Science geek joke thread

[TXlib]

Post your favorite geeky jokes here.

[TXlib]

1. What sound does a quantum duck make?

"quark quark"

[jus_the_facts]

2. Hon...hand me that quantum foam.....

.....I'm ready for my BIG BANG! :evilgrin:

[Loonman]

3. Hmmm

Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I am"

[TXlib]

4. What does a mathemetician do when constipated?

Works it out with a pencil!

[MiddleRiverRefugee]

5. Need help with this one: A mathematician and a physicist...

..were standing at one end of a hallway when a gorgeous blonde co-ed turns toward them, takes off all her clothes, and starts walking towards them with naked her arms held out.

Mathematician says, "It's no use. At the rate she's walking, she'll never get here."

The physicist says, "It's okay. She's close enough...."

[Shrek]

12. Zeno's paradox

But the joke is only marginally funny.

[PVnRT]

6. I'll get this one wrong

since i'm drawing a blank on my library of jokes, but anyway...

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all asked to determine the value of pi.

The physicist draws a circle, makes a measurement with a laser, and says that within significant digits, the value of pi is 3.14159.

The mathematician takes out a calculator and rattle pi off to the 20th digit or so.

The engineer thinks for a second, then says, "It's around three."

The joke is funny if you're an engineer.

[alterfurz]

7. Two physics students meet each other walking across campus...

...One of them is toting his shiny new bicycle along with him. His friend says, "Wow! I really like your new bike!" "Thanks. It was the strangest thing! I was walking across campus the other day and a beautiful young girl rode her bike up to me, got off, ripped off all her clothes, threw herself on the ground, and said 'Take whatever you want!'"
"Smart move," the first student replied. "There's no way her clothes would have fit you."

[Drifter]

8. More of a Comuter Science Geek joke ...

There are 10 kinds of people, those that understand binary, and those who don't.

Cheers
Drifter

[SOteric]

13. I've always heard that as,

There are 2 kinds of people: Those who don't understand binary.

[Nlighten1]

9. A neutron walks into a bar...

and asks the bartender for a beer.
The beer is poured, and the neutron asks how much it owes. "For you," the bartender answers, "no charge."

[Nlighten1]

10. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

[rbnyc]

14. I love that one! (nt)

[Loonman]

11. Why did Einstein cross the road?

To get away from Niels Bohr.

However, when he got to the other side Bohr was there, also.

[TXlib]

15. A topologist is a mathemetician...

who can't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.

(But CAN tell his ass from TWO holes in the ground.)

[BritishHuman]

16. A Physicist, A Chemist, And A Computer Scientist

are travelling through the mountains in an old car. They're on a long, steep downhill with a sharp turn at the bottom, when the physicist suddenly yells, "The brakes aren't working!"

They plummet towards the thousand-foot drop-off, wildly out of control and rediscovering a belief in deities. Just as they are approaching the turn, the brakes start working again and the physicist is able to bring them to a juddering halt inches from the precipice.

Shaken, they stagger from the vehicle. Once they get their breath back, they start to ponder their miraculous escape.

"Maybe the properties of the brake fluid were changed by the altitude and temperature," muses the chemist.

"Perhaps the system wasn't closed, but sealed under pressure," opined the physicist.

The computer scientist looks at the car thoughtfully and says, "Let's push it back up the hill and see if it happens again."