Thanksgiving family politics - help needed

[malta blue]

Here it is….

Every other year, I spend Thanksgiving with my father and his family. When my mother and stepfather starting having problems in their marriage, my mom would go with me as she and my father are on good terms, and she has been friends with my aunts since childhood.

My mother and stepfather divorced several years ago, and she moved to the Caribbean. My stepfather still lives locally. I visit with him, have him over to dinner, try to maintain a relationship with him.

Now, my stepfather has now asked me why he should not be included in the Thanksgiving with my father’s family. What am I supposed to say? I am not even going to approach my aunt with this, as I know her response will not be inclusive, as m aunts do not care for him.

Any help out there?

[Goblinmonger]

1. I always

walk around giant piles of shit rather than stepping right in the middle of them.

I would stay the hell out of this one. Nothing good comes from this.

If you want actualy advice, I would tell step-father that you are not the invitation-granting person. Leave it at that.

[malta blue]

2. I unfortunately am going to have to step in it,

and telling him that it was "her party" was my option. Thanks :)

[Goblinmonger]

3. Make sure you wear good rubber boots

that you can just hose off after you are done.

Best of luck.

[malta blue]

4. I have some waders too.

:hi:

[AutumnMist]

5. I Would Explain To Him

that it isnt your call to decide who attends and tell him that its already been planned around the original core of people. Maybe the two of you could have a small "thanksgiving" dinner at your house or his and that would make him feel welcome before the actual Thanksgiving dinner comes around. That way he can still feel included and you dont have to draw straws over the holiday to see who attends or not.

[malta blue]

6. That is what I am going to have to do but

I have been trying to explain to him that it isn't every year. Last year, we had him over, along with former DUer Distressed American and his family. This year, we go to my dad.

I think the major problem is that he has no other "family" other than me. He has a brother, but he posed the question that "what will my brother think of my relationship with you if your father's sisters don't include me?"

I tried to explain that it has no bearing on that, since if my husband's family were somewhat local, there would be holidays that we would spend with them too, and that should not be considered an insult to anyone.

:banghead: