Top 10 Ted Haggard excuses

[Bossy Monkey]

'Cause even Dave isn't likely to go there. (If you missed the story, back out to the DU front page. Ted Haggard is the guy with the Colorado Springs megachurch, referred to as "Major Right-Wing Evangelical Leader" in the front page headline.)

10. If you pay for it, it doesn't count as coveting your neighbor's ass.
9. Just researching that homosexual agenda so I'd be able to preach about it better.
8. What can I say? Tweaking and man-love go together like eggs and bacon!
7. Have you ever BEEN to Colorado Springs?
6. Uhhhhhh, the devil made me do it.
5. Dubya wouldn't give me Gannon's phone number.
4. Lost a bet with Pat Robertson at the last VRWC convention.
3. Trying to one-up Mark Foley.
2. Still depressed over John Elway retirement.
1. Took the whole "hang out with hookers" part of emulating Jesus jussst a little too seriously.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, he's got a drinking problem and is entering rehab. (Actually, he's still hanging fire at the moment, but the guy says he has proof, so we'll see how it all turns out shortly.)

[AussieDave]

1. Perhaps the Clenis made him do it ???

:o

[madinmaryland]

4. It's the Clenis' fault. Has been for six years.

[Bossy Monkey]

2. Update: Haggard has stepped down, still denying all the way,

as the head of both the National Association of Evangelicals and of 14,000 member New Life church. Or to be precise, resigned from the former, took a leave from the latter: http://www.denverpost.com/specialreports/ci_4588998 Oh please please please let it be true!:bounce:

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

3. Are there

any anti-gay republicans who aren't actually closeted gays? :shrug:

[carpetbagger]

5. Yeah, the ones whose mistresses make those 911 calls.

What are we up to now, about 50 or 60 GOP congressmen in that group?

[blitzen]

6. Did Haggard blow it for the GOP?

[Bossy Monkey]

9. Bravo! Take a bow n/t

[Richard Steele]

7. Nicely done. I loves me some "top ten" style humor! nm

[Bossy Monkey]

8. Thanks!

Good to be appreciated.:hi:

[SOteric]

10. Who cares about the drinking problem.

a) Booze doesn't make you gay. If it did, there'd be even more gay people in the world than there already are. In fact, straight people would be a minority.

b) Booze doesn't make you a pedophile. I've known a lot of boozers in my time and I've never personally seen anyone get tanked and then say "Hey! - Let's go out an find us some ten-year-old kids to get nasty with!"

That whole rehab thing is a cop out; A way of avoiding responsibility for their actions.

[TheBaldyMan]

11. "the only difference between a gay guy and a straight guy is about 5 pints"

that quote is from a Steve Punt & Hugh Dennis radio show. I can't remember whiich one said it though.

[SOteric]

12. And do you believe that's true?

That 5 pints of scotch would turn a gay man straight and/or a straight man gay? 'Cuz I really don't believe that for a minute. I don't think being liquor'd up is any more likely to change one's orientation than it is likely to make you boink your siblings.

[TheBaldyMan]

16. sry left out the sarcasm smiley n/t

[Bossy Monkey]

13. As of this point, he has not to my knowledge claimed either a drinking problem

nor has he entered rehab (nor has he admitted anything). Your point stands of course; just wouldn't want to think I'd misled anybody about the way the story is going. (I was just referring to the Republican/ right-winger/ fundamentalist preacher playbook for how to get out of a scandal. And of course it's horseshit every time.)

[Lowell]

14. I didn't have sex with that man. n/t

[underpants]

15. I threw the drugs away

Honest.

[KamaAina]

17. I bought the meth so I could hand it out to trick-or-treaters

too much chocolate isn't good for the little tykes, y'know :P

[SalmonChantedEvening]

18. Abso-bleedin-lutely brilliant!!! K&R!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:kick:

[Bossy Monkey]

19. Thanks! Though you can't recommend a thread after 24 hours, it's the thought that counts

:)

[ashling]

20. Tired of just being an

Okie from Mus ... oh, yeah, wrong one. Never mind.


:blush:


... maybe he was just really in to the manly footwear.

:rofl:

[American Jesus]

21. Pastor Ted's favorite Scripture verse of all time

"...Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me... - Psalm 23:4

[Bossy Monkey]

23. Isn't that the valley of the shadow of meth?

:hide::P

[Withywindle]

22. "I didn't swallow--uh, I mean, inhale!"

Great list!