Tell me something you can NOT say with a straight face.

[Zavulon]

Examples abound: "Republicans love America more than liberals do," "Actually, my significant other's mother treats me pretty well," etc.

The first one that comes to mind for me, actually, is this: "Actually, the lion's share of meetings in my office are really quite productive."

[Suich]

1. Fox News: Fair and Balanced

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Zavulon]

2. OMFG!

I can't believe that didn't occur to me! That was GREAT! :rofl:

[bigwillq]

3. I'm straight!

:rofl: LOL!

[qnr]

4. Well, I know you're thinking of a quote, but strangely enough, the thing

I can't tell with a straight face is the absolute truth, if I know that people are going to think that I'm making it up. I just think about what they're probably thinking and start to crack up.

[Zavulon]

5. No, not necessarily a quote, it could be something

completely involving you that doesn't concern the rest of us, such as "honestly, honey, it's no problem - I actually enjoy doing the dishes."

Your answer interests me, though - will you give me an example? I love stuff like this.

[NewWaveChick1981]

6. To my mother-in-law:

"Yes, your casserole is the BEST! You're a wonderful cook!" :yoiks: :rofl:

[Zavulon]

7. Oh, man, if only my girlfriend's mother was reading this...

...I mean, how do you fuck up spaghetti or chicken parm? She found a way :rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

8. Damn, that sounds like my mother-in-law...

:rofl: She screwed up scrambled eggs.... :wtf: :rofl:

[Zavulon]

12. Okay, we get these two women together and see how long they last.

In the meantime, we can order takeout :rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

29. It's a deal...

:rofl: If the two of them can stand it, we'll just sit and watch. My MIL will drive her crazy, though... she's got issues... :rofl: :yoiks:

[seemunkee]

36. At least she knows how to scramble an egg

My MiL wouldn't know how to do that. Her fish special is to take a fillet put ketchup on it and stick it under the broiler. She asked me how to cook fresh green beans one time.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. My cousin once made Cheezit Casserole as her Thanksgiving dish.

:rofl:

[Zavulon]

15. God, this reminds me of my time in Canada.

Kraft mac-and-cheese is labeled, on the boxes of same, as a "dinner" in Canada. Years ago I dated this one girl from Burnaby whose mom had me over to dinner and served nothing but mac and cheese, and I thought that was her way of telling me to stay the fuck away from her daughter. Come to find out that this was standard Wednesday fare for the household, which was funny - given that this was one pretty rich family.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

17. Well, my mom makes Kraft Dinner pretty regularly...

and we're a pretty well-off family. Eating habits don't always line up with wealth.

Once she even made Easy Mac for the whole family. Of course, she thought that if you were making four packets, you had to nuke it for four times as long. I could have eaten it with a straw.

[Zavulon]

18. LOL!

:rofl:

I just wasn't used to it, that's all. When I brought a girl home for the first time, my mother would prepare prime rib - if she was feeling lazy at the time, and that's the sort of reception I was used to when meeting a girl's parents for the first time. I was conditioned to think that Kraft mac-and-cheese was always a side dish, that's all.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

20. And now you know, if you're making Easy Mac to feed a family...

nuking it for 20 minutes is a bad, bad idea.

[Zavulon]

21. I'll keep that in mind, LOL.

I honestly hadn't planned on trying it, but you may have a point here ;)

[NewWaveChick1981]

31. Hmmmm...Cheezit Casserole...

:rofl: Probably so much sodium in it that it gave everyone high blood pressure...:puke:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

33. Yeah, it went relatively untouched.

However, I am grateful for that Cheezit casserole, as three years later, we still make fun of Nikki for it, whenever humanly possible.

:rofl:

[seemunkee]

37. What the Hell was in it?

Besides the Cheezits

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

39. I found the recipe online, but apparently, it used to be on the box.

BROCCOLI CASSEROLE

2 bags frozen broccoli
2 c. Cheddar cheese (shredded)
1 box crushed Cheezits
1/2 c. butter (melted)

Boil broccoli until 1/2 cooked. Layer broccoli, shredded cheese, crushed Cheezits. Pour melted butter over top layer. Bake 1/2 hour to 1 hour uncovered at 350 degrees.

:puke:

[seemunkee]

44. Ewhhhh, butter saturated Cheezits

[crim son]

22. Until you've had to enthusiastically praise an

unsweetened green gooseberry tart on homemade rock-hard crust, or smile while nibbling on cottage cheese mixed with frozen pureed kale, I don't want to hear a thing about how badly your MIL cooks! You know nothing!

[Zavulon]

25. .

:rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

32. OMFG!

:rofl: I'll gladly step aside...:P :rofl:

[crim son]

34. Yep. There's nothing more tasty

than good old-fashioned German food. :puke:

[MissHoneychurch]

38. Hey!!!

German food is good. If it is cooked properly and correct. We really have yummy dishes. I mean who can feel disgusted by Roulade with Spätzle and gravy and red cabbage???? Honestly. Sheesh.

PS: It was not meant sarcastic.

[crim son]

40. I spent three weeks in Germany last summer!

I think some of the food is very good. But everybody we visited was trying to help us learn about "traditional" foods and so we had almost no variety. By the end of the trip I thought I'd kill for the taste of chipotle pepper or curry. It would be the same for you, if on your visit you were served only hamburgers and corn on the cob. I don't mean to insult German food. I make the red cabbage for holidays. It's delicious! -Lisa

[MissHoneychurch]

43. Then you hung out with the wrong people

I admit I barely cook or eat German traditional food. Only at the holidays. I mean what is Christmas without a goose or duck?

I know what you mean though. No offense taken. YOu should have come to me. I would have cooked pasta or something. Oh and I make a yummy chicken with peaches in the wok.

[crim son]

45. Well, next time I will!

I was hanging out with my husband's family and friends in St. Goar and Munich. He and I are, I think, getting divorced. So without you I'll have no other reason to go to that wonderful country.

J/K. Don't worry... I won't show up on your doorstep, although the chicken with peaches sounds really, really yummy :)

[MissHoneychurch]

48. You are more than welcome to visit

and you need no excuse for coming :D

:hug:

[crim son]

49. Thanks MissHoneychurch.

That's sweet of you :hug:

[qnr]

9. That's what I meant by quote. As far as an example, I don't know if I can

think of any right now.

hmmm

Things like being a long time sailor, and telling people that I didn't go out drinking and carousing in some port, when I really hadn't. Nothing major, just things where I knew people were thinking I was telling a whopper.


Edit: arrrrrgh! When I /want/ to reply to the original post, I don't ... now, when I wanted to reply to another, I reply to the OP sheesh heheh

[bertha katzenengel]

10. Jesus H. Christ on a raft.

Always makes me smile.

[Haole Girl]

11. Pumpernickel

I have no idea why. It just makes me laugh, every time I say it, since childhood. I try not to ever have to say it!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

13. I don't say anything with a straight face.

:rofl:

[Ediacara]

16. Cummingtonite

It's a mineral. See!

[Zavulon]

19. Holy shit! They say you learn something new every day, and it's true, but

I can't remember the last time I learned anything as amusing as this! Thanks! :) :toast:

[crim son]

23. "I have faith in Jesus."

It sounds fucking ridiculous coming out of my mouth.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

27. And now for an utterly inapproriate response.

Check your PM.

I think you'll get a laugh out of it.

[crim son]

28. I did, and I'm still laughing!

Help me, Jesus! :evilgrin:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

30. More like "Fuck me, Jesus!"

Their website is hilarious. I really want the Baby Buttplug Jesus. It has a suction cup base. I think it'd be a hilarious addition to the dashboard of my Jeep.

www.divine-interventions.com

[MiniMandaRuth]

24. Nipple.

Hell, I can't even TYPE that with a straight face. I giggle like a school girl.

[Ava]

26. nothing

i'm a wonderful actress :rofl: :P

[underpants]

35. Big Wiggly Teeters

[datasuspect]

41. "lake titicaca"

[Deep13]

42. Uranus!

[BarenakedLady]

46. That's what I was going to say!

:rofl:

[Divameow77]

47. "I'm Rick James Bitch"

always makes me giggle :-)

[Phillycat]

50. "Hug it out, bitch!" kills me every time. nt