Yet another tale of my friend the fundie

[hyphenate]

Yesterday, my friend Barb and I got together for the first time in about a month. She has fallen in love.

Her daughter got her listed on one of those Xtian dating sites, and she found a guy in Kentucky who she now talks with endlessly on the phone, and she is planning a 10 day trip to see him in August. She says she is "smitten" with him and says he is her "soulmate." And together they are going to do "the lord's work."

While that's all well and good, I found myself being the odd man out yesterday, even though I was with her shopping and such, all she did was talk with him on the cell, and I found myself being pretty much ignored for a larger part of the day.

Granted, she might have a crush on a guy who fits her now narrow definition of what is good and what is bad, but I have always found that completely immersing yourself in a relationship such as this is definitely not good for the people around you.

She acted, I would say, like a teenager. Perhaps because I have personally never been "head over heels" for anyone in a long-distance "relationship" I find it difficult to embrace the concept as an incomplete one--I find it less than ideal in ensuring a relationship is built on a firmer foundation. It is absurd--to me--to think that the meeting of the minds is in any way a single avenue to finding someone to fall so hopelessly "in love" with as she has.

Perhaps there was a tinge of jealousy there--that she was paying far more attention to her cell phone than to me, but this was, for me, a way for me to look at cell phones as one of the greatest threats to privacy and both relationships and friendships. It's definitely difficult to discuss anything when the phone is constantly interrupting. Personally, if I am with someone else, I call people beforehand and tell them I am with someone and therefore won't be talking with them on the phone. If someone calls while I'm with someone else, I tell them simply I will call them back later. I find it rather ignorant for those people who carry on long conversations on their cell phones while they are with other people.

I suppose I could simply be wrong in other ways on this incident, and that her behavior is relatively normal. I have nothing to compare it to at present, but it does seem to be near adolescent in its entire, and not the mature way of being somewhat sceptical and reserved. Again, I could be wrong. But I also have found her being so involved with the evangelical and fundie side of things has given her a mindset which is less than realistic in the first place, and only wish that she would--and could--view reality again without the desire to funnel everything through the strainer of religious fantasy.

That's about it. I do wonder, sometimes, if it were me who was enchanted by someone I had only met online, or even if I had joined a group of agnostics and was in love with the idea of spreading "logic and tolerance" around the world, would she be as patient as I am to listen to me waxing about the pleasures and joy to others as she does with me on the very same topics? I sincerely doubt she would. And yet, I put up with it every time I am with her now, and while I don't consider myself special or anything, I do consider it rather noble that I can tolerate so much spoonfed shit as she has come to believe.

[riona]

1. To put it in a nutshell

(IMHO) this behavior was just plain rude. I probably wouldn't make plans again with this person. It sounds like you would have had a more enjoyable day shopping alone.

[IdaBriggs]

2. Oh, dear. Has the Lord already spoken to her about her new soul mate?

Kind of scary when they start getting personal messages! In the future, however, you might want to pointedly look at your watch, maybe even tap it, and then tell her that you find the behavior rude. Worst case scenario, she might not want to be your "friend" anymore (and who wants to be friends with someone who treats you like crap?), while a possible best case scenario involves treating you with a little more respect.

Good luck. :hi:

P.S. And no, she wouldn't be tolerant of your wish to impose your beliefs on other people, because YOUR beliefs are "wrong" -- didn't you know that? :eyes: