I understand there are unauthorized confessions going on.

[RevCheesehead]

Therefore, I am offering my services as a genuine, MDiv educated, United Methodist credentialed elder, for the sake of hearing your confessions. O8)

Absolutions, however, will cost ya. ;)

[LeftyMom]

1. Can I go first?

I've never confessed to a Protestant before. Do I have to take a class again?

[RevCheesehead]

3. No, protestants aren't that formal.

Go ahead, sistah... unburden yourself. O8)

[LeftyMom]

5. I've had lustful thoughts about another DUer.

A lot. :rofl:

Also, I'm really coveting a laptop.

[RevCheesehead]

7. I see.

Which part of this confession am I supposed to be surprised about?

[LeftyMom]

8. The laptop I guess.

;)

[JVS]

31. I'll forgive you for thinking that way about me

;-)

[LeftyMom]

33. .

Nice try. ;)

[ForrestGump]

2. Bless me, little mama, for I have....wrong church? Okay. Well, I have this

rash...

[RevCheesehead]

4. Hon, if you call me

little mama, I will bless you, even without hearing your confession. (I'd also call ya a liar, if you did see my picture.)
O8)

[ForrestGump]

6. Hola, mamacita

Ay, carumba!

Don't you have to pull the curtain before you "bless" me? Oh, wrong church again?

Well, couldja at least pull it a little shut? :D

[RevCheesehead]

9. Are you worried about my reputation?

How sweet.

[ForrestGump]

52. I'm worried about that cold breeze

:D









...shrinkage... :o

[RevCheesehead]

59. Well, OK then...

but if I get a hot flash, they'll be back open. ;)

[xmas74]

10. I wanted to b*tch out a fellow parishioner at Sunday service.

Is that wrong?

[RevCheesehead]

12. No.

The fact that you didn't do it during church is a good thing. You showed restraint.

[xmas74]

15. Thank you.

Redneck area, lovely sermon, fantastic gathering-instead of small group discussions we did a project for shut-ins. But one person had to go on and on about war and "them damn gays".
I should have felt at peace and concentrated on what was being said. Instead I had wicked thoughts.

[RevCheesehead]

16. Well, there are ways to politely disagree.

You are entitled to your opinion just as much as the other person is - in fact, even more so, since they were clearly wrong.

This phrase might help. (repeat after me)
"What would Jesus do?"

[xmas74]

19. What would Jesus do?

Well, I did pray for my own forgiveness and I also asked for the strength to not kill the coworker who informed me last week that my religion is filled w/ heathens and that we were all going to hell.
But I still wanted to strangle them both. I don't think Jesus would have done that.
Overall, I think I did fine.

[RevCheesehead]

20. No, no - you misunderstood (or I said it poorly).

You may use the phrase "What would Jesus do?" as a response to people who spew their hatred for all to hear. Chances are, you're not the only one disgusted with what you hear, but everyone is afraid to confront the offender.

Sometimes a gentle response strikes deeper than any scream-fest. Shame can work wonders - and even get them to think about what they're doing.

[xmas74]

27. Thank you for that.

I've always heard it as my actions should more resemble his. Of course, I'm not perfect so I tend to royally screw it up.
And I don't think it would have worked w/ him (or the coworker). He decided to speak about his views on homosexuality because we assembled fruit baskets. I think he's a bit too one-track for shame to work.

[Redstone]

11. Mine was authorized. I asked before confessing.

And, furthermore: Absolutions? We don't need no esteenking absolutions!

Redstone

[RevCheesehead]

13. Indeed you did.

We don't need no education, either. :hi:

[Redstone]

14. May I thank you once again for the use of your ear last night?

Well, I don't need to ask. I'll thank you even if you don't want me to.

Redstone

[RevCheesehead]

17. You're welcome.

The good Lord gave me two, so feel free to use the other one if you need it. :pals:

[Redstone]

21. I have two of them as well.

Having the job that you have doesn't mean that you are required to carry ALL the weight.

Remember that.

Redstone

[RevCheesehead]

24. ...

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

18. I have nothing to confess today

But wanted to give a shout out to my good friend!

:hi: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

22. Why thank you kindly.

Please deposit your good will offering in the Katrina relief box, and help yourself to a sip of sacramental wine. My treat.

:hi::loveya:

[KitchenWitch]

23. Thank you dear!

:hi:

[LSK]

25. i must confess

I have told the Brazilian joke many times. And I cannot stop.

Donald Rumsfeld blah blah blah

[RevCheesehead]

26. What's wrong with that?

I have an addiction to Brazil Nuts.

Um, I mean, stop that now, you'll go blind, blah, blah, blah... :spank:

[In_The_Wind]

28. Ah gee ...

The only thing I did today was over-tip.
I have nothing else to confess.

[RevCheesehead]

29. Then why are you here, my child?

Please leave your offering in the Katrina Relief box, and help yourself to a sip of sacramental wine.
O8)

[In_The_Wind]

34. I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

And to say hello to my favorite Rev.

Of course I'll leave an offering and thanks for the wine.




BTW ~ Sorry for the bad ear worm.

[JVS]

30. Do the United Methodists even have a private order of confession?

Or a public order of confession for that matter?

[RevCheesehead]

32. um, what are you - the church police?

We are the people of the open hearts, open minds, and open doors. Perhaps you've seen our commercials?

I'm just offering my gifts to the Lounge. ;)

Please leave your offering in the Katrina Relief Box, and help yourself to a sip of sacramental wine.
O8)

[JVS]

35. Enough with the open hearts, minds, doors BS, just answer the questions.

I'm just trying to get some idea of how you run this thing.
Do you guys do confessions or not?

Besides, you were the one coming in here with the accusations of unauthorized confessions like some kind of ecclesiastical nazi!

[RevCheesehead]

40. They are not prohibited.

Usually, they fall under the name "pastoral counseling." I'm just forging new territory here. Metho-Catholic, or something like that.

Did you leave your offering for Katrina relief? Thank you.

[JVS]

42. Is there a particular order that is followed?

[RevCheesehead]

44. O come on....

We're not that liturgical! :D

[JVS]

47. Well the LBW and LW both have orders of confession, and I wouldn't...

feel comfortable using an unfamiliar confession format.

[RevCheesehead]

49. This is individual confession.

Use whatever makes you the most comfortable. (and I DO know the LBW - comes from years of substitute organist gigs.. and a job or two.)
Do you want to chant?

[JVS]

51. Do you think we could do a rap version of the Magnificat?

[RevCheesehead]

56. Kewl!

Do you know the album of Handel's Soulful Messiah? It's got some really great arrangements, including a rap version of "Every Valley."

Hmmm...
My soul magnifies the Lord my God,
and my spirit rejoices in God, my savior...

It could work. :)

[long_green]

95. "What's all this then, Amen?"

nm

[SofaKingLiberal]

36. I confess. I did it.

[JVS]

37. STONE HIM

[RevCheesehead]

38. Now, now....

unless you have a doobie in your pocket, you need to let it go. :smoke:

[JVS]

39. Ah, the herb of St. Steven

[RevCheesehead]

41. Bwahaha!

AND all martyrs.

Speaking of which, where the hell IS Rabrrrrrr?

[RevCheesehead]

43. Yes, that's true....

...but the ugly dog will always be grateful that you saw beauty.

Please leave your offering for Katrina Relief, and help yourself to some sacramental wine.

[SofaKingLiberal]

48. You're not gonna tell Santorum, are you?

:eyes:

[RevCheesehead]

58. I take my vow of confidentiality very seriously.

Just ask anyone. :D

[CaliforniaPeggy]

45. My dear Rev.....

No confessions needed tonight, thank you......

Just wanted to say hello, and to leave a small offering in the Katrina basket!

Blessings on you for all the good you do!


:yourock: :loveya: :pals:

[RevCheesehead]

46. Bless you, Peggy.

You may help yourself to as much of the sacramental wine as you wish.
O8)

BTW - you are wanted in another thread. ;)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

53. Been there.......THAT was fun!

:evilgrin:

[Briarius]

50. forgive me rev, I grew up a bears fan

:P
well, that and several things that shan't be listed here

[RevCheesehead]

55. You are truly testing my charity here...

But since you asked, I have to forgive you. And I do. Even for the things you didn't say. :)

[merh]

54. Forgive me Pope Cheesey

but I told someone another thread to get his head out of his ass and my post was deleted. x(

I just go carried away. :argh:

[RevCheesehead]

57. Actually, you showed good charity.

We would not want to encourage fellow DUers to walk around like republicans, would we?

Help yourself to the sacramental wine (well, whatever's left after Peggy's done guzzling it); and take the Katrina offering gifts to your neighbors and other needy folk. We've got a pretty good collection so far. (Hmmm... $3 and a Baby Ruth bar. Oh well, I tried. :shrug: )

[merh]

60. Oh goody, a baby ruth bar.

Dessert. :9

I appreciate your sage advice and the generous offerings, but I think you may need to keep it to get another bottle of sacarmental wine. Seems that Peggy need some to go with her pizza. :silly: :crazy:


:hug:


Okay, did you make your appointment? IF so, spill! :loveya: :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

62. I got in to see him TODAY!

I'm drugged up, and awaiting some lab results (which, I hope is more than having a dog sniff the swab they sent). But he's ruled out influenza A and B.

AND - I got me very own bottle of Tylenol 3! :bounce:

[merh]

67. Yeah, so glad you made that appointment.

And you got tylenol 3, you lucky angel you.

Take your medicine, get plenty of water (not wine) and lots of rest.

You must take care of yourself. :hug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

71. Hey! I'm so glad you REMINDED me!!!

And the timing was perfect. Heavenly, even. O8)

And I am working on taking care of myself. That is my #1 priority right now. :hug:

[merh]

74. I'm a cyber psychic

and it is good to be able to help you for a change. :hug: :loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

65. I made sure to leave plenty for everybody!

I normally only drink one glass......help yourself!


:loveya: :hug:

[merh]

69. Thanks sweet friend.

:hug: It is good to see you. :hug:

:loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

72. My dear merh.....

It is likewise good to see you tonight!


:loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[merh]

78. Here is to loving friends

:toast: :loveya: :hug: :pals:

[merh]

63. a thread that you might enjoy

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x5641551

[RevCheesehead]

68. Thanks for that!

That was a nice post. :)

[merh]

70. Posted by a good man.

;-)

[RevCheesehead]

73. You know, I just got an idea...

We're going to have to get you up here this summer. We'll take up a collection and fly you up in style, then give you the state-wide tour.

LOTS of good WI folk, aren't there? ;)

[merh]

76. What a lovely thought.

Do they have cheese up there? Oh, and yes, the summer would be a preferrable time. Your winter is mighty wintery.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

77. Oh, it's not so bad.

It's a balmy 12 degrees outside.

I'll have to look into that cheese thing you mentioned. Hmm..

[merh]

80. 12 degrees??

:scared: Summer, definitely summer. :hi: :hug: :loveya:

[Liberalynn]

61. All sorts of very imaginitve four letter words, curses, and suggestions

come spewing out of my mouth every time I see or hear certain people, mostly of the rethug variety and my ex boss.

Am I a hopeless sinner or does the big guy/gal in the sky understand my frustration at these people?

[RevCheesehead]

64. Turette's is a disease, not a sin.

And sometimes, the world needs truth-tellers.

Feel better now? O8)

[Liberalynn]

66. Yes

thank you I do. :hug:

[northzax]

75. forgive me, RevCheesehead, for I have sinned

I continually put all my money on ABD.

Go Heels!

[RevCheesehead]

79. Let me consult the AP standings....

Hmmm... Looks like you're busted.

I already gave away the Katrina money. Maybe another confession thread can help you - I'm tapped out. Sorry.
:shrug:

[eeyore]

81. Good evening RevCheese!

Thanks for hearing me at such a late hour.

Here's the thing, I just outed my friend's dog as being gay in another thread without permission. I fear I'm just a no good gossip.

Oh, and my entire family except myself is comprised of FIBS (Fucking Illinois Bastards). I grew up in Colorado devoted inexplicably to the Cubs and always heard bad things about Wisconsin women.

Can I be saved?

[RevCheesehead]

83. Perhaps ...

but we certainly have our work cut out for us, don't we?

Please stop with the gossip. (unless you have something really good, in which case, PM me first, OK?)

Although the dog most certainly had his rights violated, he will indeed be better off by no longer living a lie. There is no shame in being gay, and Jesus still loves him.

The Cubbies are cool. My dear grandmother always remained loyal to them, even after the Brewers came to the state. No problem there.

Although you grew up in the depravity of FIBdom, there is always hope.
And, "bad" is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

O8)

[Shine]

82. I confess that I am not really into Christmas this year...

and am thus only going through the motions, on behalf of the kids.

We just finished throwing my hubby the biggest party we've EVER done for his 50th bd. We rented a community hall, hired a DJ, had it catered and over 150 of our friends came. It was a total success, but I'm still decompressing and completely exhausted, since planning and organizing it took months.

I'm tired, dammit, and extremely UNmotivated. We haven't even put the lights up this year on the house. First time ever we've skipped it. There's NO way I'm gonna get cards out this year, too. Forget that. Oh well.

I feel slightly guilty, but mostly self-righteously justified by my exhaustion.

That's the deal on my end.

:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

85. You already had the big event of the year.

I recommend listening to the following:

Have Yourself a Merry LITTLE Christmas
SILENT Night
O Little Town of Bethlehem (how STILL we see thee lie...)
I'll be HOME for Christmas
There's no place like HOME for the holidays

Relax, and welcome the Prince of PEACE.
O8)

[fishnfla]

84. I was a gunslinger, I fought the law

I threw into triple coverage, the law won

[RevCheesehead]

86. Brett, is that you?

Through faith, the Law has been abolished.
Do you believe?
O8)

[fishnfla]

88. I believe

But I think the gunslinger has given up :(

[RevCheesehead]

90. Just for the season, dear.

Keep the faith. :pals:

[fishnfla]

91. faith well intact

:thumbsup: thanks

[RetroLounge]

87. Uhm, we would need our own thread for that...

:evilgrin:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

89. We would need another PRIEST for that.

Let's see - am I talking to you? ;)

Hey - did you ever get that gift thing worked out?
:hug:

[RetroLounge]

92. Yeah, I asked her, she told me, I said OK.

:shrug:

RL

[lizziegrace]

93. As a fellow Methodist

I find this pastoral counseling very familiar!

I put a new bumper sticker on my car yesterday. It says "Another United Methodist for Peace and Justice" and now I'm receiving glares from neocons. I'm tempted to show them my third finger. Can you help me?

[RevCheesehead]

96. Do you want me to ride in your car with you?

We can hold up our middle fingers together. :evilgrin:

Where did you get the bumpersticker? I want one.

[lizziegrace]

100. One of the ministers at my church

said she got it at the last conference and can get more. I'll put in an order for you Rev. How many?

[RevCheesehead]

102. Really?

All I need is one... but I don't mind buying it. Just send me the link thru PM, OK?

Thanks! :)

[lizziegrace]

105. Really!

Don't think there's a link. I'll PM when I get it to send it on.

:)

[Rabrrrrrr]

94. I confess that I am actually a piece of cinnamon toast,

and not a person at all.

[RevCheesehead]

97. I knew it.

That's why so many people find you delicious and irresistable. :9

[CaliforniaPeggy]

98. Good morning, my dear Rev!

How are you today? Is your voice any better?

I slept well, and am feeling pretty good, so far.......

I know there will be tears, though.....already had a few...

But all in all, not too bad today!


:loveya: :hug:

I think your prayers must be helping! Thanks....

[Taverner]

99. can I buy some in advance for all my relatives?

Say like an indulgence or something?

[JPZenger]

101. I Confess: I don't respect Church leaders who hate lesbians

I'd like to confess. I don't respect Church leaders who won't let lesbians remain as ministers. Should I be absolved of this sin, or should they?

(Actually, I was raised Catholic. I still remember the formal confessional thing as one of the most stressful times of my young life. At least I was never an altar boy. I am happy with the United Methodist Church, except for that lesbian decision. At least that woman is still employed by her local church and still able to do good work.)

[RevCheesehead]

103. Beth Stroud will be remembered - and celebrated.

We have too many fundies in our denomination, and too many people intent on telling others how they should live. They're also obsessed with sex - and not in a good way.

Personally, I think they could all use a good dose of Viagra and Ex-Lax.

[RevCheesehead]

104. Nope, sorry.

"Can't buy me love." -The Gospel of the Beatles