Why do I still get e-mail petitions about Bonsai kittens?

[antigone382]

I've already ranted about this on another website, but it just didn't assuage my rage, so I'm going to do it here.

And I'm not talking about petitions that say the website itself is stupid, in bad taste, and potentially harmful for the ideas it gives people. I can understand that sentiment, even though signing some forwarded petition is going to do exactly jack to stop it. No, I'm talking about people--friends of mine who I WOULD like to consider intelligent--who genuinely believe that there's some guy in New York shoving cats into glass jars...and that any cat could actually survive such treatment for any length of time, much less all the way to adulthood.

THEY AREN'T FRICKIN REAL PEOPLE!!!

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

While we're at it: Jamie Bolger's killers got out of prison five years ago (do the math: he was killed in 1993, and that forward says they were getting out of prison after eight years...1993 + 8 = 2001), and a petition signed by a bunch of American high school kids and sent to the Queen of England or who-the-hell-ever isn't going to do anything about it anyway. There are no poisonous spiders from South America hiding underneath your toilet seat. Very few women actually need an e-mail that has been forwarded five hundred billion times to tell them that following strange men into empty parking lots to participate in a pizza taste test is not a great idea. That warm-n-fuzzy message from George Carlin? He wouldn't wipe his ass with it. And that guy who supposedly had his dead wife preserved and put in a glass box in his living room? Do I really even need to insult your intelligence enough to tell you that it's a hoax?

Snopes, people, Snopes! Use it...then I won't have to point out what a gullible idiot you are for believing this stupid crap. Now I'm going outside to do some yard work before I have an aneurysm.

:rant:

Oh, and umm...this isn't directed at any DUers...just people that I know.

[EstimatedProphet]

1. People still fall for that?

Sell em a bridge or something...

[Capn Sunshine]

4. Wait, I just finished this online technique manual.....sounds fun!

There are three main requirements that must be considered when making a Bonsai Kitten:

1 Air. This ought to go without saying, but you'd be surprised how many amateurs forget this detail and wind up with a cold, hard kitty in the morning! If the containment vessel is sealed, you must drill airholes prior to kitten insertion. A diamond drill is recommended for glass vessels.
2 Food & Water. Especially if the kitten's head is being shaped (one of the most versatile aspects of the Bonsai Kitten), it will not be able to eat or drink normally. The most common solution is another hole in the container with a feeding tube to the kitten's mouth, where a liquid food slurry can provide both nutrient and hydration requirements.
3 Waste Removal. Left to its own devices, the kitten would quickly fill its vessel with its own urine and feces, leading to certain sickness and death, not to mention the inevitably unpleasant appearance and odor. The best solution is to seal the kitten's anus with Super Glue prior to insertion, and then insert a waste tube through a third hole in the vessel. As the kitten's body is still developing, a natural rectal diverticulum will soon form around the tube, which can be drained in any convenient fashion. It's just like a kitty colostomy bag!

[antigone382]

7. You know, if you replaced the word "kitten"

with the phrase "prominant Republican asswipe," I might just consider experimenting with this myself.

[antigone382]

6. Better yet...

I'll scare them into believing that I'll have them thrown in jail for breaking that new law about annoying internet communications unless they each pay me an unnegotiable amount of "hush" money.

They should fall for that.

[Loonman]

2. You can't outlaw stupidity

The prisons aren't large enough for the entire Republican party.

[antigone382]

9. No, but I can certainly voice my philosophical opposition to it.

Lewis Black is SO stealing my act.

:mad:

[kick-ass-bob]

3. It's not real????

uh oh.....



:P

[petronius]

5. WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE PUTS CATS IN GLASS JARS!!!111!!1

That really pisses me off!!!111 I'd like to shove him in a glass jar and see how he likes it!!!!! :nuke:


(Was there anything else in your post? 'Cause I didn't really read all of it - it was kind of long.)

:)

[AngryAmish]

8. Becaause they are so delicous

Order some.