Question for DU women, Breast Augmentation... WHY????

[never cry wolf]

I guess men can answer too if they have experience with an SO, friend or relative.

Here's the story, my best friend in the world told me Monday that on Tuesday she was going in for some surgery but wouldn't tell me what for. The clues I got were outpatient, takes about 2 hours, first 2 days pretty much out of commission, 3 to 4 weeks until all normal activity resumes. The last time we talked before the mystery proceedure I told her that even if she didn't tell me i was sure it will be for her better health in the long run and she laughed and said, "you keep believing that." I said I wished I could be there to give her good vibes and hugs and she said, "hugs would hurt." She hoped all went well so she could come back here to her home town and see everyone in early July but would cancel if it didn't. It occured to me right after we were done and I read up on the proceedure and ALL the clues pointed to that, even when her daughter emailed me to say she's ok, just needs bed rest and ice.

It just never occurred to me that she may have cosmetic surgery until after we talked. To me, she has always been the most beautiful woman I know. (Yes, we dated and, ahem back in the day and ever since I have always preferred small breasted women.) 50 years old, wears a size 0 or 1, most people think she is in her 30's. Yes, she has always been small up top but in perfect proportion to everything else, IMHO. She had mentioned in the past that she may want to try it someday but it was simply out of my comprehension, there was no way any cosmetic surgery could improve perfection.

Like I said, she is 50, married (unhappily but not looking), mom of two adult daughters, I am sure she still turns heads. Except for dyed hair (her natural color) she has always been 100% natural, and boasted of it. She is a shorts and tank top or jeans and a tee type, minimal makeup, very unpretentious. As an aside, she was sexually molested by her dad as a small child and never had any after care or treatment, I dunno if this could have an impact.

WTF would she do such a crazy thing for? Thousands of dollars, days, maybe weeks of pain, possible complications??? Did she miss having 50 year old breasts hanging down to her... (no offense intended but at 50 she was still VERY perky) Vanity? Self Esteem? Insanity?

Also, I love her dearly but am terribly upset that she has defaced herself. Should I mention that I have guessed the proceedure? I figured I would and if she asked me what I thought I'd simply reply, "What I think doesn't matter. If you're happy I am happy for you." Even though I'd love to yell at her & asked her WTF was she thinking, right now she needs support. How do I handle this conumdrum?

Thanks to any that may have some insight I am obviously missing!

[LeftyMom]

1. Sometimes attractive people don't see themselves that way

It's sad, but true. There's really not much we can do for them. :shrug:

[never cry wolf]

2. Could it be mid-life crisis?

Similar to a male buying the little red sports car or looking for a trophy wife?

[LeftyMom]

4. Women don't usually do that

More likely since she's talked about getting one for a while, she just finally got up the nerve to do it. A lot of women don't really give themselves permission to do something for themselves until thier children are grown.

[Heddi]

5. Why does it have to be anything

Why can't it be something that she wants, has always wanted, and feels that this is the time?

Why, when women make decisions like this, are the decisions always wrought with "Well, she WAS molested" "Well, she IS fifty" "Well, she IS unhappy in her marriage"

So what. I bet she likes Macaroni and Cheese and prefers standard to stick. What bearing do THOSE life facts have to do with her decision?

Why can't you just take the fact that she's getting breast enlargement surgery as a fact. Sometimes we do things because we want to, not because of some deep-lingering psycho-social need in our lives that hasn't been fulfilled. Sometimes women want large boobs. Sometimes they've always wanted them. Sometimes they want smaller boobs. Sometimes they want less-full thighs.

It's not always because of low self esteem. It's not always because we're afraid of aging. It's not always because we're out to please a man. Or because we're middle aged and unable to handle it. Or because of past life trauma. Or because we prefer potatoes to rice, or green to red.

*WHY* does it matter to you why she's getting the surgery done. One may infer some deeper psychological problems if she was getting a boob job AND a face lift AND rhinoplasty AND lip AND chin implants AND AND AND---but she's getting one procedure done. Why must there always be a deep-seeded brain disorder or childhood truama that "Forces" women to have cosmetic surgery? Can't she just be having it because SHE wants it?

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

14. Let me let you in on a little secret

The psychoanalysis? Yeah, it doesn't just happen to women. So put the chip back on your shoulder, ok?

[Heddi]

15. Chip? What Chip?

There is no chip. The poster asked for an explaination as to why his friend would DARE get breast augmentation. Could it be because she was MOLESTED? Unhappy in MARRIAGE?

why does it have to be anything? Why can't it just BE?

Seems to me that the chip you're referring to may very well be your own.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

26. You were ranting and raving over the issue.

And you still are. You've gotta be kidding me! Can you not read your own posts?

[Kashka-Kat]

31. huh? one persons "ranting and raving" is another's "impassioned"

She was just offering an alternative point of view. Take it or leave it.

[blondeatlast]

39. There ya go! Thanks! I bought myself Tahitian pearl earrings for

turning 45--beacause I wanted them--no midlife crisis for me.

I didn't call it therapy, I called it FUN.

You are so right, Heddi, thanks.

:applause:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

35. That's what I think.

Women get breast implants. Men get sports cars, and breast implants for their girlfriends.

[Heddi]

3. I'm not 50, but I have LARGE boobs

I'm 30, and I would love breast augmentation.

Not because I want bigger boobs (I'm fine with the size). I don't want smaller boobs either.

Sure, they look "perky" in a bra, but they're quite uncomfortable without a holster. I'd get breast augmentation to take away the gravitational effects that have occured over the years. I was wearing a b-cup bra when I was 8 years old. No training bra for me. They just kept growing, even after puberty.

Sometimes people do things because they WANT to...not because of societal pressures. Not because of insecurity or some sort of body dysmorphism. Maybe *SHE* wants bigger boobs. I don't necessarily see any harm in that.

I don't understand why cosmetic surgery is ALWAYS associated with lack of self esteem. WHy don't we equate getting haircuts or dye jobs with low self esteem? Are people getting manicures because they're so horribly embarassed by their hands, or because they want their hands to look nice? Not every woman is this cowering little flower, victim of the world, doing everything because of societal pressures and low self esteem. Surely many are, but not all.

If you know this woman, and you say she has a good head on her shoulders, why not take it for what it is--a decision she has made for herself, for whatever reason she chooses.

[never cry wolf]

7. Thanks, sound advice.

But in this case I know she is self conscious of her looks. Before she moved out west and was a couple of hours downstate she chickened out 3 times meeting old high school friends she hadn't seen for over 2 decades beacuse she was afraid of their reaction to her appearance. These 3 times were on the 4th of July when we have a pickup baseball game and get together at the old HS. This year she is coming in with her new "twins."

For the most part she has a good head on her shoulders but definitely undervalues her appearance despite the compliments I thorw at her constantly. Also, she is mixed up politically, a subject we avoid.

[Heddi]

10. well, there's your answer

Maybe she's unhappy with her breast size, always has been, and now has the means or the mind to do it.

[dpbrown]

30. I'm almost bald (at least on the front of my forehead)

And I keep my hair cut short.

If I wore a comb-over or got hair implants or used rogaine or something else to try to fake my hair out, I would think that I was trying to do something about my self-esteem related to my hair.

But if I cut open my head and stuck something under my skin to make my forehead look higher, regardless of the resulting scar and the possibility that the implant would rupture and drown my brain, I would begin to really contemplate that I was trying to compensate for something. That's just me, though.

I am what I am. Warts and all.

I think people can do what they want with their bodies. Body modification is all the rage right now and while it isn't right for me, it might be right for someone else. (Did you see the video someone posted on DU a couple months ago about the guy and the silicone injections to his "junk"?)

I think the thing is that some people like other people with modified bodies, and some don't.

[never cry wolf]

45. Agreed, it just seems so out of characeter for her

She has no piercings other than one in each ear, she feels that tatoos are stupid and a turn off. She is also very outgoing, gregarious and personable, not like she is a shy wallflower but she is the opposite........

Sighhh, just my luck to be dearly in love with such a complicated contradictory specimen. For 36 years now she has caused my synapses to misfire like no other....

[Arugula Latte]

6. As a fairlyi well-endowed woman, I could never understand

why women want bigger boobs. I've always wanted smaller ones. Small to medium breasts make you appear more youthful, while larger boobs are more prone to gravity and make you appear more matronly and make it harder to carry your weight well and make it more difficult to find shirts that fit, etc. etc. Plus it's easier to jog and do other activities if you don't have big ones.

[never cry wolf]

8. I agree with you

Not that appearence is that important in a person to me, I just can't understand the reasoning. She will be larger and perky for not, I assume over time enhanced breasts too will sag.

[Monk06]

18. A friend of mine had her breasts reduced........

They were so heavy that they were twisting her
spine even with the most expensive bra she could
find.

She's now a robust C on a 6.0' frame (big Polish girl)

She regretted not doing it earlier.

[never cry wolf]

21. Funny thing is my friend has a bad back

This certainly won't help.

[Monk06]

25. I've never been fond of big breasts. Not that that matters but.......

Overly large breasts cause a multitude of health
problems.

Back problems, as I said, but also poor aerobic fitness,
weight problems, high chloresterol all not good.

After my friend had surgery she looked great even
though her breasts were still fairly large.

She had more energy. She could actually run, something
she hadn't been able to do since she was sixteen.

She looked and felt attractive and began dating more.

[liontamer]

37. oh come on

why would you blame high cholesterol on big breasts? Women survived for years before breast reduction surgery was invented. Breasts really aren't the burden some people make them out to be.

[Monk06]

41. I'm not blaming breast size for chloresterol. In my friends case she

had high chloresterol but couldn't do aerobic exercise
to help reduce it. So in her case her breast size was
affecting her health which is why she had the surgery.

[Left Is Write]

24. As a VERY small woman, I can tell you...

I'd be very happy with "small to medium." The problem is, I didn't even get that much. When I am wearing a jogging bra, I appear COMPLETELY flat on top, and, frankly, that doesn't make me too happy. Especially when I hear or read comments like, "What kind of man would want a woman built like a 12-year-old boy?"

There are two ways I could get a chest: gain a lot of weight, or have surgery. Unfortunately, neither option is particularly appealing. (And if I did the weight gain thing, I'd have huge legs before I'd have even a medium chest.)

[dpbrown]

27. I prefer flat to puffed out on saline with a zipper in the skin

That might just be me, but I'm pretty happy with that.

[Left Is Write]

34. I don't like flat.

I'd like to have a little something. What was once very small is now even smaller than ever, after weaning my last child two years ago.

[Maine-ah]

47. I'm with you, same problem here

I have always tossed around the idea of implants even though my husband is happy with what I have got. I'm pregnant now (1st) and um, ahhhem, they wont stop growing.......:blush: I'm just hoping when all is said and done, they wont be those long skinny boobs down to my belly button...If they are, well, I'm just going to have to start saving the money and get them fixed.

[samplegirl]

50. I can relate

I've been in the same size bra since puberty but then again I guess we would look pretty funny with size C breasts.

[Gormy Cuss]

51. You know, I never heard anyone ask " what kind of man would want

a woman built like Elsie the cow?" I've known women who wanted smaller breasts but I don't think it was ever stated explained in terms of male attraction. Funny that.

[never cry wolf]

53. btw: small is sexy

IMHO... Forget the MSM Ideal... Playboy sucks as does Victoria's Secret...
more than a mouthful is wasted

[Lars39]

9. She's messin' with something you 'had' that you considered perfect.

And she didn't ask your permission.
Signed,
LarsFreud39

[Heddi]

11. exactly

:thumbsup:

[never cry wolf]

12. lol, good insight

I suppose the biggest problem I have is the one in my own head. Ever since we first dated in 1971 she has been my paragon of beauty, but apparently not hers.

Thanks

[Lars39]

13. Sounds like it's something she wants and she's going into it

with her eyes open about the medical risks.
Be happy for her; it's not every day that wishes come true. :)

[never cry wolf]

20. I HOPE her eyes were open to the risks.

I read on a site this morning that 40% of breast augmentation patients have a major side effect within the first 3 years and require further surgery.

I couldn't find that site but here is another one a bit less dire sounding but still not good:

• Most women can expect to experience at least one complication at some point within 5 years after implant surgery.

• More than 1 in 4 augmentation patients can expect to have additional surgery within the first 5 years.

http://www.breastimplantinfo.org/augment/ibrief-aug042003.html

Ok, found the original page, it was for a particular manufacturer:

Yet analysis by FDA scientists showed that the manufacturers and physicians had underestimated the true rates of complications. Using data gathered by the manufacturers, the FDA calculated that for one manufacturer, Mentor Corp., 43% of women who got implants for augmentation had at least one complication within three years. For mastectomy patients, it was even worse: Within three years, 73% of women who got implants had at least one complication, and 27% had their implants removed. The statistics were even more troubling for the implants made by McGhan Medical. For both brands, the FDA explained that the complication rates were still rising when the studies were completed, so the long-term health risks are unknown.

http://www.breastimplantinfo.org/augment/fda62000.html

This was a scary personal story too and points out the plastic surgeons tend to minimize the risk:

Patty Faussett
Only a little more than two and a half years ago, I had a normal life, and I was completely happy and healthy. I hadn't missed a day of work due to illness for over 10 years. Shortly after getting saline implants, my life was turned upside down...

http://www.breastimplantinfo.org/per_stories/pattyf.html

[NewWaveChick1981]

16. There are a lot of reasons women would consider augmentation,

and they vary from woman to woman. I personally would never consider breast augmentation unless mine started sagging unmercifully (not much chance of that, thank goodness!) or unless it was reconstructive---say, after a mastectomy (thank goodness that's not an issue for me at the moment). I'm kind of medium-sized, but I'm in proportion with the rest of me, and I'm not flat.

It was obviously a personal decision of hers, and she had reasons for doing so, whether or not she thinks anyone agrees with her. :) She's still herself, only augmented. I would not be harsh with her.

[SmokingJacket]

17. Well, I for one think it's too bad.

I'm a small-breasted woman, and some days I think it would be nice to be more "bountiful," but fake ones? Um, forget it!

I think most people should leave well-enough alone. I can see getting plastic surgery for a really distracting physical problem... but not for small boobs.

I can't even speculate about what she was thinking, but clearly she was unhappy with herself, and thinks that putting bags of water in her chest will make her more happy. Will it?? Who's to say?

You'll have to say, "Honey, you look great!" no matter what you think -- because how could you tell her otherwise, after all that surgery? You'd just hurt her. So, she's created a situation in which you'll lie to her.

Again, it's just too bad.

[never cry wolf]

22. I think she'd know it was a lie too

She knows how I feel about her God given looks but I suppose you are right, after all she's been through I should not rain on her parade and find some way to sound convincing.

I agree about the fake boobs too. I prefer the French aestheic in breasts, one should fit perfectly into a champaign glass. Now it may be more like a beer mug and I hate the way they look. Looking through so many sites the last few day the before and after pictures are absolutely scary, IMHO. Very few look natural.

[SteppingRazor]

19. Why do you call it such a crazy thing?

I guess I come from a different point of view. Here in South Florida, breast augmentation is practically the norm. I just don't see it as a big deal. If she's happier with her body image after the surgery, who are any of us to complain?

I mean, "she has defaced herself"??? Seriously? I think that's, to put it gently, a terribly old-fashioned point of view. Assuming she's not doing this at the expense of anything important (i.e. plastic surgery instead of morgage payments, or what habe you), there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, she'll be happier with her own self-image, which is a positive thing.

Besides, she'll probably look even hotter than she already does.

To call this "insanity" or "defacing oneself" or "crazy" is, in my humble opinion, not just old-fashioned, but demeaning to thousands upon thousands of perfectly healthy women who have elected to get the surgery. I fail to see what the problem is here. :shrug:

[never cry wolf]

23. I hope it does make her happy, I truly do...

She is a midwestern girl, born and bred in Illinois and lived here all her life until 2 years ago. Her and her husband were not happy and they thought it was the external circumstances, his job, winter weather, etc. So, they decided in June to sell his successful business, sell their house and move to Phoenix, assured that would make them happier. They did that all in two months. Now they are more miserable than ever, she doesn't have her mom or friends close by to commiserate with, she hates the heat and says that the move was a HUGE mistake.

I just worry about the grass being greener and all that... Happiness is in the head, IMHO.

[Kali]

54. DING DING ----Phoenix

that mey be part of the cause. Phoenix fancies itself the inland southern California and even the alt-weekly is CRAMMED with plasic surgery adds. The really bizare stuff is for men! Fake chest and leg muscles etc - effing GROSS.

[Wetzelbill]

28. I think a person should do whatever makes them happy

I'm not opposed to plastic surgery or anything like that. Just as long as it makes them happy. However, if it's something deeper than that is a problem. What I mean by that is if someown gets the surgery and has a false sense of elation for a while and then is down in the dumps again 6 months from now. That is a problem. But if this is what she wants and she feels good, that is great.

Sometimes people who are perfectly attractive, don't consider themselves to be. Maybe she feels she needs this, I don't know. Let her know she still looks great, I suppose. Genuine compliments never hurt. I think you should maybe mention you think you know what the procedure is, let her know she's attractive already, but if she still wants to go through with it, I'd be supportive. In the end, her business is her business, and you can just try to be the best friend as possible. She does need the support, and I think because you obviously care so much about her, you probably would feel good yourself about giving her that support.

[never cry wolf]

32. Thanks, I'm not opposed to cosmetic surgery either per se

But I really do worry it will be another decision she makes thinking it will bring happiness. I pray it will, for there is nothing else in the world I desire than for her happiness. I guess I just can't get my mind around her not realizing just how attractive she really is.

You're right, it's her body and her decision and upthread Lars probably nailed it. She's has low self esteem about her appearance and has even met with a few select old high school aquaintences and all I talk to say she looks awesome, especially compared to us other 50 somethings.

I have always given her genuine compliments and what I have stated above is true. Iffin in an ideal male world where one could select anyone (think Louis XIV) there would only be one... No supermodels, no playboy centerfolds, no mivie stars, at age 50 she is who I would select and no others (hope that's not too chauvinistic.)

It's not the merely physical anyway that any thinking man would attracted to anyway. Shit, if she had warts all over her body....

Oops, tipping my hand here i spose...

This thread is great therapy for me, thanks all!

[Iniquitous Bunny]

29. It's HER body.

Period.

Maybe living in a society that constantly throws women a standard of beauty as being a size 1 and having huge breasts (that are almost always unnatural for someone of the size) might have something to do with it. It's not so hard to figure out, is it?

[never cry wolf]

33. That is what I suspect

She does not see herself as beautiful because since a little girl the movie start and models and cosmo cover girls and playboy and.... were all abnormally large breasted for their frame and I am afraid she bought into that artificial ideal..

[never cry wolf]

36. A self kick, comments have been great, great therapy

ty all, I have learned alot so far and had a place to rant where I didn't hurt my best friend, and learned some of the situation as well as myself...

[blondeatlast]

38. Tell her she's gonna look great in the hospital gown. I'm SERIOUS.

If it makes you uncomfortable, make light of the situation somehow. Just please don't rain on her parade.

I'm 47 and I uld be the woman you are discussing (note my sig line--I'm NOT kidding!) I'm proud of my looks and the makeup, the hair, and the clothezs make me happy although I can't see myself having any kind of cosmetic surgery (actually, I'm unable to have any elective surgery due to health issues).

If she's happy, let her be.

Life's hard for all of us--let her have her moment even if you find it difficult

[never cry wolf]

40. tyvm for sage advice

I love DU... I was ready to lay into her. I am 51, we first dated at 15... for 3/4 of my life she has been aphrodite exactly as she is... I cannot say that I am not dissappointed... but it's not about me, is it? WAY over and above her appearance I wish for nothing more that her happiness and if i need to put my own disappointments aside to help her achieve that, or at least not detract from what she thinks will make her happy, sobeit...

[ForrestGump]

42. Yes

Regardless of her motivation, or what provoked it, it's her decision and her body. If this is what it takes, you're right...so be it...

[never cry wolf]

43. Yep, but it is an IF

it's an IF that costs thousands of dollars, alot of pain and mainly alot risks and potential complications... all for naught, IMHO. She apparently has an overriding reason, that i cannot fathom, and of course it is her body and her own free will...

I guess I am just shocked that her self image could be so low that she would subject herself to the process when I, and others, consider her gorgeous....

Her eyes are to die for, does she want men talking to her chest instead? This thread has been filled with great advice but for the life of me, I still can't understand her mindset..

[ForrestGump]

46. I could be paternalistic and just say "women!"

So I will. :D

Though, actually, we all sometimes do things that don't make sense (sometimes even to myself).

[Robeson]

44. My sister-in-law eventually had 2 disc in her neck go bad because...

...her boobs were enormously large. She had surgery, and augmentation. She should have done the augmentation thing, a LONG time before.

[never cry wolf]

48. one final kick, because there is great advice here

Thanks all, quite theraputic. I knew I could count on DU for level headed opinions.

[WCGreen]

49. Things change....

people do what they want....

Why do people get braces....

Or try to stop pimples...

Or dye their hari...

Or get hair plugs...

I'm just surprised they haven't figured out penal implants yet....

[never cry wolf]

52. I agree, to an extent

Braces or not is NOT decision made by onesself, for the most part it is the parents. Pimples & hair dye are minor to correct... Hair plugs are more intrusive than the others but Breast Augmentation surgery is SURGERY. It's expensive, it has risks and it hurts... not quite like getting Crest whitening strips..