"Warm & Fuzzy Feelings" - A DU Story As Told Through Emoticons

THUNDER HANDS

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Mon Nov-24-03 06:40 PM
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"Warm & Fuzzy Feelings" - A DU Story As Told Through Emoticons

There was once a young lad,

who decided to one day pack up his things and move away from home

and go out in search of fame and fortune.

The young lad,

was wide-eyed and optimistic as he thought about all the new opportunities that awaited him out in the world. He could be anything he wanted. All he had to do was go out and meet the world head-on.

And so he did.

With a song in his heart and a spring in his step,

he set out forth into the world.

And then it all fell apart.

At first he was told he wasn't qualified for the job he was looking for.

- "No job for you."

Then he was stuck at a menial position.
Doing something he wasn't very happy with

- "You almost done. I gotta scrub the toilet."

Until finally, one day, he was visciously attacked and mugged.

At which point, it became abundantly clear to the young lad that he had to leave.

- "Run away....Run away."

And so, feeling scared and alone,

the young lad turned to his last refuge of sanity and human compassion.

- "Dear DU, my life sucks...."

And received the warmth and compassion that only a true liberal could really provide.

- "It's okay dah-ling, you'll be fine."

- "Cheer up mate, things'll work out, right."

- "Hiya! Hope things get better. Heeheee."

- "Be cool baby."

- "Cheerio, govna' - what seems to be the trouble?"

So for days the young lad would pour out his heart to his newfound friends

and explain all of his problems.

- "Dear DU, I saw a cockroach today. I wondered if it has a better life than I do..."

- "Dear DU, why is life one big soul-sucking day after the next?..."

- "Dear DU, what's the quickest way to kill your in-laws?..."

Over time, however, the response from the young lad's online community grew jaded. Compassion withered like the fruit on a winter's vine. Empathy was replaced by cynicism. Sympathy replaced by ridicule.

- "Dear DU, I don't like where my life is headed right now...."

- "Hey, here's a novel idea. Why don't you shut the fuck up and change it."

- "I got yer pity right here, buddy!"

- "Pfffffffffffffffffffffttttttt."

- "Bwahahaha, a DUer with problems, that's soooo funny."

- "Me no care you got problems."

- "Buy my book. Buy my book. Buy my book...."

- "You deserve whatver you get you scum. If I was in your family you know what I'd do? I'd kick you out of my house, but before I did I'd cut off your big toe with a butter knife. Then I'd hang the toe from my front porch, right under the light. That way every night when you're scrounging the streets you can look right here and see your toe and know, once and for all, that you are a COMPLETE AND UTTER LOSER WITH NO REDEEMING HUMAN QUALITIES AT ALL."

And some DUers were really mean in the types of responses they gave.

But the young lad,

battered and bruised, his confidence shaken, but not broken, and a little on edge from his travels

tried to keep his spirits up.

Eventually, the true friends of DU. The ones that love and care for all other members, shone through.

- "We love you, man."

- "He's so cute!"

- "Hey, wanna see my ass?"

And the young lad eventually found a place of his own. Got a stable job and found true love.

The End.

- "Buy my book!"