Oh Yes! Let me see the cruel shoes!

[Maddy McCall]

Cruel Shoes


Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, "Well, that's every pair of shoes in the place."

"Oh, you must have one more pair ..."

"No, not one more pair...Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want..."

Anna interrupted, "Oh yes, let me see the cruel shoes!"

Carlo looked incredulous. "No, Anna, you don't understand, you see, the cruel shoes are..."

"Get them!"

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoebox. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with seperate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place. Carlo spoke hesitantly, "...Now you see why...they're not fit for humans..."

"Put them on me."

"But..."

"Put them on me!"

Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.

The sreams were incredible.

Anna crawled to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.

"I like them."

She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, "Well, that's every shoe in the place. Unless, of course, you'd like to try the cruel shoes."

[Fenris]

1. Steve Martin?

Great book.

[Maddy McCall]

2. Yes...thought someone would respond with his...

"kitty toys" monologue. :-(

This is from the "let's get crazy" LP, I think.

[Fenris]

4. Sorry jchild. I can't remember that monologue.

I have "let's get small" somewhere but I haven't listened to it in ages.

[Maddy McCall]

8. Yes, that's it. "Let's get small"

I was confusing the "I'm a wild and crazeeeee guy" with the title of the LP.

Truly classic humor!

[Maddy McCall]

3. Cat Toys

I gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs and I gotta get 'em right away....

What a drag...I found out my cat was embezzling from me

He went down to the bank with the checks......dressed as me

Had the little kitty bunny ears

And the little kitty arrow through the head

And I wouldn't have caught him but I looked under the sofa
and there's three thousand dollars worth of cat toys under there
And you can't take 'em back 'cause they have spit all over 'em.

***************
This was when Steve Martin was FUNNY!

[marzipanni]

5. It's funny, many women have masochistic tendencies

when it comes to shoes. Extreme points are back "in"? Please, show me to the nearest walking/comfortable shoe store! I wince when I see women like Meridith Viera on "the View" wearing pointed shoes. I had bunion surgery at 21; that cured me of wearing shoes shaped in no way like my feet.

[Maddy McCall]

9. I wore pointed spiked pumps in the eighties...

lost the feeling in two toes in my left foot. It still bothers me. They aren't healthy, that's for sure.

Now I wear hiking boots and the such because my profession mandates them for field work. You couldn't FORCE me to ever wear heels of any type again.

[Philostopher]

6. How to be a millionaire and never pay taxes.

Okay -- first, you get a million dollars.

------------------------------------------

One of my all-time favorites:

I want a woman who has no neck. She would be stunningly beautiful. And when we go to a restaurant, every head would turn --

Except for hers -- because she has no neck!

[Maddy McCall]

7. Yay!!! Another old-time Martin fan!

LOL!

He was the best before he started making softy movies.

[INTELBYTES]

10. Farah Faucet is sooo conceited......

she's never called me once.... And after the hours I spent holding up her poster with one hand. Geez.:7

[Elidor]

11. Now when I die, don't think that I'm a nut

Don't want no fancy funeral
Just one like old King Tut!

King Tut
Buried with a donkey
Funky Tut
He's my favorite honky!

Born in Arizona
Moved to Babylonia
He was born in Arizona
Got a condo made a stone-a! :D

[INTELBYTES]

12. Could have won a grammy....

Buried in his jammies! :kick: