I think it's time to come out at work

[soleft]

I am so fucking pissed off about this whole gay marriage thing.

I'm pretty well liked at work.

If people at work ask me how my thanksgiving was - and I say, it was great, I went to my girlfriends, we made a turkey....instead of, oh, it was fine, thank you - and omitting my essentially my LIFE from every converstation.

If I move the picture of her on my desk from an obscure corner to front and center....

Then maybe the people who like and know me will have to stop and use their freaking minds the next time someone asks them, what do you think of gay marriage.

And the people who stop liking me and don't want to know me -

I'm done trying to skirt around issues and questions to make them feel comfortable. Fuck them, it's almost 2004, it's time to grow up.

[Fixated]

1. If you're ready, go for it

Don't let them dictate what you do.

[soleft]

2. Thank you

[ulysses]

3. gets my vote, fwiw.

:thumbsup: Let us know how it goes.

[soleft]

4. fwiw?

[ulysses]

5. for what it's worth.

[soleft]

6. it's worth a lot, thanks!

[ulysses]

9. no problemo!

If anyone gives you any grief, have Skittles kick their ass. :D

[GOPFighter]

7. Go for it!

The GOP is going to hammer us on this issue and the more the voters realize that gays and lesbians are normal, likeable, responsible people they work with every day the greater chance we have of making this a non-issue and get the voters to concentrate on the harm Bush is doingf to our country.

BEST OF LUCK and I hope you find a lot of support among your co-workers.

:grouphug:

GOPFighter

[soleft]

10. Not a big announcement, I'm just going to answer questions

like normal people do.

What'd you do on your birthday? My girlfriend took me to a play.

Stuff like that.

I'm sure it's going to be no big surprise to some.

I think my bosses boss is actually a log cabin republican.

But thanks for your support!

[curse10]

8. I hope you do it and it goes well

:-)

[soleft]

11. I hope i don't chicken out, thanks

I'm out with friends, out with family, it's the last frontier.

[ikojo]

16. I think coming out at work must be more difficult

than coming out to family. Unless one is a teenager one is not dependent upon one's family to put a roof over your head or food in your stomach or to pay your bills.

I know a guy who once attended a conservative Jewish congregation. All the Jewish mothers there loved him. They always tried to set him up with their unmarried daughters. He resisted for a long time. He got tired of the charade and told them he was gay.

They were no longer friendly toward him and he stopped attending services at that congregation. Sad because he is deeply religious.

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. Go for it soleft.

It's your life, you deserve to be happy...and on equal footing with the rest of the world. I also think it may do a world of good for those people who already like you...

Hugs, Laura

[soleft]

13. Hugs back at ya!

And we have similar names too!

Lori

[Kanary]

14. If you have the strength and the support, go for it!

Honesty helps a lot with those feelings of anger. ^_^

Hope to hear an update with how it goes.

Good luck!

Kanary

[salin]

15. If it feels like it is time...

then it probably is. May it go so smoothly that folks respond as casually as you do in response to the 'holiday questions'. Or... if not 'casual' responses... the more excited nosey responses (as in... so you are seeing someone... tell me about her.... ) :D

Go with your gut, soleft, it generally leads us in the right direction.

[soleft]

18. Thanks

I believe in that guy thing too.

[nostamj]

17. i've been "out" at work for more than 20 years now

different places but... never thought about it.

never came off like an activist but never changed a pronoun.

if you got to know me, you knew. if you didn't, you probably figured.

it is something that (thankfully) I haven't had to think about.

as long as it makes you more comfortable, more empowered...

go for it!

and early present to yourself.

[soleft]

19. I've always been very open about a lot of things at work

I sufferred from major depression in the mid 90's and went on disability for 3 months. When I came back I was very open because I figured if I talked about, other people might feel like they could talk about it too.

And I did have a coworker come up to me and ask me about antidepressants because her father was depressed.

I think our receptionists son has aids, but she never talks about it. Maybe she might feel comfortable talking to me about it, and maybe that will help her feel better.

[radfringe]

20. most of the people at my workplace

know I'm gay, ditto for my partner's workplace

I look at it this way - if anyone has a problem with it then it's their problem not mine, the fact that I'm gay doesn't bother me at all

[GOPisEvil]

21. Good luck!

It wouldn't matter to me, but I hope you work with open-mided people. :-)

[matcom]

22. GO FOR IT!!

i LOVE it when people get the courage to take a big social step like this.

my HR director recently did this (after the announcement here in MA regarding Gay Marriage).

i gave her a HUGE HUG and congratulated her (much to the chagrin of TWO of my coworkers). she cried she was so happy and i cried because i was so happy FOR her.

good luck and let us know how it works out will ya?

:loveya:

[Aristus]

23. Go for it, soleft.

Good luck, and here's a hug for encouragement:

(((((soleft)))))

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. At one time I had as many as 200 employees

far fewer now but I have always been out. There's never been any problem. When I was in a relationship, she came to all company events and was treated well (especially by the men since she was gorgeous).

A few people had issues but they mostly gossiped about them rather than brought them to me and anyone they gossiped to usually clocked them for it.

We had a ballot proposition in California (which passed by a large margin sadly) and a few that were squirmy about gay relationships asked me what they should do and some even told me they were voting against it out of respect for me.

In all the years there has only ever been one negative incident and even that got resolved.

[Snow]

25. Go read Plaid Adder's site about how to react to your gay

friends' coming out, for the courteous straght person. Tack it up on your door, maybe ;-)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Good luck Soleft!

I hope you find acceptance and support across the board.
I hope your openness turns out to be a pleasant revelation for those who ordinarily scorn anyone who isn't straight.

And if it doesn't? Well...No Guinness for THOSE assholes! :toast:

[FloridaJudy]

27. Big Hug

:thumbsup:

Bully for you. I wish I had your courage!

I'm still in the closet. Oh, I'm heterosexual (big fat hairy deal) but I'm also -- uhhh -- shall we say "differently religioned"? Those co-workers I like and respect know perfectly well that I'm a Witch (that honking great pentagram on top of my computer is sort of a hint), but frankly I'm not yet ready to come out to the rest.

These are people whose attitudes fossilized before 1650 or so, and are incapable of regarding anyone besides white, Christian heterosexuals as full-fledged human beings. I neither want nor need their approval, but I still need their co-operation to do my job.

Several GLBT folks have come out at work. I admire their courage. I've also heard the nastiness that sometimes gets spewed out when their backs are turned. I also take pride in pointing out "you know that the discrimination you're suggesting is illegal, don't you?"

Alas, I live in Florida, home to Jeb (I'm even more reactionary than my father and brother, but smarter) Bush. If Jeb has his way, both of us will find our butts in the Unemployment Line.:thumbsdown:

[BlackVelvetElvis]

31. I lived in Fla from 84-91

Most of my friends there were pagan or WICCAN. Amazing, generous, thoughtful people.
They were like a rock to me!
Anyway, It's so liberating when everyone at work knows the situation. Until we get protection, it's tough to know if you should come out. I say, if your heart tells you to do it, DO IT. Your soul knows when it's the right thing to do. Hiding in the closet eats away at your soul. We don't need that. We all should be happy!

[Skittles]

28. tell them

it is much harder for people to keep up their silly misconceptions and stereotypes of gay people when they actually KNOW some gay people.

[Bill of Rights]

29. It's tough to come out at work

especially if you've been there awhile. I am very friendly with the receptionist, and have done the little "lies of omission" with her. Now I wish I would have just said something right away instead of holding back. Now if everything comes out, she will think I was a liar..which I was.

In other jobs I have come out the first day. I got this job after being unemployed for more than a year. I was afraid of screwing it up. Nevertheless, my son starting having problems at work and I had to leave early to tend to him a couple of times. Then I was afraid my supervior would be angry about my leaving so I reassured her that I wouldn't be the only one since I have a partner who is sharing duties with me. So, I came out to my supervisor and anyone who comes by my cubicle can hear me talking about Alisa and our kids. But the receptionist, she is clueless. She's also a religious repug. Despite her views I like her, and we've shared food treats.

What a headache.

[Booberdawg]

30. Well, it's really her problem, isn't it?

I understand your feeling about the "lies of omission", but it's really not your reponsibility to take on her feelings and attitudes for her.

She's going to find out eventually. I guess it boils down to, do you want her to find out sooner or later, and would you rather she find out from you or does it matter how she finds out.

[Lexingtonian]

32. Definitely do some checking out

of what people already think.

Some may well have pieced it all together already.

[Booberdawg]

33. Go for it.

There is no good reason why you should deny a part of yourself and skirt around issues and questions to make other people feel more comfortable.

People have a harder time being biased and ridiculous when it's personal or they are face to face with someone. At the very least they have to think twice about what they think and say.

[bearfan454]

34. You should do it.

My son came out to me and I am hetero. He told my exwife for a long time he didn't want his Dad to know. When we finally talked about it I told him I already knew for years. He told me he loved me for accepting it. It's my son. I love him.

[REP]

35. I'm Of Two Minds

My first reaction is "it's nobody's fucking business!" and then I realize not everyone works in a snakepit.

My second, and stronger, reaction is "why the hell not! To hell with hiding!"

I guess I have one final reaction, and that is that it is a shame that anyone has to even give these things a second thought these days.

Best wishes!