To all closeted gay people (especially rethugs)..

[caledesi]

Come out; it only hurts for awhile.

Why do I say this?

Case in point: When my gay nephew was younger, about 20 yo, he told his father (my rethug brother) he was gay. Now I come from a traditional Italian family...you just don't tell your macho father this. Well, in the beginning, it was rough. Example: Nephew happened to meet his father in a restaurant and said "Hey Dad." His father said "Don't call me Dad." Hey, it hurts, but ONLY for awhile.

Fast forward two years later, my nephew is in NYC working as a server in an upscale restaurant living with his partner. His father invited his son and PARTNER to his house in Newport, RI. They went and visited and had a fabulous time. Things do change.

My brother died after a bout w/ cancer, and my nephew AND his partner attended the ceremony. He was welcomed by almost everyone there including his rabid rethug sister who stopped speaking to him bec he was gay.

Now for the kicker. My 92 yo mother ALWAYS tells me when my nephew calls and she talks with his partner! (Of course, she calls him my nephew's friend...hey what do you want from an R 92 yo person)?

Come out and play. It only hurts for awhile. Don't pretend to be anything other than who you are.

Said from a proud straight aunt.

As an aside, my nephew's mother was fully accepting. Go figure. Ain't true love sweet?

[Tyo]

1. You have a choice

You can try to be true to the image that other people (want to) have of you or you can be true to what you really are. True to a lie or true to the truth? The second way is better.

[begin_within]

2. My opinion on this is...

The gay person shouldn't tell people unless they ask him/her. If they just tell them out of the blue, they run the risk of telling someone who isn't ready to hear it, or won't accept it, or any kind of bad reaction. However, when someone asks them whether they are gay, then the person who asked is ready for the answer, whatever it is. Waiting for the question makes the outcome far more likely to be positive rather than negative. And it takes a lot of pressure off the gay person. They don't need to tell anyone if they don't want to. It's their own business, really. I think it is better for them to simply wait to be asked, then tell the truth when asked.

[caledesi]

3. Understand, but my brother would have NEVER asked my

nephew if he were gay. Horrors!

Then again, I was best friends with someone I worked with that I knew was gay (please don't ask why...my gaydar which is good). Anyhow we were friends for 4 years before I actually asked him! I thought it was none of my business, but I knew it was the one issue that kept us from being really close. I remember it well - I asked him one night at my apartment while we together watching a movie (Boys in the Band, LOL). I posed the question by saying "Why haven't you ever told me?" His answer, "Bec you never asked." Never said the G word. We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking.

The funniest thing he said when I asked how he knew, he said he kinda got a clue when he had drapes in his "fort and no one else did." I never laughed so hard.

Many more funny stories came after that admission. Glad we talked.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

4. I think the best way is to just act like everybody already knows.

By not making a big deal out of it, it certainly minimizes the situation.

I don't think it should be the gay person's responsibility to make sure the person they're coming out to is ready for it or not. That's crap.

The gay person bears no responsibility for the reaction of other's good or bad. It's up to the straight person to handle it intelligently. If they can't, then fuck them.

Oh and just because the straight person asks, doesn't mean shit about how they'll handle it. My parents dragged me out of the closet and then made my life hell for a few years.

[mondo joe]

16. I concur. I always act like everybody knows.

It always goes well for me.

[foreigncorrespondent]

5. Oh please...

...winning friends is all about educating idiots and turning them into friends. If we remain in the closet until asked, he will do our bidding?

Best you think again.

[begin_within]

8. Not saying "I'm gay" is not "remaining in the closet."

Remaining in the closet is denying it. Not the same thing as not telling people.

[LeftCoast]

10. Bob, lets just pretend for a moment that you're gay

You go into the office Monday morning and people are chatting about what a great weekend they had. You'd had a great weekend too! You and your boyfriend got together with another gay couple and had a really fun time. Now, you'd like to share this with your co-workers but they haven't asked you if you're gay. If you tell them you spent the weekend with your boyfriend and another couple (Mike & Steve) you just came out to them. So basically you can't say anything at all. You could make up a story, or maybe tell them a part of it but that's not really being honest.

Look Bob, after a while it just becomes too much. If people have a problem with the fact that I'm gay - well, that's their problem. I don't begin and end each conversation outing myself, but I also won't self-edit. If people ask what I did for the weekend I'm going to tell them.

:shrug:

[Jamastiene]

12. In the closet simply means that not many people know you are gay.

I don't know where you got your definition of that phrase.

[Sapphocrat]

6. It's a deal...

...as long as you never tell another soul that you're engaged, married, or divorced, where you're going on your honeymoon, how your eighth-grade girlfriend dumped you, when your wife is expecting your next child, about any dates you've ever been on...

...unless asked, of course.

However, when someone asks them whether they are gay, then the person who asked is ready for the answer, whatever it is. Waiting for the question makes the outcome far more likely to be positive rather than negative.

May I assume then that someone in your life came out to you when you weren't ready to -- or didn't want to -- hear it?

I'm sorry, but your more-positive-outcome theory is out to lunch. Keeping one's orientation a secret in order to avoid rattling a straight's consciousness merely contributes to the idea that being gay is so bad, one needs to find exactly the right time to "confess." And it fuels self-internalized homophobia.

And it takes a lot of pressure off the gay person.

You really know nothing about being gay, do you? The pressure is all in staying in the closet, regardless of the reason. It takes a million times more energy to deny who you are and constantly worry about being outed than to come out and be done with it. The relief in coming out is indescribable -- yes, even when the reaction is negative. It's DONE -- and you know immediately whether someone really is your friend, or truly loves you. And I'd rather someone reject me right off the bat than spend a lifetime pretending to be something I thought they wanted me to be. To pretend in such a misguided effort to protect someone else's delicate little sensibilities is at the root of self-hate.

I also think you haven't realized yet that when a gay person comes out to you, it is an honor to you. Don't make it any harder on us by telling us to wait until you're ready to deal with the revelation. You be ready for the revelation, whenever it comes, and wherever it comes from (re-evaluating the reason you think we should stay closeted until asked would be a good start), so you will be open and ready to say, "Thank you for sharing such a big part of your life with me. I feel we're (better friends / closer now). And for the record, I want you to know it doesn't make any difference to me -- I still (love you / like you / want to play golf with you every Sunday), and I support you."

You be ready for the honor.

Finally, don't underestimate your fellow heterosexuals. Most straight people (except for the knee-jerk bigots) don't react badly when someone comes out to them. And most straights, even if they're knocked on their butts by the news, usually have the presence of mind to remember to say, "You know what? I have to get used to this, but I will, because I love you. So, let's talk about it."

On edit: Typo

[KurtNYC]

7. I kind of hear what you're saying but I don't think it is healthy

If people act like who they are should be a secret then it fosters shame.

As my signature line says...

[tjwmason]

9. So do we go round asking for permission to come-out?

Or do we just sew rainbows to our clothes, lisp and mince around in an affected manner in the hope that people will ask?

It is my own business - there are some people I tell, others I choose not to tell.

[Jamastiene]

13. That's my take on that post too.

Like we should be seen and not heard or something to that effect. :eyes:

[LostinVA]

15. MIne too -- screw that

[Jamastiene]

11. Yeah, some men tell women not so speak unless

spoken to first, but that doesn't stop the beatings. Honestly, a gay person should do whatever that gay person sees fit. Maybe straight people shouldn't go around telling people they are straight either, by your logic.

[davidinalameda]

14. LOL

this is so funny

you did forget to post the sarcasm smiley though

[readmoreoften]

17. People have been really nice to you. /nt

[NMMNG]

18. Hey, yeah! I think straight people should do the same thing too.

They can stop wearing their wedding rings, holding hands in public, flaunting the fruits of their efforts between the sheets (squalling babies and screaming toddlers), kissing each other in the streets, having huge weddings in public and all that. They should keep their sexuality a big secret unless someone directly asks them. We don't need to hear about that unless we really, really want to know. :sarcasm:

[Deja Q]

19. Been there, done that.

No difference.

[bigwillq]

20. You are a wonderful aunt.

:hug: