Your significant other is unfaithful. Do you forgive them?

[SKKY]

A co-worker is going through this, and being a close group of people, we're all a bit "affected" by it. It got me thinking, could I forgive
my wife? I'm not so sure.

[reyd reid reed]

1. Period.

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. It totally depends on the situation.

I am a forgiving person, but it would depend on the circumstances.

[reyd reid reed]

5. I'm a forgiving person and I can forgive...

but I can't forget. And that's something that's hard to get past.

[Midlodemocrat]

3. This is purely anecdotal and from my perspective only, but

it seems to me that women have an easier time putting on a 'brave face' than guys do. Maybe it's more in relation to keeping the family together? I don't know, and like I said, this is just from what I have witnessed personally, YMMV.

[SKKY]

8. Guys can't get past that one burning question that, in the end, will kill us...

..."Was he better than me?"

[Midlodemocrat]

9. LOL.

:thumbsup:

BTW, congrats on the new baby-to-be! I bet she'll be every bit as beautiful as your little man.

[SKKY]

19. If she takes her looks from Mom, yes, she will...

...If they're from me, god help her.

[RetroLounge]

27. ...

And some guys can't get past that one burning question that, in the end, will kill us...

..."Was SHE better than me?"

RL

[City Lights]

68. ...

:hug:

[buddhamama]

4. unfaithful once, i could forgive

more than once is a pattern of behavior. i could forgive but i wouldn't want to be in a relationship with the person.

[smirkymonkey]

85. Also, a fling is one thing, but an ongoing affair is quite another.

I don't trust easily and I might forgive, but I would never trust again and therefore the relationship would be pretty much over anyway.

[johnnie]

6. Sure, it isn't hard to forgive

I would dump their ass though, why put yourself through it again and again?

[ZombieNixon]

7. Forgive, maybe. Forget? No. n/t

[CanuckAmok]

10. No. Never again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Johnny, tell our parting guest what she's won!

[JVS]

11. Is the SO contrite?

[SKKY]

16. Kinda, but not in a "I'm so sorry I hurt you sort of way."

...more of a, "I'm sorry you found out and all the pain your discovery caused you." sort of way.

[JVS]

39. Then forgiveness is not due

[crim son]

45. That sounds to me like the same thing.

Maybe you want an "I'm sorry I ever did it" apology, and what you've received isn't it. :hug:

[JVS]

72. The difference is quite big.

This is kind of like when instead of saying "I'm sorry I called you a ____", you say "I'm sorry that you were offended by me calling you a ____"

[crim son]

79. That is exactly the point I was making.

I guess we're just destined to misunderstand one another. No worries! :pals:

[Guava Jelly]

12. Forgive but not forget

I don't believe i could stay with the person there would be to much pain.

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Of course. Without forgiveness, life is a rancid bowl of shit.

And not forgiving is the height of hubris and immature arrogance.

Whether I'd go back to her, I don't know.

But yes, of course I would forgive. Let it go. Why should I give it power over me by holding it in? It doesn't hurt her at all. It only hurts me.

[SKKY]

18. I wish it was woven into the fabric of my being to look at things that way...

...but it isn't.

[Alexander]

14. No, I tried that once, and it turned out badly.

She literally cried and begged for forgiveness and told me she loved me over and over, saying she'd be sad and lonely without me, so I caved in, in a dazzling display of weakness, and said I would forgive her.

Two days later, she dumped me for the other guy. At least we didn't have sex after that.

I should've known better, I suspected she'd cheat on me with that very same person, and after gently raising my concerns, she got defensive and yelled at me, saying "I'm not going to run off with him!"

:eyes:

[SKKY]

15. I probably would have turned her trick-ass out one more time...

...then dumped her. I've done that actually. It give you a measure of control over a situation that is obviously way out of it.

[Alexander]

22. And risk getting a disease? No thanks.

My desire to be careful and picky with my sex partners has saved me on more than one occasion.

In hindsight, I should've called bullshit immediately once the crocodile tears started flowing, and about 49% of me wanted do. It's the damn 51% mandate that guided my actions, though.

But I am very glad we didn't have sex after it happened.

[SKKY]

24. Yea, I never said I was the most intelligent person...

The dumb-stick took over, and well, the rest is history. I've never had "break-up sex", but I can say that, "I'm gonna dump your
stupid ass in about 10 minutes sex" is pretty fun. You feel liberated, if you know what I mean.

[idgiehkt]

30. lol

the "dumb-stick"

:rofl:

[Nikia]

43. I consider that rather unethical

Maybe, I am being judgemental, but using sex as revenge is never acceptable in my opinion. If I were to ever become single again, I would never date a guy who did that and was proud of it. I don't consider it quite as bad as a guy who raped and was proud of it, but close to it.

[SKKY]

52. So, making fun of your mistakes and laughing at your own youthful stupidity...

...is somehow close to rape? I'm an open-minded person, but I just don't see how you could possibly make the connection.

[Nikia]

84. Maybe, I am reading something into it that you didn't say, correct me if I'm wrong

You enjoyed and felt powerful when had sex with women right before dumping them in order to make them feel even worse about the situation. You told a poster that he should have faked forgiveness, had sex with her, and dumped her. You used sex as a weapon, talked about it as if it were something that you would would do if you were single even now, and encouraged another poster to do the same.
Maybe, in the poster's situation, the women in question wouldn't have cared and acted so unethically herself that you think that such a thing would be appropriate. It is my opinion that using sex as a weapon is unethical.
It is true that I may have read into this. I have had a male aquaintance tell similiar stories of his unethical behavior which he is not sorry for as well as female friends who have suffered from jerks pulling this behavior, having sex sex right before dumping her.

[AngryAmish]

17. Forgive? Yes. Her ass is still out in the street, tho.

The "relationship" would be over.

[CabalPowered]

20. Been there. It sucks.

Actually been there multiple times and I've tried it both ways. Just speaking from my own experience, forgiving is easier said then done. In my own experience, the relationship where she apologized and we stayed together, was never the same and eventually ended. In retrospect, I wish I had just severed ties at the time instead of trying to make it work.

[MountainLaurel]

21. Before or after I cut his dick off?

:evilgrin:

Interestingly, I have no problem with polyamorous relationships, but I think cheating is one of the worst betrayals you can commit against a partner.

[SKKY]

23. So, as long as everything is "Above Board", it's all good?

[MountainLaurel]

25. If the other spouse is approving

Then the consent of all three parties is present.

[idgiehkt]

32. in theory

I am the same way.

I would have a lot less trouble with that or with an occasional three-way than I even would with accidentally finding out my (theoretical) S.O. was writing graphic love/sex letters to someone on the internet without my knowledge. I think deception is like dynamite in a relationship.

[bicentennial_baby]

54. Word....I'm poly and I agree

I'm in a triad, living together in domestic bliss...And we all agree, cheating si a major f'n No-no. Nuh-uh, never ever...Nope. :)

[crim son]

26. Nope. Once that happens the marriage is clearly shit.

My husband agrees. :eyes:

[underpants]

28. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope

But I really don't have anything to worry about

[ganeshji]

29. I forgave him.

It changed the balance of power in our relationship in a way that I really don't like. I would be happy to just move past it but he always acts like he feels guilty which makes me suspicious. I don't want to punish him or me so I try to let it go. I'm not perfect either.

[cobalt1999]

Forgiving them is different than staying with them.

Would I eventually get over it and forgive her...absolutely. Would I stay in the relationship for even one minute after finding out...not a chance. I wouldn't care if the infidelity occurred years ago and I'm just now finding out...relationship over with no desire to keep it going. If that sounds harsh, I would expect no less from my wife toward me.

[Rabrrrrrr]

34. The ignorance around 'forgiveness' comes out in every thread like this.

It's really, really sad how so many people equate forgiveness with 'going back to things like nothing ever happened' and/or those who cannot forgive until there is retribution, contriotion, supplication, or otherwise the person meets some kind of 'test' to prove their worthiness to be forgiven.

I find this ignorance of forgiveness to be a really, really sad comment on our society. And especially to come from liberals.

I'm glad that you, and a few others in this thread, get it. :applause:

[LaurenG]

69. Forgiveness is a choice and a decision

I think we get confused about what forgiveness means. It's the strong emotion that gets people stuck in thinking that the way they "feel" has anything to do with forgiveness, imho.

[Rabrrrrrr]

74. And I think many think that forgiveness means acceptance of the behavior

That if one forgives one's abuser, for example, one is saying "Yes, abuse is good and wonderful. Do it again".

Which, of course, it isn't. It's saying, "I forgive you for abusing me"

But that sentence could be followed with "but I'm glad you are spending your life behind bars" or "and I will make sure to never see you again, Dad" or "but the day you die, Mom, will be a day of great relief for me."

Too many think forgiveness is a synonym for approval.

You are quite right that forgiveness is a choice and a decision, and really has little to do with emotion - though the emotional state we are in can keep us from making that decision for a long time. And really, that's okay, if people are honest about it - to say that one simply isn't ready to forgive is much more acceptable (and natural) in my eyes than saying 'until I see some contrition/other-test, there will be no forgiveness'. I have known people who could not offer forgiveness to a parent until the parent died, then they were able to forgive and let go. And that's okay.

I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive Shrubbie for what he has done, and especially for letting 9-11 happen. I forgave the terrorists on my long walk home, and have never regretted that decision - I can understand (have empathy with) why they did what they did, though I still think it was evil and hope they are burning in hell for it - but I cannot find it in myself to forgive Shrubbie, because his was a true evil in letting it happen and not stopping it, and for the mess he put us in afterward and the way he was evilly used 9-11 for his own political and financial gain and abuse of this country.

[raccoon]

81. Another thing about forgiveness, it doesn't mean you have to let

the other person back in your life, if you forgive them.

I didn't know that until I had long been an adult.

You made some good points about forgiveness.

[wryter2000]

31. Probably

If the relationship is otherwise good, and if the person swore to end it immediately and never stray again. Otherwise, it's the highway, bud.

[billyskank]

33. Yeah, I think so. Nobody's perfect.

[skygazer]

35. It really does depend on the situation to me

A lot of times, infidelity is a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship itself. That doesn't mean it's necessarily the fault of the person who's been cheated on but it may mean there's a lack somewhere - in communication, in quality, in time commitment.

I'm not one to simply chuck everything over one mistake. We're human. And monogamy is not easy, nor is it necessarily natural. Like a relationship, it takes work.

So for me, there's no black and white answer. I will tell you this - earlier this year, I caught my SO in a somewhat compromising situation - not adultery but close to it. I nearly left him over it because I didn't feel he respected the gravity of the situation. But I didn't and with a lot of communication and soul-searching, we've entered a phase of our relationship that is extremely good. An understanding of expectations and boundaries that wasn't really there before. Have I forgiven him? Yes. Do I think it will happen again? No. Will I leave if it does? Yes. And he knows that, too.

I think each case has to be taken on its own merits.

[Kerrytravelers]

36. We had two members of our close circle cheat.

There is a small, close group of us. One wife cheated with one of the men before he was married. Her husband was at basic training and away from home. Even though she had a child and plenty of us to keep her company, she just couldn't help herself. She is very attention getting.

As if my husband and I couldn't figure it out, she confessed to me. She wasn't sorry, she was gleeful about it. It really put my husband and I in a bad spot. If her husband ever found out, we weren't sure how he would react. He's had a pretty shitty (re: very abusive) life and she really is one of the better things to happen to him. But the cheating with one of his best friends could be enough to drive him over the edge. And I have no doubt he would fight for custody of their son, since he basically said that if they ever divorced, he's do as much. Their relationship is really immature in that they lie to one another, conceal financial issues, all kinds of stuff. And feel the need to confess to my husband and myself every chance they get.

We were so pissed that she confessed. If she's feeling guilty, I'm not the one who should be fessing up to. Basically, she wanted me to share in her glee and be impressed that she was able to get more than one guy at a time. My basic response was, I'm not going to tell you husband, but if he asks, I'm not lying for you, either.

Within a few weeks, the guy she cheated with met the girl he would eventually marry. Naturally, he confessed to this girl. The tension between the new wife and the woman he cheated with is intense.

And yet, we are suppose to pretend like nothing happened and we don't know anything. I believe the wife knows, and has hinted as much. I've basically hinted that I didn't approve and wasn't pleased, either.

This situation sucks, as does yours, I'm sure. It's been over three years and we still get angry when we think about it.


On edit: I've never told this story before. It feels kind of good just to vent.

[Lilith Velkor]

46. I hate the confession game

My last female "best friend" dumped me after the third time I told her to take that bullshit on Jerry Springer. She knew I was involuntarily single, too.

Gahd, can't these people just get websites or something?

[IdaBriggs]

37. Well, if you don't mind being with a person who lies/cheats about

a potentially life threatening problem, that's fine, and you should stay with them. After all, with that level of low self esteem, you probably aren't going to find better. And, its always good to TRY to make things better, if the other person is exhibiting the "3 R's" -- Regret, Repent, Repair. If any of the above is missing, sing praises to whatever deity you worship that you have been allowed to see the light, and RUN LIKE HELL!!!

You can forgive them/continue to care about them FROM A DISTANCE. In the meantime, hanging out with an untrustworthy oathbreaker is pure foolishness, in my humble opinion.

I was lucky; when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me/broke my heart, it made room in my life for a *MUCH* better relationship. My ex and I made peace (we were friends before, and still are), but there isn't a day that goes by that I do not thank heavens for my wonderful husband! As for my ex, his cheating (which I don't believe he has ever done to a woman since) was simply one sign of his "maturity" issues (which include a problem with staying employed). The man I married has these weird "ethic" things where he is not only faithful, BUT ALSO committed to staying employed/taking care of our family. If I'd stayed hung up on the ex, I would never have ended up with my beloved husband.

When one door closes, another one opens. :)

[bluethruandthru]

38. IMO it depends on the "relationship".

If I'm dating some guy and he cheats on me...yeah...it's over. On the other hand, if I'm married to the guy and we have children..that's different. If he gives up the cheating, is truly sorry and wants to make it work..gets counseling, etc. then, you owe it to your children to try.
Too many people just toss their marriages out the window when a problem comes up. Children need their parents to act like grown ups and try to work out their problems. Children ultimately pay the price when their parents put their own happiness in front of their childs. I'm not advocating staying with an abusive spouse..but I think too many people act in the heat of anger and just quit.

I was one who always said I could never forgive....or stay with..a cheater. I shouldn't have spoken so soon.

[huskerlaw]

40. Yes, I would forgive eventually...

but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't kick their ass out.

I don't think I could ever TRUST him again. And without trust, it really doesn't matter if you've forgiven the person.

I'm fairly certain that I would end the relationship, then work on forgiving the person. I respect myself too much to let one person hurt me that deeply twice.

[cwydro]

41. Nope.

Trust is the thing and when that is gone....well, it is gone.

[Mutley]

42. I guess it depends.

I did once, and it happened again. I'm not sure I could ever forgive anyone else if that happened again.

[Nikia]

44. I'm not sure

I think this is one of those things that you are not sure how you will feel until it happens.

[philosophie_en_rose]

47. Forgive as in "no hate in your heart" - of course.

Forgive as in "let you screw around and donate your whore's germs" - of course not.

[Mojambo]

48. Probably not gonna happen. n/t

[sendero]

49. Forgive, sure..

... remain in the relationship, no fucking way :)

[Syncronaut Seven]

50. Are we talking polyamore, polyfidelity or cheating?

Big difference. First two are signs of maturity and mastery over petty insecurities, the last is just low.

[CatholicEdHead]

51. Forgive her yes, but dump her right then and there

[fizzgig]

53. it depends on the situation

with my last so, it was a small indescretion and he did not go, to phrase it politely, all the way but he lied to me about it, so that was the end of that. had he just told me the truth it would have been ok.

[begin_within]

55. If they are unfaitful to you, what message are they sending to you?

[Shine]

56. I might be able to forgive him, but I don't know if I could stay married to him.

the trust would be completely broken. That said, for it to occur, in the first place would mean there were some serious problems in our relationship...for which I would bear some of the responsibility. It's a two way street, afterall.

It's complicated. But, for me, it's all about Trust.

[Richard Steele]

57. Yes. We are all human, and we all do things we regret.

If she actually WANTS "forgiveness", he should give it.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

58. i've noticed that people who stay with their SO's after that happens

invariably are on the phone asking them who they are with, what they are doing etc. . and they never seem to get past that moment when all the trust left the relationship. to me, that's all a relationship is founded on - why the hell would you get back together with somebody that did that? just never made any sense to me at all.

[Rabrrrrrr]

75. The question is about forgiveness, not about going back to the person

There is a HUGE - a TREMENDOUS - difference.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

77. oh! yeah absolutely. n/t

[Withywindle]

59. I checked the final option, and I have to set one thing straight....

"Cheating" to me is not the same thing as "having sex with someone else." They're completely different things.

I'm a polyamorist by nature (I've never gotten why exclusivity is even desirable, much less possible!) and I've always been up front about that in every relationship I've ever entered into, my current one no exception....and so therefore he has NO justification for lying about it or hiding it (and neither do I).

The two rules I insist on and also try to adhere to in return are: (1) don't lie. EVER. and (2) Don't throw yourself away on another partner who doesn't have the guts to meet me face to face over coffee (without you present) and discuss the situation civilly like grownups.

If he did either, then, yeah, to the curb!

[Eurobabe]

60. Totally depends on the situation and circumstances

but sure doesn't help in the trust department, hard to get that back once it is damaged.

[SOteric]

61. Why? What have you heard?

[enigmatic]

62. Forgive? yes

Forget or take them back? No.

[Skittles]

63. if you don't forget, you don't forgive

it's safe to say you would neither forgive nor forget

[WritingIsMyReligion]

64. I could in time, certainly, but his ass would be warming the curb.

I would fear for my sexual health, for one thing, if he's worshipping at another shrine along with mine.

Also, all relationships I enter will be with the full knowledge that cheating ends the relationship, no ifs, ands, or buts, and no "Oh, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I was controlled by my lust..."

Cheating is betrayal of the highest order, and I think that the serial cheater is far more common than the one-timer.

[xchrom]

65. you can't be unfaithful to me.

it's your body.

i don't own it -- i might love it as a part of a whole package -- but i don't own it.

and i gave up being jealous quite some time ago.

now having said that -- there are rules of engagement -- and one should never humiliate one's partner in certain ways.

[querelle]

66. Never

It's really a matter of trust. I've been burned once by a cheating partner and I no longer associate with that person at all. He wanted to remain friends after we broke up, but I refused. Even to remain friends, there has to be some measure of trust which quite simply is no longer there. How can I trust somebody who repeatedly lied to me? How could I trust that person even in a platonic relationship? I can't forgive being treated like dogshit by a person who agreed to a monogamous relationship in the beginning. As for forgetting, I try and it gets easier every passing day. Am I bitter? You bet I am. That's five years of my life that was wasted on that loser and gone forever.

Q

[City Lights]

67. I'm trying to forgive...

...it's not easy though. And forgiving is only part of it. Trust must be rebuilt.

[borlis]

87. Hang in there, Sis!

You know I'll be there for you no matter what happens. :hug: If you do wind up splitting up though, make sure you get to keep the hot tub please! :evilgrin:

[City Lights]

88. If I end up living in my car, I'll be sure to get a trailer for it so we can enjoy it

in your driveway. ;-)

[borlis]

92. To think of what my snooty neighbors might say about a

hot tub in my driveway....:evilgrin: I can't wait! ;)

[RetroLounge]

89. ...

:hug:

RL

[BigMcLargehuge]

70. Always forgive

but never forget

[Robb]

71. No.

Trust is critical. If the understanding is we're just for one another, violating that is a form of lying.

I find untruthfulness untenable. Period. It negates the very reason for communication.

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

73. HELL TO THE NO!!!

:mad: IFTHEY DO IT ONCE THEY WILL DO IT AGAIN!!! AND TO THOSE WHO SAY THAT IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION, YOU ARE FRIGGIN' NUTS!!! THE ONLY PERSON THAT WILL ACCEPT THAT THEIR SPOUSE CHEATED MUST BE SOMEBODY WHO IS PLANNING ON DOING IT THEMSELVES!!! EITHER WAY IT IS WRONG AS HELL!!!

[Rabrrrrrr]

76. I will say to you, too, the question is about forgiveness, not staying in relation

with the person.


Also, your keyboard has a caps lock key that will allow to type in lowercase. Please use it.

And welcome to DU! :hi:

[Ms_Dem_Meanor]

99. I know it has a caps lock key...

Thank you for the welcome. :hi: Whether it is forgiveness or staying in the relatioship, I still wouldn't forgive them for being unfaithful. If you forgive them that person will still look at it as permission to do it again. Because in their mind, especially for some men, they will think that if they can do it once and be forgiven they can cheat again and be given the same treatment as before. Now, would you like to live through that every time that your better half decides to step out on you? I couldn't do it because I don't want to put my life & health at risk.

[Rabrrrrrr]

100. I don't think you are seeing the difference.

One can forgive, but forgiveness doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship.

Like this: "I forgive you for the hurt you caused me, but you are still a cheating jackass and I don't want to ever see you again. Bye."

[youthere]

103. Forgiveness is something you do for your OWN benefit...

not for the other person. Forgiving someone for cheating on you simply means that you don't allow the anger, sadness, and betrayal to consume you and hold you back in your own life. In no way is forgiveness saying "it's okay you did this". Forgiveness is saying "this happened to me, and I will not let it destroy my life. I have been hurt by this but I will allow myself to heal and move on. I will not live my life in anger and resentment"
You can forgive someone..and still let them go.
"I forgive you, and I will miss you."

[eyepaddle]

78. The first time it happened to me I was demolished, the second time

too.

Maybe I've just had that kind of intensity or passion burned out of me. At this moment I'm seeing a really great lady and if she cheated on me I don't know whether I'd feel anything more than "freedom!"

To be honest though, I sorta saw it comin', back in the day, and come it did. Now, it just doesn't seems even distantly, remotely possible--so this is pretty much hypothetical!

For the record, yes people, I AM trying to get past my "commitment issues." ;)

[wildhorses]

80. forgive--yes. stay with them?--maybe not!

would have to really do some soul searching and depends on their begging capabilities:P

:shrug:

[ChickMagic]

82. I just couldn't deal with it

Does that make me a bad person?

[Xenotime]

83. More people should try swinging.

I told my wife that she can sleep with whomever else she wants as long as I am there and can either watch or participate.

[Porcupine]

86. Relationships are futile anyway. People cheat, grow frigid, leave

get fat, get sick, focus on the kids, grow old and die. And those are just the nice people. There are some real mean sickos out there. Do what I do, give up on human relationships and hide in a dark room with a computer.:sarcasm:

Yes, you should forgive you dork. There are a shortage of persons in most lives who will even bother to start a relationship with us; don't blow it. Be nice but don't be a carpet.

edit:moderated harsh language, syntax

[michreject]

90. Not only "NO"

but "HELL NO".

[gfindu]

91. If the other person

is willing to work on things, than anything is possible.

[Swamp Rat]

93. Yes, I would forgive.

:)

[yurbud]

94. same formula applies to all relationships: how hot + how often she puts out divided by

pain in the ass.

An unfaithful chick would have to be very hot and very regular to be worth sticking with after that.

And if she is busy boinking someone else, she probably isn't taking care of you often enough anyway.

[Dangerously Amused]

95. Hey. You know that thoughtful response I just posted

...in your "asking for advice about women" thread?


Yeah, well... disregard.

[yurbud]

96. I was being a bit sarcastic here. Also, when infidelity is the issue, all the deeper stuff is

wiped out.

It's not a soulmate thing anymore. You stay together because you have kids or you feel like you get something out of it selfishly.

I think I was feeling more cynical because of my own business in the other thread. someone tears my guys out then comes back to play head games with me.

[Dangerously Amused]

97. Okay, sorry. Didn't catch the sarcasm thing.

Sorry about the other situation.


Thanks for the reply. We're good.


:hi:

[caty]

98. If you can't trust someone,

how can you respect that person? If you can't respect that person, how can you continue to love that person?

[Rabrrrrrr]

101. Trust, respect, and love have nothing to do with forgiveness.

Sounds more like you are answering the question, "Would you stay with a spouse who cheated on you?" as opposed to the OP's question, "Could you forgive them?".

[jpgray]

102. Depends

We're humans, we make mistakes. If it was just an isolated incident of lust, I wouldn't mind it so much. If it was really -love-, well then I would kind of mind, yeah.

[bullwinkle428]

104. It took me years to forgive, but I have done it. Of course, the relationship

had ended by that point because I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I feel secure about my decision and know it was the right thing to do for my own well-being, but didn't want to allow the anger and bitterness to consume me any further, so I made the decision to forgive at that point.

[patcox2]

105. ya know, over 50% of people will do this, don't ya?

Its so bourgeoise to be so concerned over it. America is just rife with this bourgeoise, insecure morality. Uppers and lowers both accept it as given. Only middles have this indignant prudishness about them.