What's your least favorite corporate jargonism?

[Orrex]

Mine is probably "it is what it is."

When I hear that, I want to say "No, that's the last thing it is."

[DS1]

1. It is what it is - it's the 'polite' way of saying take it or leave it

which is a 'polite' way of saying tough shit.

[1gobluedem]

2. Grow

As in 'growing' a business or 'growing' a market share. Fingernails on the blackboard to me.

[Oeditpus Rex]

24. Thank you

That one irritates me as well. It's grammatically fucked.

When I hear "Grow your business," I want to respond, "Bounce your boobies."

:evilgrin:

[spindrifter]

31. I get the same reaction

to that phrase! I have never been able to stand it.

[Ohio Joe]

3. well... because it's always been done that way

I hear it on an almost daily basis and it drives me nuts.

[djeseru]

4. "Think outside the box."

I wasn't thinking of boxes in the first place.

[Orrex]

17. Another good one!

What in invariably means is "think outside of your box and think inside of my box instead."

[redwitch]

43. That's my least favorite too!

The whole let's do lunch, or let's take a meeting is awful too.

"How about never? Is never good for you?"

[Deja Q]

80. Which is bollocks, because they only want cheap'n'dirty...

And that's as far inside the box as anyone can get.

[Sugar Smack]

5. Any sort of "Bottom Line"

I get absolute HIVES when I hear that. :grr: :nuke:

[Hugin]

6. "Peer-to-Peer"

Hate it.

[barb162]

7. Rightsizing

and many others, but just thinking of them DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!

[GOPisEvil]

8. Ugh...proactive.

[Orrex]

15. Excellent choice!

I've hated "proactive" since the first time I heard it and every time since. But lately "it is what it is" has been particulary getting on my nerves.

[rbnyc]

65. One of the first thingsI did when I at my current job...

...was to change the word proactive to active in all of our boiler-plates and standard letters and communications. I told everyone, proactive is not a real word. One is either active or one isn't. Active is active.

No one argued with me. I think it was the smoke coming out of my ears.

[lpbk2713]

9. Empowered

They tell you that you are "empowered" to think on your own and make your own decisions.


Next thing you know, they want your head on a platter because you did.

[Crazy Dave]

10. "You didn't get my email?"

When someone screws-up or drops the ball on a deadline and tries to cover their ass by passing off the blame.
They typically never sent the damn thing or called in the first place.

[weeble_wobble]

11. Customer Delight

I had bosses that used that over and over with a straight face.

Always made me hungry for ice cream, for some reason :)

[Orrex]

18. Sounds vaguely pornographic to me

I honestly heard it for the first time just yesterday, and I couldn't believe that the speaker said it with a straight face.

[raccoon]

25. Same here, makes me think of a brothel. nt

[redwitch]

44. Sounds like something on a Chinese restaurant menu to me

Customer Delight- made with succulent customers :P

[underpants]

12. Google "Bullshit Bingo"

[khashka]

13. Proactive

If I hear that word one more time..... someone's getting hurt. Badly.

Khash.

[ComerPerro]

70. I hate that word as well.

[elehhhhna]

14. blah blah blah is "key".

[jpgray]

16. "Get on the same page" and "touch base"

Heard those sixty billion times when I did contract web design work. My bosses used them both -in the same sentence- once, for fuck's sake.

[lpbk2713]

20. Reminds me of a supervisor I once had.

Was forever saying "per se, quote, unquote" in the same sentence.

[jpgray]

22. "In terms of..." is another one

In terms of linguistic time-buyers, this is often completely superfluous and used where "um" would normally go.

[evlbstrd]

19. "At the end of the day..."

And has anyone else heard "give visibility to you"?

[azmouse]

21. Talk the talk, walk the walk.

:argh:

[Oeditpus Rex]

23. 'Work smarter, not harder'

You'll find that next to "We send men to war with the equipment they have, not the equipment they wish they had." :eyes:

I swear, there's a series of seminars where the suits go to learn all this crap.

[Orrex]

26. For many people, they're one and the same! (nt)

[ComerPerro]

71. Ugh. I might have to punch someone if I heard them say that

[1gobluedem]

27. Also stores that call their customers 'guests.'

I hate that. When I have guests I don't make them pay or wait in line.

[Bill McBlueState]

28. and that call their employees "associates"

"Associates" is saying, "You just happen to have a business relationship with us. We're not in any sense responsible for your well-being."

[elshiva]

39. Like at Wal Mart.

[jmowreader]

45. Bad "Associate" War Story Follows

A few years back, I had the opportunity to work at the "Home Depot Experience" display at the Winston Cup race at Rockingham.

Every company that had a car in the race that day had a trailer set up outside the track. It was all PR for the company. The Home Depot Experience featured little games where you had to yell out the answer to a multiple-choice question, and if you got enough right you got some sort of a prize. A wrench or something. Fuck, I don't remember what the prizes were. Who cares.

One of the questions was "What are people who work at Home Depot called?"

A) Employees
B) Associates
C) Hey You

The answer is B, but all the Home Depot associates were standing around yelling "C! C!"

[crispini]

46. I HATE THAT. "Associates" is THE WORST.

I FUCKING DON'T WORK AT WAL-MART, YOU ASSHATS! :mad:

[Orrex]

30. You're missing an opportunity to grow your revenue stream

Next time your in-laws stop by for dinner, charge them a cover with a two-drink minimum.

[1gobluedem]

34. Now there's an idea...

With the way my family can drink I'll get rich in no time.

[Bill McBlueState]

29. paradigm

In the last millenium, there have been enough real paradigm shifts to count on one hand. Lumbergh's latest plan to save a couple bucks on photocopies is not a paradigm shift.

[Lisa]

40. Right on, Bill!

We're talking about returning phone calls on time (or something like that), not the theory of relativity!

[spacelady]

56. That's the one I was thinking! So true! n/t

[ProfessorGAC]

72. In The Last Century Anyway!

More than few in the millenium, i would think, but i get your point.

But, remember that the dictionary definition of paradigm does not imply scope. So a paradigm shift can be something as simple as a personal epiphany.

But, like i said, i understand your point.

I always think of the line in the Simpsons' episode when they introduced Poochie: "Aren't aradigm, and proactive, and out of the box are just things stupid people say to sound smart? I'm fired, aren't i?"
The Professor

[Left Is Write]

32. "Contact Joe Blow or myself."

That (and other similar misuses of "myself") bugs the living daylights out of me. It sounds pretentious and idiotic. It's ME, not myself!

I also don't like utilize. I just don't. I prefer use.

[hiaasenrocks]

61. I hate that one, too.

It's an improper use of a pronoun, and it really gets on my nerves. The only time you should use "myself" (or yourself, himself, etc.) is when you're referring to the subject of the sentence. It's called a "reflexive pronoun."

And, no, I am not an English teacher. :)

And you're right, aside from being incorrect, it sounds pretentious. I think it's just a case of people trying to sound more intelligent, when all they're doing is making themselves sound stupid to those of us who know they're wrong.

[spindrifter]

33. Sea change got to

be big around here. I don't get it, for one thing. Like what field of endeavor does that come from? Fishing? Weather? Geography?

[Orrex]

35. It appears in Shakespeare, believe it or not

But that doesn't give every middle manager license to roll it out every time someone decides to go with the taupe report covers instead of beige.

It's on par with "paradigm shift," which (as was rightly noted elsewhere) occurs a few times per millennium.

[spindrifter]

47. Thanks--do you know which play or sonnet?

Legislators love the term!

[Orrex]

73. The Tempest, Act I, Scene 2

Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell.

Sing it, Ariel!


Here's a concordance that I've found very helpful. It's not bug-free, but it's more than serviceable.

[Patiod]

75. I actually had a boss tell me to change that in a report

Not because it was inappropriate ("we're facing a sea change in thinking about the treatment of diabetes") but because she said the client wouldn't understand what it meant.

I told her it was from Shakespeare, but no dice.

Wasn't aware that it has become hacknyed now!!

[Orrex]

76. It's a weird phrase, to be sure

Divorced from clear context, it seems to make no sense at all. It's lately been added to the corporate buzzword lexicon, and I'm pretty sure that even our esteemed Secretary of Defense has uttered it in a press conference or two.

If that doesn't inspire you to stop using it, I don't know what will!

[HillDem]

36. "touch base"

WTF does that even mean? I hear it every friggin day.

[swag]

52. Yes, that's terrible.

Horribly beyond sports metaphor, at this point.

[Lisa]

37. "Brand You"

When I think of "brands" in the context of people, I always imagine a red-hot iron. Which is basically what they're hoping to accomplish -- a brand is NOT synonymous with freedom and individuality -- it is conforming to their business plan.

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

38. words the corporate world

can shove up their a$$es to never been heard again, because I'm sick of f'cking hearing them try to make themselves sound intelligent with these interchangeable words!

Solutions
Empowerment
knowledgeable
Foundation
Source
Achieve
Asset
Expertise

[KitchenWitch]

41. "think outside the box"

Makes me want to stand and yell BULLSHIT!

[swag]

54. Yes.

The worst bullshit.

[fudge stripe cookays]

42. TEAM

I am so fucking SICK of that word.

The last place I worked, I was on a "team", and by the time I left, pretty much everybody hated each other. It was the most bullshit word. We weren't a team-- everyone went in others' offices to bitch about slights and annoyances, and other crap. There were all these little mini alliances, and there was nothing uniting about it.

The whole hierarchy/pecking order thing was going to keep me at the bottom of the pile until I quit or got fired. I was ECSTATIC when they laid me off.

I'm interviewing now for a job where I'd be the lone writer, and nothing has ever sounded so satisfying in my LIFE.

[spindrifter]

49. I got booted from one

job because I refused to implement teams. I knew what was going to happen--b*tching because X got stuck with Y and Z, the shirkers. B*tching because the A team got all the good stuff. B*tching because no one would ever make time to meet. In fact, No one has ever been successful with teams in our office because in reality they are like a caste system and we worker-bees like to see ourselves as "equals."

[fudge stripe cookays]

50. Bingo.

Very sharp.

And good going for not doing it.

Unfortunately, mine was like that when I got there. I did it for 7 years, but during the downturn, all my favorite people got let go. Except for one guy I'm still friends with, I don't care squat about the rest of them.

[spacelady]

57. Anyone in charge of anything who is named Todd.

No offense to cool Todds, it's a personal thing.


I also meant to reply to the op but hope FSC understands.

[fudge stripe cookays]

58. Except for Odd Todd

He's OK.

www.oddtodd.com

[spacelady]

59. Thank you, that is a Todd who is worthy. I will be exploring him further.

[fudge stripe cookays]

66. Start here...

http://www.oddtodd.com/index2.html

Don't forget to turn on your speakers.
:hi:
fsc

[GalleryGod]

68. Hi, FSC! Had a friend who worked in a "SQUAD" fer chrissakes!

Friggin' Boyscouts or an engineering firm ?

[swag]

48. "skill set"

Oh no. This loathsome term has infested academia.

http://www.cs.umd.edu/class/sum2003/cmsc311/Skill/

If you go get a job, an employer will often be interested in your skill set. A skill set is simply your set of skills. We can use this idea of a skill set in class as well. As a student, your job is to learn concepts as well as develop a skill set.
Unfortunately, as a student, identifying the skill set you need in a class can be difficult. As you're listening to one lecture after the next, you might be swamped with the amount of information being provided, and it becomes important to know what you need to know.

By clearly identifying the skill set you need for a class, you can begin to make progress to achieving these skills.

Why do I care about skill sets? It's a myth to believe that teaching is all about the teacher conveying information to the student, and the students take that information and masters it as best they can. If the teacher can get the student to do more, and to achieve more, than that is a win for the student.

You see this happen in athletics. Coach Friedgen and Coach Williams (the coaches of the football and basketball team, respectively) and any coach for that matter are teachers. They teach the game, they teach attitude, they teach mindset. However, they also keep their eyes on their players, and see how well they are learning the skills that they are being taught. The players have an incentive to do well because they can earn big bucks at the next level.

[spindrifter]

51. Don't forget about tool box.

I have to laugh at some of the people who use that one--they wouldn't know a Phillips head from a wingnut.

[fudge stripe cookays]

"Basically...."

GOD I fucking hate this word.

I think every engineer I had used it liberally sprinkled in their sentences. One guy used it about every 4 words.

It's just a buzz word to make themselves sound more intelligent.

[no name no slogan]

53. "Action Item" or "Takeaway"

"Action Item" is just another term for "more inane bullshit I have to do because none of you fuckers is doing yr goddamn job".

"Takeaway" is another name for the several pages of notes I scribbled on your handout of your inane PowerPoint presentation about how fucked up everything is and how we've failed to fix it.

SPECIAL BONUS! ELECTRONIC AGE OFFICE PET PEEVE!
* Assholes who forward department-wide emails to me with "FYI" attached to them (hey dipshit, if I'm on the original distribution list for the email, I've probably seen this fucker ONCE already!).

[u4ic]

55. 110%

WHO does their accounting? :wtf:

[hiaasenrocks]

60. "Time sensitive"

Just say what you mean: "Hurry the hell up."

[LynzM]

62. "Move forward" and "action items"

Grrrrrr to both. I hate "move forward with this initiative," etc. Gah.

[fudge stripe cookays]

67. Gah. Me too.

We had our huge layoff in Jan 2002 (our department was decimated-- they took over half our staff. All my best friends, including my manager, were GONE.)

After that, we had to sit through this fucking meeting where the NEW head guy kept talking about "moving forward" and "moving on" from this. The entire technical writing department is sitting there with red, puffy-rimmed eyes from crying all morning, and all I could think was "Please God, just let him drop dead on the spot."

I don't think I have ever looked with anyone with more of an "eat shit" look in my life. For an hour and a half. He knew we hated him.

He didn't last long either. Jerk.

[DarienComp]

63. cost-effective!!

RRGGRHGHRH.

[RandomKoolzip]

64. "Carrot and Sticking," "Blue skying," "Greenlighting...."

"Thinking outside the box" (What box?! I don't see any fucking box.) "Putting it on the fast track," etc.

I'd rather choke on my grandfather's cock than use any of these expressions. And he's dead!

[ProfessorGAC]

69. Huh?

I don't get it. No matter how big a dumbass the person is who's saying it, it's at least true. They may not know the first thing about that which they're speaking, but that phrase would be the last of their problems.

Simply put: Everything is what it is. It's a tautology.
The Professor

[WeRQ4U]

74. "Team Building" or "Role Playing"

We had to do them for a menial, bullshit job I had in college. I hate both of them.

[Bluesplayer]

77. Process

'nuf said.

[ccjlld]

78. Taking Ownership

I hate being told to "Take Ownership" of something!

Also hate "Mission Statement" and "White Paper"

My bosses favorites are "think outside the box" and "be proactive"

However, that's just until he takes his next management seminar, after which he will come back here and try to force on us every crazy idea he's heard at the seminar.

[sbj405]

79. It's time for bullshit bingo

http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/