ZAPPA NOW!

[TheMightyFavog]

Dreamed I was an eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
The frost that bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero...

And my mama cried
And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Don’t be a naughty eskimo
Save your money, don’t go to the show

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow

(well, right about that time people
A fur-trapper (who was strictly from commercial)
Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo) )
And he started into whippin’ on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe)

I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
He went whap with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
He hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
That got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be. so I bent down
And I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous
Mitten-ful of the deadly yellow snow

The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!

Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow
Crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous
Circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
To take the place of the mudshark in your mythology
Here it goes,the circular motion, now rub it!

(here fido)

And then
In a fit of anger
I pounced

And I pounced again

Great googly moogly!

I jumped up and down on the chest of the him

I injured
The fur trapper

Well he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so, because the
Deadly yellow snow crystals had
Deprived him of his
Sight

And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said

I can’t see
I can’t see
Oh, woe is me
I can’t see

Well.....you know
I can’t see
Nothin’

He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
And the husky wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
And I can’t see
Temporarily

Well, the fur-trapper stood there, with his arms outstretched across the
Frozen white wasteland, trying to figure out what he was going to do about
His deflicted eyes. and it was at that precise moment that he remembered
And ancient eskimo legend, wherein it is written (on whatever it is that
They write it on up there) that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named
Nanook,
The only way you can get it fixed up is to go

Trudging across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra

Right down to the parish of St. Alphonzo

Yes indeed
Here we are

At St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the margarine
And wheedled on the Bingo cards
And blew up the latrine

I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
While she was totally in chenille
And her old man was a Marine

As she abused the sausage pattie
And said, "Why don't you treat me mean?"
At St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the margarine
*(St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo
St. Alfonzo)*

Father vyvian oblivion

Resplendent in his frock

Was whipping up the batter

For the pancakes of his flock

He was looking rather bleary

He forgot to watch the clock



But the night before

Behind the door

A leprechaun had stroked it



But the night before

Behind the door

A leprechaun had slowly storked it

He slowly stroked it



But the night before

Behind the door

A leprechaun had stroked his spot

He stroked his spot



It set him off in such a frenzy

He sang "lock around the crock!"



And he topped it off with a ...

And he topped it off with a ...

And he topped it off with a ...



Oo ooo ooo

Oo ooo ooo

Oo ooo ooo



As he stumbled on his ...

He was delighted as it stiffened

And ripped right through his sock



"oh st. alfonzo would be proud of me"

He shouted down the block



Domine vobiscum

Et cum spiritu tuo

Dont you eat my sleazy pancakes

Just for saintly alphonzo



Theyre so light and fluffy white

Well raise a fortune by tonight

Theyre so light and fluffy white

Well raise a fortune by tonight

Theyre so light and fluffy brown

Theyre the finest in the town

Theyre so light and fluffy brown

Theyre the finest in the town



Good morning your highness

Oo oo ooo

Good gosh, youre sumptuous

Oo oo ooo



Good morning your highness

Oo oo ooo

Good gosh, youre sumptuous

Oo oo ooo

[MrBenchley]

1. What will you do if we let you go home...

And the plastic is melted and so is the chrome?
WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?


What will you do when the label comes off,
And the plastic's all melted,
And the chrome is too soft?


What will you do if the people you knew
Were the plastic that melted,
And the chromium too?
WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?

[evlbstrd]

2. There’s a big dilemma

About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There’s a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight

There’s a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There’s a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma my emma

Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma my emma

There’s a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There’s a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

[MrBenchley]

3. Eat your greens...

Don't forget your beans and celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICIENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut!
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpete too ...
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
Your bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMoldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck and driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

[TheMightyFavog]

4. Call any vegetable

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You’ve gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La la la la
The vegetable will respond to you
La la la la

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La la la la
The vegetable will respond to you
La la la la
Rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga, rutaba...

No one will know
If you don’t want to let them know
No one will know
’less it’s you that might tell them so
Call and they’ll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide
To hide, to hide, to hide,...

Shooo, shooo, shoo, shoo ....
You know a lot of people don’t bother about there friends in the vegetable kingdom. they, they think: what can I say? some times they think: where can I go?
Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in burbank?
At ralph’s vegetarian poodle clippin’, where you can come this...
Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my ? ? ? ?
At bob and ray’s swaheli restorant, where you can come this close.....
Where can I go to get my jeans embroided at fullurton? .....
At jeans, at jeans north where nothing fits
Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in hollywood?
Who gives the fuck anyway
Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
Where can I go to get my exit lights? ,
At jack lalane hamburgers on 312 woodier(? ) boulavard.
Where can I go to get my stomach pumped?
Where can I go to colapse
Hey, de-due.

Questions, questions, questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. ah, but it’s a great time to be alive ladies and gentlemen. and that’s the theme of our program for t
T, it’s so fucking great to be alive! is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. and I’m wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who doesn’t believe that it is fucking
T to be alive, I wish that they go now, because this show will only bring them down so much... ]

God bless america
Land that I love
Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You’ve gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will respond to you

And if you are a consenting adult we want you to call today in los angeles, the number is richmond9-6935 , in downey it’s 347-8932.

Call it direct,
Call it collect,
But call it today.

[MN ChimpH8R]

5. Dumb All Over - It's more timely than ever

Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether

They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same...
*We are dumb all over*
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near 'n far
Dumb all over,
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here

You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)

You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state


TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears *(Get Down!)*
Not his, not hers, *(but what the hey?)*
The Good Book says:
*("It gotta be that way!")*
But their book says:
*"REVENGE THE CRUSADES...
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades..."*
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our God says:
*"There ain't no other!"*
Our God says
*"It's all okay!"*
Our God says
*"This is the way!"*

It says in the book:
*"Burn 'n destroy...*
*'N repent, 'n redeem*
*'N revenge, 'n deploy*
*'N rumble thee forth*
*To the land of the unbelieving scum on
the other side*
*'Cause they don't go for what's in the
book*
*'N that makes 'em BAD*
*So verily we must choppeth them up*
*And stompeth them down*
*Or rent a nice French bomb*
*To poof them out of existance
*While leaving their real estate just where
we need it*
*To use again*
*For temples in which to praise
OUR GOD*
*("Cause he can really take care of
business!")*

And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blond wife who takes
phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to *hebbin!*
(Depending on which book you're using
at the time...Can't use theirs... it don't work
...it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following *God's Orders*
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An' the book says:
*He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
*(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)*

[pdx_prog]

6. Dong work for Yuda

John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage that will make you fart
John's got a sausage that will break your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over if you are smart
He took a little walk to the weenie stand
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie in both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end 'til the mustard squirt
He said, "Ya'll stand back 'cause you might get hurt"

[pdx_prog]

7. Keep it greasy

A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
From the side of your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down (DOWN), down (DOW-HOWN), down (DOW-HOW-HOWN)
Grease it down . . .
Oh no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . .



Locking now....lol

[Initech]

8. I was just listening to One Size Fits All earlier!

And Apostrophe is a great fucking album!

[m_welby]

9. My favorite: Trouble every day

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Wednesday I watched the riot . . .
Seen the cops out on the street
Watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
Listened to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
Seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Well, you can cool it,
You can heat it . . .
'Cause, baby, I don't need it . . .
Take your TV tube and eat it
'N all that phony stuff on sports
'N all the unconfirmed reports
You know I watched that rotten box
Until my head begin to hurt
From checkin' out the way
The newsman say they get the dirt
Before the guys on channel so-and-so

And further they assert
That any show they'll interrupt
To bring you news if it comes up
They say that if the place blows up
They will be the first to tell,
Because the boys they got downtown
Are workin' hard and doin' swell,
And if anybody gets the news
Before it hits the street,
They say that no one blabs it faster
Their coverage can't be beat

And if another woman driver
Gets machine-gunned from her seat
They'll send some joker with a brownie
And you'll see it all complete

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Hey, you know something people?
I'm not black
But there's a whole lots a times
I wish I could say I'm not white

Well, I seen the fires burnin'
And the local people turnin'
On the merchants and the shops
Who used to sell their brooms and mops
And every other household item
Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em
And they say it served 'em right
Because a few of them are white,
And it's the same across the nation
Black and white discrimination
Yellin' "You can't understand me!"
'N all that other jazz they hand me
In the papers and TV and
All that mass stupidity
That seems to grow more every day
Each time you hear some nitwit say
He wants to go and do you in
Because the color of your skin
Just don't appeal to him
(No matter if it's black or white)
Because he's out for blood tonight

You know we got to sit around at home
And watch this thing begin
But I bet there won't be many live
To see it really end
'Cause the fire in the street
Ain't like the fire in the heart
And in the eyes of all these people
Don't you know that this could start
On any street in any town
In any state if any clown
Decides that now's the time to fight
For some ideal he thinks is right
And if a million more agree
There ain't no Great Society
As it applies to you and me
Our country isn't free
And the law refuses to see
If all that you can ever be
Is just a lousy janitor
Unless your uncle owns a store
You know that five in every four
Just won't amount to nothin' more
Gonna watch the rats go across the floor
And make up songs about being poor

Blow your harmonica, son!

[mikeytherat]

10. I'm the Slime

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little had changed
I am the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I am the slime oozin' out
From your TV set

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't got for help...no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

That's right, folks..
Don't touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin'room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

[Initech]

11. My favorite: Inca Roads

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

George: Sure was different. I ain't never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain't my sh-- What?
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?

George: Little round ball . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . That white cain't do nothin'
Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
FZ: Mother Mary and Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
(PARK IT . . . PARK IT)

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen

At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth

[Zomby Woof]

12. When The Lie's So Big

They got lies so big
They don't make a noise
They tell 'em so well
Like a secret disease
That makes you go numb

With a big ol' lie
And a flag and a pie
And a mom and a bible
Most folks are just liable
To buy any line
Any place, any time

When the lie's so big
As in Robertson's case,
(That sinister face
Behind all the Jesus hurrah)

Could result in the end
To a worrisome trend
In which every American
Not 'born again'
Could be punished in cruel and unusual ways
By this treacherous cretin
Who tells everyone
That he's Jesus' best friend

When the lie's so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We'll be rid of these men!

Just who do they really
Suppose that they are?
And how did they manage to travel as far
As they seem to have come?
Were we really that dumb?

People, wake up
Figure it out
Religious fanatics
Around and about
The Court House, The State House,
The Congress, The White House

Criminal saints
With a 'Heavenly Mission' --
A nation enraptured
By pure superstition

When the lie's so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We'll be rid of these men!

[Initech]

13. Just like a penguin in bondage, boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

FZ: Thank you. (Brian, I could use a little bit more monitor). Hello hello (can't you turn it up any more than that?) Hello hello . . . Hey! Alright! Pardon me, folks. The name of this song is "Penguin in Bondage," an' it's a song that, uh, deals with the possible variations on a basic theme which is . . . well, you understand what the basic theme is. And then the variations include, uh, manoeuvres that might be executed with the aid of, uh, extra-terrestrial gratification and devices which might or might not be supplied in a local department store or perhaps a drugstore but at very least in one of those fancy new shops that they advertise in the back-pages of the free press. This song suggests to the suggestible listener that the ordinary procedure, uh, that I'm circumlocuting at this present time in order to get this text on television, is that, uh, if you wanna do something other than what you thought you were gonna do when you first took your clothes off and you just happened to have some DEVICES around . . . then it's, it's not only okay to get into the PARAPHERNALIA of it all but . . . hey! What did he say? Ready?

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed (Knirps for moisture)

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings
(The Penguin Flap)

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(Everytime she sees the hoop)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin' and there ain't no other
Birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
TOO LOOSE

'Cause she just might box yer dog
She just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . .