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>A Hello Before Life Slumbers >> >> I felt I wanted to write a letter to you >> Before I turn the light-switch off on this silly old Tuesday >> Rest my limbs inside warm arms cotton and thread. And >> deathly white pillows help to cushion my head. >> >> Today I showed bravery and fearlessness that you would not usually find in a living breathing human >> Made of real molecules and atoms, not the fake atoms that are written of in every novel and tome. >> Yes, I reached my hand deep into the dark cavernous seldom-disturbed cupboard >> And when I was done, the ominous cupboard was no longer ominous, or revered, or feared at all >> Because I had taken away all of its power when it was not looking, >> When it had let down its guard and taken a nap or a coffee break or anything usual >> That is when my real molecule fingers snuck themselves in and >> Made the cupboard void of its chocolate products. >> >> Firstly came the thin package that appeared to be absolutely and wholely and completely and wonderfully >> Nothing. >> Then came the realisation that the package did in fact contain >> Mori-Nu Silken Tofu Chocolate Pudding Powder. ("100% Vegan".) >> Wonderful. >> I threw my hands in the air figuratively >> Because I was too lazy to do so realitively, and >> I threw tofu into the blender with water and with the pudding powder, and made that for myself. >> While it was blending, I continued my search through the cupboard. >> (Poor cupboard, it was rather immasculated today by me.) >> That is when I found what would ultimately bring down the short-lived reign >> Of my once-mighty Tofu Pudding King. It was >> A package of vegan fat-free brownie mix. >> I stuffed my blender of forlorn pudding into the refrigerator >> And let it feel thrown aside as much as it wanted to, >> Because I didn't really care. >> Who would, >> When they had vegan fat-free brownie mix? >> >> "Pre-heat oven to three hundred-fifty degrees. Grease pan. Pour brownie mix into bow, mix well with half a cup of water. Cook twenty to twenty-five minutes." >> All-righty. >> "Serve." >> All-righty. >> >> That is the story of what the brave hated-by-cupboards ruler of vegblah teddicus >> Was fed this Tuesday. >> >> O, tho', brownie mix may have had else-ful things in mind, >> For at seven-ish PM, >> My tummy was emptied. This made my heart investigatory, >> And so I went to re-read the ingredients of the brownie mix. >> I had been fooled, >> Trickery afoot, >> The cupboard must have had something to do with this. >> For there were egg whites in the mix. >> I don't know if that had anything to do with it, >> But if it did, >> Someone >> Is going >> To pay. >> (I shall most likely cut out the cupboard's right eye, then its left, >> And I will not stop cutting >> Until it gives me some answers.) >> >> I was also fed a bowl of angry shit pasta. >> Not only whenst Cillian Murphy and Breakfast On Pluto as a whole was snubbed, >> But when the major networks did not do the smart thing >> And make some sort of online poll >> Asking if everyone actually wanted to watch The State Of The Union Address. >> Because I, for one, would've appreciated some regularly scheduled programming. >> >> But that is all for the now, >> Because my spine is putting all its heart into growing vocal chords and saying, >> "Ow, my back" to me. >> If I don't listen now, >> Then some arthritis/osteoporosis vengeance will be in the works for me later. >> >> Time to resign to gravity, to evening >> and to the gentle swaying of my mind that so dearly wishes to sit in an armchair with a pipe beside the toasty fire of my frontal lobe, and watch the motion photographs that play in the real world like bad sci-fi. >> >> I pooped a hammer. >> >> .teddee-gee. >>
Thought you might enjoy this bit o' prose from my daughter. About that last line... well, she <i>is</I> only 14.
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