Supermarket tabloid said there were 10 new commandments

[undeterred]

but the line moved too fast for me to read it. (I was busy reading how Jen found out that Angelina was pregnant with Brad's baby- from one of Brad's relatives, since Brad is missing a "sensitivity" chip.)

Does anyone know what the new 10 commandments are?

[Fenris]

1. I. Thou shalt not have any other Gods before me.

Or behind me for that matter. That makes me uncomfortable. Also, thou shalt not worship raven images. Sorry about that whole "graven" thing. That was a misprint. Last time I get Anglicans to translate for me.

II. Thous shalt not take the name of Brangelina in vain. Screw you, the LORD thinks they're a cute couple. Their both going to Hell, but we need not slander them on earth.

III. Remember Black Sabbath, and keep them holy. The LORD enjoys Tony Iommi's guitar work.

IV. Thou shalt honor thy father and mother, unless they happen to also be your agent, bilk you out of money, and then embarrass you by getting arrested.

V. Thou shalt not kill. Without good reason.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Again, without good reason.

VII. Thou shalt not steal, but by all means, avoid paying taxes and continue to use government services.

VIII. Thou shalt not witness false bears. Real or nothing.

IX. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, iPod, or Mini Cooper.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, unless she is smoking hot.

The word of the LORD.

[Redstone]

3. Oh, my, that was damn funny. Better than mine by a bunch.

Redstone

[undeterred]

4. I take it VI. the opportunity to sleep with either Brad or Angelina is

good reason.

[Redstone]

2. 1) Thou shalt leave me alone when I desire to be left so.

2) Thou shalt keep thy fucking knees out of the back of my seat in the cinema.

3) Thou shalt hang up the goddamn phone and pay attention to your driving.

4) Especially when I'm sitting behind you at a green light that you don't notice because thou art yacking on the goddamned phone.

5) Thou shalt use thy turn signal.

6) Why thinkest thou that I can read thy fucking mind? It is the stalk on the left side of your Wheel of Steering. Use it.

7) Thou shalt not swear in in public, unless in a bar. Kissest thou thy mother with that mouth?

8) When I park eight hundred cubits away from the store, in the empty part of the parking lot, park not thy piece of shit beater next to the chariot which is mine. Thinkest thou that my chariot is in need of company?

9) Transgress this not; for should I discover door-dings upon my chariot resulting from your parkage nigh thereunto, flattened shall be two tires of your beater, and woe betide you if you have not the AAA.

10) Expound not within my hearing Wingage of the Right, nor "Thus saith the Rush," nor the prattlings of a dunderheaded yuppie snot upon whom is accoutered the Tie of Bow. (For, verily, there is not ONE on the Earth who sports the Tie of Bow who is not a putz.)

Great woes and pestilences shall particularly descend upon those who would disturb my ritual at the altar of the Enchilada and Cerveza, yea, verily, the Lunch upon the day that is known as Thursday. Speak not to me the Wingage of the Right, lest ye be cast out upon the howling desert of the Lot of Parking, never to re-enter the Shrine of the Tostada ever more. Remember ye that he who owneth the Shrine is a friend of mine.

I have spoken.

Redstone

[undeterred]

5. ...

Speak not to me the Wingage of the Right, lest ye be cast out upon the howling desert of the Lot of Parking, never to re-enter the Shrine of the Tostada ever more. :rofl:

[Redstone]

6. You like that one, eh? There's also the Lost Eleventh Commandment:

11) Keep to thine ownself thy hands, and violate not my Space that is known as Personal. Were I desirous of huggage, slappage of the Back, or the ritual known to the Foolish Ones as the Manly Chuck upon the Biceps, thou wouldst be the First to Know.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

7. Thou Shalt Not Read Supermarket Tabloids

[Redstone]

8. That's one. Nine more to go.

Whattaya got?

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

9. Whatta I got?

Less creativity and humor than you, my friend.

;)

I'll see what I can come up with.

[Redstone]

10. I know you can do it. Don't sell yourself short, kiddo.

You have as much creativity and humor as anyone. I know that, because I've been reading your posts. And anyone else who's read them would feel the same.

Redstone

[cynatnite]

11. Yeah, here's mine:

1. Thou shalt do what I say, when I say and don't back-talk
2. Thou shalt clean up your damn room...I'm not your maid
3. Thou shalt compensate all driving I do in your stead
4. Thou shalt complete all homework and chores before walketh outeth the dooreth
5. Thou shalt telleth me where thy goeth at all times
6. Thou shalt be home by curfew or suffer thy wrath
7. Thou shalt not dateth until thy is sixteen...and I don't care that everyone else started dating at age 12
8. Thou shalt keepeth away until West Wing is over
9. Thou shalt not get a cell phone until thy has a job
10. When thou turns 18 we are no longer legally obligated to feed, clothe or house thy...remember that the next time thy pushes his/her luck.

My own ten commandments because my kids have been driving me up the freaking wall since 7am.

[undeterred]

12. 11. Thou shalt not giveth thy car keys to one thou hast given birth to.

[Redstone]

13. Mom? Is that you?

Redstone

(Good post. I've said many of those to my kids myself.)

[NMMNG]

14. Here you go

There is an article about it in the Telegraph. Apparently there is going to be a television show on it, although I'm not sure if they're going to show it over here in the states.