Can I gripe for a minute? It's nothing big but I need to vent.

[LeftyMom]

I don't have many real friends in my area. I used to, but one moved to Oklahoma last year and the other quit talking to me when our employer fired me (I can't say I blame her, but it still sucks that office politics trumped our friendship.) My only real friend in the area is my kid's Dad and for obvious reasons that relationship is sometimes strained. It really sucks that everytime I want to go someplace I either need to go by myself (which isn't fun because I am not really comfortable socializing with strangers) or stay home. I have no desire to go out to dinner or see a movie or a concert by myself, but I do want to do those things once in a while and it sucks not having the opportunity. It's hard enough being a single mother, being one with no opportunities to get out of the house and have any fun fucking blows.

I just had to get that off my chest.

[NMDemDist2]

1. now you understand why some folks turn to a church

gets you out of the house once a week, lots of them watch the kid and you get to meet people

other than churches, it's hard to find a family friendly place to meet people

[Vidar]

7. Theater, support groups & dance classes would be a few alternatives.

Although, I've done th church thing several times as well.

[NMDemDist2]

8. all good ones, but hard to take your kid to with you n/t

[Vidar]

21. Actually we have a local contra dancing organizaion in which

children & teens are at least as ell-represented as any of the adult age brackets. Sigh, wish I could still dance.

[lizziegrace]

2. I can certainly relate

I've lived in this area 12 years. I can count on one hand people I consider "friends". But everyone's either so busy or married or in a relationship. I go to movies alone and festivals. One thing I do is volunteer. It gets me out of the house and thinking about other things for awhile. Since my divorce 5 years ago, I don't let people get close to me. Yes, it's safer, but lonelier too.

:(

[Guava Jelly]

3. Leftymom you are an attractive smart and good person

You should check out http://www.democraticsingles.net or other things like that.
Being lonely is far worse then being alone.
Life is to short to be alone and to miss making memories.

[LeftyMom]

4. I don't think my boyfriend would want me cruising singles sites.

:rofl: I'm sure I could get him to go do those things with me if he didn't live so far away.

[Guava Jelly]

5. Well ding dang ding

nevermind :)

[prolesunited]

27. Why doesn't someone move?

That's how Blue-Jay and I resolved our dilemma. Since I live closer to Chicago, where there's more opportunity, and already had a house, he moved here. He now has a fantastic job in the city making more than ever and we couldn't be happier (personally, certainly not politically). We also got married, but that's certainly not for everyone.

It's not always the easiest thing to do, but at some point you have to decide what you want and act on it.

Since you're in between jobs anyway, perhaps it's time for you to seek new opportunities elsewhere.

[flvegan]

6. Your PM inbox is calling...

[WCGreen]

9. You are soooooo Subtle.....

:rofl:

[flvegan]

12. What? I said nothing.

Here, anyway.

[WCGreen]

17. Crack me up!!!!!

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. I know just how you feel

I haven't been to a ball game (!) or a concert in years.

Nobody to go with.

[LeftyMom]

13. Well, you aren't too far away

How do you feel about indian food and punk? :D

[Oeditpus Rex]

16. I like punk

Some of it, anyway. I can listen to pretty much any of it, though.

Indian food... dunno. Never et any. :shrug:

Could we find a ball game where there's Indian food at the stands and punks do the national anthem? :bounce:

[Gormy Cuss]

14. A's or Giants?

I go to the A's games when they play the Red Sox, but I sit in the red pit where A's fans fear to tread.

[Oeditpus Rex]

18. Giants

I'm an NL fan.

I wanna take Caltrain to AT&T. Two firsts in one day. :bounce:

[Gormy Cuss]

20. I want to get to the Giants' stadium some day.

It's just so cool-looking.

[BlueIris]

11. It's allllll about the Borders. Or the popular indie bookstore of your

choice. No better way to meet people with common goals, interests and lifestyles than you than a bookstore. Well, okay, there are, but that's the most entertaining one I could think of.

[RevCheesehead]

15. Isn't that why we have the internets?

For all the lonely people of the world? All my friends are internet friends right now. (It's hard to make friends when you're the pastor.)

I go to movies (occasionally), dinner, concerts, whatever by myself. I always carry a book with me, but often spend my time just watching all the people around me. I refuse to let my singleness stop me from enjoying life.

[KitchenWitch]

22. Wow, I never considered that

It is sad that your calling hampers your social life.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

24. It's true, Kitchy...

sometimes, it sucks to be me. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

34. I can tell you

that if you were a pastor at my church, we'd be friends. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

35. Hon, we'd be friends even if I was dog-catcher!

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

43. So what's the job market like up that way?

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

39. I am sorry

I know I am not geographically close, but I would like to think that you consider me a friend. And for obvious reasons, you are not my pastor!

:hug:

[raccoon]

26. Good for you! Thanks for sharing that.

I've gone to movies alone for ages, nowadays I seldom go to movies because there aren't many I'm interested in. Maybe I can get my nerve up to go to concerts alone.

[Gormy Cuss]

19. It's just a phase. You will move on.

It sucks to be at one of those points. Moving here from the East Coast was tough because I have a large network of friends and family there. Here it was just us and a couple who we knew from Boston. Slowly we added friends and now have a new group for socializing, plus all those Easterners who come here at the drop of a hat.

[Floogeldy]

23. Life is like sex, baby . . . The more you put in . . .

OH, the more you get out. ;)

[billyskank]

25. Oh LeftyMom

I know what that's like. :hug:

[MissMillie]

28. I know exactly how you feel.

I have friendly acquaintances, despite being in my town for nearly 7 years now. I just don't seem to know how to make friends.

Not to mention that most of the people I meet are married, and always have things planned to do with their husbands or with their other married friends.

I had 4 tickets to a Red Sox game earlier this month and had NO ONE to go with me. Red Sox tix are supposed to be hard to come by, and you'd think the people I know would jump at the chance. No such luck.

My son's friends will come over and play poker, and that can be fun, but I try not to join in all the time because I think my son should be able to have his friends w/o me sometimes. (The friends do love me...)

I work about 45 miles from where I live, so the people I know here at work are not nearby to do anything with after dinner.

I'm going to start night school in the fall, so I'm hoping to be busy with homework and such. I don't assume I will meet anyone at night school. Those folks will be commuting from all around, and probably just as busy as I am (job, family and night school).

So, it's tough making friends. Worse when it comes to finding romance (for reasons I won't post here).

My son still sleeps at home, but between his friends, his girlfriend and his job (and come fall, school), the empty-nest syndrome applies.

I'm lonely.

[auntAgonist]

31. I can sort of relate

to some of what you say. I'm married and my husband is my best friend. It's not the same though. I don't have girlfriends that live nearby. My best friend is 5 hours away by car. I don't go anywhere. Can't remember the last time I went to a function. I did have the opportunity to meet Progmom and Misunderestimator and 1gobluedem for dinner a couple of weeks ago and that was awesome. Working 2nd shift doesn't help either. Everyone does things in the evenings and I'm working. I get lonesome too. I do a lot of stuff on my own. I like to go shopping, but no one to go with. I wish you lived closer MissM!

:hug:

aA
kesha

[Lydia Leftcoast]

29. Join an activity that meets regularly

It doesn't matter what it is, just as long as it's something you enjoy and that attracts the type of people you would like to get to know.

Find a local coffee place that serves as a hang-out.

Go to concerts and things alone! As a life-long single, I've had to do that more often than not. Look around and you'll see that you're not the only one doing that. (I wish all the single men who think that there are "no good women" out there would drop their macho hang-ups, start going to classical and dance concerts, and chat up the women in the refreshment lines.)

[JVS]

30. Join a dating service

[Qanisqineq]

32. Ditto for me

I have my husband, but he is gone a lot. I am all alone most of the time and it is hard to go out and meet people considering I don't speak their language (I live in Korea). I want to learn the language but the hell if I can figure out where. It doesn't help that I was completely alone for a year before moving here this spring. I feel like a total loser. I have no job so I am completely shut off from people. I am tired of it.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

41. I know that there are branches of Berlitz in Seoul

Rosetta Stone has a Korean course, as does the Teach Yourself Series. Yonsei and Ewha Universities have courses for foreigners, although I don't know if they take part-timers.

You should definitely try to learn some of the language. It's not easy, but it can be done, and the writing system, even though it looks nothing like English, is phonetic and logical, once you learn it.

It's also safe to say that you're going through culture shock and have taken the not-uncommon approach of holing up in your apartment.

You need to get out. There IS an expatriate community in Seoul--even the Lonely Planet Guidebook talks about it. Talking to other expats who have made successful adjustments will help you get over your culture shock.

I just googled "Seoul"+"expatriate organizations," and I found these two phone numbers:

Foreigner's Community Service [phone]
Intercultural Exchange Organization [phone]

The website of The Korea Herald is also full of information:
http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/community/exp_index.asp

Good luck! If you get out and around, you'll find that the expat community is full of interesting people.

[Qanisqineq]

44. I don't live in Seoul

I already taught myself the Korean alphabet. It wasn't hard and I can sound out words (though I don't do it very quickly). I used to go out all the time, but after a while going out alone gets really boring. Who wants to wander around and see things if there is no one to share it with? I guess my main point was, it wouldn't matter what country I was in, I don't have any friends. I was in Colorado alone for a year and had zero friends. None. I think I forgot how to make friends.

:(

[Lydia Leftcoast]

46. Unless you're in the utter boonies of Korea, there are bound to be

other foreigners in the area.

Try to find them, and maybe make a long-distance call to some of those places in Seoul to find out what kind of social organizations for foreigners exist in your community.

You really do sound as if you're in a bad phase of culture shock. Just staying home will only make it worse. You MUST make the effort to get out and meet people. For all you know, there may be some Koreans who speak English well in the area.

Do yourself a favor. Call those numbers in Seoul and find out how to get reconnected.

[LaraMN]

33. I so feel for you, honey!

If I were anywhere nearby, I'd love to hang out with you. Getting out is really critical to one's sanity, and friendly adult conversation is so important. I hope you can hook up with a buddy to get out of the house with, asap!

[LeftyMom]

36. Thanks everybody

I feel a little better today. :)

[billyskank]

42. ...

:hug:

I made the samosas...they taste great! :9 Thread will follow. :)

[khashka]

37. I feel the same way

I hate doing stuff by myself. You are not alone....

Let's make a deal! I'll go to concerts with you if you'll hang out at Denny's and drink coffee all night with me :)

Khash.

[Pithlet]

38. That sucks. I'm sorry.

I can somewhat relate as all my friends moved away or we drifted apart after I had kids. I stay at home, and since my older son has special needs, I just can't trust him with any babysitter. And my mom moved out of town recently. So, I don't get out much. I tell myself that it's a temporary phase in life, and that I'll get back in the groove of things someday. I'm sure it's only temporary for you as well. It won't always be this way.

[kiraboo]

40. Hi LeftyMom. I really feel for you.

I'm not a single mom (yet) but I've been in the same town for seven years and have made very few connections with people I'd consider "friends" and most of those have moved away within a year or two of my meeting them. I've often said with some cynicism that the good people always escape this area, and the rest of us are left here to suffer. I have no relatives or in-laws in the area either, so no built-in babysitter for me.

It's so hard to maintain a positive outlook when you don't have personal time, without the kids, and preferably doing something meaningful to you. My strategy has been to raise my kids so that they are rather independent of me, but until recently my physical presence has been required, day in and day out. :hug: :hug: to you. And vent any time you want. That's why we're here.

[RandomKoolzip]

45. Friends are just people who think they can borrow money from you.

Who needs 'em? I say learn to enjoy your time alone - you'll miss it later in life.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

47. Lonely is awful

and I know you know it is temporary.

But it still hurts.