zonkers
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:30 AM
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My friend told her BF, she wants a kid SOON. She's 35, he's a lot older |
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(55)and not interested at all. No marriage. No love child. In fact, he has kids by a prev. marriage.
They've been dating two years and are very close and well matched, despite the age difference. But his episode has thrown things for a loop. If he loves her, shouldn't he want to make her happy? Finances is not an issue for her. She is really bummed right now. What can I tell her if anything? This must be a common problem.
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Heidi
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:31 AM
Response to Original message |
1. He can't _make_ her happy. |
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But she can do a lot toward her own happiness by finding a partner who shares her wish to have children. :hi:
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zonkers
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:33 AM
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2. I held off giving specific advice and mostly listened but you are |
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Edited on Fri Sep-22-06 02:35 AM by zonkers
echoing my thoughts. on edit... she's a little different, not strange but quirky but such a good person. Funny thing is... she's gorgeous. Only she always ends up with difficult, intellectual self centered guys... and things never seem to work out. I worry for her.
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enigmatic
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:54 AM
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6. Heidi is absolutely right |
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Bringing a child into the world soley to make a partner happy is a recipe for disaster for all involved..
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idgiehkt
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:34 AM
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3. my sister has gone through this again and again. |
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right now she's planning on marrying a man 6 years her junior who does want kids, but she's "reproductively challenged" now (her words) and may actually have to get a donor egg. I know time wise she may have not otherwise met the guy but the only suggestions I would have would be dump the guy which I would do if I wanted a child, now, while there is still time, or what my mother always says which is 'no man would ever stop me from having a child if I wanted one'. Not the most enlightened viewpoint on her part, but whatever. Not my area of expertise, I just wish my sister had met this guy a few years ago instead of at 39.
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zonkers
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:40 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
4. Know what you mean. Time is the enemy when it comes to these things. |
Omphaloskepsis
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Fri Sep-22-06 02:51 AM
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5. She should move on.... |
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"If he loves her, shouldn't he want to make her happy?" Jesus Christ... We are discussing a baby, not a pizza.
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REP
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Fri Sep-22-06 05:44 AM
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7. He Doesn't Owe Her a Baby |
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He needs to run like hell before he's "oopsed" into becoming a father again. If she wants to be a mother, she needs to be with someone who wants to be a father.
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Guava Jelly
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Fri Sep-22-06 05:51 AM
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8. As a 40 year old man w/o kids |
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I wonder sometimes why people feel so empty without children. I have dozens of nieces and nephews and i love them all and am glad they are born and here. But I guess I have never had the yearning to reproduce? Maybe i havent met the right partner? hell i dunno..I love my cats :)
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Crazy Dave
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Fri Sep-22-06 06:00 AM
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9. This happened to me one time |
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I was 35 and this 19 year friend of mine really got attached to me. I was considerate enough to tell her that a future with the two of us probably wouldn't work out as I already had kids of my own (previous marriage) and didn't plan on having anymore and her being so young I'm sure a family was in her future plans. Plus I was also slowing down on the nightlife, partying and all. I had my chance to go crazy for a number of years and didn't want to deny anyone else the same as I was turning into a boring homebody. Long story short, she finally met a younger guy and down the road I met Mrs. DTW and everything worked out for the better.
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ScreamingMeemie
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Fri Sep-22-06 06:17 AM
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10. Should he make her happy at the price of his own happiness is the |
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real question. In my opinion, she isn't so very well matched to him if this is an issue for her. My heart goes out to her though. That's a sad situation to be in. Perhaps she could reexamine her life and priorities and thoughts about children...and then move on if it is still important to her. It isn't a fair situation for either of them.
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zonkers
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Fri Sep-22-06 06:30 AM
Response to Reply #10 |
12. I agree. Ulitimately they are not well matched. I appreciate the responses |
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from everyone and the personal perspectives. Thanks.
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Bucky
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Fri Sep-22-06 06:21 AM
Response to Original message |
11. YEH! what's his deal? It's just sperm. Donate already, ya selfish bastard! |
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Tell your friend there's plenty of swimmers in the sea. But a man having kids at 55 is not a light decision. I'm 42 with only one kid and I'd never consider cranking out another young'un.
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Sun May 05th 2024, 09:28 PM
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