I'm pregnant....not happy....and need a stiff drink!

[Miss Marmelstein]

:cry:

[xmas74]

1. Are you going to be ok?

If you need to talk, pm me. I've been there.
It gets better no matter what you decide.

[Miss Marmelstein]

6. I'll be okay....

I'm still in a state of shock. My last pregnancy was 27 years ago!!:eyes:

[xmas74]

9. I would be in shock too.

I haven't been there. I have been pregnant in the past w/o any planning though. It was a bit of a surprise for me since I was on Depo-Provera at the time.

[Maine-ah]

13. wow.

:wow: :hug:

[Maine-ah]

2. haven't been there, but sending you good thoughts!

:hug:

[Miss Marmelstein]

3. Thanks...

:hug:

[Maine-ah]

4. so, are you not happy because you're pregnant

or is this a hormonal I'm not happy?

[Miss Marmelstein]

10. I'm just unhappy at the timing...

I've wanted children all my life but was looking forward to menapause not starting a family. Aaargh! I'm too old!

[Sanity Claws]

15. Take care of yourself

You have a lot to think about.
It sounds like you're in your 40s. Has your doctor talked to you about the viability of your pregnancy? I think the statistics show that women in your age bracket may conceive but have higher likelihood of miscarriage than younger women.
How far along are you?

[Miss Marmelstein]

27. I have a good doctor and we've discussed...

complications, risks and such. I'm in good health, quit smoking last year after a nasty bout with pneumonia. I'm about 2 1/2 months along.

[Catchawave]

5. Noooooooo, don't take that stiff drink....

...you might change your mind...Love, from one who knows :(

[Megahurtz]

7. I guess that's not a good thing,

here's a hug and support for you, whatever you choose.:hug:

[Shine]

8. Been there, done that.

hang in there.
:hug:

you've got options, as you know....feel free to PM me, if you want.

[Miss Marmelstein]

16. Options??

Not according to my husband. He's ecstatic.

[Maine-ah]

17. I've taken that route.

If you have any questions, just ask me I'm very open about it.

[Shine]

24. Ooooohhh....husband happy. I get the picture.

that's a whole 'nother conversation....I wasn't married when I had my similar situation. I was much younger and unhappily involved with a man who I knew I'd never end up with. Things were much clearer for me, about what to do, but still not easy.

Ugh. I don't envy you.

Hmmm.....Good luck, honey.
:hug:

[Taverner]

11. Miss M...long time no talk

I wish I could send you some chinaco right now.....

[Miss Marmelstein]

18. Hey, Tav.....

how you been? If I can't have a drink can I :smoke:?

[Taverner]

37. Por su puesto, bonita ;)

Drop me a PM :)

[LaraMN]

12. Ohhh boy, have I been there!

Hugs, hugs, hugs, and another ear if you need one!!!

[Miss Marmelstein]

20. Thanks...

:hug:

[bigwillq]

14. I think it's safe to have a glass

of wine. That's what my cousin told me anyway. She's due in April and had a glass of wine on Christmas with us!

:) :hug:

[mcar]

19. This is a stressful time for you

I don't know how old you are but I had my second child when I was 38, 10 years after I had my first. He's 8 now and his brother is in college. Most of his friends' and schoolmates' mothers are 20 years younger than me (I'm in the south) so it can be a bit strange.

On the other hand, he has brought such joy to our lives. He was a rather difficult toddler, temper tantrums and all that, and can still be moody. But, I think because we are older, we are better equipped to handle him. He can also be a real sweetheart :loveya: He has also brought a lot of perspective to his brother, if you know what I mean.

27 years is a big gap; I worry about a menopause pregnancy too (with my Irish Catholic and quite prolific roots) and don't really know what I'd do about it.

You've got great support here. Good luck to you.

[Maine-ah]

21. my brother-in-law

is 12 years old. :D

[Deja Q]

22. Not happy? Why?

[Miss Marmelstein]

23. I'm not happy because I think 45 is too old to start a family.

Of course my husband is only 33 and he thinks having a family now is just fine. He also has an 11 year old son from a weekend fling and bad condom and I absolutely adore my step-son. If this had happened any time before now I would be very happy.

[Deja Q]

28. No wonder!

I'm sorry. :hug:

Have you seen your doctor?

[LisaL]

31. Some women would kill to get pregnant at 45.

Think about that.

[MountainLaurel]

33. But not her and that's what matters

:eyes:

[LisaL]

34. I am trying to cheer her up. And what is your goal, exactly?

Bring her down?

[MountainLaurel]

38. Validation

Saying it's OK to have negative feelings about a pregnancy for whatever reason because they're her feelings, the truth. Telling someone that they should just shut up and get over it does not seem to be a particularly useful or supportive.

[LisaL]

41. Did I say she should shut up and get over it? I don't think so.

[China_cat]

39. False cheer doesn't really help. Reality does.

[LisaL]

40. And the reality is, some women would kill to get pregnant at 45.

It's very difficult to get pregnant at that age. Getting pregnant at 15 is nothing, but 45-it's the whole another story. Do you have a problem with that?

[China_cat]

47. And some would rather slit their throats.

Telling someone that they should be glad they're in a situation they don't want to be in just because somebody else would like it is IRRESPONSIBLE.

And tacky.

[LisaL]

51. Nobody is stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do.

But I rather hope the OP does not slit her throat.

[Miss Marmelstein]

54. Don't worry, Lizzy, I knew what you meant.

:pals:

[China_cat]

44. Before you go too far

see if you can get one of those empathy bellies for your husband to wear for about a week. They simulate the extra weight, throw off the center of gravity, press on the bladder and kidneys and do a very good job of helping a man see what a pregnancy is all about.

Then borrow a newborn for 2 days...that's about all it'll take. He needs to know just what YOU and then both of you are in for before he gets all puffed up about not shooting blanks.

[ikojo]

57. In most American families...the woman is the one who

gets up in the middle of the night, it is the woman who feeds and cares for the baby. When she wants to go out with friends the father "babysits" but he still has free time for his friends and activities.

[brook]

25. I'm sorry.

It must be quite a shock. Take your time to sort your feelings out -the pros & cons regarding your physical and mental health, economics- the whole thing. Talk with trusted friends, relatives or counselors maybe. Then do what's right for you.

However it goes, I wish you the very best. :hug:

Let us know how we can help...there are many women here who understand.

[Miss Marmelstein]

29. Thanks

:hug:

I think the biggest problem is going to be the changes in our lifestyle. We live a very hedonistic life and I'm not sure I want to give it up. I'm selfish! :eyes:

[politicat]

58. You're not being selfish.

It's okay to look at your life and realize that a child doesn't fit well here, or that the change to accomodate an unplanned child would bring resentment to the child.

If anything, you're being generous - when we can realize our limitations and accept that we cannot be all things to all people and take on all things, then we can focus and provide that which we are truly capable of providing to the world and our loved ones.

[SoCalDem]

59. Don't worry too much.. ONE child at your age, can be wonderful

Babies are very portable, and it's not long until they can walk on their own.. Having all their STUFF can be a drag, but at your age, you will be a more patient Mom (most likely) than when you were in your 20s...and most likely you will have plenty of people lining up to help you out..

Once you are sure the baby is (and you are) fine, you can just revel in the possibly once in a lifetime experience you will be having..

Kids are a trial, but don;t underestimate yourself.. Al the hedonistic things you do now, can still be done ...just in a bit more moderation :hug:

[Miss Marmelstein]

60. Thank you....

that was a very thoughtful post. :pals:

[BlueIris]

26. Best of luck. I'm having good thoughts for you.

We're here for you.

[LisaL]

30. Drinking is not a good idea for pregnant ladies.

:hi:

[Miss Marmelstein]

32. So I keep hearing....aargh!

:hi:

[RebelOne]

43. Go ahead and have a stiff drink just for tonight.

I don't think there will be any effect on the baby. You need to relieve your stress. Actually, if I were to become pregnant at 45, I would be totally traumatized. I am well past that age now, but I did have a scare when I was 44. But found that I was only going through the menopause.

[Miss Marmelstein]

48. Menapause....That's what I thought too.

Boy was I wrong. So I should say I'm more shocked than unhappy. Seeing the look on my husbands face was priceless. Of course all he has to do is pass out cigars.

[LisaL]

55. It really sounds like you just need a little time to get used to an

idea.
:pals:

[LisaL]

56. There are other ways to relive stress.

[tigereye]

50. I suspect one drink wouldn't hurt

my husband and I joke about what it would be like to have another kid ( we are in our mid late 40s). We started late and had our son when I was 38. It's been fun, but it is a big change.

Late pregnancies run in my family - my GM had her last when she was 48!

I wish you well whatever you decide.

[CatholicEdHead]

35. Actually,it is fine for the ladies

just not the kid inside.

[LisaL]

36. Eventually, the kid might want to come out.

And then it won't be fine for the ladies.

[bigwillq]

42. I heard it's safe

to have a glass of wine once in awhile when pregnant? Any truth to that?? :shrug:

[LisaL]

45. Just don't do it.

It's not safe to drink while pregnant, even light drinking is no good.
http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/681_1170.asp

[China_cat]

46. No, none at all.

Even 2 drinks during a pregnancy can end up causing FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and it's just a crap shoot as to whether you'll be the one it doesn't happen to. Better to be safe and not take chances if you are planning to give birth.

[ScreamingMeemie]

49. You are going to be OK....

Just keep repeating that mantra as you make decisions, ponder the future etal. In the words of Gilda Radner,"It's always something." Take care. :hug:

[Miss Marmelstein]

53. Thanks Mrs. G...

:loveya:

[Maggie_May]

52. I feel for you

My to were 11 and 12 when I found out I was pregnant again. There was a lot of tears. You will get though this one.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

61. Sweetie...

You need to sit down with your husband and your obgyn and talk about this.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't be happy. I'm just saying you and your husband both need to take all things into consideration. I was thrilled to be pregnant at age 39. I doubt if I'd have felt the same way when I was 45; and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't now at 47.

Remember, it's your body. :hug:

[Miss Marmelstein]

62. Believe me....

I have talked ad-nauseum to my hubby. I told him either he hires a nanny or he gets up at nite to feed and change the baby. I'll do my part and carry the child and give birth...after that he's in charge!
He agreed....he's hiring a nanny. :7

[rbnyc]

63. Wow.

Take it one day at a time. And you still have choices.

I'll be thinking of you.

[miss_american_pie]

64. Ah, good luck

best wishes? I'm not sure exactly what's appropriate.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.