Ok, folks. 380 million Americans. 6 billion humans. Why are people single?

[Deja Q]

With our population, you'd think it'd be easy to find a lover and a friend.

Not these days.

Seems bizarre.

Especially given America's comparatively limited populace.

[Roon]

1. Hypno, they aren't going to come busting down your door

I was single for the first time in my life at 36. I learned that you must go volunteer, go to church, go to church functions, and just surround yourself with people as much as you can. Eventually something turns up.

P.S.
The bar is a terrible way to meet people. They are all drunks.

[Left Is Write]

13. I met my husband at a bar.

[Roon]

31. No problem

You were lucky. I have another friend that met his boyfriend at the bathhouse. They have been stuck together like glue ever since.

[bigwillq]

36. I met my current boyfriend

at a club! :hi:

[BlueIris]

2. Have you considered e-harmony.com?

I've heard that's helped a lot of people.

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

6. I failed the entrance exam!

:rofl:

Too much an individual for their liking, it figures. :D

[JVS]

10. I failed it as well.

I think it was because I rated myself pessimistically. I figured, hey I don't want to be a disappointment to anyone, besides maybe if I make myself out to be a real dirt-bag they'll send me the women who like dirt-bags. Instead they were like "some people are not able to find matches in our database..."

[norml]

23. eHarmony and Focus on the Family

eHarmony and Focus on the Family
by mskate
Sat Feb 05, 2005 at 11:59:19 AM PDT

Like many busy singles, I find it difficult to find time to date. The obvious meeting places don't work for me as I'm not crazy about the bar scene and in my church, single, straight men are few and far between. So I turned to two different dating sites online, hoping to find the success that many of my friends have found. Although one of them has turned out to be a good experience, the other (eHarmony) apparently has some affiliates that you might want to know about.

mskate's diary :: ::
Forgive me if I'm stating what everyone else already knew, but apparently the founder of eHarmony is very proud of his affiliation with a certain Dr. Dobson, lately of "I hate SpongeBob" fame. Dr. Clark (founder of eHarmony) has books published through Focus on the Family's publishing house. I discovered this when I received my free "here's how to get you a man and keep 'im" package that came with a year's subscription.
I'm purposely publishing this on a weekend because 1) I've never published a diary before and 2)I have the horrible feeling most of you already knew this and therefore wouldn't touch this company with the proverbial ten foot pole. However, there was nothing in the diary archives about eHarmony or any mention in the Focus on the Family posts, so I thought I'd give a shout out anyway.

Here is my email to the company:

I received the free books that came with my year's subscription to eHarmony.
Thank you for sending them so quickly. I am closing my account because your
company is affiliated with Focus on the Family, which I consider to be a hate
group. I cannot be in integrity with my beliefs and support that group or any
of its affiliates financially.


snip


http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/2/5/145919/2183

[Samurai_Writer]

51. Hey then I don't feel bad that I met a Wiccan on there

So James Dobson helped an atheist and Wiccan meet! Cool! Think I should send him an invitation to our handfasting? (If it ever happens, we just met in person this weekend)

[Catshrink]

43. They're somehow associated with Dobson's

Focus on the Family. Ewwwwwww

[NewJeffCT]

3. Actually, it's only around 300 million Americans

There is a surplus of men in China & many Asian countries - so, single women & gay men should consider a trip to Asia!

[Bucky]

16. Yes, but 80 million of us have been super-sized and get counted twice

[raccoon]

53. But all those men in China are probably half my age!

I'm referring to the one-child-per-couple policy. I don't think it's been around longer than that.


edited to add 2nd paragraph.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Some choose to be single.

Like me. Been married, had relationships, not eager to get back into that rut again. Like many other people I'm quite happy to be on my own, not looking for another situation where I have to put up with somebody else's passive-aggressive BS.

[Arkansas Granny]

29. Same here.

I was married, had kids, divorced. I've had my share of relationships, but was never tempted to remarry. Now, the kids are grown and I enjoy being single and living alone (with the exception of a dog and a cat). When I come home, I don't have to put up with anyone's BS.

[LisaLynne]

5. It is hard, though.

I think people are cut off from each other in ways that we don't even realize.

[CBHagman]

28. I think you've hit on something there.

It amazes me that for all our means of communication, modern life can be so alienating. For example, I will be walking in the city sometimes, taking in all the sights around me, and I'll notice that nearly every single person in view is on the phone. It's strangely alienating.

I think a good many of us go online to feel connected to other like-minded people -- and feel strangly cut off among others in our work and home lives. For example, you might be in a workplace where cliques dominate and collegial relationships are scarce.

[barb162]

50. Yes, definitely.

In my neighborhood, if you don't have kids in grammar school, you may as well not exist.

[Haole Girl]

7. I've thought a lot about this subject

..even though I'm married, because so many of my friends are still looking. It grieves me. Obviously, the internet has not solved this problem. I wish there were dances and other clubs where people felt comfortable meeting people face-to-face. You know...the old fashioned way. Yeah, yeah, I know there are clubs...but do all people feel comfortable in them? I know I didn't like the stares (and some of them were hurtful from the women in them) when I was single.

[XemaSab]

8. I think part of the problem is too much variety instead of too little

in some ways.

Everyone's shopping around, and when the relationship hits a bump it's suddenly a huge deal breaker, 'cause there are other fish in the sea.

[LeftyMom]

9. Because all those people are different

and it's hard to find one enough like you to get along but different enough to have your own space.

[Ava]

11. because people are picky and won't settle with what they have

:P

[swag]

12. Being single can be quite wonderful.

Not everyone wants to pair off and lay down.

[GirlinContempt]

27. Hear hear!

[Fox Mulder]

14. I choose to be single.

:shrug:

[maveric]

15. People are holding out for the "perfect" mate.

LIke my last GF who is now looking for a 27 yr old, at least 6'4", muscular build, drives a Beemer, has a professional job, has a boat, has a 12" Schlong. She's 46 and not a Diva in any way.
Good luck sweetie! I bet they are pounding down the door to get ya.

[Bucky]

17. If it's really 12" I bet I know HOW they're pounding down the door

schlong is such a goofy word

[GirlinContempt]

30. What was she planning to do with the extra 6"?

[Deja Q]

38. Shish kebab?

[crispini]

48. SNORK!

:spray:

[Left Is Write]

32. 12 inches?

Is she insane?

[maveric]

41. Yes.

Sometimes she's great. On the level and rational. Then she'll "go off" for a couple weeks.
I lover her but its too much for me to want to deal with.

[raccoon]

54. What's she gonna do when his professional job is outsourced/insourced? nt

[johnnie]

18. I agree with some of the other posters

People are looking for something they can't have and have it in their mind that they will settle for no less. I have been single for quite a while myself and have basically given up on looking because I'm not going to be somebody I'm not just so I can gain something I might not want down the line.

[maveric]

19. And while they wait, their lives pass before them.

I told her that but she's convinced that Fabio is looking for her.
Why do I always fall for bi-polar delusionals????

[johnnie]

21. Sorry dude.

I was engaged at one time and she was the best thing that ever happened to me. We were best friends and always together. When we were hitting our 30s she had a problem with it and left me for someone who was in his early 20s. I was really bummed out, but I figured if she wanted to stay she would have.

I ran into her last year for the first time since (about 10 years) and she told me the kid freaked out on her after 7 years and she had to leave him. She is now single, broke and looking for a job. She could have been doing OK with me, but oh well.

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side until you realize that your grass will eventually turn to shit also the more you piss in your neighbor's lawns.

[Deja Q]

26. I agree. I used to be haughty with standards...

Didn't get me anywhere except depressed.

So why waste what's left of my youth and my health (which is failing) in something that is just plain unreality?

[tjdee]

20. But then, settling is a major reason for divorce.

IMO.

Seems like everyone I know who is married has basically decided hey, my girl/boyfriend is a good person, doesn't kick puppies, and puts up with me. Has sex with me even! Looks like I should marry them, it's not like Angelina Jolie/George Clooney's coming to my house ever.

I most certainly am holding out for something and won't settle. Of course, no one's asked me out in some time so I can sit on that lofty high horse as long as this thread is kicked!

[johnnie]

24. I knew when I wrote the post that "settle" wasn't the right word to use

But I was answering the OP based on the fact that too many people won't test the waters. I agree with you 100% about "settling" and I don't think anyone should. Most of my friends that are divorced are divorced because they *did* settle and thought that is what they needed to do.

My choice of words were poor, I will admit, but I just meant that a lot of people look too much on the outside of people and write them off based on that before looking into what a person is like as a person.
Does that make sense?

[Mojambo]

22. Have you ever met a human being?

Truly loathsome creatures.

[johnnie]

25. True!

But..When in Rome....

:)

[Blue_Tires]

33. good question

there was a good study some while ago about how technology is making people so isolated that they have trouble dealing with people in daily face to face situations (some of that has been true in my case)...

me? well for starters, i've been having employment problems (women in my age group are NOT trying to hear about those), and my personal criteria eliminates probably three-fourths of the dating pool (and i only have TWO non-negotiable criteria)

[RazzleCat]

34. I have changed my criteria with age

Right now I have a great guy, but 15 years ago no way I would have looked at him. He is bald, and has nice old gut. Thing is with age what I want has changed, I love him for his sense of humor, his kindness, his politics, and his laid back style. Me I am still a "hottie" (at least for my age), but no more "hottie" guys for me, I am going for the one that makes me smile, and is kind to all people now. Oh and he is quite the lover.

[Blue_Tires]

37. i'm glad things worked out for you

actually, i had to whittle down my criteria to only my 2 absolutes....sadly they are big absolutes

[diamondsndust]

35. I choose to be single. I've been a single father for 10 years now ..

I've had several relationships that didn't pan out since, and it's always my kids who seem to hurt more than I do when a relationship ends. They are 12 and 13 now, but I've resigned myself to staying single until they are grown so they don't have to go theu the hurt anymore. It doesn't really bother my son, but daughter really wants a mama.... what's a guy to do? I'm 43 years old, and when women my age, who usually have kids that are already grown and gone, find out I have young kids, they usually just haul ass anyways because they don't want to raise more kids, they want to enjoy life. I did all my partying before I had kids. Now I'm content to be settled down in a somewhat normal life raising them.

[treestar]

39. Americans are SO picky

Read the personal ads. They read like a job description. Everything has to be perfect. No one is good enough. No one can just be themselves. The ads, especially by men, are never in terms of "here is what I am like, if you're interested, call." They are a set of requirements that no woman meets.

The baby boomer women are older than 35 now. There are very few young women left, and a good number of them want men their own age. There is an obesity epidemic, only a few women are thin enough, so the competition for them is incredible.

I am sure this goes the other way too, as men must make enough money, etc.

[Roon]

42. The baby boomer women are older than 35 now

Uh! Why don't you try that the baby boomer women are older than 55.Where have you been?

[treestar]

44. The baby boom is 1946 to 1963

OK, so that means a lot of women are between 45 and 60.

But I was referring to the age past which women are no longer "young" so I guess even baby bust ages are there, lol!

But Gen X is likely to be smaller than the baby boom, so women under 25, say, the ones that shallowly speaking are the most desirable, are more contested for than at any time in history, because baby boomer men are 45-60!

In prior generations without birth control, you'd always have younger generations greater in number than older. By sexist terms, young women of today have it made!

[Tyrone Slothrop]

45. You think the men's ads are pickier?

I must admit that I never browse those; however, from occasionally reading women's ads, I'm personally amazed that any man under 6'1" has ever gone on a date of any notice.

Nearly every dating ad I've ever seen has been absurdly picky.

[ForrestGump]

40. Relationships can be very difficult

Except when they're not, I guess. But people who get burned more than once are liable to be reluctant -- could be you that was burned, could be them...could be both. Whatever, there's a lot of fear out there, and it's justified. But when it's right, it's right...hard part is stumbling across that, especially if you're not a highly social animal (though I'd argue that highly social animals may well often miss the good stuff...make up for it in numbers, but not necessarily quality).

[NewWaveChick1981]

46. Before I got married, I really, truly enjoyed being single.

:D I set my own rules, did what I wanted, and was very happy. I met a guy I fell in love with, and we dated for six years (knew each other as friends for three years before that) before we got married. I agonized over whether or not I wanted to marry or stay single and committed. I wasn't in any hurry to get married, and neither was he. I'm glad we're married, but there have been many times I wished I was still single. Regardless of what anyone tells you, dating and living together, no matter how long, is not a true indication of what someone else is like----marriage is. Most marriages have a lot of BS, and mine is not immune. :yoiks:

If I suddenly found myself single again, I would not agonize over it. I like my own company, and I would find ways of meeting new people. :) Marriage is a human invention, not an instinct or anything like that. Some people reject that invention or don't find it necessary, like many inventions.

Regardless of how many people there are in the US or in the world, the vast majority of people are not going to get along. Take a look at the world today, and you'll see what I mean. Finding a group of friends or those special people who "click" with us takes effort mixed with luck. :)

[RebelOne]

47. I have been married once and once was enough.

Divorced 40 years ago and have been single ever since.

[barb162]

49. A lot of times the "good ones" are already taken?

[bikebloke]

52. I'm a freak magnet.

And it's no longer worth the trouble to date. Though I've deleted most on my online dating profiles, I still have a couple up. Yesterday, some weirdo in Canada wrote to say she's known me somewhere or time. Perhaps another lifetime. She even offered her phone number and personal email address. I politely declined. And I'm content to be a solitaire. The women I've really clicked with have been European and Aussie. Plus, I've refused to play along with the gold digging game, like friends of mine used to do - i.e pretending they were wealthy.

[u4ic]

57. That's my problem, too

As soon as I show up, they come out of the woodwork... :hi:

[raccoon]

55. I'm happily single, but sometimes I've thought lately it would

be nice to be married.

But it's hard to find someone you really click with.

Add to that, I hate dating. It's not a way to get to know anybody, because everybody puts their best foot forward when they're dating. I want to know somebody BEFORE I date him.

[dpbrown]

56. Halitosis

I'm just sayin'...