Need help giving a coworker a hint....

[Superfly]

OK, one of my coworkers is about 35 years old and cute. (This is not a "should I aske her out" thread...I am married) The problem is, she dresses like she walked of the set of Little House on the Prarie and her hair looks like a lion's mane.

I think that if she updated her look, she could be quite beautiful.

I was thinking about contacting "What Not to Wear" or the "Oprah Winfrey Show" to see if they can do a surprise makeover.

She's a great coworker and a good friend, but I just think she could be a lot more attractive. The thing is, her husband looks like he walked off the cover of GQ, so I don't know if this is how he expects her to look or something.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Brian

[Loonman]

1. I usually find it best

I usually find it best to not get involved in the affairs of others.

[jpgray]

2. Then you will find the lounge a cold and frightening place.

:D

(just kidding, sort of. Fear the Magic Rat!)

[demnan]

3. It is everyone's God-given right in this Country

to look like shit if they want to!

[prolesunited]

4. Why do you feel

that you need to intervene? If she's happy and her husband's happy, what concern of it is yours?

What you can do? Nothing

[Superfly]

5. I know....but she could be so much more

beautiful if she just updated.

[DuctapeFatwa]

8. Should she want to look beautiful to you, or her husband?

:)

[Superfly]

9. To herself, I would hazard a guess

husband be damned.

[prolesunited]

24. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Perhaps she does look beautiful to herself. Why should she conform to other's or society's perception of beauty?

[DuctapeFatwa]

28. LOL that goes without saying. If she is beautiful to herself, she

can't help but be beautiful to her husband!

[NJCher]

6. none of your business

Why would you spend even five minutes of your time on this? What do you have to gain, is my question.

Better office view?

Cher

[prolesunited]

11. Better office view

That's what I was thinking.

[Superfly]

14. What's that supposed to mean?

Hmmmm?

[prolesunited]

22. Not mean at all

Just an honest inquiry into why it should matter to you.

[Killarney]

7. I wouldn't say anything

I don't think there's any way of saying it that wouldn't hurt her feelings. It would be one thing if she was your wife, but she's not so I wouldn't say anything if I were you.

[Bertha Venation]

10. Maybe she's comfortable exactly as she is.

While it's a nice thought, unless it's a personal hygiene problem -- BO, lice, etc. -- I'd leave it alone if it were me.

[Superfly]

16. Thank you, that's what I'm going to do.

.

[Bertha Venation]

21. I think folks would like to do the same with me, Superfly...

I'm within firm dress code, but barely. My clothes are always clean and pressed. No one has ever complained, but I've heard whispers and folks have commented to my face, "You'd look so nice if you wore a dress" or "tailored suits" or "slacks & blouses instead of khakis & polos" etc., etc., etc.

I'm comfortable the way I am. If I could wear jeans, I would.

It's a nice thought, and I appreciate it, but I dress for me, and only to the letter of the firm's law.

:toast:

[Superfly]

12. Nevermind....You all are right

the risk of hurting her feelings is too great.

[maxanne]

13. nothing

I can't imagine why you think you have a "right" to do anything. This is none of your business. In fact, I'd suggest you examine your motivation.

Why do you need her to look more beautiful - there's the real question?

[Booberdawg]

15. I would stay out of it.

It's something that is better approached by a female coworker anyway if approached at all. You are going to get bit in the ass if you pursue this.

Drop it.

[elfin]

17. I have a beautiful neice

who became transformed into a drab "frump" after her marriage. Her mother finally took her aside and asked why she was "letting herself go" - worried that it was a sign of depression. The answer surprised her - "this is the way Bob likes me - he says I look better now"

She seems happy - he seems happy - they seem happy together - so we backed off.

If anyone were to speak to her - it would/should be a family member - not a co-worker. The most you can do is if she ever wears a becoming color or pin etc. to say - "That becomes you - where did you get it - my wife would also look good in something like that." That way you compliment without "coming on".

[truthspeaker]

18. it could even be construed as sexual harassment

n/t

[Sir_Shrek]

19. You're opening a lot of bad doors here....

If your wife saw your post, how do you think she'd react?

It's not as if this a project among friends to get her a date...she's married, just like you. So what interest do you have in making her look more attractive? How would you bring this subject up with her husband? Do you see where I'm going with this?

[Superfly]

20. My wife is the one who suggested it...

...

[Bertha Venation]

26. those who objected angrily need to re-read Superfly's initial post

He was inquiring, looking for opinions. He didn't say "there's this ugly chick in our office and no one can stand to look at her. We're going to kidnap her & take her to Elizabeth Arden."

Give Superfly a break.

Signed,

A "typical"-looking feminist lesbian.

[maxanne]

30. Bertha

I see your point - but as a "suit my own self" looking straight woman, I am incredibly weary of having men tell me what I could/should do to make myself look more appealing to them.

I am not responding in anger - if anything I am tired. Tired of the whole life-is-a-beauty-contest for women mentality that we are all stuck in.

[Bertha Venation]

32. a valid point, well taken. n/t

[xultar]

23. I'll help you if you help me... I have the co-worker with BO! Big BO!

BO so big 45mins after they leave the room we still have a linger BO.

:puke:

[Booberdawg]

25. That's something the manager or supervisor should address

I had a coworker with this problem years ago. She was talked to more than once about it. One day the manager asked her to go home and take a bath it was so bad. Can you imigine the self esteem one must be lacking in order to repeatedly come to work knowing their hygeine is offensive to others? And being told to go home and take a bath?

[TNDemo]

27. Maybe the covert approach...

You could have a magazine with someone wearing a nice outfit and you could say "That's something that you could wear really well." Or if you see a woman with a great hairstyle you could mention that you bet she could carry off the hairstyle really well because she has the kind of hair that it would take. If you start discussing it you could just casually mention that she has so many options because she has been blessed with great hair or look or whatever. Maybe it would spark an idea and then she would think it is all her idea. Just keep it very low pressure, just a hint a couple of times and see if she picks up on it. I don't think I would do the makeover thing. That's her husband or best friend's place.

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[SheilaT]

31. What Not to Wear

could be a great idea. You need to find out, however, if her husband and family also feels her look could be updated. If they claim to be perfectly happy the way she is, then you'll have to resign yourself to looking at her out of date (by a century or more) appearance.

What I like about What Not To Wear (either version) is that so many of the people start out saying "I really like the way I look. I don't dress for others, I only dress for myself. It's comfortable." And then, to their immense astonishment, they learn they can look really good and be comfortable in stylish, attractive clothes.

[DonP]

33. That kind of "advice" has to come from another woman

IMNSHO ...

Anything you say can and will be misinterpreted to everyone's embarassment.

[jukes]

34. Got them frothing...

Eh, 'Fly?


:evilgrin:

[Superfly]

36. Sheesh! I could have asked "do you like my shoes" and

I would have gotten the same vitriol.

In fact, I am going to do that.

[prolesunited]

37. Well, you know how women are

PMSing and hormonal and all. God forbid that we don't think it necessary to conform our appearance to what you think is attractive. :eyes:

[Superfly]

38. See? It was an innocent question

I don't give a hoot how she dresses, as long as she's professional, but I am sure that if she ever decided to, she would look even better with a little updating. And perhaps she's been thinking about doing just that, but has no idea how to update.

Regardless, I've given up on the whole idea.

[corarose]

35. She might like the way she looks

She shops at Laura Ashley and her clothes are comfortable and I use to dress the same.
It turns some guys on believe it or not.

[Skittles]

39. Brian, KEEP YOU MOUTH SHUT

dear God it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

[Superfly]

40. BEFORE YOU RESPOND TO THIS THREAD READ THIS

I am not going to say a damned thing. I asked this question to get some advice from DU members, who *resoundingly* assured me that it probably was not a good idea, which I am inclined to agree with.

Thanks for all your input, but may I suggest that in the future you do not meet such inquiries with such hostility?

Brian

[prolesunited]

41. Frankly

I went back through the thread and I didn't see any hostility in people's response. You asked for an opinion, people gave you one — it may not have been what you were hoping or what you wanted to hear, but I didn't see any hostility there — disagreement yes, hostility no.

And then jukes comment about "frothing" — where's the "frothing"? :shrug:

[maxanne]

42. ya know

you asked for input. You got it. Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear does not make it hostile! I sincerely recommend that you look over those responses after you've calmed down - and listen to what some of us were trying to tell you.

[Misinformed01]

44. Man, you kind of screwed up this one :)

I can't help it, I have to say something!

I think the Little House on the Prarie look is cute...(I still listen to my John Denver records too, OK?)

In a good mood, I laugh at men where I work (bartender here) that tell me how to dress, etc. If Michael likes the way I look, and I do too...their comments are in one ear and out the other.

In a bad mood, it just seriously pisses me off-

Good call asking for advice, btw...how else would you have known?

Stephanie

[Redleg]

43. Keep it to yourself. It is between her and her husband.

Damned civilians.

[TXlib]

45. It is none of your business

Even if she were a casual acquaintance, and not a coworker, you're more likely to offend than do any good.

It's not your place.

[Booberdawg]

46. I feel your pain, Superfly ;-)

I'm sure you meant well. I'm not going to rub it in now. It's one of those "guy fuck-ups" that guys get caught in once in a while. ;)

[TrogL]

47. Butt out

It's none of your business.

Don't you have meaningful work to do?

[Superfly]

48. ONCE MORE

for the people in the back of the room...

I got it. I will not be saying or doing anything. Thank you all for your input. That's why I asked, to get a feeling for if it was appropriate for me to suggest changes to her look. It is not, and I understand that now.

Now, can we let this thread drop off the page?

B