What is your biggest regret in life?

[everythingsxen]

Not to say you are not happy with how things have turned out (or maybe you aren't) but is there something you sort of wish (or actively wish) you could go back and change?

Me:

I wish I had joined the Army right out of High School, through ROTC. I would have been a Colonel at least by now.

I don't really wish that of course, otherwise I would have never met AlienGirl, whom I love quite completely. :loveya:

[Fox Mulder]

1. Dropping out of college last year.

[pitohui]

2. not being born rich

if i had it to do over, i would have chosen my parents more wisely

[AlienGirl]

3. Or a Lieutenant-Colonel...

:evilgrin:

[WCGreen]

21. You mean Colonel Lingus.....

[Joey Liberal]

63. Not attending Army OCS when it was offered

That was a dumb move on my part.

[L A Woman]

4. Wow, there are so many...

probably not going to veterinary school because i was afraid of math and science. :-(

[UrbScotty]

5. Shoulda done more to keep my grades up and my weight down in school (nt)

[AlienGirl]

6. Ignoring the letters Yale sent me asking me to apply

In high school, a few Ivy League colleges sent me information packets. Dartmouth, Bryn Mawr, and Yale were the most persistent. Of course, I figured I could never afford it, and never even tried applying...What would I be doing now if I had only paid attention to their brochures offering financial aid?

Tucker

[lizziegrace]

7. Staying married as long as I did n/t

[PRETZEL]

62. that would be mine also..........n/t

[NewJeffCT]

8. my first marriage

she was great as a girlfriend, but didn't work, did no housework & had no concept of money. Well, she did work a bit part-time as a food server a few months after we got married...

[jrandom421]

9. My biggest regret

That I couldn't get $1000 together to move to Seattle in 1979, because I had a job waiting for me as a hardware validation tester for this little company in the suburb of Bellevue, which moved quickly to Redmond.....

[hfojvt]

20. I am guessing that would be

microsoft?

There was some magazine that had these multimillionaire computer people and the one guy got rich writing accounting programs. I was like, hey that is what I was doing in 1986. I could have very easily written a family history program in Dbase 2, and I could have been the founder of Family Treemaker. Another thing that kinda hurts. I used to play freecell in college, which I graduated in 1985. I played with actual cards, only I went seven rows wide, just like solitaire and it was harder to win. Anyway, it would be fairly easy to modify the solitaire program to play freecell, and I would perhaps still be collecting royalties.

[NNadir]

10. The years I wasted smoking pot.

[Maccagirl]

11. Not having children

When I think of the good (and invariably) bad times I could have had with my kid(s)...
Well, we're supposed to focus on what we have, not what we could have had...right?

[Ptah]

12. I wish I had been a better parent. n/t

[Midlodemocrat]

46. .

:hug: I'm sure based on your kindness here that you are a wonderful parent. Sometimes kids just have to learn the hard way.

[Ptah]

85. Thanks, Midlodemocrat

:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

86. No.Thank you, Ptah.

You are an absolute prince and your children are gorgeous. They are lucky to have such a caring, kind, and loving parent.


:hug:

[Betsy Ross]

13. Waiting until my fifties

to get therapy for childhood sexual abuse.

[u4ic]

29. .

:hug:

Mine is the same - though I'm not near 50. Wishing I would have done it much earlier in my life.

[bluethruandthru]

14. Choosing a career where I have to work for someone.

I wish I had chosen something that I could do anywhere and work for myself, i.e., veterinarian, real estate, dentist, dog groomer, whatever. I hate that in order to do what I do - which I love - I need someone to employ me.

[Deja Q]

15. No comment. However, my 2nd biggest regret in life is

Being so awkward and scared and unable to talk around Bryan... 1994. GreenTree Financial. :cry:

Bryan, I am so sorry...

The other regret? Not yet finding the time and means to meet a certain someone... :think:

[Mutley]

16. Dropping out of school a couple times.

I'd have been done years ago if not for that.

Next month, though. Just got a letter from the Alumni Association today, and my application for graduation was approved! :woohoo:

[SeattleGirl]

17. Moving out of Seattle to one of the suburbs a number of years ago.

Led me down a path that I'm kind of sorry about. But, on the other hand, there are some very good things that have come my way over the years, so perhaps that move wasn't so bad after al.

[Aristus]

18. I wish I'd studied harder in school.

I wish I had made straight A's all through junior high and high school. I could have earned a full-ride scholarship to a swanky East Coast University. I could have earned a degree in political science or something and gone on to be a liberal political operative for somebody like Bill Clinton or John Edwards.

But I was lazy. I got B's without cracking a book. I figured 'why make an effort?'. A little more effort could have got me the college education I wish I had today.

[kiraboo]

19. Destroying my marriage over a man who wasn't worth it.

Nothing do I regret more.

[WCGreen]

22. That's a pretty big one.....

Me, I have no regrets....

I just keep looking to the future....

[kiraboo]

23. I'm glad for you.

Live and learn, I say.

[WCGreen]

24. I learned something from the AA programs and that was

to recognize the past for what it is and know that you can reshape your life....

I know it's easy for me to say, but I will wager a lot of cash that I fucked up more stuff in my life than almost anyone on this board...

If I let that stuff haunt me, I wouldn't be able to function....

[kiraboo]

26. You are a strong man

and maybe that's something you've learned - how to be strong. That is something I'm working on now. So far, dismal failure! But I like your perspective. :hug:

[WCGreen]

27. It get's easier....

If you let it...

[kiraboo]

33. Don't know how. That's what has shocked me.

I seem incapable. Anyhow, enough about me. :D

[Schema Thing]

37. For what it's worth, Kiraboo

I think there is a certain strength in actually allowing yourself to have the regret. I understand that it may feel as if you have no choice, but I see people who simply choose not to, and before you know it, they are batshit crazy, cocooned in a cuckoo's nest of personal mythos.

To actually tell yourself and the world "I was wrong", is a strength of character many people don't seem to have, especially when they get to write the history of something as personal as romance.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

70. I can relate.

However, I'm still happy to be out of the marriage- huge communication problems there because he was unable to connect at the level of emotional intimacy that I believe it takes (or at least that I need). I will love him like a brother forever, he's a wonderful dad, I'm marrying someone else now who I love deeply, and although I never cheated physically, I regret the pain I caused by becoming close to a man who I never should have. I still carry that guilt and the whole thing ended up being little more than a drawn out waste of time and energy.

I've been told I need to forgive myself. I'm working on it. You can too. Humans aren't perfect, but all we can do is strive to do our best.:hug:

[kiraboo]

73. Your story means a lot to me.

I am torn between sadness over what I've done - this sadness is good and right - and deeper sadness that the man I loved, who wasn't my husband, is gone. Bad and wrong. I don't see forgiving myself. But the fact that you have maintained good relations with your husband, and are happy with another is very good. I am currently afraid of being alone and thinking of reconciling with my husband. IOW, I'm confused as hell!

[Iniquitous Bunny]

75. I guess I went through a period of accepting aloneness.

For awhile I dated a little and just got used to being my myself (and was ok with that). I said, "If I meet someone, fine, but I'm not giving my heart to anyone unless they are what I want in a partner." When my current SO came along, he had an entirely different attitude than anything I've ever experienced. One of trying to earn my love and of being grateful for it when I gave it him. I've never experienced that before, but I was ok enough within myself by then to truly be able to give it to him without reserve or prior commitments.

These are questions to think about yourself, but you don't have to answer:
As for your ex, is there still a chance to work things out?
Do you really want to?
What was it about the relationship that lead you somewhere else?
Is that factor or factors still present?
Do you love your ex or do you fear being alone?

For me, leaving was a bravest (though best) thing I ever did, but I was a mess for awhile and I had to accept being alone before I could be ready for anyone else. Don't stay because you're afraid to be alone. Stay because you love your ex and if that's the case, go to counseling and work like heck. My ex and I are civil and we are considerate to one another (we've put the past behind us now), but we don't talk about personal things anymore. We're business and parents together and that works best for us.

[sendero]

25. Only a few little ones...

.. mostly relating to relationships that could have been.

If we could go back to being 20 with what we know at 50, things would be a lot different :)

[RedCappedBandit]

28. Being shy n.t

[johnnie]

30. Regrets?

I've had a few.

But then again
Too few to mention.

[everythingsxen]

31. Nice

Yo, Blue-Eyes, play us something else. :D

[femmocrat]

32. I wish I had discovered DU sooner! n/t

[Thtwudbeme]

34. regardless of what Skinner writes, DU was tons more fun

a few years ago. The first two years were the best. I STILL go look at the archives.

[GalleryGod]

87. I Agree. Word for Word.

Sad,really.

[smtpgirl]

35. not concentrating in college!!!!

I am 45 and still going.

I could have earned a bachelor's degree YEARS ago, but partying was such fun!!

[idgiehkt]

92. thank you for saying that. I am just getting started again.

I started again at 36. And I don't have kids or a marriage to blame it on. I just worked after I dropped out my sophomore year (after almost flunking the last semester), and loafed the rest of the time. I don't know why it's taken me so long to get back

[MikeH]

36. Not getting to know a girl who seemed to have a crush on me in high school

In high school, there was a girl who was in one of my math classes and who was in the class year ahead of me, who seemed to especially like me, and always said hi to me when she saw me.

I had a lot of problems in high school, and was shy and felt not OK about myself, so I never made any advances to her. She lived on the other side of town from where I did, and I never ran into her outside of school.

I last saw her at a party about a week before she graduated from high school. After that party I was never to see her again (until years later, as I will explain below). Again, she graduated the year before I did.

I went to high school in Illinois, and moved to San Diego, CA with my parents two years after I graduated from high school. I had some good reasons for wanting to move, but I missed the chance to see this girl for many years (and also to finish other unfinished business from my time at school in Illinois). For just about my entire youth and young adulthood I was haunted by the memory of having missed out on getting to know this girl who liked me. And that affected my ability and desire to look for other women to have a relationship with when I was young.

It occurred to me eventually to try to find out about this girl, where she was, what she was doing, and whether she was married. I finally was able to find out about her the year before my 20 year high school reunion, the year her class had her reunion. It did turn out she was married.

I was able to go to my 20 year reunion in Illinois, and I contacted the girl before I left for my trip. She sort of remembered me, and was very friendly. She and her husband were both open to my visiting them at their house, and so I did. No sparks flew between me and her during our visit; she obviously loved her husband, whom I liked and who was very friendly. I had a pleasant time with them.

By visiting her I was able to be at peace about not getting to know this girl in high school. It did wonders for my self-esteem and self-respect. However I was still left with the feeling I really missed the boat as far as women are concerned when I was young, and am still dealing with that now.

[Bucky]

38. My greatest regret is responding to this thread right now

Of course, I'm trying to live in the moment.

My greatest regreat from the past would be masterbating so much that God killed all those kittens.

[clyrc]

39. I wish I had gone to school to be a Librarian

IF I had been smarter, I would have prolonged my engagement to go to school for Library Science, and then gotten married after I had my Masters. The History degree I have has left me educated but not all that employable. Of course I would not have had my oldest daughter in that case, so I can't regret too hard.

[nickinSTL]

48. have you thought about still doing it?

I started my master's 10 years after I got my undergrad degree (in history).

[clyrc]

95. Yes

there are online programs I can take, and I probably will at some point. I am such a book and Library fanatic, it just makes sense. I live down the road from a gorgeous new library, and every time I go there I think yeah, I could work in a place like this. Although I love old libraries where that old book smell permeates the air, too.

[nickinSTL]

96. I'm getting my master's in December...

from an online program.

I've been really happy with it, you should do it if it's something you really want.

[khashka]

40. A little S/m here

My Lord and Master told me to leave him. It was my Master's voice. So I obeyed. And it was the right decision. But sometimes (like every day) I think I'd rather be wrong with him than right without him.

And he's made it clear he loves me more than anything else. But together we're a trainwreck. But I'd rather have that trainwreck than anything else....

I regret being the good slave.....


Khash.

[wickerwoman]

41. I wish I had paid attention in science and math...

My math class was always at 7:30 am and I was always sound asleep. I never studied science because I never thought I'd be good at it. Now there are so many projects I wish I could work on. I think I would have been a good writer whether I took classes or not. I should have taken more classes in the things I was bad at.

[cobalt1999]

42. no real regrets.

Oh, I've made lots of mistakes and errors of judgment, but each time I've either learned a valuable lesson or the fun was worth the consequences (plus the treasure trove of stories I can tell now). I view it as the scenic route to where I am now (which is a pretty good place).

[eyesroll]

43. No regrets.

Of course, there are things I'd wish I'd done differently, but I like where I am now.

[calico1]

44. That I allowed my relatives and especially

my very smart professor uncle to pummel and browbeat and wear me down into studying accounting, rather than veterinary care which is what I was drawn to. Also wish I hadn't dropped out of high school and started college 2 years late (although there are complicated reasons for that). I have been able to do several different thing with my accounting degree. Overall my work career has been okay, but I've never jumped out of bed looking forward to going to work. I wish that at least on some days I had.

[redqueen]

45. getting married n/t

[xchrom]

47. leaving college?

but i was a more than budding alcoholic/dope fiend -- so -- i wan't able to think clearly.

[nickinSTL]

49. biggest regret? that's easy...

I have lots of minor ones, what with hindsight and all, but the biggest...

definitely not telling the woman I fell in love with freshman year of college how I felt...until it was many years too late to matter.

[ALago1]

72. Same here

Though I'm entirely happy with where I am now, I do regret not pursuing certain relationships...

[raccoon]

50. That I left a certain job I had about 20 years ago.

It seems like the start of a downhill slide for me as far as jobs are concerned.

But, I could go even further back and say I wish I'd gone to tech school and studied secretarial science, or whatever they called it back then, gotten a clerical job and stayed there for the next 30 years.

[JVS]

51. I wish I had gone to more orgies!

;-)

[NewWaveChick1981]

53. You and me both...

;) :hi:

[JVS]

59. Is that an invitation?

We'll go as a pair, the other pervs dig that

[NewWaveChick1981]

65. OK---it's a deal!

:) :evilgrin:

[JVS]

66. SWEET!

[taterguy]

54. It's not too late to start :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

52. Actually, two biggies...

I regret not breaking up with my first boyfriend a lot sooner than I did. Being the eternal optimist I am, I let him get away with way too much for way too long. If I had broken up with him after three years when I needed to instead of five like I did, I could have had a lot more fun the last year of college. Instead, I tortured myself over the whole thing and really missed out on a lot my senior year.

My other regret is not keeping my own last name when I got married. I was going to do that and stuck to my guns, but both my mother and hubby's mother gave me complete hell about it. I mean, you would have thought I was trying to annihilate a billion people they way they made it sound---it was just "awful" and "catastrophic." :mad: I was under so much stress in the weeks before the wedding that I caved at the last minute just to shut them the HELL up. :grr: I never should have done that. I like my maiden name too much, and that's who I actually am. My identity doesn't come from being Mrs. Someone. :) If I ever do this again, my maiden name STAYS.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

55. That the Gods didn't...

create me to be the type of woman who enjoys and wants children. As much as I may like the idea of having a family of my own I am simply not cut out for it. Not by a long shot.

It saddens me sometimes, more often the older I get.

[azmouse]

56. I wish I had been more careful with my weight.

In my early 20's I lost 50 lbs... I've gained it all back. :(

[auntAgonist]

57. azmouse, I can SO relate

for many years I lost pounds and they found me again. I DOUBLED my weight between 1977 and 1998. I lost more pounds than I can remember but regained and then some.

I've since had bariatric surgery and lost 154 lbs. I now weight 140! Losing weight is rough. Don't be too hard on yourself :)
:hug: :hug: :hug:

aA

[azmouse]

61. I'm taking some positive steps now

I've been working out and watching what I eat but being in my 40's now makes it tougher than ever to lose. I know I'll benefit from just eating healthier and exercising regardless of what my weight is so that's good incentive too.

I'm glad you've found a way that worked for you! Here's to good health! :toast:

[auntAgonist]

64. There's a group here on DU that might interest you.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=337

Weight Loss/Maintenance Group

a really supportive forum if you're interested, we'd be happy to see you there!

thanks for the good wishes!

I wish you every success in your healthy lifestyle choice.

:toast:

aA
kesha

[ThomCat]

58. I have so many...

I don't think I want to rank them. x(

[Patiod]

60. Controllable or not-controllable?

Not controllable: I wish I had gotten married young and had kids. But I didnt' meet the right guy until later in life, and that's just how it happened.

Controllable: Wish I hadn't spent so much money in my 20's renting beach houses and spending WAY too much money on food and liquor at the beach. Instead, I should have saved it and bought a house while they were affordable!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

67. Having been born

[auntAgonist]

69. that's sad

:cry:

aA

[GOPisEvil]

83. .

:hug:

[faithnotgreed]

89. oh

i truly hope this is not so but if it is how youre feeling right now
please know you are loved

and though i have not had those same feelings of regret i know that everyone has periods when they feel down
someone with your talents and energy (and i could go on and on) has so much even though you may not feel it just now
i know you already know that support is vital and i trust that you are reaching out for the healthiest form of that

it isnt much but i am sending you a hug and lots of positive vibes that tomorrow will be better

please take care



(egads - clichés arent going to help anything are they)

[kwolf68]

68. Degree in Biology

My original degree was in Economics and I have since gone back to pursue post-graduate degree in Biology. Had I found my calling sooner who knows where I could be. Oh well.

[atomic-fly]

71. checking out this thread...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5362394

this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCecnhJ3LUw

[wildhorses]

74. leaving Alabama in the broad daylight....

leaving him behind with no end in sight

[CaliforniaPeggy]

81. ......

:loveya: :hug:

[grannylib]

76. Not taking a major in college that would have prepared me better for

a 'real' job. I majored in Psych, which I loved, but had no desire to go on for a Master's or Ph.D.
Wish I had known then how much I LOVE teaching/training; I would have gone that route, or maybe Poli Sci/Languages. Or maybe Interior Design. Or landscaping.

I just have too many interests!!!

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

77. Not winning the lottery.

As Flordia would say: DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

[tigereye]

78. nothing major

I've been pretty lucky.


If I had to do it over again, I would have gone to Medical school.

[wain]

79. Life's path offers many branches to travel

I've had my share of "taking the wrong turn", but I've also made some pretty good course corrections (fixing my regrets) as well as some good choices. If I led a perfect life i.e. took all the correct branches, I'd probably be facing a whole new set of problems and regrets. All in all I consider myself very lucky to be at least who I am. Sure, I could be better, but I could be a whole lot worse.

:)

[MrSlayer]

80. Not putting more money into oil futures when Chimp was installed.

I knew it would go up but not this much. I would have put every cent into it.

[flvegan]

82. Not a single one.

If I hadn't done (or not done) the things I did, I'd not be who I am, where I am today. Who I am today is so much more important than anything else.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

84. At some point

I stopped having fun physically (like skating, swimming, etc.) and became a "head."

[rocktivity]

88. "For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these:

'It might have been.'"
-- John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)

I've gotten to at least try everything I wanted to do in life, and in a couple of cases, got the do the next best thing. Not everything's gone my way, but at least I don't wonder what would have happened.

:headbang:
rocknation

[Redstone]

90. I have none. Good or bad, the things I've done have inevitably led me

to where I am now. And that's as good a place as i could have ever asked for.

Redstone

[GOPisEvil]

91. I've said almost those same words many times.

Who knows, I might have "done everything right" and gotten run over by a bus at 28. You just never know.

[Redstone]

93. Amen.

Redstone

[Tracyjo]

94. I should have been a doctor

doing research. I'd go back and switch my grades around. I got straight A's until 9th grade. At that point, I hated homework, so I never did any in High School and my grades sucked because of it. I couldn't stand doing the same crap over and over, every year. I would have been a bum until it mattered, if I could do it again.