" If the first words out of his mouth were "She's a bitch," I politely ended the conversation and didn't meet with the person. By the third ad, I received less than fifty responses; one of them is my husband.
Good luck.
Julie
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