My ex boyfriend is copying my house. I bought a new house, we broke up...

[radwriter0555]

which was ok. We're still good friends and get along, and have to work together on projects occasionally. He's a good guy and our dissipation was mutual, we're better off friends than anything more.

So last year, last summer, I bought a new house, sold the old one, made bank. One of the things we broke up over was that he was trying to design my remodeling and improvements... without my input. Our big blow up was him designing the remodel of the guest house and doing all the cabinetry planning and design, thousands and thousands of dollars in materials, that I simply was not going to do. I had my own ideas. He got REALLY mad when I told him it wasn't what I had in mind, and he'd gone to alllll that trouble.

So, we broke up over that and other minor issues.

SO he went and bought a house, and hired an architect, contractors, all that for a massive remodel. Now he's copying my house. He is having he architect do the front porch exactly like mine, and the hardscape in the backyard is identical to mine, and mine is really, really unique. (four foot by four foot poured in place concrete pavers with precisely 1 foot in between on a grid pattern filled in between by 1.5 inch mexican pebble) It was so trippy to see the photos of the details he took to show his contractors. He might just as well have taken photos of my house.

It's bugging me. Why? I don't believe he has unexpressed feelings for me. Or does he? One of our issues was that he wouldn't tell me he loved me. Bugged the crap out of me. Why am I telling a bunch of strangers who really don't give a crap?

[displacedtexan]

1. some consider imitation a form of flattery...

i consider it brain-picking, which imho is the sign of a severe lack of creativity. i visualze your ex taking credit for 'his' ideas.

[Jane Roe]

2. Sounds like everything would be okay if . . .

1. He could sincerely admit that he loved you; and

2. You each have your own house.

Unless there was some other real reasons for the break-up that you are not sharing (which is okay -- you have a right to your privacy).

If he wants you back and you don't want him back, you should be flattered -- it's not like he is stalking you.

[radwriter0555]

4. LOL exactly. things would be fine if we didn't have to live together..

or if he would have/would say those silly little words.

He doesn't seem to want me "back". We were just irritated too much by petty little things we couldn't stand about each other. I'm not sure I want him 'back' either actually, since I liked our relationship on more of a friends type level. I'm not that interested in having someone around 24/7... I like my independence and solitude too much.

Maybe we just have the same excellent taste? We always did have that in common, artistically, creatively... hmmmmm.

[newyawker99]

8. Hi Jane Roe!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. Wow, the ex sounds like someone with some serious issues

Probably a good thing you got out of that relationship. I kinda worry about him, and what he might do, though; but you say you are still friends and have a good relationship, so hopefully that means that nothing bizarre will happen.

I hear your concern, though, and can empathize with your being bugged.

[radwriter0555]

5. No no no no no, he's not the crazed stalker type at all... not by any

means. He's a nice fella with a fear of intimacy with ME apparently, lol.

[boilerbabe]

6. It looks like he is trying to reproduce some aspect of your relationship?

Maybe he does have intimacy probs, and can only express his alignment with you on a material basis? I would laugh my ass off if a former boyfriend actually tried to reproduce my house!! just imagine a big dustball...it's one of a kind for sure!

When he starts wearing the same outfits or gets a new girlfriend that looks like you...then you know you must tell him...READ YOUR OWN SCRIPT!!!

xxxooo
the Boilerbabe

[northzax]

7. have you considered...

letting him get right to the end or remodling, and then changing everything in your house? keep running up those bills!

[HamstersFromHell]

9. LOL

I was just thinking about posting that maybe she should tell him: "I've got this awesome idea for a 20 foot high purple mushroom right in the middle of the back yard with neon lights for the spots..." and see if he tries to beat her to it.

(Allowing) Imitation is also the sincerest form of setting up a sucker.


Hammies!

[brook]

10. oh dear...

he's probably having difficulty accepting the changes in your relationship. My ex reproduced our old house for second wifey while I couldn't give everything we had away fast enough. I was ready to move on - he was not. Don't let it bother you. They're his issues. You should be flattered in a way. Obviously you created an ambience he found pleasing.

[Blue-Jay]

11. It shouldn't bug you at all.

Here's the deal, as I see it:

He had grown comfortable with his surroundings while you were together. Now that he's in his own place, he's trying to get "comfortable" again. I can understand where he's coming from. My ex-girlfriend had good taste in decorating, and now that we're apart, I find myself doing some of the same things around the house that she did. It's not that there are any unresolved feelings; She was just a good influence on me. And no, I probably wouldn't admit that to her if she asked. ;)