I hereby invite you, the DU Lounge, to kill me.

[asthmaticeog]

Post how you're going to snuff me here in this thread. And be creative! :hi:

[Deja Q]

1. Death by snoo-snoo!

:rofl:

[asthmaticeog]

21. Huzzah!

[Midlodemocrat]

2. I will kill you with kindness you big hunk of smoochie manhood you!

[lizziegrace]

4. You beat me to it

I was gonna kill him with kindness.

:hug:

[Deja Q]

Oy! You lot are talking about snoo-snoo!

And I got there first! Without needing to resort to verbiage that creates visuals! :7

[asthmaticeog]

23. Yeah, so what we need here is the blushing smiley,

only like 10 times bigger.

:blush: <-- Pitifully insufficient.

[mainegreen]

3. Spontaneous combustion via static electicity.

I'll just fire up the van de graff here....
don't move....

[Deja Q]

5. But snoo-snoo is more interactive! More fun too!

:7

[mainegreen]

20. I reserve judgement on that until I figure out what the heck snoo-snoo is.

:think:

[Deja Q]

81. Here's a hint

Hint hint hint

[mainegreen]

111. Oh, that doesn't sound so bad!

[asthmaticeog]

24. I await my terminal spark.

:patriot:

[meegbear]

6. I will kill you softly with his song ...

Kill you softly with his song,
Tell your whole life with his words,
Kill you softly with his song

[asthmaticeog]

25. Who knew Roberta Flack could kill?

:shrug:

[LaraMN]

7. Too many sour patch kids.

Waaay too many.
Not a good way to go.

[asthmaticeog]

26. What then would the cause of death be?

A gut-bust or terminal pucker?

[BarenakedLady]

8. It starts with a smile

Mine is evil. Then I lock you in a room with my kids for 48 hours straight. You will end up killing yourself and I don't take the blame.

[asthmaticeog]

28. You might consider getting to know me better...

...before locking me up with your children.

I'm jus' sayin'.

[BarenakedLady]

37. Egads!

Good point.

:spank:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. I'm with Midlo!

Kill you with kindness!

Anyone who likes my pics as much as you do is NOT going to die!

No fucking way, baby!

:hug:

[asthmaticeog]

29. SWEET! I'm gonna live FORVER!

IN YOUR FUCKIN' FACE, METHUSELAH! :woohoo:

[Blue-Jay]

10. Death by exposure to shitty art and poetry.

[Vorta]

15. And I thought I was cruel.

[asthmaticeog]

30. If only those things were lethal, many of my problems would solve themselves.

:cry:

[ScreamingMeemie]

11. I will feed you to Homer Simpson.

:hi:

[asthmaticeog]

31. Mmmmmmm... bitter Jew!

[miss_american_pie]

12. My kind of creativity

gets threads locked. ;)

[asthmaticeog]

32. That's what euphemisms are for!

:hi:

[XNASA]

13. I'd say it's rather obvious.

Death by bunga.

[asthmaticeog]

33. I only vaguely remember that joke.

Is bunga the cannibalism thing or the buttsex thing?

[XNASA]

35. Cannibalism?

That's sick.

[Vorta]

14. My favorite is drowning someone under a sheet of glass.

[asthmaticeog]

34. How poetic.

I mean literally poetic. Did you not nick that from Plath? :evilgrin:

[Vorta]

45. No poet here

The first time the thought occurred to me was when I was 15 and a friend was annoying me at his birthday pool party. I told him I would like to drown him under a sheet of glass so I could watch. Oddly, we've been friends for 33 years now.

Did Plath say the same thing in a book?

[asthmaticeog]

47. Actually no, I badly munged the line.

She compared ocean waves to glass, and nothing about drowning. I just looked it up. My mistake, sorry.

[Archae]

16. Manacle you naked to a concrete floor, so you can't move...

Smear tuna all over you and let loose a couple dozen half-starved kitties. :-)

[Richardo]

27. He said 'kill me' not 'thrill me'

:D

[asthmaticeog]

36. I don't suppose I'd so much mind the smeared-with-food part...

but the rest sounds grim. Well done. :thumbsup:

[Hand]

17. Howzis?

Not awfully original, but effective.

[asthmaticeog]

39. Very graphic.

Just so it's clear - I'm the one getting vaporized, right?

[Hand]

103. Um... yes

I gathered that was what you wanted... :shrug:

[johnnie]

18. First knock ya out

Then I will surgically implant small wires to your eardrums and connect them to a AM radio receiver chip which will be implanted under your skin. Setting the chip to receive at a frequency that will be predetermined, I will have access to a transmitter set to the same frequency on the chip embedded in your skin. Before you wake up, I would stuff your pockets with a variety of devices that you could use to do yourself in at your choosing.

After a few days of me broadcasting non-stop Menudo, Yanni and Geddy Lee vocal track only signals at threshold volumes, you will make the decision on how you will die Mr Bond.

[asthmaticeog]

40. Most creative so far, and *almost* flawless...

...except you've forgotten one important detail.

I *like* Rush.

[johnnie]

49. You won't like Rush after 36 hours of Geddy Lee only

I will guarantee that :)

[asthmaticeog]

51. I smell a wager brewin'...

;)

[WCGreen]

90. Ad Trivisano to that mix....

And Doug Deacon shillin' for a Bail Bondsman after every holding penalty...

[deucemagnet]

19. I refuse to kill you until after you've cast your votes in the midterm.

But then we'll talk. Oh yes, we'll talk.

[asthmaticeog]

41. I live in Cuyahoga County, Ohio.

My vote stands very little chance of being counted anyway.

[datasuspect]

22. duct tape around wrists

blindfold, force you to knees and single shot from .9mm to base of the skull while kicking you forward.

[asthmaticeog]

43. Blunt, to be sure, but

I admire its "certain-ethnic" efficiency.

Thank you, Godfather.

[datasuspect]

58. it's just business. not personal.

[RetroLounge]

38. Fill your shorts with Kudzu

step back and watch it grow...

RL

[asthmaticeog]

44. All I can say is thank god I'm a boxers man.

*whew*

[RetroLounge]

48. If your boxers can eradicate Kudzu

you are about to become a rich man...

RL

[asthmaticeog]

50. Oh, I'm just thinking about space.

A kudzu growth in tighty-whities? OUCH.

[RetroLounge]

52. From what i hear, you boxers are alreaddy pretty full

:hi:

RL

[asthmaticeog]

55. HEYO!

Look, the big cup of coffee and the filterless cig after Mexican food was a bad idea, I get it, but it's not something that happens to me every day, and I'm really tired of getting razzed about it, and anyway, you should't believe everything whoisalhedges tells you. :blush:

[AngryAmish]

42. Drown you in a toilet

[asthmaticeog]

46. Then my last request will be a courtesy flush.

[Whoa_Nelly]

53. Aw...Come on now....

[asthmaticeog]

56. *snort*

That's pretty fuckin' funny.

[Sugar Smack]

54. Oh, that's EASY. Feed you strawberries, put a chloroformed pillow

over your head, and get Rita Cosby to tell you ALL about the dream she had last night.

Ohh, sorry, that was "Hell". My mistake.

[asthmaticeog]

59. You had me at strawberries...

...but you lost me at Cosby. I hate her sweaters.

[Sugar Smack]

62. OMG!!!!! I hate her nose!!!

:bounce:

[asthmaticeog]

65. Soon, a film will be made

starring Rita Cosby and Kathleen Turner as M2F trannies on an epic ice-cream binge. PROVE ME WRONG!

[Sugar Smack]

68. OK, That's it. You've killed me, so

what's the use in my killing you back? :P Epic ice-cream binge. I'm just not as good as you.

[asthmaticeog]

69. I maintain that

you are every bit as good. Just in different ways. :D

[GirlinContempt]

57. I'd put on the robot suit those kids built

[asthmaticeog]

60. Almost 60 replies, and *finally* one that confuses me.

I knew I could count on you!

[GirlinContempt]

61. Yeah, I doubt it worked.

It was in the art gallery, after all.

[asthmaticeog]

63. *light bulb goes on*

Thank you.

[GirlinContempt]

67. Would you rather be locked in an old-timey theater

till Charlie Chaplain silently does you in?

[asthmaticeog]

70. No. I'd rather trip and fall in a plush new theater,

breaking my glasses while Blixa Bargeld serenades me with product descriptions.

Hornbach. Yippie ya-ya. Yippie yippie yay.

[GirlinContempt]

72. Not get tossed out of a pub

for aggressively hitting on a girl till she hid?

[Bossy Monkey]

64. Pop rocks. Soda. Just like Mikey.

Not creative, but boy won't those Mythbusters guys feel foolish!:)

[asthmaticeog]

66. .

:rofl:

[Phillycat]

71. Erotic asphyxiation?

:shrug:

[Richardo]

74. If this were MY thread, you'd win, janesez...

:D:thumbsup:

[asthmaticeog]

76. This IS my thread, and you win, janesez.

:thumbsup:

[Phillycat]

77. WOO HOO!

[Montauk6]

73. What about super thick icicles?

Sun comes out, no murder weapon.

[otherlander]

80. Goodbye, Mr. Harvey.

:7

[buddhamama]

75. a weekend locked in a room

with The Super Sounds of the Seventies blasting through the room, Barney will be playing on the TV

damn. I couldn't do it. I am a nice person. I'd kill you with kindness. I hear people really hate that. :)

of course none of this killing can begin until after you have voted. :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

86. I wouldn't mind super sounds of the '70s.

"Point Me in the Direction of Albequerque" by the Partridge Family? That's a toe-tappin' jam, right there! :headbang:

[Whoa_Nelly]

78. I asked Jenis...

[Arugula Latte]

82. Verily, Jenis is a merciful deity.

Praise Jenis.




:rofl:

[otherlander]

79. You will hang yourself

From a piece of soap while washing from the ninth floor. With a knife you found while drinking poison.

[asthmaticeog]

87. Is that really killing me? It sounds like you're predicting a suicide.

:shrug:

[Shell Beau]

83. Now why would I want to do that?

:P

[asthmaticeog]

88. I have ways of convincing you.

For example, I have incontrovertable proof you're a long-term conservative troll named Steve. You want that getting out? Well then you'd better off me. :hi:

[Shell Beau]

92. Steve? Hahaha!!

You're right, I may have to come up with a master plan! :P

[Floogeldy]

84. Hell no.

The least you could do is beg!

}(

[asthmaticeog]

85. Dozens of people on this thread willing to do the job, but I should beg YOU?

You're a shower.

[Floogeldy]

104. I want you to live.

;)

[terrya]

89. I'll bore you to death

I can really do it, you know.

[asthmaticeog]

91. Horsetwaddle.

You've had several opportunities to bore me to death, and you failed horribly. :D

[terrya]

102. Awww....

You are always interesting and enjoyable to be around. Unfortunately, it's been way too long. :-(

[bigwillq]

93. No way Jose.

I am not a killer.


:hug:

[asthmaticeog]

95. Then I fear you are of no further use to me.

Guards, bring Mr. Bigwillq to the gallows, posthaste, I've a fox to hunt in all my royal finery. *lifts pinky to corner of mouth*

[bigwillq]

97. LOL!

:rofl:



Ok, ok...


I would cuff you to the bed and stick a sock in your mouth and tape the sides of your mouth so you can't scream.


To be continued....


*lifts pinky to corner of mouth*

HAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHA!

[asthmaticeog]

98. Um, someone did that to me just this past weekend.

If you're thinking what she was thinking, I suspect I'll probably live.

[bigwillq]

99. My my my

What a lucky guy!

Wish I were you! :evilgrin: Er...well....I wish I was being cuffed! :P

[sakabatou]

94. Death by...

Surgically stappling Babs Bush to you ribs.

[asthmaticeog]

96. HOLY FUCK!

That's just EEEEEEEEEVIL!

:thumbsup:

[sakabatou]

101. .

"Now that's EVIL!"

[wildhorses]

100. death by chocolate--

so many kinds, so many ways :evilgrin:

[Skittles]

105. I'm lazy

I will just kick your ass

[billyskank]

107. Hey, I'd be disappointed if you killed me any other way

:D

[asthmaticeog]

108. !

:woohoo:

More than 3 years at DU and I finally get an "I'll kick your ass" post from Skittles!

Today I am a man.

[Kutjara]

106. Not sure about the killing part, but...

...I'd definitely involve a wood-chipper in the body-disposal phase. I've always wondered what that would sound like.

[asthmaticeog]

109. Rent "Fargo."

I'm sure the foley artists did their research and brought you the most realistic sounding corpse-in-a-woodchipper possible.

[Kutjara]

113. That's what gave me the idea.

I've long wondered if that sound was authentic.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

110. You were never born. I went back in time and put your great-grandfather

in front of the bullet that would have killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in June 28, 1914. These posts of yours are only ripple effects of the spacetime shift. They'll soon be forgotten.

Oh, and as a side effect, the major world powers now are Burkina Faso and the Dominican Republic.

[asthmaticeog]

112. Dude, I'm adopted. You vaporized my adoptive dad, but I'm still here.

Nice try, though. :thumbsup:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

114. DAMN! But now you're a citizen of Burkina Faso. Take THAT! -nt

[asthmaticeog]

115. I can always move to Doremi Faso Latido.

:shrug:

[Susang]

116. I'm not going to tell you

}(