Attention DU philistines: post your WORST Thanksgiving recipes and tips

[Robb]

I'll start...

Hey! This year, why not try a boneless turkey? Your butcher can even wrap it up in a loaf-shaped bag!

When you first cut into the thing at the table, it'll remind everyone of the sights and sounds of that scene in Empire Strikes Back, where Han Solo makes a "Thanksgiving Tauntaun bed" for Luke!

Meeeeem - oh - reeeeeees....

I think the appropriate onomatopoeia is "blorp". :)

[Rowdyboy]

1. NPR's Susan Samberg's mother's Cranberry-Horseradish

relish. I heard her give the recipe for years, finally looked it up on the net and made it last year. Its nasty! Three of us tried to eat a little and I wound up throwing it out.

Other than that, there's that great turkey recipe where you forget to take out the "innards" before baking. Mmmmmm, good!

[Robb]

2. LOL!

"Hey, what's this crusty papery stuff in the stuffing?" :D

[Maddy McCall]

3. Green Bean Casserole...

YUCK! It looks nasty and tastes nasty. I can't figure out who ordained it the required casserole at every family gathering. BLECH!

[Padraig18]

9. Green bean casserole is BANISHED from my table!

I cannot STAND it! Green beans I like, but that damned casserole is the 'McCasserole' of all casseroles. :P

[hlthe2b]

13. I love how people bring it and act as though it is some "secret recipe!"

and very complex at that! LOL

[SOteric]

18. It's never been served at an SOteric family gathering

and probably never will be.

We don't cook with soup.

[scarlet_owl]

22. Ugh! That stuff is nasty!

Unfortunatley, everyone else loves it, so I end up having to make it. Cream of mushroom soup makes me want to hurl. Pumpkin pie too. I hate that crap, but I'm the only one.

[SiobhanClancy]

4. The sweet potato dish with marhmallows on the top!!

Horrendous!x(

[Maddy McCall]

5. Don't thaw the turkey on the counter, especially if you have toddlers...

Just don't do it anyway. Plan for a frozen turkey to take a couple of days to thaw in the fridge.

Last week a family friend of mine thawed a turkey on the counter. Within a day or two her daughter began running high fever and vomiting and having the runs. Two days after that, she was in critical condition in the hospital, terribly dehydreated and diagnosed with samonella. No one else in the family got sick, and the mother could only deduce that the child touched the turkey and then put her hand in her mouth.

So keep kiddos away from raw turkey.

[davsand]

6. Turkey TV dinners.

Bake a couple extra for leftovers... :)

Laura

[pscot]

7. Thompson's Turkey

Used to be a newspaper columnist around here named Emmet Thompson. His turkey recipe, which he dragged out every year like grandma Stamburg's relish, consisted of covering the bird with a thick paste of mustard and roasting it in a hot oven. In theory the paste was supposed to form a crust that kept all the juices in resulting in the ultimate in tender and juicy... Not! It got black alright, but the edibility quotient was pretty low. Of course this year brine is all the rage. Turkey jerky, anyone?

[Rowdyboy]

12. We brined a turkey last year

and it was probably the best I've ever cooked. I would definitely do it again.

[cally]

8. Cranberry jello salad

with sour cream balls and grated carrots. Yuck!

On edit...I misread the thread

[Padraig18]

10. Let's not forget celery with Cheez-Whiz

:puk"" :P

[Nay]

15. Aaack! Jesus! That sounds terrible!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

11. I recommend lumpy gravy... a must for every holiday

:D

[Nay]

14. How about mushy cornbread stuffing?

When I was in school, a friend of mine constantly raved about her Mom's cornbread stuffing. Being a bread stuffing person, I was curious about the cornbread version. At Thanksgiving, this poor girl brought some of her Mom's stuffing to a Thanksgiving party. I am not at all fussy about food, but this stuff was BEYOND VILE.

Remember that scene in "Big" where Tom Hanks tastes caviar for the first time? That was me with this stuffing. Only the strong politeness genes in my DNA kept me from barfing straight into the sink.

[Lars39]

16. Sounds like it was undercooked. Wonder you didn't get sick.

Everybody knows that cornbread stuffing has biscuits in it, too. ;)

[SOteric]

17. Why bother with turkey? It's expensive and takes too long to cook.

With a little artistry, some toothpicks and a couple of cans of gravy, you can carve tins of spam to look like a succulent roasted bird.



Why fuss with exotic oyster, cornbread, or chestnut stuffing recipes? This is a great opportunity to use up those leftover pancakes Sis scorched at breakfast this morning. Cut yourself some pimento stuffed olives and chuck in some cocktail peanuts and you have a holiday dressing your friends and family will rave about for years to come.

Looking for thrifty holiday decor? Shape a few balls of peanut butter into vaguely pinecone forms, then leave them in the basement overnight. The cockroaches covering them will give them an authentic, glistening, pinecone appearance just perfect for the holiday table.

[Rowdyboy]

19. Yeah, that $00.29 cent a pound turkey

really dents my budget, and cornbread cost at least a dollar a pan. Why you might end up spending nearly $7.00 feeding 15 people! Absurd!

[SOteric]

20. Dude,

this is the worst Thanksgiving tips & recipes thread. If you want to be thrifty, sensible and helpful, you need to find it's corresponding best Thanksgiving tips & recipes thread. I've seen it recently so I doubt it's any further back than page 2.

[Rowdyboy]

23. Sorry

I got carried away. I had far to much to drink celebrating Ole Miss's win over LSU...Oh, yeah, thats right. They lost.

Pay me no attention. I'm suffering and when I suffer I feel a need to waste bandwidth!

[JohnKleeb]

25. Its ok RB and how often do you see a thread on your worst tips :)

my tip
Eat with your hands and throw food and stick your hand in the pie ala Jim in American Pie.

[Rowdyboy]

26. Thanks JK

Many people don't understand how versatile hands are when it comes to eating. Other than soup, they'll do for most things!

[prolesunited]

31. Here's the BEST tips and recipes thread

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=438385&mesg_id=438385

There's some really good tips and tasty-sounding recipes posted there.

[SOteric]

32. So... you're not really interested in that spam carving

in the shape of a turkey?

Darn.

[Robb]

34. Spurkey!!

:D

[SOteric]

35. Careful

you don't pronounce that "Sparkie." Children could be traumatised.

[MisterP]

21. Meatloaf, and I don't mean the food;

don't annoy the fellow with the electric knife! (RHPS referece)
:D
howzabout 30 yams, mashed and served with butter? or soggy brussels sprouts?

[scarlet_owl]

24. Oyster dressing!

My mother made it at her job to sample out to customers. I tell ya', it stunk up the entire meat aisle! Never ever will oyster dressing grace my table.

[populistmom]

28. I think it's a Scandinavian thing

My grandma's Swedish and she used to make something like this. Sorry granma, but :puke: . That, along with the wonderful pickled herring and pickled watermelon rind for hors d'oeuvres.

[populistmom]

27. How about this...?

You have a partially frozen turkey that you forget to take the giblets out of. That works really well.
(Sarah's first Thanksgiving dinner adventure circa 1994)

[baldguy]

29. Jello salad

Layered mint & orange, with ham, carrots & celery mixed in. Gramma's favorite holiday treat!

[Logansquare]

33. LOL-I thought my entry would be the grossest jello dish

But *ham* with fruit in jello--eeewww! Mine is pistachio jello salad, known as "sea foam" in some culinary circles:


2 (3 oz.) pistachio Jello pudding
2 (20 oz.) crushed pineapple
1/2 c. nuts
2 (9 oz.) Cool Whip

Mix pineapple and pudding together, then add Cool Whip. Blend with mixer. Stir in nuts

An electric green, sickeningly sweet, slimy treat, yet with gag-inducing chunks of nuts in each bite.

[flamingyouth]

30. Leave the bag of giblets in!

MMMM MMMM Good!

[geniph]

36. My mother always used to take the turkey kidneys

and boil them on the stove to make a doggie treat. Holy crap, that smells up a house fast. It smells like a wino on the bus - pure essence of urine. JUST what you want the house to reek of when guests are coming over.