Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done'

[Lautremont]

WASHINGTON, DC—After nearly six years of much-publicized service as Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld announced his resignation Wednesday afternoon, saying that he had "proudly accomplished everything set out to bungle." "Years ago, I decided to bog this great nation down in an extended, grueling foreign occupation, and I'm happy to say that's exactly what I've done," said Rumsfeld in a farewell address at the White House, during which he urged Americans to continue waging the ill-conceived, mismanaged, and evidently unwelcome fight for democracy in the Middle East. "Each of my actions—from undersupplying troops with body armor to focusing on capturing Saddam Hussein while Osama bin Laden remained free—has led America inexorably toward our current state of extreme crisis. Well, anyway, goodbye!" President Bush expressed confidence that Robert Gates, his new nominee for Secretary of Defense, will be able to "fuck everything up the rest of the way."

This is the most true-to-life article ever from The Onion.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55077

[idgiehkt]

1. "well anyway-goodbye" is right

how do you sleep at night knowing you are responsible for the deaths of 600,000 people...

[ashling]

2. You get kicked out

with the lack of credibility you have, not the credibility you would like to have had.

[peekaloo]

3. He was fungible!

Buh-bye.

"If there's a job that must be done, don't turn your tail and run
Don't pout, don't sob, just do a half assed job......"

Thank you Sheri Bobbins!

:rofl:

[progressoid]

4. Doesn't he get the "Medal of Freedom' as a parting gift?