I'm planning a GREAT terrorist plot. Wanna help?

[ChairmanAgnostic]

I figure that the best way to trip up this country is to hit it with a low blow. No, lower. No, even lower.

Instead using of a shoe bomb to hijack a jetliner in LA, I plan to infect the entire US supply of dog food with a chemical that, once eaten by your trusty canine friend, is excreted in invisible, long-lasting, gaseous form. Personal tests have shown that it works best with Labs and Retrievers, but Huskies, Shepards and Great Danes aeriate the product quite nicely, thank you. Silent, but effective, with a tell-tail aroma that makes some people leave the room.

This aromatic compound attacks shoe-laces and dissolves them on contact. Because this gas is heavier than breathable air, it will spread to all cities in the USA and cause people to literally fall out of their shoes and trip over their own feet. Imagine, all of Washington DC making like Shoeless Joe jackson.

Of course, there are those evil librul, democrat, anti-religious thinking people who might figure out that slip-on shoes might thwart my evil, anti-American terra-ist plans.
HAH! FOOLS! For them, I have yet a more diaboldical plan. I call it my Anti Rubber Sole virus. It is transmitted by CDs, MP3s and iPods. The sound they create cause the molecular bonds of slip-on shoes to dissolve like ice in the desert. Once those shoes disappear, people will really have a chance to meet the beatles and all sorts of other bugs.

Cowboy boots are a special concern. I am open to ideas to affect pointy toe boot wearers. I thought about adding ExLax to the nation's grits supply, but too many nice people actually eat grits.

Of course, we can't simply day dream and change our minds. We must plan this out and make it work. So, DO NOT MENTION THESE TERRIFYING PLANS TO THE AUTHORITIES. KEEP THIS SECRET! If we do this right, we can take back our country.