|
My conjecture is as follows, what does a child know of his or her own good? And for that matter, what do you? Parenting, through the thousands of generations that our species has been on this earth, has always been a source of consternation because it has been largely trial and error. It would be much simpler if we could simply boil down the needs of a child to a series of scientific texts and raw theorems. It would be nice if we could view children as a collective series of needs such that we could provide for them on schedule and with the best possible end.
Of course, there's the rub. What goes on in a child's mind when they can not yet fully express it?
What does child development research do except reinforce the idea that while the basic material needs of a child are the same, their intellectual capacities, social needs and aptitudes, etc. are widely different? Child rearing isn't a science, not because we cannot come up with experiments and test the validity of the results, but because no experiment is repeatable from child to child.
The fact is that the only real "text" on the rearing of children is thousands of generations of empirical evidence of what works best, garnered through trial and error, and the passing on of that information from one generation to another. Nevermind that the styles of child rearing vary based upon temporal and cultural considerations, and that all have about the same rate of success (middling to good).
But who is to say that instilling a child with a belief for things that cannot possibly be, allowing them to proceed from a point of happy delusion and find their own way to stark reality, is inherently more or less vital to the proper development of a child than never exposing that path to them in the first place? Who is to say that the Santa Claus belief wouldn't make him love Christmas more than he does? It's a baseless conjecture. Having no real evidence to support the idea since children are not the same, and not being able to run the experiment twice on the same child to see which end result is 'better', makes it very difficult for me to see anything but the base reasoning you propose.
Your reasoning, however, is interesting, and I applaud you for bringing your own beakers and test tubes to the ongoing parenting experiment. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as you understand and accept that your child will bear the weight of your decisions and instruction or absence thereof, and allow that thought to guide your choices. I have no difficulty believing you do, since this is basically the definition of good parenting, and you seem quite assiduous in your pursuit of that ideal.
Just a few final thoughts:
As I said, my concern is not that children believe in unreal things, it's that parents encourage and even impose belief in unreal things. Doing so sets up the idea that questioning is bad, that authority figures are to be believed even they can not be trusted with the truth and even when they defy sense. Many children break free of that, but do the extra years in that mode prevent thier bullshit detectors from reaching thier full potential? Perhaps.
If I haven't made it clear by now, let me just sum up. There are almost as many styles of child-rearing as their are cultures, subcultures, or even families. One is not inherently better or worse than another, not because of the end result, but we have to agree what 'better' means first. I wouldn't concern yourself with the suspected errors of "conventional" parents, because you'll have to define for me first what, if we can't agree with what 'better' means, how can we agree on which 'errors' lead to a 'worse' result?
Secondly, my counterexample to the bullshit detector's out of tune suggestion.
There are people in this world who never believed in Santa Claus or a tooth fairy or an Easter bunny, or any other fantastical trapping of youthful culture myth, but believe in a God. Why is this? Why can people outgrow Santa, but fall "victim" to God?
My guess is quite simply, is that if there is one truth to our species, we seem to have a desperate need to believe in something, whether it be magic, or a heavenly father figure, or the supernatural, or psychic abilities, miracles, angels, the occult, or even a simple belief that tomorrow just might be a better day than today. It gives us hope, wonder, and has the ability to shape purpose. To me, God is as ludicrously unbelievable as Santa Claus, yet many people all over the world have a faith that cannot be denied. I wouldn't say that they're bullshit detectors are faulty, I'd simply say that they need their beliefs, as irrational and unprovable as they may be.
I know plenty of people who are of like mind who still buy lottery tickets, and the lottery is probably one of the biggest piles of bullshit ever whiffed. And after they buy the tickets, they fantasize about all the things they'll do with the money once they win. They're not delusional. They're just indulging a fantasy that has a 1 in (some number with more commas and zeros that you care to write down) chance of materializing as reality.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
