Okay I need courage now

[proud2BlibKansan]

I am getting ready to go over to my mom's house. I haven't seen her for a week. My sister has called me three times this week to tell me how bad she is and we are going to visit nursing homes next week.

Every time I see my mom, she is more senile. It is so sad. I have gotten to where I dread these visits. I feel guilty. I should enjoy seeing her.

Two weeks ago, I walked in and she was throwing books at my sister. Then last week, she grabbed me and said "Your sister just got back from the store with a bunch of groceries and she hid them upstairs. I want you to go up there and get them and put them all in my refrigerator right now."

Why does the end of a great life have to be so sad?

[LaurenG]

1. I'm sorry

:hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. Thanks

[MsUSA]

3. It is so sad.......

prayers and hugs.

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. Thanks I really need those.

[evlbstrd]

4. I'm sorry.

I watched my mother die. No matter how long you've seen it coming, you're never quite prepared.

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. I know

She is our last parent alive. We watched my husband's father die after getting Alzheimers. Then his mom had a stroke and went quickly. My dad had Parkinson's and taking care of him almost killed my mom.

Now she is in fairly good health physically. She will probably live another 10 years at least. But she is not my mom. She is this demented woman who is angry all the time. She doesn't deserve this.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

6. Oh dear

I spent the last seven years of my life living the "Long Goodbye" with both parents.

My dad was the worst, with heavy duty Alzheimer's. Mom was sharp most of the time but would have period of psychosis from multi infarcs.

I have no answers on why. But I know this much. You will grieve now and rejoice later. So be good to yourself and let yourself be sorrowful. There is a kindness, a gentleness in this sort of leaving that allows you to set your own pace.

Feel free to private email me if you would like. I have been there.

tg

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. Oh thank you so much Grannie

I know what you mean. My dad died 6 years ago and I can now remember him without remembering the end when he was sick. But it took a couple years to get to that place.

We used to be able to laugh at my mom's craziness. But now we just want to cry. She is going to resist a nursing home. She will fight it. But we just don't have another choice.

Then we get to deal with my sister. She is disabled and we will have to find her a new place to live. She has been with Mom for nearly her whole life. This will be so hard for her. She had her own apartment for 6 months and begged us to let her live with Mom again. That was 9 months ago. And it just isn't working.

[countingbluecars]

8. I'm so sorry.

It must be difficult to see your mom like that. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. Thanks

Holidays are so hard now.

[LaraMN]

10. Oh my!

:-( :hug:

[bleedingheart]

12. I am so sorry for you...

wow...what a lot to deal...

just bear in mind that any change will upset her at first but that it will all be for the better...my brother in law went through this with his mom and now she is settled in to the facility that is taking care of her.

[proud2BlibKansan]

14. This is the 2nd place

We had her in assisted living for almost a year and she hated it. So we let her go back to her house with my sister living with her. That was 9 months ago and it is not working. We have home health care and the nurse quits about once a month. Mom is that hard to take care of. The stress on my sister is not good.

At least in a facility, she will be watched closely and her diet monitored by someone besides us. I am tired of fighting Mom over what she can and cannot eat. I am deliberately delaying going over there today until after she has her dinner. She is a bitch when she is hungry.

[bleedingheart]

18. his mom has been moved three times

but it was due to the stages of the illness.

First in assisted living while her husband lived, then they both got Alzheimers and they got combative with one another (50 + years married) ..he accused her of sleeping around with the man across the hall (actually a short haired woman in reality) and the staff thought it might get ugly..

so they went to the Alzheimers unit...where they could still have some freedom but then she got really bad and they moved her to another facility (same company but different unit)...he died during that time. Now she is basically bedridden and so completely out of it that she no longer recognizes anyone but...she is comfortable.

Her husband needed meds due in part to his agitation...is your mom taking anything?
It might help if she gets a psych eval if she hasn't had one yet...

[proud2BlibKansan]

19. We had a psych eval in August

and they put her on Seroquil (sp?) which doesn't seem to be helping much. She has also been tested a jillion times for Alzheimers and supposedly doesn't have it but they went ahead and put her on the meds for it anyway.

But she is lots worse than she was in August. Lots worse.

[bleedingheart]

24. if she is on a lot of meds then I would say it sounds like time

for a new eval....the kind where they put her in the hospital while they take her off the meds and then re-evaluate.

Is she just on those meds or other stuff?

I do feel for you...my BIL is having a hard time dealing with all of it and his mom is not any trouble...

The good thing is that overall you are there for her, I used to work in a hospital and there were elderly folks whose kids didn't have the time of day for them (granted I don't know if there were reasons for it)...but it was terribly sad to see those folks at the end of their lives with no one to be there for them.

Your mom is lucky to have you.

[proud2BlibKansan]

25. Thanks that is a nice thing to say

Mom was in the hospital a month ago and many of the nurses and doctors commented that they could tell we took really good care of her.

Yes, she is on meds for diabetes and blood pressure and a few other things.

[plcdude]

13. It is a difficult time

for you but hold before you the memories of her life with you prior to this degrading of her life. My mother was very much like that and she has been dead now 6 years and I don't really dwell on those awful days of her disintegrating mind and life. I remember my mother as the loving the caring and the empowering person that she was. When you are with her be the kind of person she showed you how to be and taught you how to be. I continue to tell my children that it is quite all right with me for them to put me to sleep.

[proud2BlibKansan]

15. I told my kids the same thing

A friend of mine told me the other day that her 75 year old father has joined a type of Hemlock Society that will help him die when the time comes. He had his wife and kids sign off on the agreement. I can't blame him.

[plcdude]

17. hey

It is my life and I want to end it with dignity not with years of anger or disgust or fear. That is not who I am and that is not how I wish to die.

[ulysses]

16. strength to you, proud.

Sorry that you have to go through this. :hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

20. Ah ulysses thanks

That means a lot.

I'll be okay. I am really pretty tough. Losing my dad was sooo hard. But I survived it.

[ulysses]

23. most of us are tougher than we know.

I know you'll be ok. We've got your back anyway. :)

[In_The_Wind]

21. I'm so sorry proud2Blib.

It is sad.

[MadHound]

22. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that

Sending good thoughts your way.

It always is bad when those we love become unbalanced and demented. My grandmother died of Alzheimers, but sadly the disease ravaged her for years beforehand. It was agony as she slowly started confusing family members, and then finally forget them. I will never forget the look of anguish and pain on my grandfather's face the day that she didn't know who he was, after more than fifty years of married life.

I know it is tough on you, but still, try to treasure what you can of these last times. It isn't easy, but it is better than your mother not being there at all. And years from now, hard to believe as it is now, some of the things your mother does now will be cause for nostalgic stories, loving laughter and fond rememberances.