California declared terrorist state; bombers sited over Bay Area

[Jack Rabbit]

Jack Rabbit News Service
From the Jack Rabbit News Service
Dated Saturday, April 1

California declared terrorist state; bombers sited over Bay Area
By Jack Rabbit

President (sic) George W. Bush today declared California a terrorist state and ordered Air Force bombers to destroy terrorist safe houses in San Francisco, Oakland and Berkeley by "leveling those Commie -- I mean terrorist hives to rubble."

Mr. Bush cited as evidence that California is a terrorist state failure to support his policies, the unpopularity of a Republican Governor who may well go down to defeat in November, resistance of California voting rights activists to the use of easily-rigged voting machines manufactured by corporations owned by Mr. Bush's cronies and satellite photos showing manufacture of weapons of mass destruction, which Mr. Bush claimed was for the purpose of secession and then waging war against the United States.

"We know that there is a research center for the construction of weapons of mass destruction located in the town Livermore, near Berkeley," said Defense Secretary (sic) Donald Rumsfeld. "It is operated by the University of California at Berkeley, which has long been associated with radical and subversive activity." Mr. Bush also repeated the charges in his announcement.

When reporter Helen Thomas asked Mr. Bush about the evidence, Mr. Bush said the photos were classified and that it would compromise US national security to disclose them. However, Mr. Bush said that he would permit Secretary of State (sic) Condoleezza Rice to take a crayon drawing of the photos made by a kindergartner with a special security clearance (who also happens to be a nephew of Vice President (sic) Dick Cheney and will be paid a cool half million dollars for his services) to the United Nations Security Council to justify his action.

When Ms. Thomas asked Mr. Bush why he was refusing to show the satellite photos in light of President Kennedy's display of such photos during the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis, Mr. Bush mumbled something incoherent about Afghanistan and September 11.

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[MaryBear]

1. Well done, Jack, except

it is too obviously an April Fool's joke.
Truly frightening our Bay Area friends a la Orson Wells might be more than unkind, though.
Too bad the fools in power are really so similar to your spoof.