Common courtesy question

[TXlib]

KCDem and I had a birthday party for our 2 year old daughter this past Saturday.

Many of the people she invited were from her playgroup.

Several of them called at the last minute and cancelled, because the party interfered with nap time. One or two never called, and never showed up.

We ended up with only two guests; we were expecting eight.

I feel that when you accept an invitation to a child's birthday party, it's a commitment that shouldn't be broken for a nap. You can plan around it, or wake your child early. We've done it before, because we knew it was important to the parents to have their children's guests show up. I think using nap time as an excuse not to go somewhere is mostly a cop-out, to avoid doing something you really did not feel like doing anyway.

Our kids have attended the birthday parties of some of the kids whose parents didn't show up.

We're a bit peeved that these people showed such disregard for our child's feelings, and such little common courtesy.

Can anybody suggest a diplomatic way to let our feelings be known to these people?

[quispquake]

1. Hmmm...

Kill Bill had a few good ideas...

[mac56]

2. Some people are just thoughtless, but not malicious.

If they didn't want to be there, but showed up anyway, it would have dragged down the whole party.

Unfortunately, common courtesy is nearly extinct these days.

Take the high road. Be friendly and cordial, but tell the missing parents that you ALL were sorry that they "couldn't" attend.

[THUNDER HANDS]

3. you could try

Working with the parents next time to set a better date/time for the party. If you can get a time when at least five or six of you guys would be able to meet, then you shouldn't have many problems.

Did you give these parents enough advance notice as to when the party would be?

[TXlib]

6. Yeah, they had *plenty* of advance notice

[latebloomer]

4. I would tell them how disappointed your child was

and that most of the guests didn't show up, after saying they would.

They may think it doesn't matter if one kid doesn't show up, but if that kid is one of many it does matter. A lot.

I'd probably wait till the next time I see them, and bring it up then, rather than make a special call.

[NicoleM]

5. Common courtesy requires

that you tell someone you're not coming. However, with a bunch of two-year-olds I would assume that all plans are tentative. I think once you get to three it's not unreasonable to expect people to schedule naps and such around activities. But it's been a while since I've been around a two-year-old, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

[TXlib]

8. Aborted Nap Syndrome

is not a pretty sight, and avoiding interrupting a nap is a good reason to skip a play date (esp when it's a weekly scheduled thing, with several parents usually attending).

But I think another child's birthday party is a good reason to make a strong effort to plan the nap early, or interrupt the nap so you can attend.

I really think many of the parents who cancelled at the last minute because of nap time did so only because they really didn't feel like dragging themselves over. Otherwise, they would have told us initially that the time would likely clash with naptime.

[REP]

7. I Doubt the 2-Year Old Was Upset

The courteous thing to do is to simply say that you're sorry they couldn't attend your party and drop it. As you said, it's important to the parents; a 2-year-old simply won't put the same importance on it as you do, and to use your child as a way to vent your hurt feelings is not diplomatic.

[TXlib]

9. No, the 2-year old was not upset.

But we are getting very tired of feeling like we're the only people in the country who make an effort to maintain common courtesy.

[mac56]

11. I agree, TXlib -

But to quote Lyle Lovett: "What kind of people would we be if we didn't try?"

[supernova]

10. Hate to tell you

but I think 2 yo is a bit young for an official get together like a party with the invitations and everything. For just exactly the reasons you described. I don't know that your 2yo was so disappointed. But I would bet that she was dissapointed YOU were disappointed and that would be the greater cause of any distress she might be feeling about it.

Right now, Mommy and Daddy are still her greatest friends and playmates.

[TXlib]

12. The party was fine, even with only two guests

We didn't show any stress around her.

In fact it wasn't until last night that either of us brought up, at 11 pm, that we were a little miffed that so many guests blew the party off.

We've been to other 2-year-old parties held at the same time of day, and they seemed much better-attended.

And we don't want to make them get defensive.

Basically, this thread was to vent about the rudeness of others, and to see if there might be any good advice on how to bring it up with them, diplomatically.

I think the "We're so sorry you couldn't make it to the party" is perfect.

[Garage Queen]

13. But, whether or not the party is "appropriate" is not the point here.

the Point IS that so many people just feel that it's ok to simply NOT show up.

Calling at the last minute to say it interferred with "nap time"? Uh, ok. So, they suddenly figured out two days before the party what time their toddler took a nap? riiiiiiiight.

You were right to be miffed.