Chuck Norris Responds

[FVZA_Colonel]

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

Upcoming Events


TODAY
IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET


I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

[Dave Reynolds]

1. You betcha, Chuckie.

I'm gonna run right out and buy some of your shit.

Because I want to know the *real* you...

[asthmaticeog]

2. Yer just BEGGIN' for a roundhouse kick to the face, buster.

:evilgrin:

[Dave Reynolds]

7. I beg, I plead,

but Chuckie does not lower himself to roundhouse my face.

The only difference between me and dogpoop to Chuckie: I can type.....

[Blue-Jay]

3. If Chuck Norris had responded with a roundhouse kick,

he have broken the internet with his ferocity.

[BigMcLargehuge]

4. At least he took it in good humor

:thumbsup: for Chuck Norris

[Reverend_Smitty]

5. Chuck Norris

the Bill Brasky for the new millennium

[jobycom]

6. When God said "Let their be light," Chuck Norris said "Say please."

[WillParkinson]

16. HEHEHEHE

Ok, even I found that one funny.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

8. It is rumored that Chuck Norris' beard contains healing powers.

this is why he was never absent from a single taping of Walker Texas Ranger.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

9. I heard that when Chuck Norris was a teenager...

he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history!

[Blue-Jay]

10. Chuck Norris can eat 28 lbs of Velveeta in a single sitting.

Hail!

[DanCa]

11. I wish Bruce Lee were around to Kick chuck's ass.

Hell even Tom Laughlin in his prime had a good shot at beatting this fraud.

[jobycom]

32. Hehehe. That battle will rage for eternity, I guess

Supposedly each said the other was better, but I've never seen that confirmed. We'll never know. Bruce Lee was a much better movie maker, though.

[DanCa]

33. Joe Pepsicoe was the main villian in a chuck norris movie

Sidekicks i believe that's all I got to say about up chuck.

[jobycom]

42. And Chuck Norris was the main villian in a Bruce Lee film

Ya know...

[DanCa]

44. and so on and so on and scobby dobbie dobbie :D Lol

[TX-RAT]

37. he already did

[MrScorpio]

12. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

[TheMightyFavog]

13. Indeed.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

15. LMAO!

:rofl:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

35. lolz

:spray:

[CanuckAmok]

14. Chuck Norris has the power to go back in time and ...

... kick to death Jean-Claude van Damme's and Steven Segal's parents before they procreate, but he decided that he doesn't want to, because their offsprings' thespian stylings make Norris look Oscar-worthy by comparison.

[cleofus1]

17. damn

i just love these chuck norris threads...hi fuckin larious....seriously

[MrScorpio]

18. Chuck Norris sees no Evil

After be broke both of Evil's legs in a Miami bar brawl back in 1987, Evil has since left town to elope with his Columbian mistress and make lots well behaved babies in utter obscurity.

[LynneSin]

19. Here's a Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of

That's what my fact said:
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

[MrScorpio]

20. Chuck Norris owns the patent to gravity

Anyone that does not float upwards into outer spaces owes Chuck Norris money.

[HughBeaumont]

21. Walker, Texas Corpse.

"Fuckin' Chuck Norris!" - White Goodman

[underpants]

22. Okay-what is this all about?

Is this like the Vin Diesel random facts generator thing?

[FVZA_Colonel]

24. Pretty much, but I guess it's become an even bigger internet fad.

[ghostsofgiants]

38. Though it's from the same website...

Along with Mr. T facts.

[Brewman_Jax]

23. A whiff of Chuck Norris' boots cures cancer

OMG!

[ET Awful]

25. I heard that Cool Hand Luke could eat 50 eggs, but Chuck Norris ate 55

:P

[Hobarticus]

26. Chuck Norris sucks eggs right out of chicken's butts

He has no time to waste. Damndest thing yuh ever saw.

[no name no slogan]

27. Chuck Norris: the internet age's Bill Brasky?

[LynneSin]

28. Chuck Norris knows how to cure AIDS.......

but will only reveal the solution if Ralph Macchio is publicly executed.

I say we give up the Karate Kid!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

29. Evolution is a myth.

There's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

[LynneSin]

34. So he's the mythical being in the whole Intelligent Design theory

figures the guy is republican

[LSK]

30. Chuck Norris can tell the brazilian joke backwards in Latin

}(

[jobycom]

31. Okay, that's hillarious! nt.

[ProfessorGAC]

36. And In Anagrams In Sanskrit

The Professor

[WeRQ4U]

39. Jesus actually wanted to do the rapture 15 years ago..........

But Chuck told him to hold off. When Jesus resisted, Chuck Norris took his beard away.

[Ikonoklast]

40. You foolish mortals!

Are you all insane? You are meddling in powers that far exceed anything your feeble minds can understand! If Chuck Norris ever finds out that you are mocking him, he will use his vast powers and you will suddenly........no!....stop!!......I'm sorry Mr Norris!!!!!.....EEEAAAGGHHH!!!!



Now look what you've done! Happy now, dammit?

[NNadir]

45. You have the funniest post written by a dead man in this thread.

[Skittles]

41. If Chuck Norris is late, TIME better slow the f*** down

Mr. Norris is a good guy to take it with genuine mystification and good humor. :thumbsup:

[tarkus]

43. His response is actually as hilarious as the facts.

"Chuck Norris can take western novels seriously"

[NNadir]

46. Here's a good list.

http://dieemmers.blogspot.com/2005/11/random-facts-about-chuck-norris.html

[General Zod]

47. Who is this " Chuck Norris" that you speak of?

He will bow down before Zod, or he will be crushed.

[ragin_acadian]

48. Chuck Norris's mullet is a blackbelt.

# If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

14. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.

[MrScorpio]

49. Chuck Norris once gave God a roundhouse kick

After which, a crying God replied, "Ok Ok, Chuck, Texas is all yours. Just please don't kick me again."