After 6 Quiet Decades as 'Friends' and Partners, Gus and Elmer Eloped

[BurtWorm]

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/12/16/nyregion/16GAY.html?pagewanted=print&position=


By ANDREA ELLIOTT


In the language of their generation, Gus and Elmer were friends.

They worked together, took cruises together and sang in the same church choir. They lived together for nearly six decades but never held hands in public.

Then, last month, Gustavo Archilla, 88, and Elmer Lokkins, 84, crossed the Canadian border near Niagara Falls and were married.

"We eloped," Mr. Lokkins said in his Manhattan apartment one recent afternoon, before breaking into song. "To Niagara in a sleeper, there's no honeymoon that's cheaper."

Then he paused, and his tone shifted. "We waited a long, long time."

Mr. Archilla and Mr. Lokkins did not marry for political reasons, financial reasons or legal reasons. Through their 58 years together, they mostly stood by as others fought for rights like civil unions or domestic partnerships.

Marriage meant more to them. It was something sacred, they said, an institution they cherished even as it shunned them....

[Sapphocrat]

1. On the surface, it's touching.....

...but it absolutely kills me that "they mostly stood by as others fought for rights like civil unions or domestic partnerships."

I understand: They considered marriage more important than a mere civil union -- as I do. However, I (and my partner) actively work to get what we can get, when we can get it, while keeping our eyes on the prize.

Sincere congratulations to them on their marriage. But it just pisses me off that they spent all those years in the closet, while everybody else laid the groundwork and got dirtied up doing it. Sure, I understand the generational thing that kept them closeted 60 -- and 50, and 40, and 30 -- years ago. I really do get it -- but it's been a long time since lesbians and gay men were jailed or subjected to electroshock just for being gay. (And the article says their families had already figured they were queer, ages ago.)

Lokkins said it himself:

"Living a lie was the hardest part," Mr. Lokkins said.

Well, better late than never, I guess. At least this story might make an impression on a few straight folks -- 'cause it sure wasn't written for queers like me -- who have been out and working for the benefit of people like them for the past 25-plus years.

Sorry, but I've always had a very low level of sympathy for closet cases; they make it so hard for the rest of us, when we really need their help -- especially their visibility.

[DoctorMyEyes]

4. awww.....

I'm sorry this story pissed you off. I can see what you're saying and why you would feel that way.

If it helps any, as an older person myself, I understand their choice to live "below the radar".

Whenever any of us march in a protest, write a letter to the editor, hand out leaflets, or even just speak out to people about our causes we're fighting for people who are quiet. People who don't take up the cause with us. When the Miami storm troopers were busting heads last month at the FTAA millions of unemployed Americans sat on their fat asses watching it on TV and calling the protesters "lawless freaks".

At least this couple donated money to gay rights organizations.

Please don't hold it against them. I know they didn't "help the cause" in the past, but they're in the NYT now, with a touching story of love, committment, and endurance.

Their story shames a society that marries strangers on game shows while crying about the "sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman".

[Bossy Monkey]

2. Mazel tov, Gus and Elmer!

Hey, never too late :)

[Dookus]

3. Aww...

what a sweet story.

Sorry, I can't get offended that they stayed closeted for years. I came out in '79, in college, and it was tough then. They became a couple in the '40's when you really COULD be arrested, hospitalized or worse for being gay. Sounds like they lived their lives together with quiet dignity. i wish them the best.