Help me with a punishment for a husband who eats crackers and cookies in bed!

[Radio_Lady]

I'm sick of vacuuming the sheets! My hand-held Dust Buster has died and I had to use the upright on the crumbs.

This is a chronic habit that has gone awry.

Give me your best suggestions -- NOW!

[Floogeldy]

1. As a distraction, you could put your mouth on him.

After that, simply bite it off.

Problem solved.

:scared:

[Radio_Lady]

5. So, let me get this straight. I put my mouth on ... his mouth? To stop him from eating?

I'll have to think about that.

[BlueStorm]

2. Make him sleep in it?

:shrug: I'm not good at coming up with suggestions.

Blue

[Radio_Lady]

6. Blue, he wouldn't even notice! He might not even admit he's doing it!

[bicentennial_baby]

3. Yikes! We have a 'no eating in bed' rule here...

I'm sorry for you :pals:

[Radio_Lady]

9. Yeah, right. We have that rule, too. Fat chance on getting him to abide by it.

I have taken on the job of making the bed every day. He whines when I don't do it.

It's not a big deal -- he does keep himself immaculately clean and there's never any real dirt in the bed.

But, he's taking an amnesiac medication for restless leg syndrome and the weird thing is he claims he doesn't remember eating in bed!

[bicentennial_baby]

29. the Mrs eats in her sleep....

So ina way, I feel your pain... :)

[hippywife]

53. If he's taken meds and doesn't remember

doing it, then why do you want to punish the poor guy? It doesn't sound like a behaviour he is able to change no matter what you do.

[Radio_Lady]

58. He is now responsible for the crumb sweep ups. I have decided to

tell him to make the bed when it has crumbs in it. The medication excuse doesn't cut it with me anymore. I understand he had that problem when he was taking a stronger sleeping drug. Now he's off those drugs completely.

That's all.

[reyd reid reed]

4. Give him the thinnest sheet you can find and a lumpy pillow

and send him to sleep in the kitchen, since he likes to eat at night.

[Radio_Lady]

11. Hey, that's not a bad idea! But he eats on the couch in the family room,

which is right next to the kitchen. I have to vacuum that couch, too, because even I forget to do that!

What ever happened to simple marital bliss????

[reyd reid reed]

14. Ohohohohoh!

I know!!!!

One day when he comes home, have every stick of furniture out of the family room and the bedroom. Put it in the garage or a neighbor's garage or something. Get someone to help you move it. Then make him sit on the floor or on kitchen chairs.

[Radio_Lady]

19. Sounds good! The implementation would be difficult, but satisfying.

That brings back a good memory.

Once I wanted to redecorate a bedroom and decided to do it while hubby was out of town on business. My teenaged stepson brought over a friend on a Saturday, and we rearranged everything. I had the kingsized bed placed on a different wall, furniture moved, everything -- even new sheets. I think I even painted the room a soft yellow also, but can't remember, because we had a wallpaper guy re-do the walls shortly afterwards, due to my sloppy painting (I painted around pictures rather than taking them down). But the room looked better than it did before.

Boy, was he shocked when he got home (but in a good way)!

Now, I'd just like to get those crumbs out of the bed!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

7. Sentence him to a life of eating only Olive Garden food?

:shrug:

[Radio_Lady]

12. Maybe that's what I've been finding! Tiny slivers of breadsticks and that dust on top of them!

Thanks, Haruka. You know how to hurt really bad...

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

18. I'm sorry. It was such an easy shot and I've had a rough day.

Truce?

[Radio_Lady]

20. Truce? Sure. Meet you at the Olive Garden, where you're family!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

28. Actually, there's this really awesome Italian place by me where you're really treated like family.

About the same price, much better food. Reminds me of a couple of the little places I ate at in Italy.

;)

[Gold Metal Flake]

8. Ice cold feet.

Apply at 2AM.

[Radio_Lady]

13. Not an option. He doesn't go to bed until 2:30 AM.

[Gold Metal Flake]

35. He's not playing fair.

So neither should you. To everything there is a season. There is a time to pitch fits. Fit be pitched.

A reasonable man will figure out on his own that the price of enduring the fit exceeds the pleasure of the snacks in bed.

[astonamous]

10. Hide a cute little furry rat...fake of course...between the sheets.

Stand back and have clean sheets handy.

It's been tried and if you play it right, you can come out the hero after you save him by removing the rat and changing the sheets.

Trudy
www.pryorsplanet.com

[Radio_Lady]

15. A furry little rat... you mean, my ex-husband?

No, that won't work.

He's probably cuddle with it. He's unconscious most of the time while in bed.

[Lethe]

16. diatomacious lubricant

well its not cool for either of you, but it is an appropriate analogy?

[Radio_Lady]

21. Now that I think of it, maybe it's sand from Ft. Myers Beach that got

into his sneakers and shoes -- and into the bed! That's it!

(Diatoms = the smallest shells on earth)



http://hjs.geol.uib.no/diatoms/index.html-ssi

[RevolutionaryActs]

17. Take away his cookies and crackers.

:evilgrin:

[Radio_Lady]

23. Then he'll eat cereal and nuts in bed. No end to this problem, right?

[Fleshdancer]

22. Get creative....

May I assume you have already explained to him that it bothers you and makes the bed uncomfortable to sleep in? If so, then warn him tomorrow morning that there will be consequences the next time he leaves crumbs in the bed. Later that day, be sure to purchase a roll of packaging scotch tape and double sheet your bed in layers: bottom fitted sheet, bottom flat sheet, top fitted sheet, top flat sheet. Sleep on the top fitted sheet as if there were no other layers beneath.

The next time he eats crackers in bed, wait until he goes to sleep and pull back the comforter and take off the top flat sheet. Quickly wrap the top fitted sheet around him like a mummy and tape him into his crumb cocoon. The more tape the better. Now you can put the comforter back on and when you get into bed, you can enjoy your crumb free backup sheets! :D

For extra enjoyment, take a picture and threaten to share it with friends and family!

[Radio_Lady]

26. Wow! That's pretty ingenious! I think I'll just take the easy route...

sleeping in another room.

I do what I want in there.

That's the only way.

Perhaps he'll get the idea.

Good night and good luck... and thanks for the ideas.

Radio_Lady in Oregon

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

24. Eat Triscuits in bed. A lot of them. They are very crunchy

and will leave uncomfortable crumbs. After you have carelessly eaten an entire box of Triscuits, leave; go sleep on the couch. Let your husband try to sleep on your crumbs. Stand over him and cackle hysterically while he grumbles and scratches.

[ThomCat]

25. Just sweep the crumbs to his side and let him sleep in them.

He'll learn. :evilgrin:

[Radio_Lady]

27. You know I actually tried that in the 1980s. He didn't notice the crumbs.

Just not sensitive to the feeling.

What can I say?

Maybe I should have married -- another woman?

[ThomCat]

30. How about,

every time you have to vacuum the bed, pour some water on his side and make him sleep on a giant wet spot. :P

I guarantee he'll notice that!

Marrying a woman would probably have preventing this problem yes. :) But I'm sort of in the market for a husband too, so I'm partial to the idea of sticking with him.

[LiberalHeart]

37. Wait. This has been a problem for a quarter century?

Geez. Get one more bed or one fewer husbands.

[Radio_Lady]

39. Off and on, yes. He's husband number 3. I got a bed in another room.

[wickerwoman]

31. Wait until he's alseep...

and then lay the upright vacuum cleaner in the bed next to him. Let him wake up next to it...

Hopefully, he'll get the hint before it's too late. :-)

[mad-mommy]

32. get vacuum...

take vacuum to room, sweep up crumbs as he lays there eating and making them, or after he has made them and fallen asleep. Maybe the later with extreme caution.

[RetroLounge]

33. What's the big deal?

Unless your 2 dogs are named Crackers and Cookies...

:shrug:

RL

[Nicole]

34. Put sheets, blanket & pillows on the kitchen table

Put tablecloth, napkins & plates on the bed.

Problem solved. :rofl:

[evlbstrd]

36. One word:

Olestra.

[fortyfeetunder]

38. spread honey on him while he sleeps

then he'd be a crumby, sticky mess when he woke up!

[GOPisEvil]

40. My mom has complaints about my dad. However, after 40+ years of marriage,

she's realized that some things are just never, ever going to change and she was going to have a stroke if she kept getting upset about them.

But, yeah, I wasn't allowed to eat in bed, and now that I live alone, I still don't. :shrug:

[Radio_Lady]

59. Yes, I agree. Decades of marriage without change are a good sign

not much will change. Unless I get another husband! (NOT!!!!!!)

[skygazer]

41. Well, if it really bothers you

I'd flatly tell him that he's NOT sleeping in your bed unless he stops eating in it. Seriously. Otherwise, I'd sigh wryly and continue to vacuum. Some things aren't worth turning into battles.

(In my house, my SO seems to be unable to make ice cubes, though he's the only one who uses them. Either I can ignore the ice cube trays stacked up empty or I can make them myself. I've chosen to make them - he actually appreciates it and it's easier than getting irritated)

[MrSlayer]

42. Give him...ummm...something else to eat instead?

Something that doesn't crumble. Red snapper or something.

O8)

[Ilsa]

43. Go to the pet store and get some little critters that wouldn't mind

joining him in his sweet crunchy sheets. Furry ones or maybe something that requires an exterminator might work.

[philosophie_en_rose]

44. Make him wear a bib to catch the crumbs.

:)

[Richard Steele]

45. You should have nasty kinky porn-star sex with him until he's really sorry!

The fact that I eat in bed has NOTHING to do with my response
to your question...honest!:evilgrin:

[Whoa_Nelly]

46. Get a Dust Buster

And sleep with it between the two of you.


:evilgrin:



on edit:

Use as needed. :rofl:

[Seabiscuit]

60. Wake him up with a dust buster every morning, as it sucks up the crumbs.

[Radio_Lady]

61. Good idea! I wonder what else I can suck up in that dratted thing!

"Oops! Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to do THAT!"

[Whoa_Nelly]

62. One time was vividly dreaming I was driving a Porsche

like a bat out of Hell!

Boyfriend woke me up with his screaming!

Damn but that stickshift sure did feel real in the dream! :rofl:

[astral]

47. Why cant he just eat the food in the KITCHEN

where he got it? I don't get it. It's toooo rude to eat in bed when you have a partner that shares your bed and you **KNOW** they don't like it.

Marriage sucks.

Who'd wanna eat in bed anyway? I don't go to bed until I wanna go to sleep! If I wanna eat, I'm obviously not ready to go to bed while I'm eating.

I guess it could be worse -- he could smoke in bed. (He didn't used to, by any chance, and then exchanged the cigs for crackers?)

[QuestionAll...]

48. my problem is the snorin' hub.

but of course he doesn't understand that high volumne rattling rumbling window shaking noise may keep me awake. His response is, well, can't you just tune it out?
My response to that on high volumne nights is turning on the tv louder than his noise (easier for me to fall asleep to tv than snorting aboundin'), which sometimes wakes him up - to which I say 'Can't you just tune it out, dear?"

[QuestionAll...]

49. this might work...

get your own flat sheet and fold it in half on your side. when it's time to go to bed, flap off the crackers and let him marinate and itch in them. When it's laundry time, just fold the works up and feed the birds.

not so much a punishment but maybe a solution. If you want to punish him, I'd say you should make him clean up his own mess. in a french maid outfit.

[Nevernose]

50. Oral sex as both positive and negative reinforcemnt

If he complies, oral sex. If he doesn't comply, withhold.

It might take a few months of positive reinforcement before you get to the point that negative reenforecement has any appreciable effect, though. Don't give up. Remain patient, and continue the oral sex whenever he's not eating crackers in bed.

I suggest as much oral sex as it takes.

[CC]

51. If you agreed to make the bed each

morning and it is important to him that you do...only make it when he hasn't used it as a place to snack. He eats in it, you don't make it in the morning, he doesn't you do. When he ask why tell him you make the bed, not snack table.

[Jamastiene]

52. Right before you get ready to go to sleep...

Untuck the bottom sheet just on your side. Make sure to do it while he is in bed on the other side or it won't work so well. Make sure you shake all the crumbs over to his side then retuck the sheet back in and smile really big and say, "night night, dear." Slumber away peacefully.

[Bassic]

54. I refuse to help you because,

I believe that every person should have the right to eat cookies in bed.

[Radio_Lady]

55. OK. I'll try to observe your Bassic Rights! Thanks.

[Bassic]

56. Much appreciated

:D

Cookies are good :)

[SacredCow]

57. Eat some pancakes with him....

and spill half a gallon of the stickiest syrup (or maybe honey) on his side.