How do you know if your office equipment is possessed by SATAN?

[underpants]

I'm not kidding. These things seem to have a mind of their own.

The pens(red and black) very quietly hide themselves under sheets of paper.

The stapler seems to work only when it wants to and I swear in three years I've only had to refill it twice.

The printer (oh the printer) seems to change from automatically select to manual feed on its own. Printing is easily the hardest part of my job and the rage that that simple task can fill me with can't be articulated accurately.

I have no problem with the tape dispenser (my wife says I have a fixation with tape anyway).

So how do I know that some evil power has chosen my office to nest?

[TXlib]

1. Is it running Micro$oft products?

Then it is possessed by Satan.

[underpants]

3. Yes Microsoft

I have no problem with the computer itself just its neighbors.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Have you ever come in early and found them praying to Zod?

That's a clue.

Oh, remnants of a sacrificial fire on your desk is evidence too. I think my printer is the leader of my office's demonic circle, too. Sometimes it prints normally, sometimes (like in DOS) it prints from the manual feed tray, but only after hit the "go" button. Sometimes it ignores the print request altogether. The printer could have been in a death struggle with the mouse. The mouse just stopped working recently...

[underpants]

7. Ah Zod that could explain unexplained changes on the thermometer

The maintenance guy comes by all the time because it is too hot or too cold in the accompanying offices. I swear I have never touched the um dammed thing.

I'm kind of weary of the Ansel Adams pictures too.

Thanks to a co-worker (and DU'er) I have take counteroffensive measures, I have a Billy Graham ministries calendar on my corkboard.

[catzies]

20. My thermostat is possessed too.

I swear it's 85 degrees out and 65% humidity, but here I am at the end of July in Southern California wearing a turtleneck and cardigan because it's so cold inside I can see my breath. I dress for the inside environment because I don't go outside until it's time to go home.

[underpants]

21. Does your monitor ever turn completely around

and spew pea soup. If so LEAVE!

[Drifter]

4. There is clearly ...

an office supply conspiracy in action. They must be republicans.

Cheers
Drifter

[underpants]

11. Yeah and does Gateway really need to kill cardboard cows?

I mean come on we get the "theme" but that seems a bit much.

Weird goings on in South Dakota.

[TNDemo]

5. I think the guys in Office Space had the right idea.

Take it out to a field and stomp on it.

[1monster]

6. Didn't you read the fine print on your work contract?

You are currently featured in the new Pixar/Disney movie called OFFICE STORY. Andy grows up and no longer plays with Woody and Buzz. He works in an office where the office tools and supplies have a life of their own. An exciting opening credits scene takes place in the local Office Max. Don't miss this must-see innovative new release. Coming soon to a theatre near you! :+ }( :evilgrin:

[underpants]

9. OfficeMax and Staples are like their missionaries

ever expanding ever influential.

:scared:

[Jonte_1979]

8. Do they shriek when you throw holy water on them?

:shrug:

[underpants]

10. The maintenance guy is in my office NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Just as I was typing my last response in he comes and he RESET the THERMOMETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And he still refuses to replace two lightbulbs that are out. What the HELL is that about?

:scared:

[MiddleRiverRefugee]

12. underpants, I think you need THIS product....

http://www.computerhammer.com/index.html

[underpants]

13. Ah yes the Computer Hammer

I really don't have a problem with the computer but you never know.

[BigMcLargehuge]

14. How to exorcise your office with the help of "Staples"

Anti-demonic charms and spells, yeah we've got that...

Seriously though. Office equipment is inherently evil because humans were never meant to spend the better part of their days arranging sheets of paper, making complex pie charts, or writing mission statements...

It's a reaction from Mother Earth to our straying from the true hunter-gatherer path. Never have I seen a cave painting of a possessed stone knife, or demonic spear.

[underpants]

15. Well my desk did use to be in the State Pen

Maybe the ghost of a wrongly accused man is in there somewhere.

:shrug:

[ForrestGump]

16. If it has a label that says 'Intel inside'?

[AntiCoup2K4]

19. Actually, it's not "Intel Inside"....

:evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[trof]

17. You need an Office Exorcism

"Apparently, the monks handle between 14 to 18 office exorcisms a year. Jeez, talk about taking your work home with you. The monks said that they sensed a strong yin (the feminine principle in buddhist theology) in the washroom: there was simply an absence of life in that room, like a vacuum.

The monks said the ceremony would be effective if the spirits had served enough time for their sins and wished now to leave. If so, they would leave and wait for reincarnation. if not, the monks may have to return."

http://bigwhiteguy.com/archive/2001_03.php#000027

You KNEW a woman was at the bottom of it, didn't you?
:evilgrin:

[underpants]

18. Yeah my female boss comes in here all the time

:bounce: