Are you a gracious "taker"?

[zanne]

I don't know how to graciously accept gifts. We just bought the house we've been living in for years, and my brother-in-law and his wife surprised us with a brand new stove as a housewarming gift. They're wonderful people and I'm crazy about them, but they really can't afford it and instead of feeling glad that I have a badly needed new stove, I feel terrible. We're having them over for dinner tonight and I think I'm going to feel awkward around them. Does anybody know what the hell is wrong with me? Could you accept a gift like this gracefully?

[qnr]

1. No, I'm not. I even have problems with verbal "gifts" like compliments n/t

[Broken_Hero]

2. no, I'm not

I usually feel an awkward happiness...like, glad for the gift/help, but at the same time, I feel guilt, because I couldnt' get the gift/provide for myself...

[zanne]

4. That's close to the way I feel.

"Awkward" happiness is right. I don't know if I can provide them with the gratitude that I feel they need for gratification. A shrink would probably have a field day with this.

[Kutjara]

3. I'm particularly bad with intangible gifts like compliments.

I'm wired from childhood to believe that praise is always insincere but criticism is usually from the heart. I therefore find it hard to accept positive remarks about myself, because I'm always looking for the hidden agenda.

[zanne]

5. Hmmmmmmm.....

I blame it on Anne Landers. We've been trained to be insincere.

[sandnsea]

6. They can afford it, or they wouldn't have done it

And I have learned over the years that not accepting a gift joyously is really stealing happiness from the giver. I think it's wonderful, I don't think I've ever gotten that nice a gift in my life. Hopefully you also love cooking so it will fill your home with lots of happy family memories too, which may also be what they were thinking. Sounds like you have a wonderful life, just go with the glow as long as you can!!!

[zanne]

7. That's something to think about, sandnsea.

Thank you for that. I hadn't thought about it that way. It is the biggest gift I've ever received. Maybe I'm just not used to that level of generosity.

[sandnsea]

8. I should rephrase

I have gotten very generous gifts, specifically after I lost my home in a fire. Humbling is accepting a check from grade school kids who had emptied their piggy banks 2 weeks before Christmas. I felt terrible about taking that money, but then the very grandmotherly secretary asked if I could really look these little kids in the face and crush the absolute joy and sense of accomplishment they all felt in having done what they did. ??? Well no. That was only one of many lessons of that sort that I received in that time.

I meant I hadn't gotten a gift like that when I wasn't in a dire straights sort of situation. To not clarify that would be sort of dismissive of the many many people who have been very generous to me over the years.

[tjwmason]

9. Horrifically bad.

I tend to have the sort of forced smile which the Queen has when she's sat through 3 hours of native dancing on a foreign visit.

I'm even worse with compliments, I'll usually just change the subject.